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Topic : 08/02 Explosive Anger and Its Aftermath

Number of Replies: 269
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Created on : Thursday, March 29, 2007, 12:45:35 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 04/06/07) Do you know a happy person who, if crossed, will explode in an instant with uncontrollable rage? Intermittent Explosive Disorder may explain why Dr. Phil's guests suddenly lose their temper, break things and even hurt other people. Carrie lives with constant uncertainty. She says her husband, Bob, can be totally calm one minute and be fist-fighting the next. He yells and curses at her, flips off other drivers and hit another man so hard it knocked his eye out; an act of violence that landed him in prison. Where does Bob's anger come from? After Dr. Phil shows Carrie and Bob a video of a previous guest, will Carrie decide to leave the anger prison she's been living in? Then, Traci says her 17-year-old daughter, Melinda, is tearing their family apart. In a matter of seconds, she can go from being a loving daughter and sibling, to throwing blenders and threatening her sister's life, for no apparent reason. Melinda says she's so full of anger that when she gets upset, she feels like she's going to explode. Do her mother and sister deserve the treatment they're getting, or is there something much deeper underlying Melinda's rage? Tell us what you think!

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April 6, 2007, 2:15 pm CDT

No one will know

Quote From: leeleegrl

 I am a 30 year old mother of 3 children. I watched the show today and could not take my eyes off the t.v.I saw me! The only difference is that I lash out like that only to my boyfriend. For the longest time I have wondered why I do it. It is a terrible feeling and I can't stop myself. It is like I lose all control. For years I have known that there was something off about the way I think and feel about myself. I have become very good at hiding it from everyone. When I get upset I usually alwys would take it out on myself. I admit I have cut myself. For some reason it makes me feel better. I also will go into a room usually the bathroom and hit myself in the head with my fist. Usually to the point were there is a bruise and a bump. I have told myself that I am crazy and no one will ever want to put up with me so I try to hide it. But now with my boyfriendI get angry. I will yell,scream,swear at him. I call him names and like a little child will tell him I hate him and I will tell him I want him to leave.  As soon as I calm down I see what I have done and I feel terrible which usually brings me to hurt myself. Well just a few days ago I did it again. I went so far as to take a picture off the wall and throw it on the floor. He tried to calm me down but he just ended up leaving and now he won't talk to me. I talked to him once after he left and he told me that there is something wrong with me and I need help. Ofcourse you can imagine how i took that. He said I was unstable. I know he is right. He said he can't deal with me anymore and it is over.  I have texed him and told him we need to talk but he refuses. He will not answer his phone and he told me that he will not talk to me because he is sure that it will turn into a fight. He won't even tell me where he is staying. At this point I know I can't go on like this. By all means I am not saying that he is perfect. Much of why I get angry is because I feel that when I try to talk to him he won't listen. That is when I get so frustrated I lose it. I know that is wrong and my acting that way is not his fault. I have been through a lot and our relationship has been tested many times and we have alwys made it. I love him so much and I see that I am pushing him away. Like Dr Phil said. Kinda, before he hurts me. I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose him. What should I do to get him back?What kind of help should I get. I am afraid to go to the dr because I don't want anyone to know.

  Leeleegrl, Find a good psychiatrist, no one will ever know unless you tell them  :)  Seeing a psychiatrist isn't insane, losing someone you love because you didn't is pretty close though  :)

  Having an illness like this is hard on everyone, so try whatever you can to get it fixed.

  No promises, but maybe your boyfriend will come back if he sees that you are seriously trying to get it fixed.  :)

  In the mean time try putting your hand in a bucket of ice water when you feel angry, sometimes a sudden shock (like the ice water) will give you a jolt and calm you down, but do NOT do anything worse, no more hurting yourself.  That is bad for you, your children and your boyfriend (who exactly do you think people will blame all those bruises on?)

  Grab your purse and head straight to a good psychatrist and get things back on track  :)

 

  Steel

 

 
April 6, 2007, 2:20 pm CDT

Living with domestic violence

As I watched the show today, I found myself crying. My small brother has had an uncontrollable anger since he`s been about two years old. Today he`s 16 and his anger is still uncontrollable. The most frustrating thing is that he`s been to counselling for years. He`s been tested and doctors can not understand what is going on. He was first admitted with ADD. But I can tell you from experience with having a ADD friend, he doens`t have it. He`s had brain scans that indicated he was getting epilepsy attacks but he`s never had one in his life. The worst of all of this, is that he can be the most caring and sweet person in the world, but when he gets angry, it`s just scary. He`s done crazy damage. I`m off at university so I`m currently having a "break" from all the anger. But my mom is sick with cancer and osteoporosis and I`m afraid one day he will kill her. The only way he feels he can control his anger is by taking drugs. I don`t think I`ve seen him straight in a year. When he can`t get accessed to drugs, he gets insanely violent, threathening to kill. Also, in Canada, there is no protection for parents who are victims of violent children. I just want my brother to get help before he kills someone.  Watching this show, I realized that my brother is not alone. I wish that we had specialized clinics in Canada, til then, I just pray that nothing intense happens. If someone knows what she should be done, please by all means, give me some information.
 
April 6, 2007, 2:21 pm CDT

I work with a father and 2 sons who explode like the girl on the program

I just wanted to comment on my working conditions.  And to point out that this sort of thing does not just happen in the home---it can happen in the workplace when you work for family.  I work with some men that explode at each other like the girl was doing.  They know what they are doing because they do it at each other almost two to three times a week.  The bad thing is they do it in front of customers and it is embarrasing for the rest of the employees.  Doors are slammed --yelling---cursing----The sons are both on antidepressant medications and when they fail to take it they explode more frequently which is only one of the reasons they fire up easily.  The other is they are immature and lash out and basically have never tried to control their anger.

 
April 6, 2007, 2:33 pm CDT

04/06 Explosive Anger and Its Aftermath

Quote From: sweetsugarbowl

i have a 29 year old daughter who is pregnant with her first baby and unmarried. this was not a planned pregnancy but i am happy about it just the same. however my daughter has just turned from a happy person who was planning on moving in with the babies father and discussing everything with him to a person totaly out of control. now she doesn't love him or wants him around but continues to  call and text him. she gets mad and totaly out of control whenever something is said that she doesn't want to hear which is everything. she has had a temper problem for years and has assaulted people thrown and broken things and general went out of control with her temper. i feel she needs to talk to someone and so does the babies father before this child is born. she said she has no problem. the father is not allowed to talk to me at all and everytime she talks to me she ends up getting upset and cussing and screaming at me. i fear for the child and it is not even here yet.

  Sweetsugarbowl, Some girls get very depressed when they are pregnant, and that sounds like your daughter.  Phone a councelor yourself and explain the problem and ask their suggestions on what to do.  They see this thing a lot more than you or me so they might have suggestions on what to do, how to act and possibly a way to get her to see a doctor.

  Depressions such as these can be very frightening and when the person involved can't see what they are doing, very frustrating, so a professional's help might be just the thing  :)

 

  Steel

 

 
April 6, 2007, 2:53 pm CDT

To Lory from Austrailia

Quote From: maria3255

To Bob i want to say good for you that your reaching out to Dr.Phil and Dr.Lawlis and i pray that with their help you will unravel your inner self for your sake and for your wife Carrie and for those around you.

 

To Melinda i wish you the very best as you allow Dr.Phil and Dr. Lawlis to help you with your emotional and mental development for your sake and for your family's well-being. My prayers and hope are with you both.

 

Good luck and with your  committment  I know you both will make it as you both also have the support of your families, whom you love. 

 

Sincerely,

Lory(Australia) 

This is Melinda.  I just wanted to say thank you so much.  It feels so amazing to know that people I don't even know (from so far away!) care.  I didn't think going on the show  would mean anything, and when I read this, it made me cry. Again, thank you so much. Things are getting alot better!

 
April 6, 2007, 2:53 pm CDT

My son

This show has helped me to try to understand my 30 year old son....his anger has turned our lives upside down too....He and I can't be in the same room together 5 minutes until the war is on.....and I will NOT ride in a car with him!!!.......he drives everybody in his life away...he drinks beer alot, but when he drinks alcohol, he becomes violent.....He was a good kid until he went to high school..from that point on he has become angry.....I was a stay at home Mom with both my boys, and they had a good life....my other son is just great...but my 1st born is just a train wreck....when it is good...its good...when its bad....it is real bad.

 
April 6, 2007, 2:56 pm CDT

04/06 Explosive Anger and Its Aftermath

Quote From: christein

As I watched the show today, I found myself crying. My small brother has had an uncontrollable anger since hes been about two years old. Today hes 16 and his anger is still uncontrollable. The most frustrating thing is that hes been to counselling for years. Hes been tested and doctors can not understand what is going on. He was first admitted with ADD. But I can tell you from experience with having a ADD friend, he doenst have it. Hes had brain scans that indicated he was getting epilepsy attacks but hes never had one in his life. The worst of all of this, is that he can be the most caring and sweet person in the world, but when he gets angry, its just scary. Hes done crazy damage. Im off at university so Im currently having a "break" from all the anger. But my mom is sick with cancer and osteoporosis and Im afraid one day he will kill her. The only way he feels he can control his anger is by taking drugs. I dont think Ive seen him straight in a year. When he cant get accessed to drugs, he gets insanely violent, threathening to kill. Also, in Canada, there is no protection for parents who are victims of violent children. I just want my brother to get help before he kills someone.  Watching this show, I realized that my brother is not alone. I wish that we had specialized clinics in Canada, til then, I just pray that nothing intense happens. If someone knows what she should be done, please by all means, give me some information.

  Christein, Canadians are some of the nicest people I know, so this kind of anger must be new and frightening to you.

  Perhaps a solution might be to go outside Canada and try the US to see if there are any specialists in this field that can help?

  I've seen in some of the other messages that there are drugs hat can help, so if you can find a doctor who understands him, he might be perscribed those?

  It's not much help, I know, but if I think of anything else I'll be sure to mention it  :)

 

  Steel

 

 
April 6, 2007, 3:10 pm CDT

you're not alone

Quote From: steel2wolf

  I just watched Dr. Phil in Australia (I'm in Australia NOT Dr. Phil) the show about the mother beating and kicking and swearing at her children, and I couldn't find the right topic to post to But this topic is pretty close  (I know, stu-pid with a capital PID).

  I wanted to say to the kids (forgot your names I'm sorry :(  ), that you are not alone, I went through the same thing with my mother, she told me she hated me often, whipped me with an old cord she cut off an iron, holding one arm so I couldn't get away,  until the blood ran down my legs, she attacked me with anything in reach.  When I was 13 I got too big to hit, so she told the police I was an uncontrollable child and made them send me to reform school.

  All of my life I kept going back home to show my mother I "was good enough to love" (She said often that I woukld never be good enough.), and I never was.

  A few years ago she died, and for the first time in my life I feel I can now hate her.  All of those years spent hanging on to the thought that she "really" loved me somewhere, deep down, and she never did.

  There was no Dr. Phil then, in fact the one psychiatrist I told about my mother said "It's all your 'mother's' fault now is it?"  with the UTMOST SARCASM on the word 'mother's'.

  I was never allowed to have friends, and any I made at school, my mother scared away by telling stories about me and how bad and untrustworthy, etc  I was.  Over the years I became a total recluse, I can't trust the world and do not know how to reach out (even to a publisher to try and get my books published).

  What I'd like to say to the kids is, no matter how strong you are, how many times you keep standing up after being knocked down, that you need professional help to recover inside from such damage, and hope you do not find a psychiatrist like mine  :)  Don't start hiding in your room with the door locked to escape the hate and abuse, don't pull deep inside yourself, because one day you might find that you are lost and cannot come back out again.

  I wrote to Dr. Phil once about getting help to get my books published, but he never replied.  I guess I asked him all wrong, that happens when I try to reach out.  :) 

  Keep well kids, Dr. Phil will find you good people to help and one day you will have kids of your own, and can love the hell out of them  :)

 

  Steel

I recognized myself in some of the things you were saying. My father had a "temper," as it would have been called back then. Most of my childhood, I only felt comfortable at home when he wasn't there. When he was, we all walked on eggshells, to some extent. He was never abusive to my mother in any way, but all of his frustrations were taken out on us kids. There was no consistency. He could be playful and fun one minute, and then suddenly lash out (literally). My older brother doesn't seem to have been badly affected by it. I've come to realize his was a different experience because he had more positive interactions with my dad. He was athletic and made my dad proud in that way. My younger brother had a disability, so he didn't get the physical punishment, but he suffered emotionally. I was the only girl, and it seemed to me that he loved me when I was very small, but the older I grew, the more despised I felt. Steel, I could feel some of your pain in your letter, and even though you have the right idea about not hiding from the world, I think that, like me, you still struggle with a deep sense of rejection. Personally, I'm 55 years old, and I have worked very hard my whole adult life trying to overcome extreme shyness, social anxiety, abyssmal self-esteem, etc. I think children never get over wanting their parents' approval. If we don't get it, it's hard for us to believe we are worthy of being loved by anyone. I have managed to live a relatively content life (with the help of medication and therapy) , but not a really happy and fulfilled one. It's difficult for me to maintain friendships. I tend to withdraw - afraid of being used or just feeling that no one really wants to be with me and that I'm just a bother. I have always loved animals, and my three dogs and two cats give me great joy. They are all rescues, so of course, I feel good about myself for giving them good lives. I am also fortunate to have a wonderful husband. I married for the first and only time at the age of 33, and even though I was never able to have the children I badly wanted and it hasn't always been easy, I work hard on appreciating the blessings I have and moving forward. We never know what good things might ge around the corner. I guess I just want to tell you how sorry I am for the hurt you suffered, and I understand you continue to suffer. Please try to forgive or at least let go of hatred - for yourself, not for your mother. And don't stop reaching out. Believe me, I know it's hard, and I know that it's natural to feel that any lack of response or one that is not as positive as you had hoped for means something really negative, But now and then, something good will come back to you. You reached out today in your e-mail, whether you knew it or not. You touched my heart and made a difference in my day, and I am grateful to you for sharing. I wish you peace and happiness in the future. God bless you. BJ
 
April 6, 2007, 3:12 pm CDT

04/06 Explosive Anger and Its Aftermath

After meds and therapy, I have learned to control myself to the point I can drive in the city (though not during rush hour or on holidays ) and I do feel better about life in general, I have a great job working with mentally and emotionally challenged teens, a job I couldn't possibly have had even five years ago ( if you are easily angered or frustrated these are NOT the children to be around, actually you shouldn't really be around any children).

Did the first couple have kids ? I didn't catch it if they did or not.  Until he's straightened out, I hope NOT, or maybe the children should be in some type of counselling themselves to curtail the effects of his rage.

One thing I did notice in both cases, is people following them still running their mouths, I can tell you that will cause things to escalate to the point where there is no reasoning with the person.  My family knows when I walk away, let me go it'll be a lot easier to talk to me when I've cooled off, of course if you think they will hurt themselves or someone else, then call the authorities, but don't try to control them yourselves, even at 5'4' and 110lbs my 6'4 husband found out the hard way that there is no controlling the "Beast" when its unleashed in all its fury  ( that was the turning point for me when I found I was capable of hurting those I loved the most, Thank Goodness it wasn't my children, I'm not proud of it, far from it, I only mention it because I remember him saying he couldn't hurt his wife, yeah you can if you don't get it under control ). The point is if they are walking away, DON'T FOLLOW THEM STILL YAPPING, you'll make matters worse.  Also, if they've been drinking. LOOK OUT, if they are already unpridictable, alcohol or drugs will make them even less predictable.

Both of them were very lucky to have families around them that were supportive, and WANTING to help them help themselves through this, but I wouldn't leave the baby with Melinda alone UNTIL she has proven that her rage is under control, I don't think she's evil, I don't think either one of them are evil, but if you have no frustration control, a screaming baby isn't going help matters.

 
April 6, 2007, 3:14 pm CDT

Anger

I recently quit smoking cigarettes.  Ever since I quit I have been angry towards my boyfriend.  I was wondering if anyone knew of anything that could help.  It has been over 10 weeks since I quit.  I figured the anger would go away by now.
 
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