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Topic : 08/13 The Dr. Phil House: Saving Grace

Number of Replies: 1626
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Created on : Friday, April 06, 2007, 11:30:39 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 04/09/07) Two-and-a-half years ago, Cat and Todd left their 6-year-old daughter, Grace, with Todd’s parents for the night. Little did they know, it would be the night that changed their family forever. Grace’s grandfather, Steve, molested her, and after Grace told her grandmother, Ann, about it, Ann failed to report it. After confronting Todd’s parents, Cat and Todd pressed charges. Steve served eight months in jail and is now a registered sex offender. Neither he nor Ann has seen Cat, Todd or their grandchildren in over two years, but they desperately want to put their family back together. Steve says he’s ready to do what he can to heal his family, but Todd and Cat are not convinced. What does Steve say is his reason for stealing Grace's innocence? Dr. Phil meets with the grandparents and gets to the truth of what really happened, while Todd and Cat watch from behind a two-way mirror. Will the unvarnished truth be too much for them to handle? Can this fractured family ever heal and move on? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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April 7, 2007, 4:35 pm CDT

04/09 The Dr. Phil House: Saving Grace

I am the mother of 10 year old daughters and a 6 year old son. If any of my children were EVER molested, there is not a chance in hell I would ever let them within the vacinity of that person ever again. There is no way *I* could be in the same vacinity unless I wanted to be carted off to jail. Reconcile? Are you kidding me? He stole that little girl's soul. I couldn't imagine the trauma that little girl would go through having to come face to face with him again.
 
April 7, 2007, 5:49 pm CDT

Is it happening more often? Or are there more reports?

I used to think that child abuse happened 'out there' somewhere. My 17 year old babysitter assaulted my daughter. While I believe that more happened...her arm was covered in hickies...and there were multiple bites on her arm, the case is closed at assault. The girl received a minimal probation time. She was found guilty of assault, but nothing else.  When her probation is over, she will not have a criminal record. That means that this person who attacked my 2 year old, 24 lb daughter will be completely free. She could teach your children, my children, your neighbor's kids. I wonder if her defence lawyer would want her babysitting or teaching his children. Her lawyer said that she has never done anything like this before and therefore entitled to a second chance. He also stated that she has shown good behavior since then and therefore to keep her from working with children after such a fluke would be wrong. He won. My child will have to have plastic surgery to remove the teeth marks from her arm. She cries when she sees someone physically resembling the girl that assaulted her. A two year old remembers. I am dreading what she is going to tell me in a few years. Quite frankly I wonder if there is any kind of victim support set up for a 2 year old...One thing that I should say is that the attack took place in front of my other toddler who reported the whole event to the police. In a way, she assaulted both my children in the matter of 10 minutes. I am truly sickened. After the police reports, the court case etc and the sentence being so light...no wonder so many people decide not to take further steps in trying to bring a child abuser to justice.  The person who assaulted my child is free and we as a family will have years of cleaning up to try and remove the poison that she affliced.
 
April 7, 2007, 6:13 pm CDT

sex offeners

all i have to say is that the grandparents should not be allowed back into there lives... grandpa ruined that... he is a pervert and i am sick of these people... it is sick... and then a grandparent to do it... what the hell.. who else did he do that too.. it just didn't start now.. all sex offenders should never be left out of jail.. i don't care how much therapy they go through they always do it again... they never change.. maybe at first.. but i don't see it

i can't believe the sick people out there taking innocent children and molesting them  sick sick

 
April 7, 2007, 6:46 pm CDT

I too am another survivor

it was the singke most horrifying and traumatic event that ever happened in my life, it lead to a series of self destructive behaviours, my parents lied and covered it up so I never trusted anyone or anything, the abuser lived right around the corner and would watch me and my freinds walk to school everyday. i dropped out at 13, started doing drugs, having sex. but 17 i was a prostitute and addicted to drugs. im 30 now, and clean. have had to deal with mental and emotional issues my whole life. i cant trust men or anybody for that matter. all this vould have been different if just one of my parents had told me it wasnt my fault, or protected me in any way.

i have 2 girls of my own now and I cant understand how they couldnt see I was just a 6 year old girl. anyway, Im making this about me now , sorry, please for your daughters sake take her far away from that evil presence. make her life a fairy tale from this day forward let her regain her childhood.

 
April 7, 2007, 9:31 pm CDT

Most Agree

Its nice to see a board that 99% agrees that letting the grandparents back into this little girls life is a big mistake. And from the preview of the show I don't think Dr Phil will advise on letting them see the grandchild, i'm hoping its more of trying to do a wake up call for these grandparents to stop them from trying to see there granddaughter. Personally I think the parents have been very nice in letting them still breath, I'm not sure if I was to have that will power. I would of been like that man that his daughter told him she was being touched by the neighbor (some old guy) and he went over there with a knife and stabbed him to death. I personally don't think my mind could just let it go, but I have been known to not be a very forgiving person when it comes to this topic.

 

I hope the parents Remember this, they are the parents they control who sees there daughter and who doesn't and they shouldn't feel guilty for telling the grandparents NEVER AGAIN. Even if there is like 1% that disagrees with me so what those people don't matter. Keeping the future (children) safe is whats important.

 
April 8, 2007, 1:55 am CDT

No way

I was molested as a child an I had to live with the molester in my life it has caused tremendous pain and heartache over the years.  when they stay apart of your life you learn to live always looking over your shoulder, being uncomfortable, and emotionaly scared to death that it will happen again and it usually does an when it does you don't bother to tell you feel like no one is going to protect you anyway so you just learn to protect yourself. 
 
April 8, 2007, 2:16 am CDT

04/09 The Dr. Phil House: Saving Grace

Quote From: kaykwilts

No way would I allow that pervert back into my baby's life.  The grandma is just as guilty if she know about it and didn't report it.  Why in the world does she want to stand by a man who did this to her grandbaby?  The man is a pervert and he should not be around this baby or any child again.  Best to distance themselves from this disfunctional family.

I agree completely! The grandmother should have been sitting in the cell beside him! & both of them should still be there!

My husbands mother made the amazingly selfish & stupid desision to marry a convicted child molestor. He said he was wrongly convicted but as a mother she should never have given him the benifit of the doubt even if he were innocent because you just can't afford to take the risk. As it turned out he lied & was indeed guilty as sin as was proven when he proceeded to molest my husband as a child over  many years. In my opinion she is a poor excuse for a mother because she had the benifit that many women don't have & that's a red flag that this man was a man of concern given his conviction of molesting his children  from a previous marriage.

 

I hope little Graces parents do not allow either of them anywhere near this precious child. The g/parents have already proved they cannot be trusted. It's a proven fact that the majority of child molestors are never rehabilitated & I'm willing ot bet Grace was not his 1st victim & won't be his last.

 

Leave this little girl be to try to grow as a normal child, If as an adult she wishes to persue the g/parents for a relationship then that's her desision. As a parent I beleive you have a moral obligation to do everything in your power to keep your children safe. To allow these *people* a relationship with this child again is crazy. They gave up that right & to hell with them I say!

 
April 8, 2007, 4:23 am CDT

Sex Offenders CANNOT be rehabilitated!

It has been proved that sex offenders cannot be rehabilitated!  My ex-husband molested my oldest daughter and I have fought the court system for years that he should not have unsupervised contact with either child.  Of course, the courts said that he should have the "right" to see his children without supervision, but put a line in the judgment that if there was ever any doubt, his rights "could" be taken away.  No matter how loud I screamed or how many objections I filed, he still had unsupervised contact with my youngest. 

 

I finally said that I would go to jail before he had further contact with her, so at 14, I cut off all contact between the 2.  At 18, the first thing she did was go to her "father".  That was an eye opening experience for her, as she now sees him for the coward that he really is!!

 

KEEP FIGHTING FOR THE CHILDREN!!!  IT IS OUR JOB, OUR RESPONSIBILITY AND OUR COMMAND FROM GOD, HIMSELF!!

 
April 8, 2007, 6:35 am CDT

Sexual abuse

My wife was abused by her older brother when she was young.  I think she thought that she was over it. She ujsed to drink quite a bit qnd always seemed to find a way to have a few drinks before we had sex. Other than her drinking, I thought she was a perfedt wife.  Seventeen years my junior, we still got along great. We had some problems with her oldest son, doing drugs and drinking, but we finally (at age 32) got him to go to a rehabilitation center. Seems to be doing OK but time will tell. He's only been there two weeks.

My wife quit drinking completely and evidently the abuse problems came back to haunt her as she stopped being the perfect wife. Didn't want me to touch her, didn't want to have sex any more and really became a poor excuse for a wife.  When she pointed out all the other stuff she did for me, I said that I could have hired a maid, if I wanted one. It has become a problem. I am 73 years ols and still sexually active(when she decides to co-operate) and her attitude now is really causing problems between us. I have come close to just calling it quits but I love her too much. Right now, she is recovering from foot surgery so I am being patient and not asking for sex but .....  We shall see.  I can't believe this is the same loving little woman I married 17 years ago.  When we first met, it was love at first sight for both of us and our love life couldn't have been better. Now, it couldn't be much worse.   She refujses to discuss things and says that she is just getting old (she's only 56) .  I think she has gotten prettier over the years and she still turns me on.  If her brother has caused these problems, the bastard should be shot.  My wife's best girl friend has told me about my wifes's feelings in this matter. Apparently her brother molested the older sister, too.  He doesn't come around and has no contact with either sister. I used to wonder why but now I know.  Who knows what scars sexual abuse can cause and how long the will last.  I don't blame the parents for not wanting the grandparents around.  I hope that the children are not permanently  scarred.  I suggested to my wife that we go to counseling but she refuses to do so and will not tell me what she tells her girl friend. Sometimes I feel that I don't know her and I feel like I am just being ujsed.  I often wonder if she really loves me or if it's something that she feels she must say to keep me around.  I am just sick about the whole thing. I want the woman I married back. We were separated for two years and neither of us got over wanting the other back.  I have problems living with her and I have problems living without her. Like the song in the Muppet Movie, "You can't live with 'em and you can't live without  'em, There's something irresistable about 'em. We grin and bear it  because the nights are long. I hope that something better comes along."

 
April 8, 2007, 6:57 am CDT

Protect your child

I too was molested by my grandfather. To my knowledge my grandmother never knew. In the sixties people didn't talk about that so I never felt comfortable in telling anyone. I lived with his abuse until I was 18 years old. My grandmother died when I was 26 and at age 30 I started counseling and it came out. My entire family turned against me and still has nothing to do with me because of it. When my grandfather remarried I told his new wife what had happened. She believed me and watched him with her grandchildren. However one day when one grandaughter was showering there he walked in and watched her shower. She could see him through the shower curtain but said nothing. She eventually told her grandmother and she believed her and said she would never take her eyes off him again. My message here is this: once a molester always a molester. It has been said those type of people can never get that under control. Her grandfather will find sneaky ways to get what he wants. My children were never left alone with my grandfather. From an adult who was abused: The best healing you can give your daughter is to show her you believe her and you will above all else protect her. If I were faced with your dilemna he would never see her again until she was of legal age and wanted that for herself. And for the grandmother she was doing what was best for herself not for your daughter. Molesters are always thinking of themselves and it sounds like they are now. This isn't about them and what they want it is about your daughter and what she needs and wants.

Healed survivor

 
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