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Topic : 08/02 Explosive Anger and Its Aftermath

Number of Replies: 269
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Created on : Thursday, March 29, 2007, 12:45:35 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 04/06/07) Do you know a happy person who, if crossed, will explode in an instant with uncontrollable rage? Intermittent Explosive Disorder may explain why Dr. Phil's guests suddenly lose their temper, break things and even hurt other people. Carrie lives with constant uncertainty. She says her husband, Bob, can be totally calm one minute and be fist-fighting the next. He yells and curses at her, flips off other drivers and hit another man so hard it knocked his eye out; an act of violence that landed him in prison. Where does Bob's anger come from? After Dr. Phil shows Carrie and Bob a video of a previous guest, will Carrie decide to leave the anger prison she's been living in? Then, Traci says her 17-year-old daughter, Melinda, is tearing their family apart. In a matter of seconds, she can go from being a loving daughter and sibling, to throwing blenders and threatening her sister's life, for no apparent reason. Melinda says she's so full of anger that when she gets upset, she feels like she's going to explode. Do her mother and sister deserve the treatment they're getting, or is there something much deeper underlying Melinda's rage? Tell us what you think!

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August 3, 2007, 2:14 pm CDT

I understand...

Quote From: pi002250

After looking at today's show, I was so depressed. I recognized my own husband.  He is OUT of control. He yells at people if they cross the street in front of our car, he gives them the finger if they so much as look at him the wrong way, he won't talk to me for sometimes 2 weeks because he is angry or stressed, he'll slap the kids and send them to bed (sometimes at 5h30) if they talk too loud, he breaks things such as phones, lamps, remote controls, cell phones, toys, our car when he gets mad (for example if the children are arguing), he'll yell at people who call for surveys and such, he swears at our children - calls them names such as Ass, Stupid, Dumb. He can be nice for one or two days, and then bam - treats us like dirt for the next week.

I know what people would say: well what are you waiting for to get out of there? Why do you stay? Three young children (6, 4 and 10 months) and I work full time (days, nghts and somtimes week-ends). I don't know what I would do if I were left alone to deal with everything that comes with it - I mean the house and car payments, daycare, work, the bills, school, homework, the baby teething...How do people do it? How do they survive a separation? And the children? They love their father, and so do I. 

My question is...How do you get someone to seek help? I've told him over and over that he has issues. He's angry. He's depressed. And he doesn't know how to deal with it. I used to think he was manic depressive. But now I think he just can't handle his responsabilities. I've asked him to seek help but he refuses - he doesn't believe there's anything wrong except that our kids are out of control (which they are but that's another problem).

My batteries are running really low...I don't know how much longer I can be the glue that holds us together...Any ideas anyone?

Isabelle

Isabelle, I can absolutely relate to almost everything you describe, and that is what brought me on the Dr. Phil show.  While the good news is that he can change his behaviors, he's got to want to do it himself.  You cannot force anyone to seek help because it won't work.  Bob and I went through that a few times, and every time his therapy worked more to soothe my nerves than his behavior because he wasn't truly interested in changing.  At the time of filming, we were truly at a breaking point and I would have walked if things had not turned around.  For your own sanity, you should not stay in that situation.  He will not realize how deeply he is affecting your family until he looks at the bigger picture and not just his own needs.  I stayed when I probably should haved walked at times, and it has taken a toll on my own spirit, which I'm still dealing with.  I know this might not be what you want to hear, but I do think it is what you need to hear.
 
August 3, 2007, 2:54 pm CDT

What action should we take???

Quote From: bon2bon2

My brother is going to be 30 yrs old in Jan. He can be the sweetest most loving/caring person...but he has a terrifying dark side. We went through a rough divorce at a young age and had some rough times growing up. My mother suffered from alcoholism, my father did drugs and was hardly around for sometime, we lost our house and everything in it. For years my family has been trying to pick up the pieces, and my parents did turn around quickly and considering all that has happened over the years we are all doing well, except my brother. His anger has been around since he was a child and shows no signs of ending. Most times he has good reason to be upset, however, the way in which he expresses it is unacceptable. He goes into a rage and becomes extremely aggressive. He usually breaks things and threatens. He physically threw my uncle out of his own house a few years ago, broke his hand twice within the same year from punching a door, broke my grandmother's arm when he was a teenager, and hurled a rock at my car (he wasn't even mad at me!...He was mad a someone else!) The list goes on and on. He does show signs of remorse...he knows he did something wrong but he will never try to remedy the problem, apologize, or discuss it. I am especially more concerned now than ever since he recently got a DUI (during which he called left a message on my phone saying that he was angry and running red lights and he would likely kill himself or someone else...b/c he got into an argument with he girlfriend about which bar they were going to). BTW...he miraculously got the DUI charges dropped by getting himself a good lawyer. He works for my uncle and has been calling out of work last minute, leaving him high and dry, frequently....it seems my family is still allowing him to get away with behaving in was that are disrespectful and unacceptable. My uncle is not the only one who allows him to get away with things like this. He also shows signs of drug/alcohol abuse. I know he smokes pot daily (since he was a teen, when he drinks its as much as he can, as fast as he can (a time bomb...he flips out even when he is sober!), and now we suspect cocaine. He currently lives rent free in my uncle's house...makes about $1,000/wk, only has a cell phone, no car and still has to borrow money from people. Something is horribly wrong here. I love my brother dearly and want him to get help. My fam acknowledges that he has a problem but will not take action to help. He and I used to be close but lately my fiance and I avoid him...we don't want to be around him and we don't trust him. I have been thinking about a family intervention...I don't know if they're up for it. I can't sit by and watch him self destruct, I refuse to enable him, but I feel helpless to do anything to help. He needs help, he WILL end up hurting himself or someone else. I don't know where to begin! Help me! I want my loving brother back!!!
I posted this yesterday...I've read through many of the other messages. I know that my brother will only overcome this with professional help. I've gathered that what's available are meds, behavior modification, group/individ therapy, and biomed approach (nutritionist?). My question would be: what type of therapy should we seek? Key words in looking for a therapist? What kind of therapist/psychatrist/psychologist (there are so many...I don't want for him to go to someone who will just try to solve the prob with meds...he needs so much more)? Should we begin with an intervention and get him into a rehab first or push him into therapy? As a family, we need to join together to let him know that he has a problem, that we we love and support him, but if he refuses to get help then we cannot enable him any longer...even if it means severing ties. I can only imagine his reaction, he'll go nuts and visciously point out everyone else's wrong doings. This has to end. Can someone please give me advice on what type of help we should seek? Thank you so much..my heart goes out to all of you who have a loved one whom displays explosive anger.
 
August 3, 2007, 5:56 pm CDT

I ask you this question very gently and with much empathy.

Quote From: bon2bon2

I posted this yesterday...I've read through many of the other messages. I know that my brother will only overcome this with professional help. I've gathered that what's available are meds, behavior modification, group/individ therapy, and biomed approach (nutritionist?). My question would be: what type of therapy should we seek? Key words in looking for a therapist? What kind of therapist/psychatrist/psychologist (there are so many...I don't want for him to go to someone who will just try to solve the prob with meds...he needs so much more)? Should we begin with an intervention and get him into a rehab first or push him into therapy? As a family, we need to join together to let him know that he has a problem, that we we love and support him, but if he refuses to get help then we cannot enable him any longer...even if it means severing ties. I can only imagine his reaction, he'll go nuts and visciously point out everyone else's wrong doings. This has to end. Can someone please give me advice on what type of help we should seek? Thank you so much..my heart goes out to all of you who have a loved one whom displays explosive anger.
Do you think your brother wants help? IF he doesn't want to seek help, I don't know how you can go about trying to help him. It's awfully hard to intervene in any way when the other person is not willing. I wish you the very best of success in helping your brother, but I don't know how to tell you to go about it.
 
August 3, 2007, 11:25 pm CDT

Oh my goodness

Quote From: csylivingston

Research sugar sensitivity on the internet. There radiant recovery is a great place to go and you will find me there. It's free, I'm not trying to sell you anything. I just know what you are going through because I am the same way and this is the answer.

 

There is a way out. You are not crazy. It is biochemical and is simple (although not easy) to fix. You don't have to invest a ton of money or seek years of counseling. When a problem is biochemical, you fix it on a physical level.

 

Trust me, when you start to learn about sugar sensitivity,  you will have many lightbulb moments.

 

I wish peace for you! Healing from sugar sensitivity is the greatest gift I've ever given myself and those I love!

 

Casey

I have never heard of this!!! How did you hear about this? I have been checking this site out. A lot of it sounds familiar, except the sweets. Chocolate, brownies, cookies, candy bars... not my thing. But like the site says the smell of fresh bread is my weakness.

 

I just wanted to thank you for the information.

 

I really appreciate it.

 

 

 
August 4, 2007, 5:35 pm CDT

Where do we find help???

I am going to be 47 yrs old, and I was so relieved to see that other people suffer with this also.  My parents have put so much blame on me for not being able to control my emotions.  Recently I asked my mother if I was always such an angry little girl?    I remember throwing a large rock at a 3 yr old when I was 5 and he had to have stitches in his forehead.  In 1982, I stabbed my ex-husband in the arm and I had to take him to the hospital.  I have pulled a butcher knife on my mother when I was a teenager and threaten to throw   her down my stairs when I get mad.  When I get mad I want to break thinks to try to release the pressure I am feeling from within.  I will not allow guns in my house , I am afraid I will get so angry and kill someone during a blackout.  I have  spent the night in jail because of my temper in 1995.  I was told by a Judge to see a  psychiatrist . The psychiatrist  told me I was Bi-Polar and put me on medication.  I keep going back to my psychitrist  and telling her that I still don't feel right, but I can't describe it.

No one has ever done any blood work, CT Scans, MRI or x-rays to show me I have a chemical imbalance.   What type of doctors handle these sort of issues?  I have great insurance and I want help.

 

 

 
August 5, 2007, 6:20 am CDT

explosive anger

Quote From: carrie_s

Isabelle, I can absolutely relate to almost everything you describe, and that is what brought me on the Dr. Phil show.  While the good news is that he can change his behaviors, he's got to want to do it himself.  You cannot force anyone to seek help because it won't work.  Bob and I went through that a few times, and every time his therapy worked more to soothe my nerves than his behavior because he wasn't truly interested in changing.  At the time of filming, we were truly at a breaking point and I would have walked if things had not turned around.  For your own sanity, you should not stay in that situation.  He will not realize how deeply he is affecting your family until he looks at the bigger picture and not just his own needs.  I stayed when I probably should haved walked at times, and it has taken a toll on my own spirit, which I'm still dealing with.  I know this might not be what you want to hear, but I do think it is what you need to hear.

I watched the show last week and I could identify 100% of what this couple was going through.  I thought that my fiancee was bipolar but I am not sure after watching this show.

 

Everytime we get in the car to go somewhere I dread the drive because I know that he will be cussing the whole drive saying how everyone is a dumb f___.  They need to get the lead out, he will drive eratically and be so angry at other drivers on the road that at times I am afraid.  When we finally get to the resaturant he gets angry at the server for not paying attention to his needs, then we get back in the car for the tense drive home.  He is always saying how everyone is a loser and that he is better and smarter than anyone else.  He feels that he should be the center of everyones world.  He gets angry so easily and takes it out on me and my children (teenagers)by calling them names to me, he will go into their room and tear it apart.  He calls my mother, father and bother names all the time to me.  During his episodes he tells me how miserable he is and that he wants to put a gun to his head. The last episode he had he lliterally tore the clothes off his body.  He told me that he wanted to be alone and how he hated the life that he had.  He was begging God to give him a heart attack.  He was throwing things and telling me to get out.  Two days later when I told him how I had a hard time forgetting what he said to me he got mad and said that I need to understand that he doesn't realize half the things that he says and that I need to get over it and deal with his anger.  That it has nothing to do with me I am just there.

 

When his business is stressing him out he  takes it out on me.  I am an optimistic person and when I try to calm him by being positive he tells me that he hates my glass is half full attitiude and wants me to  agree with him and his hateful attitude.

 

He actually watched this show with me and keep saying I don't do that.  He was in denial.  He has never hit me although I have been in the line of fire of flying objects, he has pushed a little a couple of times but has never hurt me.

 

I could ramble on and on but I won't go on any longer, I need help!!!  I thought that he was bipolar but after watching this show I finally have a name for this behavior.  He has had drug problems in the past and has been clean for two years.  He relapses from time to time and over the 11 years that I have been with him it has happened about 6 times.  He self medicates with Lexapro but it only numbs his thinking.

 

I feel your empathy for Bob and I know that you truly love him. I really love my fiancee and want to help him.  I know that he must be hurting inside.  Where should I start?

 
August 5, 2007, 11:38 am CDT

Relating to Anger show

Has anyone contacted, received back, or have any feelings about the Texas Center that doctor Phil referred the guest to on the show?  I sent them an email requesting a referral in my area since they said they would do it but have not heard back yet.

 

I'm looking for other women who can relate to my past circumstances.  I can relate to the guests since I went through this last year with the explosive rage.  I have been on several medications since January and was diagnosed with bipolar.  I have had alot of hormonal things happen in the past 3 to 4 years and want to pursue testing to see if mine could be from my past situations instead of bipolar.  I went through IVF (Invetro Fertilization) to have a baby, a failed pregnancy (tubal) at the end of last year then tubal ligation.  I had reactions to the IVF drugs and I haven't been right since i had a baby.  It can't be a coincidence.  Anyone else go through any of these situations and feel like me?

 
August 5, 2007, 3:12 pm CDT

I can relate

I saw last weeks show and am able to relate to what others are going through. 5 years ago my sister commited suicied and killed her husband and daughter, at the time her son who was 24 at the time was in jail. I'm sure noone can know how he feels not even myself, she was my sister not my mother father and sister who died tragically. shortly after that my nephew went to prison on drug charges. When he came out by he's own choice he would have nothing to do with the family. Then last year the relationship he was in,fell apart(he is an abusier). His girlfriend finally had enough and got a protective order against him, so he came to live with me. Whenever he would get depressed he would  drink and smart off at the mouth.At the time my youngest daughter was staying with me. She moved out in Feb of this year. Shortly after that I was at work and he called me to tell me that he wanted to kill himself. But when I called the police they told me that it was nothing they could do unless he actually showed that he was a threat to himself and other people. The only way to get him some help was he had to do it  himself noone could force him. After that I had not seen any more problems. Recently he started bringing different girls into my home and I asked him to please not do it because it was not only disrespectful to me it was also the same for me and my husband, he asked him to please not do this anymore.This sent him into a rage and I had to stand between them to keep him from physically  hurting him afterwards when I told him I would call the police he threaten me by saying that he would burn the house down and make sure that we were in the house. I don't know where to turn and I need help ASAP. We live in San Antonio,Tx. CAN SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME. This happened on wednesday and I cannot sleep. What can I do I fear for our lives.
 
August 6, 2007, 12:49 pm CDT

For those seeking help...

I've seen so many posts about how to tackle these anger issues that I want to share my experience with the PNP center and hopefully you can find similar help with a little direction.  When Bob went to the center, he was evaluated on many different levels: he had extensive testing for metal toxicity or chemical issues, which turned out to be normal.  He was introduced to biofeedback and breathing strategies while connected to monitors so he could actually see that there were physical responses related to his anger/anxiety and that he could take some control over it by regulating his body's responses (i.e. breathing exercises to relax).  He has received counseling to understand the source and characteristics of his anger issues.  And the most remarkable experience was when his brain waves were monitored to identify any abnormalities.  As it turns out, he basically has one very strong brainwave (the one connected to the fight-or-flight response) that is out of whack and tends to overpower his brain's response to stimuli.  With the use of an audio device designed by Dr. Lawliss and adjusted specifically to Bob's needs, he is better able to maintain more normal emotional responses.  And there are no medications involved whatsoever.  I know that the treatment at the PNP center can be costly, but I think the key is finding a doctor or doctors that will assess the problem from a physical AND psychological perspective simultaneously.  We had never found success with either one or the other, and Bob experienced his fair share of disorder labels, medications, counseling, etc.  We were so relieved to find the help offered by the PNP center, and I hope those of you looking to turn things around keep up the hard work it takes to find and utilize the help you need.
 
August 7, 2007, 3:26 pm CDT

Anger

I think anger is something that every person can control if they want to, unless it is already on the end of the line and he or she feels it going up to the end of the bridge, ten maybe he or she need a professional help.  I have the same experience but sometime I can control but sometime I can not specially with my husban.  He seems to annoy me all the time.  It is hard for him to understand the conversation we have.  We always end up arguing.
 
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