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Topic : 08/13 The Dr. Phil House: Saving Grace

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Created on : Friday, April 06, 2007, 11:30:39 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 04/09/07) Two-and-a-half years ago, Cat and Todd left their 6-year-old daughter, Grace, with Todd’s parents for the night. Little did they know, it would be the night that changed their family forever. Grace’s grandfather, Steve, molested her, and after Grace told her grandmother, Ann, about it, Ann failed to report it. After confronting Todd’s parents, Cat and Todd pressed charges. Steve served eight months in jail and is now a registered sex offender. Neither he nor Ann has seen Cat, Todd or their grandchildren in over two years, but they desperately want to put their family back together. Steve says he’s ready to do what he can to heal his family, but Todd and Cat are not convinced. What does Steve say is his reason for stealing Grace's innocence? Dr. Phil meets with the grandparents and gets to the truth of what really happened, while Todd and Cat watch from behind a two-way mirror. Will the unvarnished truth be too much for them to handle? Can this fractured family ever heal and move on? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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April 6, 2007, 7:28 pm CDT

04/09 The Dr. Phil House: Saving Grace

I was molested as a girl and the man who molested me was allowed back in my life years later.  That choice by my parents has caused me a lot of damage that I am barely now learning to deal with. It caused me to second guess my worth as a human being, caused me to lose trust in my parents...

This man did this, was found guilty, served time and is a registered sex offender. He shouldn't be around ANY children, let alone a victim of his.

Any other parent with this dilemma I'll tell you right now, you will cause your child pain, and yourSELF pain down the line if you let them be with their abuser again.  I don't care if it's family DNA means NOTHING.
 
April 7, 2007, 3:27 am CDT

Saving Grace

Quote From: penny_lady

I was molested as a girl and the man who molested me was allowed back in my life years later.  That choice by my parents has caused me a lot of damage that I am barely now learning to deal with. It caused me to second guess my worth as a human being, caused me to lose trust in my parents...

This man did this, was found guilty, served time and is a registered sex offender. He shouldn't be around ANY children, let alone a victim of his.

Any other parent with this dilemma I'll tell you right now, you will cause your child pain, and yourSELF pain down the line if you let them be with their abuser again.  I don't care if it's family DNA means NOTHING.
Wow this looks like a stressful show they are about to air. But I 100% agree with you, DNA means nothing when something like this has happened. Its not like the grandparents let the kids stay up late, molesting a child is one of a few horrible crimes you can do to a child, and that should never be over looked.
 
April 7, 2007, 7:33 am CDT

There is no way to fix Grandpas UNETHICAL, IMMORAL ERROR!!!!!!!

 

 How dare that pair of "GRANDPARENTS" even get the outlandish idea that there EVER will be a way to "re-establish" any kind of relationship within that family!!!!!!!! 

 

GRANDPARENTS are supposed to be that ..GRAND-PARENTS, you know the kind of older wiser loving people you can ALWAYS count on to have an EXTRA SAFE place to fall when you need them!!!!!!!!    

 

Eight months would never have been enough time to serve for a crime of taking a childs' innocents, damaging her self esteem, trust, ego....on and on....and the GRANDMOTHER...shame on her!! I would have had her thrown in jail as an accessory to RAPE and also register as a SEX OFFENDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 
April 7, 2007, 8:25 am CDT

WHY REPORT CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE WITHIN 72 HOURS

Probably one of the most disturbing facts about child sexual abuse and incest, is that in 80% of reported cases, the mother of the victim was aware of the sexual abuse inflicted on the child, yet did little or nothing about it.  Just how responsible is a parent for failing to report or stop the sexual abuse of a child or family member? 

 

If the sexual assault has occurred within 72 hours of a physical examination, forensic evidence collection should be conducted.  A complete physical examination, including careful documentation of any lacerations, ecchymoses or petechiae, is critical. Physical examination of the oral cavity includes inspection of the hard and soft palate for bruising or petechiae, and inspection of the frenulum for any lacerations that can result from forced oral penetration. 

 

Rape evidence collection kits are available in the emergency department of most hospitals. Evaluation of acute sexual assault may be conducted in an emergency department setting or, if available, at a children's advocacy center. In nonacute cases, the office of the family physician has the benefit of being a familiar location for the patient.  The physician should maintain a gentle and calm demeanor and be considerate of the apprehensive child. It is helpful to explain the examination beforehand to the patient and caretaker.

 

Medical problems include anogential trauma, bleeding, irritation or discharge, dysuria, frequent urinary tract infections, encopresis, enuresis (especially after continence has been acheived), pregnancy, diagnosis of a sexually transmitted disease (STD) and oral trauma. 

 

Children may present with somatic complaints such as recurrent agdominal pain or frequent headaches resulting from the psychologic stress.  Sexual acting-out behavior is the most specific indicator of possible sexual abuse.

 

Child sexual abuse generally refers to sexual acts, sexually motivated behaviors, or sexual exploitation involving children. Child sexual abuse includes a wide range of behaviors, such as: 

  • Oral, anal, or genital penile penetration
  • Anal or genital digital or other penetration
  • Genital contact with no intrusion
  • Fondling of a child's breasts or buttocks
  • Indecent exposure
  • Inadequate or inappropriate supervision of a child's voluntary sexual activities
  • Use of a child in prostitution, pornography, Internet crimes, or other sexually exploitative activities

Sexual abuse includes both touching offenses (fondling or sexual intercourse) and nontouching offenses (exposing a child to pornographic materials) and can involve varying degrees of violence and emotional trauma.  

 

The most commonly reported cases involve incest, or sexual abuse occurring among family members, including those in biological families, adoptive families, and stepfamilies. Incest most often occurs within a father-daughter relationship.  

 

Mother-son, father-son, and sibling-sibling incest also occurs. Sexual abuse is also sometimes committed by other relatives or caretakers.  

 

Consider the possibility of sexual abuse when the child

  • Has difficulty walking or sitting
  • Suddenly refuses to change for gym or to participate in physical activities
  • Reports nightmares or bedwetting
  • Experiences a sudden change in appetite
  • Demonstrates bizarre, sophisticated, or unusual sexual knowledge or behavior
  • Becomes pregnant or contracts a venereal disease, particularly if under age 14
  • Runs away
  • Reports sexual abuse by a parent or another adult caregiver

Consider the possibility of sexual abuse when the parent or other adult caregiver

  • Is unduly protective of the child or severely limits the child's contact with other children, especially of the opposite sex
  • Is secretive and isolated
  • Is jealous or controlling with family members 

The presence of a single sign does not prove child abuse is occurring in a family; however, when these signs appear repeatedly or in combination you should take a closer look at the situation and consider the possibility of child sexual abuse. 

 

 

CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE - DEFINED

 

Child sexual abuse (1 in 3 girls and 1 in 7 boys) occurs among all groups of the population. It happens to children in both rural and urban areas and in all socioeconomic and educational levels, and across all racial and cultural groups.

There is no rule governing the age range between a victim and a perpetrator. Generally, children are sexually abused by adults who are related to them or known by them or their families.

Sexual abuse is forced, tricked, or coerced sexual behavior between a young person and an older person.

Child sexual abuse may consist of any one of the following acts:

1. Nudity 2. Disrobing 3. Genital exposure 4. Inappropriate kissing or fondling 6. Masturbation 7. Oral-genital contact 8. Child pornography 9. Digital penetration 10. Vaginal or anal intercourse

Acquaintance perpetrators are the most common abusers, constituting approximately 70-90% of all reported perpetrators. In sexual abuse cases committed against females, approximately one third to one-half of all perpetrators were related to the victim. Only about one-tenth of the abusers were related to their male victims. 

 

 

Hope it helps!

 

 
April 7, 2007, 9:04 am CDT

04/09 The Dr. Phil House: Saving Grace

Quote From: tiffany_2007

Wow this looks like a stressful show they are about to air. But I 100% agree with you, DNA means nothing when something like this has happened. Its not like the grandparents let the kids stay up late, molesting a child is one of a few horrible crimes you can do to a child, and that should never be over looked.

My daughter was also molested by my husband's sisters' husband.  We prosecuted and he went to jail for 15 year last month.  Now, my husband's parents want us to become a family again.  The problem is that my husband's parents supported the molester, even though he isn't related by blood.  It is a long story, but I am having a difficult time deciding whether or not to subject any of my children to the family again.  I told the molester that he would never be allowed around any of my children or grandchildren ever again.  I don't care how much time has passed.  My daughter comes first.  It is good to hear how this has affected you.  I know not to allow him around ever.  Thanks for putting your story out there.

 

 
April 7, 2007, 9:15 am CDT

No WAY!!

No way should they let them back in her life!  That little girl needs time to heal and feel that she can trust the adults in her life again.  Letting that disgusting, filth back into her life is going hurt her even more and cause her to distrust adults, particularly her parents.  Besides, who cares what those grandparents want??? !!!  The concerns and needs of that child should take precedence over anyone elses wants.  They lost any rights to express their desires when the grandfather caused such harm to that little girl and her grandmother failed to take action by reporting it. 

 
April 7, 2007, 9:30 am CDT

Molestation

In my experience, the grandfather will never admit what he has done, especially NOT on national tv.  Best to keep the kids (both adult and grandkids) away from these people.  The fact that the grandmother never reported the molestation just confirms that she is in denial.  They made their bed, now they need to lie in it.....it's a damn shame that they all have to suffer for one man's warped view of "love"!!!

 
April 7, 2007, 9:34 am CDT

DO NOT LET THAT MONSTER around your child ever again.

Absolutely do not ever let that man near your child.

 

All bets are off with family if they ever harm a child in such a way. How will your daughter feel? She will maybe feel like it is ok for grandpa to do that...we punish him for a while...then it is back to normal. She will lose any self worth she has left. She will lose trust in you to protect her from such evilness. I beg of you not to subject your daughter to this pain and humiliation ever again.

 
April 7, 2007, 9:57 am CDT

let it go, but

I was also molested as a child by my "daddy" and believe me it was not easy having to live in the same house with him all my life.  But, I still loved him in my heart.  I had a lot of mental illness from this and the Lord is the "only one" who saved me from living my life in a horrible way.

Now that is said, I believe they should visit with the grandparents, but never ever let the child and grandfather be alone.  Listen to  every word that is being said between the two.  Let the grandfather know up front that he will be watched and if he ever says or does anything toward this child that he will be punished again.  This child loves  him and it will take years before she comes to realize hate toward him.  Let her be a child.  Trust me, in time this child will heal and be able to live a normal productive life, if the family does not keep reminding the child that she was victimized.  Forgiveness can and does happen. 

If our society really cared for children, molesters would never get out of jail.  When you abuse one of God's children, there should be no second chance, it was a choice the abuser made.  But, since the grandfather is no longer in jail, then life must be as normal as possible for this little girl to heal.  She needs to know her parents will defend her and make her feel safe, even around the abuser. 

If the little girl wants to talk to her parents, they should be there for her and let her know she will be okay.  Not too much of this "your a victim" even though she is, always make her feel okay and not like "it is her fault."  How this situation is handled now while she is young is what she will carry with her for the rest of her life.  Do you want a child to believe she is a victim all her life or that something terrible happened, but by the Grace of God she doesn't have to carry this burden for life. 

If anyone grew up during the time when there was no help, we turned to God for comfort and He never failed us. 

 
April 7, 2007, 10:10 am CDT

You lost your ONE shot at being a grandpa

Quote From: penny_lady

I was molested as a girl and the man who molested me was allowed back in my life years later.  That choice by my parents has caused me a lot of damage that I am barely now learning to deal with. It caused me to second guess my worth as a human being, caused me to lose trust in my parents...

This man did this, was found guilty, served time and is a registered sex offender. He shouldn't be around ANY children, let alone a victim of his.

Any other parent with this dilemma I'll tell you right now, you will cause your child pain, and yourSELF pain down the line if you let them be with their abuser again.  I don't care if it's family DNA means NOTHING.
 I agree, Family means nothing in this case. It only makes it far worst than if it had been a stranger.
Grandpa knew what he was doing and the consequences of his actions long before he even acted on his perverted thoughts and lust.
He was not thinking of her welfare at any time only his lust.He has violated a sacred trust placed in him not only by his grand daughter but also by his Children. He does NOT deserve a place in this young girls life EVER AGAIN.
She has been tramatised for LIFE. This is no longer about him or what he feels or wants or needs. This is all about the little girl (the Victim) and she is entitled to feel safe and seeing him again and being around him will not do that.  
Grandpa has done physical time in jail. How long is your daughter's sentence? do you believe it will be over for her in a few months? Because he has served physical time in prison and says he is sorry it should be alright and she must forgive and forget and go on as if her little life has not been changed for life?
HOW DEAR THEY EVEN THINK OF WANTING A REALATIONSHIP WITH HER AGAIN AFTER WHAT THEY HAVE DONE?
If her parents decide to let it pass and feel he has done his time, Here is a word of advice.
Has you Daughter recovered from her ordeal? Will YOU ever trust to leave her or any young child in BOTH their care and not second guess if it will happen again?

Let him deal with his guilt and sorrow. Let you little girl know she is safe and NEVER the two shall meet again.
As for Grandma, She should have been thrown in jail as well and be on the sex offender registry as well because by keeping silent she was protecting a child molester.

One very angry Mama

 
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