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Topic : 03/26 The Dr. Phil House: Teen Intervention Follow-Up

Number of Replies: 90
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Created on : Friday, March 23, 2007, 10:06:27 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Alex was an out-of-control 14-year-old who was stealing, running away, doing drugs and prostituting herself to older men when her family turned her in to Dr. Phil. After a tumultuous stay in The Dr. Phil House, Alex said goodbye to her mother, Kim, her grandmother, Jeanette, and her aunt, Enza, and headed to a therapeutic academy to be in a healthy learning environment. Six weeks have passed since Alex left and her family returned home without her. How has she adjusted to her new structured environment? Have Kim, Jeanette and Enza put aside their judgments and accusations, and come together once and for all? As Kim prepares for her daughter’s return, has she turned around the toxic family environment that contributed to Alex’s unhealthy behavior? Talk about the show here.

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March 26, 2007, 7:40 am CDT

Her mother never hugged her or ever told her that she loved her.

Quote From: willowtree07

I too haven't seen the show, though I might have caught one or two of the series earlier on. Its hard to remeber all the different shows.  Anyway, just wanting to also express my hope for a new beginning and that Alex is able to be emotionally better cared for when she returns home.

Its so vital that our young people recieve love and firm parenting at this stage in their development. They are getting ready to break their old patterns of childhood and establish who they will be as adults. Its already a horribly confusing and frustrating time, caught between child and adult. Hormones flare up, emotions are up one moment and crashing hard the next, with all that to contend with even as a "normal" teen, having the toxic home enviroment makes it that much harder for her to express herself as she matures and grows into a young adult.

I know what its like to turn to older men for comfort, when I was 14 I too used them as an escape from a saddening home situation. I wish now that I could go back to that age and knock myself up side the head, or at least have had someone who cared enough to stop me from self destructing like that. The worse part, was that no one knew that I was doing this, they never spent enough time talking with me to find out why I was always so depressed, and running away. I could have ended up with a VD or pregnant or dead. I was so emotionally destroyed thinking that I wasn't worth the time for one of my parents to invest in getting to the truth, for them to sit down and talk with me, find out what was wrong in my life. They just shoved me out the door off to a therapist who prescribed anti-depressants, when I would have much rather had my mom care and talk to me like a human being rather then a problem.

 

 It has been a long long time and alot of introspective thinking to get over that time in my life. Its scarred me, changed me, and stunted my emotional growth for awhile. But I will not let that time period (or any of the other bad ones) define who I am as an adult.

 

It would be incredibly easy for me to blame my mother, however, as adults we talked about her childhood and upbringing and it has helped me to be more understanding. Fifteen years later now, I know that she wasn't nurtured and her family never spoke about emotional issues. Her mother never hugged her or ever told her that she loved her. And the emotional distancing goes back further, my grandmother's mom died in childbirth and her father remarried very quickly to a very emotionally distant woman. My grandmother was only five when she lost her mother, so she grew up in a home with no love from her step mother (who considered her a burden) and a father who was just happy to have another woman feed and cloth his children. At some point, the chain of emotional neglect has to be stopped or if I ever have children this will be the legacy I pass on to them.

 

Ok, I've gone off on a tangent here. However, I just once more want to express my hope and prayers for the well being of Alex and all of her family.

 

 

 

At some point, the chain of emotional neglect has to be stopped or if I ever have children this will be the legacy I pass on to them.

 

YES! and when I had children made sure that they knew they were loved. They were hugged, kissed and praised often beside went for therapy about my own childhood. What we don't receive as children, we must fulfill when we realize we were raised in emotionaly unavailable /abusive home.

Before my mother died I had a talk with her and asked her.....mom, why did you beat me black and blue? Her reply...because you were a difficult child to raise! No ,mom, because you were unable to show love and your marriage was frustrating, I was your scapegoat!  She looked at me and started crying, I held her, she drew away from me because she didn't like to be touched. After years of therapy found out that growing up in a home with two parents, felt abandoned. No wonder I acted out! I never felt loved, no, and promised my self that if I had children they would know they are loved.

When I married, thinking this guy is very affectionate but HE TOO was emotionaly unavailable. I had two beautiful chidren a boy and a girl. When I their father started abusing my son at 18 months, I realized I had to do something about it. It took me several years to leave him but finally I did..My parents were shocked,saying...we don't believe in divorce.
Well, I had to protect my children and me from him. As my chidren got older, and they told me how mean their father was to them, when they were with them, told them they didn't have to see him if they didnt want to. Well, that was OK with their father. We three were happy and one day my son tells me...mommy, you know we are like the Three Muskeeters..all for one and one for all.

BUT I was naive, even though I took my children for therapy the one factor remaning was THE father. He remained verbally abusive to his son. As my son climbed the corporate ladder..his father would tell him...what ? do you want to be better than me? Constantly trying to crush my son emotionaly..when all my son wanted was approval from his father. Well, my son fell, too much money too soon and finally landed up in a special rehab, lasting 2 1/2 yrs. During that period the parents had to go to parent groups, on how to change their ways , to understand the family dynamics. The father was outraged and didn't co-operate, no, he didn't change his ways.

My son gets married after a few years his wife is pregnant..his father gets cancer and dies before the baby s born, my son grieves terribly...dad, didn't get to see his grandson. He starts drinking again but stops and continues to work like a demon till he becomes a CEO of a company...for my family he tells me, when I ask him about his working so much.

BUT I look into his eyes and I see pain, not happiness and ask him..son, are you happy? He starts to cry..... I hold him in my arms, as he sobs deeply, his whole body shaking. This 6'1" grown man is a boy again, how can I help him, what can I do ? We take a walk and I mention going for therapy to find out where the pain comes from and what he can do about it, he agrees. that is what he's been doing and he told me he is starting to feel better.

 

The reason I just wrote about my son, is because...if the parents don't see the wrong in them selves as to what they are and how they are, and are willing to change, then the chidren suffer for the rest of thier lives..until the day they know THEY need therapy.AND if they don't get the help they need, they will continue the abuse that was done to them, to their own children.

 
March 26, 2007, 7:45 am CDT

Enza, I hope you read this....

 GOD, Enza............

The only chance that kid is ever going to have is if she never sees you again. She may not know it, now, but you'd do her a great service to stay away. She's too young and impressionable to see how negative and toxic you are to her family.  She obviously thinks you care about her. She couldn't be more wrong. What you care about is trashing her mom. It makes you feel good because you can't stand her. You know what, Enza?? That's your stupid, immature problem. Not  hers or even her mother's.
The garbage that comes out of your mouth is disgusting. You make me sick, the way you find any opportunity, even when you think you are being subtle ("Didn't anyone ever teach you how to use a fork??") to get a shot in.
It REALLY makes me sick, the way you come on the show and give yourself all the credit for the help Alex is getting. That is so much crap, listening to you toot your own horn, that way. You are so unbelievably obnoxious.
I have so many words to describe you that I can't even put in this post, for fear it would be rejected. I can say this. You have some serious emotional  problems. Get a grip  and PLEASE get a life!
 
March 26, 2007, 7:47 am CDT

I think Alex will be fine as long as...

 

her Aunt Enza keeps her backstabbing ass out of it!  Enza is nothing but trouble to this family and they would have all been better off if SHE were the one that got sent away!  Enza did nothing but cause problems the entire time she was with the family at The Dr. Phil House.

 

It's also interesting to see people posting their views on the situation when the first line in their opinion is that they never even saw the show! 

 

I am hoping that Alex is feeling better about herself and that she can now get on with her life in a positive environment.  As long as she and her mother can openly communicate without the screaming matches I think she (Alex) will find that her mother loves her dearly and only has her best interests at heart.  Kids grow up so fast these days and outside influences can be so damaging.  I'm glad I grew up in the 60's and 70's and had a loving family that I wasn't afraid to talk to.  I saw a lot of young people my age that had taken a wrong path and made a lot of bad decisions.  In most of these cases I think it's a case of kids looking for approval and love, no matter where they get it.  I wish nothing but the best for Alex, her mother, and her grandmother.  As for Enza; before you start tearing someone else apart why don't you take a good look at your own life.  I'm sure there are enough demons in your own home to deal with and you need some serious help in your own life.  Stay out of Alex's and her moms life and fix your own!

 
March 26, 2007, 7:48 am CDT

she doesn't care

Quote From: flmom38

It sure seems tome like Enza is a little too interested in looking like a hero and making everyone else looks like less of one.  Why does she need to keep reminding everyone that she is the one who got Alex help and she is the hero?  To me that says that she is not interested in working for the welfare of everyone involved.  Who cares who initiated the whole thing at this point?  Just do what it takes to get the girl help.
 She doesn't care. She doesn't care, at all!  90% of her whole agenda was to look like a hero and the other  10% to vent against Alex's mother.  Too bad she's so transparent. How stupid does she think we are??
 
March 26, 2007, 8:05 am CDT

ENZA should just STAY OUT!!

I think ENZA should butt out completely...When another family member ridicules or "puts down" ones own mother (or father for that matter)-then it is hard for that younger person to distinguish what is real than what is "just talk"--hopefully this family get it together-and quick! Talking about a child's parent could result in resenting that same person...take it from someone who knows...
 
March 26, 2007, 8:15 am CDT

i thnk

Quote From: monroenme

 

her Aunt Enza keeps her backstabbing ass out of it!  Enza is nothing but trouble to this family and they would have all been better off if SHE were the one that got sent away!  Enza did nothing but cause problems the entire time she was with the family at The Dr. Phil House.

 

It's also interesting to see people posting their views on the situation when the first line in their opinion is that they never even saw the show! 

 

I am hoping that Alex is feeling better about herself and that she can now get on with her life in a positive environment.  As long as she and her mother can openly communicate without the screaming matches I think she (Alex) will find that her mother loves her dearly and only has her best interests at heart.  Kids grow up so fast these days and outside influences can be so damaging.  I'm glad I grew up in the 60's and 70's and had a loving family that I wasn't afraid to talk to.  I saw a lot of young people my age that had taken a wrong path and made a lot of bad decisions.  In most of these cases I think it's a case of kids looking for approval and love, no matter where they get it.  I wish nothing but the best for Alex, her mother, and her grandmother.  As for Enza; before you start tearing someone else apart why don't you take a good look at your own life.  I'm sure there are enough demons in your own home to deal with and you need some serious help in your own life.  Stay out of Alex's and her moms life and fix your own!

i think your rite but i'll keep out of it

 

 
March 26, 2007, 8:16 am CDT

glad Enza's gone!

I think removing Enza from this family's dynamic is one of the healthiest things that could happen. I am amazed how everything out of Enza's mouth is "I, I, I, me, me." Alex is the important person!
 
March 26, 2007, 8:16 am CDT

WOW

Quote From: redusa40

 She doesn't care. She doesn't care, at all!  90% of her whole agenda was to look like a hero and the other  10% to vent against Alex's mother.  Too bad she's so transparent. How stupid does she think we are??

I understand that she is interested in the well being of the child, but to alienate the parent from the child is giving the child a negitive outlook on her mother.   If the daughter were to look at the tape, she would only see how she is on her side but not interested in trying to deal with the relationship that is with her sister and her mother... Phil you might want to give this one a look over.

 

It seems there is something deeper with Ms. E. and her relationship with her sibling than meets the eye.

 

Much love to all G.

 
March 26, 2007, 8:43 am CDT

If Enza had mentioned, one more time, that

she was responsible for getting the child some help, I think I'd have screamed loud enough for Robin and Dr. Phil to have heard, across country. Sheesh. Okay already.
 
March 26, 2007, 10:06 am CDT

WHY?

Does anyone know why Enza is even in this saga?  I see no useful role for her, and no need for her to be constantly in everyone's face.  She seems to want to be a "star", but I've never understood why she's even involved in the raising of a troubled teen.  Enza acts more like a child than Alex at times.  She needs to get over herself!  Who needs her?

 
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