Topic : 08/13 The Dr. Phil House: Saving Grace

I really dislike the fact that people use the term "sick" to discribe this disturbing and twisted behaviour because as we all well know abusers cannot be "cured" therefore how can they be "sick" It is choices that a warped and twisted mind makes.  I find it truly unfortunate that in a way society propagates this. My heart goes out to all you survivors out there!

Michelle

I BEING AN ADULT WAS IN A VERY SIMILAR SITUATION ABOUT THREE AND A HALF YEARS AGO.  MY HUSBAND'S FATHER AND I HAD A GREAT RELATIONSHIP, FROM THE FIRST TIME I EVER MEET HIM. UNLIKE HIS MOTHER AND I, I THINK SHE HAS ALWAYS FELT LIKE I'VE TAKEN HER SON AWAY. MY HUSBAND AND I WILL BE MARRIED TWELVE YEARS THIS YEAR, AND HAVE BEEN TOGETHER ALMOST FIFETEEN. BUT ABOUT THREE AND A HALF YEARS AGO, ABOUT A MONTH BEFORE CHRISTMAS MY HUSBANDS FATHER STARTED CALLING ME WITH SOME VERY OUT OF THE WAY PHONE CALLS, NOT AT FIRST, BUT LIKE THE SECOND OR THIRD CALL STARTED GETTING BAD. LIKE I SAID WE HAD ALWAYS BEEN CLOSE, AND HE NEVER DID ANYTHING OUT OF THE WAY. BUT EACH CALL STARTED GETTING WORSE AND WORSE. THE STORY IS VERY LONG AND VERY UPSETTING, BUT HE WANTED TO MEET ME AT A MOTEL, AND HE WANTED ME TO DRESS UP IN LINGERIE, AND I THINK YOU KINDA GET THE POINT,. I IMMEDIATELY TOLD MY HUSBAND, HE EVEN HEARD SOME OF THE PHONE CALLS. I TOLD MY HUSBANDS BROTHERS AND SISTERS, BECAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO, I EVEN TOLD MY HUSBANDS MOTHER, BUT THEY EVEN BLEW IT OFF AND ACTED LIKE KNOWTHING EVER HAPPENED. IT GOT TO THE POINT WHERE MY FATHER IN LAW CAME INTO MY HOUSE EARLY ONE MORNING WHILE I WAS SLEEPING, AND MY HUSBAND HAD FELL ASLEEP ON THE COUCH AFTER HE PUT OUR GIRLS ON THE BUS. HE WALKED RIGHT PAST MY HUSBAND AND CAME UPSTAIRS TO MY ROOM, AND ASKED ME HOW I WOULD LIKE TO BE MOLESTED IN MY OWN BED, NEEDLESS TO SAY I HAVE LEFT OUT MANY DETAILS, BUT WE ARE GOING THROUGH THE EXACT SAME THING RIGHT NOW.MY HUSBAND HAS CONFRONTED HIM, BUT HE HAS NEVER CAME RIGHT OUT AND SAID HE DID ANYTHING. BUT MY HUSBAND AND HIS FAMILY HAVE ACTED LIKE NOTHING HAS HAPPENED AT TIMES AND THEY ALL ACT LIKE I SHOULD JUST FORGET EVERYTHING AND JUST GO BACK TO THE WAY THINGS WERE. I CAN'T ALTHOUGH I WAS NOT PHISICALLY RAPED, I WAS MENTALLY, AND TRUST ME IT'S JUST AS BAD. I STILL DON'T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH SITUATION.

Been there Honey!  I guess I'm a senior too...52 years old and only recently (within the last 10 years) came to terms with it.  You never really get over it, just learn how to live with it, right?  But it affected every aspect of my life...Now I need to move on.  Life is too short.

PS  I will NEVER forget or forgive my molester..Just doing what I need, to survive!

Love you (and understand!)!

I am not saying that Grace's father could/would/will be a molester.  I understand that there is no genetic link for pedophelia.  However, I know from my own experiences, my great-grandfather molested by mother, was known around town by women not in the family as being a pervert, and one of his sons and granddaughters molested me!  There were just too many signs along the way that showed a history of incest in that family.  It was passed down from generation to generation. 

My point is, molestors seem to be the victims of molestation.  Since I had it happen to me though, I can say whole heartedly that we truly have FREE WILL!  The devil doesn't take over suddenly.  A person may feel the devil drawing him in, but that person still has a choice to make...either to do what was done to them, or to not let the next generation be hurt and refuse to become the abuser themselves.