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Topic : 04/04 Did He or Didn't He?

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Created on : Thursday, March 29, 2007, 12:43:09 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
What happens when family members take sides … against each other? Steven Jr. has been accused by his stepmother, Pam, and his stepsister, Tashika, of molesting Tashika's then 3-year-old daughter. Steven Jr. says there's no way he would ever commit such a sick act against a child. His father, Steve, says he believes his son, and the allegations are destroying his marriage and their family. In order to prove his innocence, Steven Jr. agrees to take a polygraph exam. After two hours of testing, will the truth be revealed? Find out the surprising results. And, why does Steven Jr. believe that his family is alleging he committed this crime and turning their backs on him? Will this family get the answers they are looking for and be able to move forward? Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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March 31, 2007, 10:58 am CDT

04/04 Did He or Didn't He?

Again with the polygraph ?  Have we not yet learned or can we NOT comprhend that it is not infallable ?  So if it comes back that he did it (keeping in mind that there is still an 8% chance it was wrong ) what then, he's going to carry that stigma for the rest of his life, it can't be used in court, so if he did it, big deal they can't use it against him so still no proof.

There will be many basing guilt on what they perceive of his mannerisms (do we remember Jeremy and Kaylee ), or his attitude.  There will be many to say they would do this that or the other, without having been in the situation themselves, pedophiles do not wear signs saying they are pedophiles, few actually brag about it or will admit it ( the next Dr. Phil house is the first time I have ever heard someone admit that ).

Until someone comes up with a way to read minds, or a truth serum then we have no real way of knowing what happened when or where, no I haven't seen the show yet obviously, but I am getting tired of the polygraph being touted as the absolute truth, only two people know for sure.

I guess we need to keep in mind there are THREE sides to every story, the perpatrators, the victims and then there's the truth.

 
March 31, 2007, 11:27 am CDT

I've been accused by a family member as well

I haven't been accused of molesting anyone but my sister accuses me of stealing from her when in fact she embezzled over $20,000 from my daughter and I.

It's sad how these types of accusations can tear a family apart. I'm at the point where I've had to completely 'divorce' my entire family because she has 'convinced' them that I did her wrong.

Geri Fanelli
 
March 31, 2007, 12:13 pm CDT

Topics & Issues.

Dr. Phil, As you always mention, I guess, this is a situation of issues & topics.

This family has probably some serious issues to address & has made Jr. a scapegoat.

Sonny.

 

Dr. Phil, you are a super human. I would love to watch your show the whole day. To leave the TV on, the whole day, with you there solving all kinds of problems. Many of the issues discussed on your show has helped us to open our eyes.

Thank you & God Bless you. (I gather, you are a CHRISTIAN).

Sonny..

 
March 31, 2007, 12:59 pm CDT

What if they are lies?

We all know what happens to suspected child molestors. Yet how many false reports does it take before the "legal" system actually does something. How many are in jail for making false reports?

What happens is that the more false reports the real ones are not viewed as serious.  Do I know that they are now so overwhelmed that maybe a family could be at risk? How about a violent disturbance?  Once when I was married  I was arrested for beating up an old man. This old man got in my face during an altercation and I responded violently. I spent the night in jail and soon moved to a better home.  My wife used that instance to have me fired from a job two years later.

In 1987/88 I finally left my wife and child.  I came to the realization that our marriage was over. You stated on a previous show that marriage was not easy.  Yet during a marriage is the breadwinner just that? I would come home and the first thing out of my wifes mouth was "we need this at the store. I moved a few blocks away from a store so that she would have access to the store and the walk would be good for our daughter.  Her response was that it was to hot for our daughter. In my mind it will always be to hot unless we take her out and introduce her to the elements of mother nature.
In a sense I felt as if her behavior was to discredit me as a parent thus she would not fear loosing another child.  I would not put it past her to have injured my daughter and blame me for it. Paranoid thinking yet after reading this article anything is possible. Everyday I hope that I will see my child once more. She is now over 21 and hopefully she is curoious about who her biological father is.

 

 
March 31, 2007, 7:43 pm CDT

This accusation is too good a tool for women to use

I'm a woman, and I'm married to a divored man.  His ex-wife never went this far in an accusation, but she used other tools to confuse the courts and the children.

 

IF THIS IS TRUE - I offer no defense to the guilty party.  I have to say this out right.

 

My skeptisism comes in the manner that I see this used so often, especially in bad marriages as a set up for the women (mainly) to gain full custody of the children.  It is a hard crime to prove after the fact, and I strongly believe young children can be manipulated to believe and retell a story that never ocurred.

 

Unfortunately the news reports these matters in a way that convicts the person immediately.  If they are found innocent, the truth is never publicisized as much as the accusation.

 

My fathter, just turned 73, is undergoing child pornograpy charges.  Unfortunately he is in the realm of senior citizens signing onto the web and not understanding security, viruses, and spam mail that targets you. 

 

I don't condemn my father's interest in adult pornography, but it is this door that opened him to unwanted child pornograpy that has since brought him to computer-related charges.  There is no child personally involved - or I would also be ready to condemn him even as his daughter.

 

My point to this issue, is that the topic, as real as it is, has become the new "Drunken Driving" topic. That is, it is the hot topic of the day that the media and political groups have found an audience to become the biggest sin ever.   People have always driven drunk (I'm not condoning this) and it only recently become a huge political issue.   It was the largest shame you could do.  Regular people were branded the most horrible of people every time a DUI was posted.

 

Now, we have our new topic of child molestation.  It is as serious, but is not a new crime.  It is the hot topic today to move towards action that helps protect the children.  However, it is such a hot topic that it is like a witch hunt.  No one wants to hear the defense.  Everyone is ready to accuse first because it is such a horrid thing.

 

This is what opens up this to be misused.  If you look at the website that publicizes these offenders, you will see even 13 year olds involved with 11 year olds.  And the date it occurred was over 10 years ago.  I feel empathy for the individuals you now spend the rest of their life with a stigma of molester that was most likely two curious kids doing what most of us did at that age (I'm 42).

 

I hope the truth can be determined in this case and I hope the laws and minds of the American People can continue to question first, and convict later.  We should all take the time to make up our own mind first, and not judge based on someone else's opinion. 

 

I wish society could create such a fervor over the damage done to children when parents use them as pawns.  I know first hand that in Delaware, the court has simply take the women's word first, even when evidence shows (including therapist testemony) that the woman has manipulated a situation to her favor.

 

So I don't support or comdemn this case before true evidence has been given.

 

Brenda

Stepmother/mother to 5 children.

 

 

 
March 31, 2007, 10:32 pm CDT

WHY REPORT CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE WITHIN 72 HOURS

Probably one of the most disturbing facts about child sexual abuse and incest, is that in 80% of reported cases, the mother of the victim was aware of the sexual abuse inflicted on the child, yet did little or nothing about it.  Just how responsible is a parent for failing to report or stop the sexual abuse of a child or family member? 

 

If the sexual assault has occurred within 72 hours of a physical examination, forensic evidence collection should be conducted.  A complete physical examination, including careful documentation of any lacerations, ecchymoses or petechiae, is critical. Physical examination of the oral cavity includes inspection of the hard and soft palate for bruising or petechiae, and inspection of the frenulum for any lacerations that can result from forced oral penetration. 

 

Rape evidence collection kits are available in the emergency department of most hospitals. Evaluation of acute sexual assault may be conducted in an emergency department setting or, if available, at a children's advocacy center. In nonacute cases, the office of the family physician has the benefit of being a familiar location for the patient.  The physician should maintain a gentle and calm demeanor and be considerate of the apprehensive child. It is helpful to explain the examination beforehand to the patient and caretaker.

 

Medical problems include anogential trauma, bleeding, irritation or discharge, dysuria, frequent urinary tract infections, encopresis, enuresis (especially after continence has been acheived), pregnancy, diagnosis of a sexually transmitted disease (STD) and oral trauma. 

 

Children may present with somatic complaints such as recurrent agdominal pain or frequent headaches resulting from the psychologic stress.  Sexual acting-out behavior is the most specific indicator of possible sexual abuse.

 

Child sexual abuse generally refers to sexual acts, sexually motivated behaviors, or sexual exploitation involving children. Child sexual abuse includes a wide range of behaviors, such as: 

  • Oral, anal, or genital penile penetration
  • Anal or genital digital or other penetration
  • Genital contact with no intrusion
  • Fondling of a child's breasts or buttocks
  • Indecent exposure
  • Inadequate or inappropriate supervision of a child's voluntary sexual activities
  • Use of a child in prostitution, pornography, Internet crimes, or other sexually exploitative activities

Sexual abuse includes both touching offenses (fondling or sexual intercourse) and nontouching offenses (exposing a child to pornographic materials) and can involve varying degrees of violence and emotional trauma.  

 

The most commonly reported cases involve incest, or sexual abuse occurring among family members, including those in biological families, adoptive families, and stepfamilies. Incest most often occurs within a father-daughter relationship.  

 

Mother-son, father-son, and sibling-sibling incest also occurs. Sexual abuse is also sometimes committed by other relatives or caretakers.  

 

Consider the possibility of sexual abuse when the child

  • Has difficulty walking or sitting
  • Suddenly refuses to change for gym or to participate in physical activities
  • Reports nightmares or bedwetting
  • Experiences a sudden change in appetite
  • Demonstrates bizarre, sophisticated, or unusual sexual knowledge or behavior
  • Becomes pregnant or contracts a venereal disease, particularly if under age 14
  • Runs away
  • Reports sexual abuse by a parent or another adult caregiver

Consider the possibility of sexual abuse when the parent or other adult caregiver

  • Is unduly protective of the child or severely limits the child's contact with other children, especially of the opposite sex
  • Is secretive and isolated
  • Is jealous or controlling with family members 

The presence of a single sign does not prove child abuse is occurring in a family; however, when these signs appear repeatedly or in combination you should take a closer look at the situation and consider the possibility of child sexual abuse. 

 

 

CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE - DEFINED

 

Child sexual abuse (1 in 3 girls and 1 in 7 boys) occurs among all groups of the population. It happens to children in both rural and urban areas and in all socioeconomic and educational levels, and across all racial and cultural groups.

There is no rule governing the age range between a victim and a perpetrator. Generally, children are sexually abused by adults who are related to them or known by them or their families.

Sexual abuse is forced, tricked, or coerced sexual behavior between a young person and an older person.

Child sexual abuse may consist of any one of the following acts:

1. Nudity 2. Disrobing 3. Genital exposure 4. Inappropriate kissing or fondling 6. Masturbation 7. Oral-genital contact 8. Child pornography 9. Digital penetration 10. Vaginal or anal intercourse

Acquaintance perpetrators are the most common abusers, constituting approximately 70-90% of all reported perpetrators. In sexual abuse cases committed against females, approximately one third to one-half of all perpetrators were related to the victim. Only about one-tenth of the abusers were related to their male victims. 

 

 

Hope it helps!

 

 

 
April 1, 2007, 6:26 am CDT

This definitely needs to be sorted out.

What is the whole story? What makes them think he may have done something? These matters can't be taken lightly. There is a three year old involved. On the boy's side, how awful to be accused if you're innocent. In this case IMO the burden lies with the boy to prove his innocence. I'd make sure from now on he is not ever alone with the child.
 
April 1, 2007, 9:09 pm CDT

I don't believe he did it.

 Hi,
My name is Tiffany.
I am Steven Jr.'s younger sister.
I am outraged that these allegations have even been made.
For anyone who knows my brother, it's not possible.
I am with my brother 100 percent and if that means that my step-mother will refuse to talk to me, then so be it.
I refuse to stand by and watch my brother's name be taken on National Television and be run into the ground.
He is guilty of nothing.
He loved that little girl like she was his own neice.
My brother is one of the kindest people you would ever meet.
I talk to our father very rarely... I don't see the point in taking my brother on National Television to 'prove he didn't do it'.  If he wanted to prove anything to anyone he should have gone to a private psychologist or something.
I just don't understand why he would do this.
They say that he's ruining their marriage and their family.
But what about OUR family?
My father seems to have no problem with ruining his relationships with his children, he's always so worried about what his wife, Pam, thinks.
It wouldn't suprise me if it was her idea to go on the show in the first place.

Back to my point.
My brother did not do this.
I stand by him.
I will continue to stand by him.
Nothing that anyone says is going to convince me otherwise.

Tiffany
 
April 2, 2007, 6:07 am CDT

04/04 Did He or Didn't He?

Quote From: tstonehouse

 Hi,
My name is Tiffany.
I am Steven Jr.'s younger sister.
I am outraged that these allegations have even been made.
For anyone who knows my brother, it's not possible.
I am with my brother 100 percent and if that means that my step-mother will refuse to talk to me, then so be it.
I refuse to stand by and watch my brother's name be taken on National Television and be run into the ground.
He is guilty of nothing.
He loved that little girl like she was his own neice.
My brother is one of the kindest people you would ever meet.
I talk to our father very rarely... I don't see the point in taking my brother on National Television to 'prove he didn't do it'.  If he wanted to prove anything to anyone he should have gone to a private psychologist or something.
I just don't understand why he would do this.
They say that he's ruining their marriage and their family.
But what about OUR family?
My father seems to have no problem with ruining his relationships with his children, he's always so worried about what his wife, Pam, thinks.
It wouldn't suprise me if it was her idea to go on the show in the first place.

Back to my point.
My brother did not do this.
I stand by him.
I will continue to stand by him.
Nothing that anyone says is going to convince me otherwise.

Tiffany

He's lucky to have you, and I hope he knows that.

I think it is a terrible thing to take this on national TV, if he really didn't do it ( not knowing your family or the circumstances please forgive me for trying to be neutral here ), he is labled for life anyway because there will be some saying his "Body Language " or mannerisms, made him "LOOK" guilty ( prepare yourself for that ), and there is still a chance the polygraph will give a wrong answer either way (I hope you've been prepared for that as well ), there will be some to take the polygraph results as gospel either way.

We have to keep in mind, that not only the child, but a whole family is being hurt by this, true or not, they are the ones that have to deal with this when they get home, we can comment on amessage board and get on with our lives, but I will say so far so good, most are reserving Judgement until Wednsday.

Stay strong, and maybe your father someday will see the people that really should be his priority.

 
April 2, 2007, 3:26 pm CDT

04/04 Did He or Didn't He?

Quote From: thompsbj

I'm a woman, and I'm married to a divored man.  His ex-wife never went this far in an accusation, but she used other tools to confuse the courts and the children.

 

IF THIS IS TRUE - I offer no defense to the guilty party.  I have to say this out right.

 

My skeptisism comes in the manner that I see this used so often, especially in bad marriages as a set up for the women (mainly) to gain full custody of the children.  It is a hard crime to prove after the fact, and I strongly believe young children can be manipulated to believe and retell a story that never ocurred.

 

Unfortunately the news reports these matters in a way that convicts the person immediately.  If they are found innocent, the truth is never publicisized as much as the accusation.

 

My fathter, just turned 73, is undergoing child pornograpy charges.  Unfortunately he is in the realm of senior citizens signing onto the web and not understanding security, viruses, and spam mail that targets you. 

 

I don't condemn my father's interest in adult pornography, but it is this door that opened him to unwanted child pornograpy that has since brought him to computer-related charges.  There is no child personally involved - or I would also be ready to condemn him even as his daughter.

 

My point to this issue, is that the topic, as real as it is, has become the new "Drunken Driving" topic. That is, it is the hot topic of the day that the media and political groups have found an audience to become the biggest sin ever.   People have always driven drunk (I'm not condoning this) and it only recently become a huge political issue.   It was the largest shame you could do.  Regular people were branded the most horrible of people every time a DUI was posted.

 

Now, we have our new topic of child molestation.  It is as serious, but is not a new crime.  It is the hot topic today to move towards action that helps protect the children.  However, it is such a hot topic that it is like a witch hunt.  No one wants to hear the defense.  Everyone is ready to accuse first because it is such a horrid thing.

 

This is what opens up this to be misused.  If you look at the website that publicizes these offenders, you will see even 13 year olds involved with 11 year olds.  And the date it occurred was over 10 years ago.  I feel empathy for the individuals you now spend the rest of their life with a stigma of molester that was most likely two curious kids doing what most of us did at that age (I'm 42).

 

I hope the truth can be determined in this case and I hope the laws and minds of the American People can continue to question first, and convict later.  We should all take the time to make up our own mind first, and not judge based on someone else's opinion. 

 

I wish society could create such a fervor over the damage done to children when parents use them as pawns.  I know first hand that in Delaware, the court has simply take the women's word first, even when evidence shows (including therapist testemony) that the woman has manipulated a situation to her favor.

 

So I don't support or comdemn this case before true evidence has been given.

 

Brenda

Stepmother/mother to 5 children.

 

 

Hi I'm sorry for your father &/or you.   I have to say however that our first priority has to be to our children.  You're right in that this is not a new crime much the same as drunken driving but I think there are some major differences.   I'm a forthy something too & back in the day we all thought we could "have a couple & I'm still straight to drive" & then learned later that wasn't really the case.  What 1 glass of wine is to my husband is like 3 glasses of wine for me.  1 glass & my driving is impaired.  Again back in the day we didn't know this & I think it took years to realize the difference between a DUI & DWI & to realize that if we're going to have a drink we want a designated driver period & he/she can't drink at all or stop hours prior to getting behind the wheel.  

 

 

Child molesters have *always known what they are doing* & they've used shame and intimadation to silence their victims.  Just like a child can be manipulated to believe something happened when it didn't they can be scared into not ever uttering a word of it.  And you're right it is HORRID.  This is the reason for this crime to have taken place for so long & for the adult world to not have realized it.  What normal adult would have ever considered adults hurting children in such a manner?  Unlike drinking however there was no innocense  on the part of the preditors.  The idea that for so many years the parent who knew of this & did nothing because they didn't want the shame on the family, them or to have to divorce etc. allowed these abusers to go on & outraged many.  Again it was "horrid". 

 

The idea that now if &/or when a parent finds out that there is abuse that they are likely to act accordingly to me is a good thing.  The idea of a woman finding out that a child is being hurt at the hands of a father or in-law or someone else & is unable to stop unsupervised visits in the name of the child being "used as a pawn" sets us back as a society.  The well being of that child has to be taken into account first.  So made up story or not the visits have to be supervised untilit's certain this child is safe.  I know that a child being used as a pawn is painful & detromental to the other parent & even to the child but I think that to erre on the side of caution until a child is to be proved to be in a *save* place when alone with this person must come first.  There is also a web site that is for survivors of child abuse (sexual & other) & I think that before taking a stand for those fausly accused one needs to hear those stories & see the destruction done by these preditors.  There are SO MANY that were left to the hands of their tormentors & mother was unable to do anything to protect them when she had the guts to leave the father.  And I'm sorry but I believe that every spousal abuser out there is capable of hurting a child as a means of hurting the parent that left them.  If a mother suspects an abusive husband is hurting a child or vise versa then I think the well being of the child trumps the rights of the abusive spouse.    They should have unsperviced visitation canceld until it's certain that this child is really ok.  You seem to feel that we should question the childrens word &/or the word of their parent prior to the word of an accused preditor  & I just disagree.  I think a person is innocent until proven guilty but even in the light of that I think a child's safety comes first & that thee should be *no chance* of an accused preditor having access to a child alone.  If that's too harsh I'm sorry but the people I have empathy for are the people who had to live with *years* of abuse sexual & otherwise with no one believing them & with custody in some cases being *given to the abuser*.  To me that is unacceptable & until a court is certain a child is safe they must be protected. 

 

And also I'm not sure who is on this list but I don't believe that unless a child is convicted as an adult that their record is made public.  I only thought that a child is convicted as an adult if the charge is extremely serious like having murdered someone. 

 

You want people to "question first, and convict later".  I say remove the child from the preditor, protect the children  & make him/her safe first & then we can worry about the rights of the adults. 

 
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