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Topic : 08/13 The Dr. Phil House: Saving Grace

Number of Replies: 1626
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Created on : Friday, April 06, 2007, 11:30:39 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 04/09/07) Two-and-a-half years ago, Cat and Todd left their 6-year-old daughter, Grace, with Todd’s parents for the night. Little did they know, it would be the night that changed their family forever. Grace’s grandfather, Steve, molested her, and after Grace told her grandmother, Ann, about it, Ann failed to report it. After confronting Todd’s parents, Cat and Todd pressed charges. Steve served eight months in jail and is now a registered sex offender. Neither he nor Ann has seen Cat, Todd or their grandchildren in over two years, but they desperately want to put their family back together. Steve says he’s ready to do what he can to heal his family, but Todd and Cat are not convinced. What does Steve say is his reason for stealing Grace's innocence? Dr. Phil meets with the grandparents and gets to the truth of what really happened, while Todd and Cat watch from behind a two-way mirror. Will the unvarnished truth be too much for them to handle? Can this fractured family ever heal and move on? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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April 8, 2007, 7:48 am CDT

04/09 The Dr. Phil House: Saving Grace

Quote From: kaykwilts

No way would I allow that pervert back into my baby's life.  The grandma is just as guilty if she know about it and didn't report it.  Why in the world does she want to stand by a man who did this to her grandbaby?  The man is a pervert and he should not be around this baby or any child again.  Best to distance themselves from this disfunctional family.

The worst he did of course is sexually assault the chids innocence and body!

What he left he emotional well being is evil!

I do not get these women who stick by a pervert?  He cheated on you, betrayed

a trust, committed evil acts against a child, stole innocence, risked a whole family unit,

showed you that his desires is far more important than any one or thing in his life, he

or she did in fact commit a series of dirty, evil, betraying acts and set a moral of what his true self is?  What do you get out of standing by such a person?  How can you be in the same room

and life knowing what he is?  Are these people so selfish and perverted they can over look such things?   I cannot get it?

At the least of it all, they should recognize that thier spouse/mate cheated on them, mind is not

a healthy family sense and did not respect even the pat of marraige or relationship with them?

At the very least of it all: he cheated on you dumb asses!

At the worst: he abused, victimized and committed an evil act against a child who was too weak to speak up, defend themself or stop him?  He took a childs emotional well being and spit on it?

He has no regard for thier rights, lives or future?  You deserve jail and more but never be allowed access to the children you gave so little care for or about!

 
April 8, 2007, 8:41 am CDT

You Are A Good Mother!

Quote From: jillybean27

I am the mother of 10 year old daughters and a 6 year old son. If any of my children were EVER molested, there is not a chance in hell I would ever let them within the vacinity of that person ever again. There is no way *I* could be in the same vacinity unless I wanted to be carted off to jail. Reconcile? Are you kidding me? He stole that little girl's soul. I couldn't imagine the trauma that little girl would go through having to come face to face with him again.

My feelings exactly!  This very same situation happened years ago when my seven year old daughter was molested by her 16 year old half brother.  His father was a Police Officer and when I tried to file charges, the Youth Services Bureau at the time, REFUSED to take my report.  Not only that, my now ex-husband refused to believe that it happened even after the son admitted to it!  My Ex wanted everything to go back to normal.  WHAT!!!!  No way was I letting that pervert into my home again.  Well, it goes without saying I protected my little girl to the point of divorce.  Good bye to trash, which is what my Ex and his son are to this day.

 

Now, fifteen years later, that pervert is of all things a teacher.  I can't believe it.  When I found out he was a sub, I called every school district in my state informing them of his past.  My daughter is my life and I don't regret any decisions I made to protect her.  So, to the Mom protecting her 10 yr. old and 6 yr. old, you are so right.....keep your children away from sexual perverts, no matter who they are, relative, neighbor, cop, priest, doctor, whomever!

 

And Dr. Phil if you don't agree, you need to get your head examined along with the perverted Grandfather!

 
April 8, 2007, 11:29 am CDT

Good for you

Quote From: debivey

My feelings exactly!  This very same situation happened years ago when my seven year old daughter was molested by her 16 year old half brother.  His father was a Police Officer and when I tried to file charges, the Youth Services Bureau at the time, REFUSED to take my report.  Not only that, my now ex-husband refused to believe that it happened even after the son admitted to it!  My Ex wanted everything to go back to normal.  WHAT!!!!  No way was I letting that pervert into my home again.  Well, it goes without saying I protected my little girl to the point of divorce.  Good bye to trash, which is what my Ex and his son are to this day.

 

Now, fifteen years later, that pervert is of all things a teacher.  I can't believe it.  When I found out he was a sub, I called every school district in my state informing them of his past.  My daughter is my life and I don't regret any decisions I made to protect her.  So, to the Mom protecting her 10 yr. old and 6 yr. old, you are so right.....keep your children away from sexual perverts, no matter who they are, relative, neighbor, cop, priest, doctor, whomever!

 

And Dr. Phil if you don't agree, you need to get your head examined along with the perverted Grandfather!

Wow, I'm sorry to hear that happened to your daughter, I have  2 year old and 11 month old daughters and I could not imagine what I would do if  someone touched them, I would want to kill them!! 

 

Good for you for not taking your EX's crap, back to normal???  Please!  And good on you for calling every school in your district, who knows you probably saved alot of young girls with out them or you even knowing it!  You know, you never know if they still have those same urges now that they are out and can see all the children again.

 

My personal opinion is, I think child predators deserve to serve a life sentience for what they have done to young kids, because whether they believe it or not, any child they have touched, they them selfs just gave that child a life sentence, so why shouldn't they have a life sentence????

 

 

 
April 8, 2007, 11:33 am CDT

How could you???

First off the grandmother is just as at fault as the grandfather...she knew and didn't say a thing let alone stop it!  He should have done more time and she should have done some as well!  I know a close friend of the family who's 3 daughters were all molested and even though it was just the babysitter he didn't get anytime served for 1st offense!  What if he had done it prior to and or again since, and that person is going to keep doing it until they are stopped!  I would NEVER let my kids near the person who violated them ad took their innocence!  That is something you can never get back!  They are the only ones who can make that decision to give it away!  All we as parents can do is give as best advice and guidance as possible!  I think the parents are right in not having the family get back together...if the little girl says (in 6 yrs from now) I wanna see them, then think about it then!  Let her be in piece and get the counseling she needs!  Show her she can still be a little girl even though someone robbed her of it! 
 
April 8, 2007, 12:27 pm CDT

Future Harm

My concern is for the child years from now, when she explores the archives of the Dr. Phil show and sees her abuse in black and white and in living color. Will this re-exposure be needless trauma all over again?
 
April 8, 2007, 4:27 pm CDT

Thank you all - from Gracie's Mom

I am amazed at the impressive response already to the preview of this show -- and like some of you, I wonder if the message board will explode once the show airs tomorrow...  I would like to express my heartfelt thanks to all of you for your kind and passionate words of encouragement and support, and for your sound advice.  It strikes me that you all appear to be in agreement -- which tells me that this is a very important topic that cuts to the heart of many people, and also that there is a kind of universal moral consciousness about this issue.  For this reason, I am very glad we decided to do this show.  We felt that if just one life is affected in a positive way, then it would be worth it. 

 

First of all, to address your concerns:  Under no circumstances will my father-in-law be allowed to see Grace, or even communicate with her (directly or through others) until she is 18, at which time she will be free to make her own decision about whether or not to resume a relationship with him.  We have a court order than ensures this.  One of the issues we addressed in the show had to do with how to handle my mother-in-law's desire for a relationship with Grace, and Grace's desire to see her Grandma.  You will see that I felt this would happen over my dead body, but was open to the opinion of Dr. Phil McGraw, whom I highly respect.

 

Next, many of you have shared with us your own personal testimonies regarding abuse in your past.  I am very touched.  My prayer for all of you is that you will find healing and peace, and be able to move on from what happened to build a beautiful life for yourselves, because you are worth it.  Nothing that was "done" to you defines who you are.  God authors who we are, and it is up to us to chose to realize that potential.  I hope you will cease letting this "thing" define, degrade or diminish you, and that you will rise up in your own personal power, armed with grace, truth, and love.

 

As to the issue of forgiveness, I agree that we are called to forgive.  We are NOT, however, called to put ourselves in harm's way again, or be foolish about exposing ourselves to evil.  I believe that forgiveness and reconciliation are two different things.  I freely forgive my husband's parents, and I know Grace forgives her Grandparents, but I am not interested in reconciliation without some real showing on their part that they get it.  After seeing the show you tell me whether you think they get it.  In any case, my children's well-being is the most important thing.

 

Finally, one of you expressed concern that the show itself, and the many comments about it, might in some way drag my daughter through the experience again, or cause her more harm.  You should know that it was her desire to do this, and I supported her when I came to realize that she was not interested in celebrity or show biz or meeting a famous person -- she was interested in getting heard, and in getting her own little needs met.  My daughter has an important message for other children in a similar situation, which I hope will come through.  In any case, we feel it woud not be appropriate to allow her to see the show itself tomorrow, but will convey to her that many people consider the show important to them personally.  I believe she will have a powerful testimony when she is an adult, as you do, but one that reflects an understanding that her parents stood by her, protected her in every way they could, and loved her enough to set boundaries.  I know she will be an overcomer, and I pray that for you as well.

 

Cat

 
April 8, 2007, 7:39 pm CDT

04/09 The Dr. Phil House: Saving Grace

Quote From: crholmes56

My concern is for the child years from now, when she explores the archives of the Dr. Phil show and sees her abuse in black and white and in living color. Will this re-exposure be needless trauma all over again?
the only way that will change her is if her parents hide it or dont get this girl some real long time help
 
April 8, 2007, 7:39 pm CDT

10 Years Later, Time does heal

I was a single Mom, in 1997, I had been through 2 divorces and just really down and out. My first Ex husband and his new wife, were living with Her parents (Step-Mom's), well my daughter would go over to there house every other weekend, and shared Holidays. I had been dating a Wonderful man, whom I will say to this day Is HEAVEN SENT, to me and my girls. I married in 1998, and we had just gotten home from our Honeymoon...It was mid July. We went and picked up my daughter from her father and stepmoms house...She acted very funny, I knew something was not right, That Motherly Instinct...But to be honest, I could not pinpoint what it was, It was something Bad, I knew that, and I knew it had something to do with Step-Grandfather. Sexual Abuse was  not even a thought...

Well later that evening my daughter told my husband, John, that Step-Grandfather, (Stepmoms dad) had been sexually abusing her. She said it had been going on for awhile, and that he threatened her, If she were to tell he would abuse Me, Her mother. So after I married John, she felt safe to tell, She knew John would protect me. In her mind, she was so mixed up and scared, she was 8 years old. Well Immediatly we took her to the Hospital, to be examined and Social Services, and Law Enforcement met us there. They arrested Him the Next day. There were abrasions and evidence.

This was the beginning of a nightmare for our little family, I was so afraid, My new husband was so afraid, any other time, I could fix my daughters if they got hurt, a scrapped knee etc. This was something I could not fix.  Social Services called my Ex-husband, my daughters father, to let him know. He turned on our daughter, he called us liars, and trouble makers, and he soon, sold everything he had to bail this man out of jail. My daughter was rejected by her father, at 8 years old, when she needed him the very most.

We had very long court battles, and he was looking at prison time. My husband and I spent every last dime we had going to court to get visitations stopped, although there was a restraining order, Stepmom threatened to take her around her father, saying it did not happen. We went to court after court..a judge let her have visitation with her father and stepmom and they tormented my daughter, saying that they were gonna allow Step-grandfather to come over and see her etc..etc.

I soon went back to court, and told them to lock me up and throw away the key, before they let my daughter go back. The Judge realized then it was a problem, with her father and stepmom and he terminated His rights.

A year passed, and My daughter had No contact with her father, It was very sad actually, I didnt know how to handle it, But I did the best I could, and John, was and still is a very supportive and great stepfather.

Soon, Step-Grandfather came up missing, and he was found 2 weeks later in a National Forrest, He had Hung himself, Off the back of his lumber truck.

To make the story short, Its been a long hard road, and my daughters father has tried to have some contact with my daughter, and we have allowed him to come to our home, she went to his home for a night, and stepmom hung pictures of Step-Grandfather around my daughter while she slept, Only to wake up to that. My daughter is now 18 years old, and she is doing WONDERFUL, we all are really. It was a journey, But my daughter Resents her father for allowing stepmom to treat her this way all these years, and for not being there when she needed him.

I would be real careful, about letting this man back into my daughters life, I know family is family. But our children, we have to protect, Not just physically, but we have to protect there emotional state and well being also.

I know one day, my daughter will move out and have to face her father, and she has 4 other siblings on his side, that she wants to know...And I worry. I dont know how to make that work, Just alot of faith, and prayer.

If you need someone to talk to I am here,  Huntergang05@yahoo.com

We are survivors, My daughter is my Hero!

Dr. Phil, is wonderful and I know he will help you through this...

God bless..

 
April 8, 2007, 7:51 pm CDT

sooooo sorry

if my parents did what her parents did i would have my parents thrown in jail i would cut all contact and that would be that children are our most precious comodity and they are a gift from god and for people to think treating them like this abusing them and hurting them it is unexcusable these people should be penalized jail is not a penalty three squares a day and seggrgastion from the rest of the population come on they should be made to live like the jewish lived and see what distilling fear and ruining a person is really like because tha si what they do they ruin a child really from becoming a healthy adult it takes proffesionals years to help a child understand why that happens to them and as a parent you cant fix that and you feel responsible dr phil has his hands full on monday good luck i hope that sweet baby is going to be okay i have a daughter she is my last baby  and i love her with all of my being so i ask you this as a parent what wouldnt you do to protect your child? i know what i would do and no one person is exempt from that children are precious and it is unfourtunate that adults forget that
 
April 8, 2007, 8:17 pm CDT

04/09 The Dr. Phil House: Saving Grace

You know I thought again about this, and I find myself having sympathy for the father (not the GRANDFATHER)  this man is torn.

His first priority should be his child's safety and well being, no question and having not seen his parents in two years, it seems he's taken that step and is NOT in denial, Good on him.

But, this is his FATHER, and I'm not sure trying to empathize here, TRYING, I could turn off the Love I have for my Father (though my father has NEVER done anything this HORRENDOUS), I mean its like the Mother who visits her son in jail for rape or murder, she HATES what he did, but he's still her son, or the parent who continue to enable their drug addicted children, they hate the drugs, love the child, could it be the same ?

I wonder if he was given the opportunity DEAL with this, I mean how many of us could BELIVE this of their Fathers ( I know there are many who have lived it and I mean NO disrespect here so please don't take it as such ), if they grew up with loving Fathers who could never hurt us ?  And again, NO disrespect again, how many of us could picture our Mothers putting up with it ?  I'm talking again about the so-called normal family unit, not about those who have suffered at the hands of their parents.

He belived his daughter, again Good on him, I think the tears for his father (out on a limb here ) were mourning, he knew he couldn't go back and ther relationship was done maybe it was like his Father died to him.

This is a FAMILY problem, not an individual one, though I do stand by my statement that any relationship between this so-called Man and child should END, and the parents need time to heal themselves, hopefully they did so they can help heal their daughter.

 

 
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