Topic : 08/13 The Dr. Phil House: Saving Grace

How do we recognize the remorseless? One of their chief characteristics is a kind of glow or charisma that makes sociopaths more charming or interesting than the other people around them.  They’re more spontaneous, more intense, more complex or even sexier than everyone else, making them tricky to identify and leaving us easily seduced.  Some of favorite books which provide a great introduction and insight on the subject: 

Without Conscience:  The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Amoung Us by Robert Hare

Emotional Blackmail:  When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward AND Why is it Always About You?:  The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism by Sandy Hotchkiss

Aggression in Personality Disorders and Perversions by Otto Kernberg OR Treating Personality Disorders in Children and Adolescents:  A Relational Approach by Efrain Bleiberg

Fundamentally, sociopaths are different because they cannot love. Sociopaths learn early on to show fake emotion, but underneath they are indifferent to others’ suffering.  They live to dominate and thrive for the thrill to win.  We all almost certainly know at least one or more sociopaths already.

Hope it helps! 

I will never understand how pedophiles always try to make excuses for the evil they have done. They take the innocence of youth and use it for their filthy desires. It's all about control for these monsters. I was molested by my Grandfather, of course he denied it, so nothing was ever done! I am now in my forties and I still struggle with what he has done every day of my life. I always thought I could "spot" a pedophile and I always protected my three boys, probably over-protected them. Well, guess what, my Mother's second husband molested my son and my niece!!!! Her reaction when the kids finally told her and she had to tell me....she stated,"Please don't call the police"! Can you imagine?! I know I blame my parents for not protecting me,  and I even feel bad for feeling that way. By the way, the second husband did serve 18 months in jail, had to register as a sex offender under Meghan's Law and after being out of jail for 6 months, he commited suicide, from what I hear it was because he had to register.

PLEASE keep your daughter away from this man! It was very evident on the show that he feels no remorse for what he did, and he will DO IT AGAIN! If I were a betting person, I would even say this wasn't the first time he molested. I hope your daughter continues with therapy, she will need that for a long time. I can usually give sound advice, but I don't always listen to what I really am saying - - I haven't been to therapy yet, but I do have my first appointment scheduled. I have many years of being hurt to get through and truthfully, it scares me to death. But I know I have to do this for me and my family. Your daughter will never forget what happened to her....please protect her and keep the man who she loves dearly AWAY FROM HER! He destroyed her trust and took away her innocence. Don't let HIS emotions get in your way of doing the right thing, he gave away all rights to even ask to see her the day he molested her! He didn't even tell his wife everything, is that a person you would trust even if he weren't your father? Your main priority is to protect your daughter - don't let him and his wife convince you otherwise.

My dd was molested when she was three years old until she was 5 by her babysitters husband and son.  We had to move away from our old house just so she wouldn't see the house or see him.  She is doing so much better after years of therapy.  They believed my daughter, but didn't have enough evidence to go after the son, the father died. 

I think the grandpa should be ashamed of himself.  There is no way that I would ever let my child see him or her again.  They need so much help.  I couldn't believe that he actually said "I didn't know it was illegal".  I can't believe he would say something like that.

I'm glad the daughter-in-law is standing her ground!!!!!

I was recently dating a man much older than myself, I am 24 and he is 44, he seemed like a wonderful person and I really liked him a lot. One night while he was at the store I used his computer to instant message a friend. I opened his received files to find a picture of myself I had sent him to use as my display picture, and to my shock and disgust all that was in the folder were pictures and videos of child pornography. Very soon after that  I learned I was pregnant. Because of my values and beliefs I decided to go full term with the pregnancy, and we have since broken up. I have never directly confronted him about this, though I did send him a child lust recovery link from an email address not under my name. He is very excited about our child's birth and he wants to be involved in his or her life. I dont know what to do because Im scared if he has this and is aroused by this material will he act on these urges in real life? Is he capable of hurting our child in this way? I want to do everything to protect my unborn child so nothing like this ever happens to him/her but Im nervous if we go to court over custody his top notch lawyers (he comes from a wealthy family) will convince the judge that he isn't a threat, since there is no evidence that he has commited lude acts against children. What can I do to protect my baby once my baby is born?

 First of all let me just say that I am a long time viewer of the Dr. Phil show and have total and complete faith that even before this episode aired that Grace and her parents Cat and Tom will have every resource available to them by Dr. Phil, not just for this show but the long into the future. This family will have access to the top doctors and therapists  for as long as they  need them.

 It has taken me the last three days to get back here to the message boards because I was so deeply shaken by the disgusting, sick, deviant grandparents and their lack of accountability and the depth of their denial about what they both did to their grandchild and her family. Like so many of you I am angry about the lack of justice in this case and so many other sexual abuse cases. This show has only amplified for me the short comings of our legal system. I hope that out of this we as a nation will see that the deviant behavior shown by pedophiles isn't fixable through therapy or even jail time or registering as a sex offender. Suggestions have been made like castrating them and I have even thought that the only hope to solve this problem is by lobotimizing them but I think I have come up with a realistic idea (?) to the problem.

 Here's to me the glaring problem with registering as a sex offender in my state - they can register as HOMELESS!!! They have a physical address but there is no way to really keep tabs on them. They can leave the state whenever they choose and no one is the wiser. If they don't check in how are these deviants located???  Sure an arrest warrant may go out on them but they have to be caught committing a crime before they are usually found again and by that time its usually too late for another innocent child. So I propose that we implant them with a GPS  micro chip ( like we use for our pets). Its about the size of a grain of rice but at least we would know where they are, it may not prevent another child from being abused by these animals but it would certainly make it easier to track them and find them if they violate their probation.  Even to me it sounds a little Orson Welles/ Big Brother is watching but I am talking about protecting our most valuable resources - our children. There may be people out there that may say this would violate their civil liberties but when they commit crimes against children I believe they should lose those rights, just like felons not having the right to vote in elections.

 Just like in families there are rules and if the rules are broken by a child there are consequences (losing priviliges). How is it any different living in society? We have laws and if they're boken ( like speeding) we pay fines or for more serious crimes we would do jail time. What I see happening is that the punishment doesn't fit the crime in child rape/molestation cases. They know as well as us that there punishment will be pretty much a slap on the hand. So what is preventing them from reoffending again?? They also know that there aren't enough eyes in the correctional system to go around to watch them 24/7 so its easy for them to go out and find another innocent victim. Notifying a community isn't enough because they just go into a neighboring community or in some cases an entirely different state.

 Just last night on my local news they reported another case of two girls ages 7 and 10 falling victim to a child molester. Mom was aware of his past history but still let him stay with her and her girls while their father is serving in Iraq. She found pictures of her girls on his cell phone. He is back in jail, unfortunately its too late for those little girls and their family. Its a very disturbing story. I am dumbfounded by the mother in this story...how could she allow him to stay with them knowing that he had been found guilty of child molestation/rape? Why would she allow him anywhere near her girls?? Just like Grace's story it is heart breaking. :(

 L

Why do grown men prey on small kids, because they can they are bigger stronger

etc etc....someone needs to take him out and give him a good _______kicking, and put the fear of God in him so he will keep his hand to himself and off those kids, he makes me sick and the wife is no better then he his. they are both very sick. we need to pray God will heal that little girls mind. and keep them away from those people. someone else would Love to be an stand in Grandparents someone you can really trust.

It is important that Grace's parents explain to her that she is not a tarnished person because she was touched by her grandpa. It needs to be explained to Grace by using an example that she can understand and relate to. Just because a bigger kid takes a toy from a smaller kid does not mean that the smaller kid is a bad or tarnished person, would you still be friends with the smaller kid?

It is so important that she understands that no one will look at her differently or think less of her because of what happened. Having a positive outlook on ones self is so important to their self esteem. Grace needs to know that something bad happened to her but she is not a bad person.