Quote From: vtaggartI was also molested as a child by my "daddy" and believe me it was not easy having to live in the same house with him all my life. But, I still loved him in my heart. I had a lot of mental illness from this and the Lord is the "only one" who saved me from living my life in a horrible way.
Now that is said, I believe they should visit with the grandparents, but never ever let the child and grandfather be alone. Listen to every word that is being said between the two. Let the grandfather know up front that he will be watched and if he ever says or does anything toward this child that he will be punished again. This child loves him and it will take years before she comes to realize hate toward him. Let her be a child. Trust me, in time this child will heal and be able to live a normal productive life, if the family does not keep reminding the child that she was victimized. Forgiveness can and does happen.
If our society really cared for children, molesters would never get out of jail. When you abuse one of God's children, there should be no second chance, it was a choice the abuser made. But, since the grandfather is no longer in jail, then life must be as normal as possible for this little girl to heal. She needs to know her parents will defend her and make her feel safe, even around the abuser.
If the little girl wants to talk to her parents, they should be there for her and let her know she will be okay. Not too much of this "your a victim" even though she is, always make her feel okay and not like "it is her fault." How this situation is handled now while she is young is what she will carry with her for the rest of her life. Do you want a child to believe she is a victim all her life or that something terrible happened, but by the Grace of God she doesn't have to carry this burden for life.
If anyone grew up during the time when there was no help, we turned to God for comfort and He never failed us.
I am sorry to hear about your father and you, and being forced to live in the same home as him was NOT protection for you, by your own admission you have suffered from mental illness due to this, a child should NEVER have to live with their abuser.
Yes he's out, way too soon in my humble opinion, but that does not mean the child should be made to have ANY realtionship with him, sexual abuse is the most degrading and humiliating types of abuse ANYONE can inflict on a child, especially since the child was NOT old enough to really understand what was happening, and she's probably still blaming herself for it.
She needs to know she is PROTECTED, agreed, but taking her around him will not make her feel protected, protecting her would be KEEPING her AWAY from her abuser, he made a choice, I agree with you there, and he should pay for it, what are his motives for wanting them to trust him again ?
Agreed again, her parents needn't harp on it, but they shouldn't act as though it never happened, keeping an open dialougue, and not getting angry or upset ( the hardest thing any parent could face ) if the child mentions it to them, and letting her know it wasn't HER fault can keep her from becoming a victim for life, many do rise above it and use it for healing, not an excuse for bad behavior they display as adults, you found religion, and I found a way past to work with teens that suffer from Mental and emotional challenges.
I belive as you do, we do learn to forgive, not necessarily forget, some things we NEVER forget, but we forgive to heal ourselves, many I have forgiven, but it dosen't mean there is any relationship, it simply means I will NOT allow them that power over me to keep me shaking in a corner instead of living my life.
There wasn't much help twenty years ago either, and my parents still took me around the man who did that to me, I hated them for it, I was the only kid around who DREADED summer vacation because I knew I would have to "Make Nice" to spare the feelings of the family, they did protect me enough that I was NEVER alone with him, but to have to face him time and again was torture, so I don't know how you did it having to see him everyday.
Seems we agree more than not, but I will agree to disagree that forcing or having a relationship with him is in the child's best interests, from the things he's said just on the previews, he's beyond sick, and I would wonder how many other victims are out there.
(Original Air Date: 04/09/07) Two-and-a-half years ago, Cat and Todd left their 6-year-old daughter, Grace, with Todd’s parents for the night. Little did they know, it would be the night that changed their family forever. Grace’s grandfather, Steve, molested her, and after Grace told her grandmother, Ann, about it, Ann failed to report it. After confronting Todd’s parents, Cat and Todd pressed charges. Steve served eight months in jail and is now a registered sex offender. Neither he nor Ann has seen Cat, Todd or their grandchildren in over two years, but they desperately want to put their family back together. Steve says he’s ready to do what he can to heal his family, but Todd and Cat are not convinced. What does Steve say is his reason for stealing Grace's innocence? Dr. Phil meets with the grandparents and gets to the truth of what really happened, while Todd and Cat watch from behind a two-way mirror. Will the unvarnished truth be too much for them to handle? Can this fractured family ever heal and move on? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.
