Topic : 07/04 Runaways Gone Wild

Is it ethical to get this mother some help with family planning?  One problem may be that she has no partner in the raising of 4 children, at least 2 of whom are boys.  She has no emotional support  in the raising of children and no economic partner.   The son is much like the mother, satisfying emotional needs at the moment without thought of consequences or what comes next. 

You don't like the charges, but offer no viable solutions.

I can tell you from my work as a felony parole officer (kids as young as 17 were in our office) that VICTIMS are tired of being victimized. If your only way to get to your job to feed your family is stolen (and the kid who did it has numerous previous arrests for theft of vehicles), you are going to want justice. You DESERVE justice.

Thefts are not victimless crimes. There are people who suffer because someone makes a CHOICE to commit a crime. As a certified teacher now out-of-the-classroom to raise our children, I can tell you a nine-yr-old knows stealing someone's car is wrong and it's a big no-no. Why he often continues to do it, though, is because he can get away with it.

In our country, we slap the hands of juvenile offenders... and then wonder why they continue creating victims???? Justice should be TOUGH to start (minus the adjudication of guilt and a record), then many of these "punks" (regardless of their family situations) might think twice before reoffending.

I FEEL for young criminals, but we MUST feel for the victims of their crimes and PROTECT society. Once YOU became a victims, you would think twice before condeming the system w/o offering any viable alternatives!

Duh, of course the staff would do that for her.  Isn't it terrible how thoughtlessly people judge?

I was very pleased to hear how you handled the show today.  I will be praying for this mother and her daughters.  She is so blessed to be having the help you can give.  These girls are definately very precious.  So thankful for you confidentiality.  We as society need to stand up and forget about how our children react to hating us.  We have had a prodical daughter who is now 36.  She is not perfect, but a single Mom because of choices she made in her teens and early 20's,.  She is a productive person with a very good job making near $20. per hr with great benefits.  We used Dr Dobson's books on tough love and all the help we could get.  It was very helpful that I had had my crisis counseling experience.  We are not exempt as parents.  We are very concerned for our adopted 10 yr old.  We have a community computer in our home.  One needs to ask for permission to use it.  It is placed in our open sound and reading room off our dining room.  So it is very visible with our open floor plan.  Our children  tell us when can I have my own TV computer in my room.  Answer:  When you can afford to pay for one.  This is a priviledge to use as long as you follow the rules and we will know what happens at all times.  They do not think it is fair, but I am a parent to my child and answer for them and not other parents children.  I am old fashioned and am not apologizing.  We have a great family.  I love the challenge.  This Mom has many women who would say in a heartbeat, be strong and do not give in even when it hurts.  I have spent many times on my knees weeping for strength and courage to stand for the right thing to do.  I had (1 person to confide in) when I needed the support.  My grandmother always told me, Janice Marie you know the right thing to do, "what your heart tells you to do"  Of course it took me many years to realize how wise she was.

Thank you for all the help you and your family are comitted to do.

I do agree with you in the whole 'be resposible with your money' because so many people feed their 'desires' and don't think of the needs of their families (I have been guilty of this at times). BUT I will correct you, being as this is a television show, chances are very high that she had her hair and make up done by the studio hair and makeup artisits. I mean, they are going on national t.v. and they need certain makeup for the cameras and lights (Dr. Phil is probably wearing makeup). So in this case, I think that it's the Dr. Phil makeup and hair team making her all pretty and not the fact that she spent her money foolishly.

On a side note, I do notice that (I, again, being one of them) people sometimes that come from a one parent home and have no male and/or female role model (or at least, not a good one) do make mistakes and lash out and have poor judgement. I see so many single parents today and it really breaks my heart. I know that we all make mistakes, but having multiple children with multiple men? Or divorcing before trying to reconcile and work things out? This DOES affect the children. I feel we are such a lazy society today, I mean, people go on the patch BEFORE trying any other way to quit smoking. People get gastric bypass BEFORE trying the hard way to eat right and exercise. People get divorced BEFORE being selfless and getting professional help (cases of abuse I would exclude, however.). But we all want the quick answer. I mean, even with kids, if something is wrong, people blame the parents and parents blame the media and the media says the parents should watch their kids and moniter what they watch and the parents say, have less offensive things. It's the blame game, easy out thing. How many people buy into those "instant rich" scheems? We are lazy people that want an easy answer and if it doesn't work out, then we blame the closest target. And the children are seeing all this and suffering. They don't try the hard way, they don't think of concequences because WE don't. Now, don't take offence personally because it's not 'always' like this. Different people have different circumstances. This is just my opinion, and, as my favourite saying goes, to each their own.

NIce post however I have one question.  I see friends do this all the time.  So you have a nice family computer in an open area. And you know what happens at all times.  Good for you.  And you are the "parent" to the child.  So am I. But when they ask for a TV computer in their room, WHY is your answer - "when you can afford to pay for one" ?? That makes no sense to me.  Last summer my 15 yr old made $1700 working full-time.  She could buy both.  So in your way of thinking... she can afford one so now its OK?  The reason for the family computer and all that is for supervision and making sure that they are OK.  Not the fact that you can't afford to buy one for their room and they have to wait to pay for it on their own.  Cause what are you going to say if they do make the money?  My 14 & 16 yr olds do not have either in their room and won't.  There is no need regardless of who pays.  Just a thought :)

ALSO.... to all parents out there....

It is a huge challenge to raise healthy kids in this society.  Both my teens have stumbled across absolutely disgusting filth and have had their minds attacked by crap that has popped up - just like that.... thanks to the internet and TV. 

The other day I put on MuchMusic for background music while I painted - As a fairly young mom of 37 - we like the same music.  Because of spring break I guess - and the fact that most parents are at work, they were showing the 50 sexiest videos ever made.  It was complete and total porn  - to songs I sing along to as I drive my kids here and there.  Every commercial came back with the announcer saying, stuff like girls make sure your boyfriends aren't watching this alone (wink wink) , kids make sure you kick your parents out so you can watch, etc.  Don't let your Mom see this...I was so angry - and I cannot believe what the videos contained.   Now I am NOT a prude and enjoy a very wonderful relationship of 20 years with my hubby.  This garbage is directed to my teens.

The other night I got up at 3 am and found my son at the computer.  He had stumbled across something and then curiousity took over.  He had been looking at porn for hours.  One pic after another going into his mind.  When I caught him he was horrified and so was I.  Then I stayed up all night looking at so I could see what he had seen.  The next day we had an amazing family discussion and we turned it into good but the point is - that's how easy it is these days.  Your kids are attacked right in the comfort of your own home.

SO

We cancelled cable and we bought Guitar Hero II for PS2 and its coming out for XBOX 360 - we now spend hours as a family around the TV playing games - the Wii is next.  I would suggest all parents invest in their family like this - its wonderful and no more crap coming in to YOUR home and YOUR family.

Peace,

Nancy