Dr. PHil,
The story about "saving Grace" was incredible. i am 47 yrs old, and my entire childhood I was molested by my grandad. He scarred me into keeping quiet about it telling me he'd kill my mom if I wasn't " a good little girl". So my childhood was spent being that good little girl to protect my mom. At the age of 11 I guess I had a emotional breakdown, I quit talking except when I had to answer a question. I never threw anything away cause that meant someone I loved would die, I didn't know there was a name for all I did til I went through nursing school in my late 30"s. I had to touch things so many times, when I let go If I was thinking a bad thought it would come true so I kept touching it til I thought something good. Severe anxiety, and FEAR!!!!!!!!My Dr. told my mom I needed help, which she refused to get me. NOBODY EVER talked to me about what was wrong, not once. I remember crying and begging my parents to not make me go with my grandparents to spend the night or a week during the summer but they always made me go. I know the only reason I didn't loose my mind was by the Grace of God. I got married at 18 and was a mom by 19, and I stayed busy so I wouldn't have time to think. I buried it. It was my mom's dad that abused me. Anyway, when I was around 30 yrs old and had 3 kids of my own my parents lived in the same town, small town, that I did and since my mom was an only child they moved to the small town we lived in to retire and that's when I had a hudge meltdown. I fought it for like over a yr, trying so hard to tell myself it didn't happen to me, but it did. I told my parents and family what my grandad had done and nobody believed me, my husband didn't believe me, I was being attacked everyday and I couldn't handle it so I took my 3 kids and moved to a Amarillo, only an hr away from where I grew up. As a young adult I went a yr where I'd only eat one week out of every month. I read and read about all of this and found that I had a hudge problem with fear of abandonment, very hard for me to believe anyone loved me because my grandad told me my whole life nobody loves you if you are bad, only if you are a good little girl, I found I had an enormous amount of shame and anger towards myself. I did pretty much loose it for a few yrs, made bad choices, ect. And my family found it an easy scapegoat to blame everything on me having an affair. The guy I got involved with I had known forever and he was the only one who believed me, and I soooo regret that and I hate myself for doing what I did BUT.....contrary to what my family thinks, I didn't loose it over an affair, that was a symptom not the problem. I was so afraid, I never felt safe, and I desperately needed someone to believe me, and he did. My mom detached herself and told me she was soory about what happened to me and it must be hard for me BUT that she had a wonderful daddy. That only made me feel even more worthless, I wasn't worth standing up for yet he was? My mom thought I should keep going to family get togethers and we'd just keep a close eye so my granddad wouldn't get to my kids. I said NO, I would NOT DO THAT EVER AGAIN!!!!!!!! So he was welcomed there always, not me. I was taken to court by my parents for grandparent rights, well I had told my lawyer everything, when my lawyer brought up why I didn't trust my parents to have my kids without me there and that I knew they would take my kids around my granddad, my parents lawyer had no idea about any of that, just a minor detail they left out. I have found t hat I have been self destructive all my life, overeating, smoking, ect. I didn't understand that til I read more. There was a perios in my adult like that I was hurt so deeply and felt so betrayed that I'd hurt myself by digging my fingernails in me making deep awful sores. I did end up moving to Amarillo, and my marriage ended in divorce which was a hudge mistake. You don't make those hudge decisions when you are dealing with trauma issues. After a few yrs my mom asked me if I'd drop by and let her give my kids a christmas present, so I did and when I went to use her bathroom, there was a picture hanging in the bathrroom of my grandad and grandma, it literally made me SICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have been so self destructive all my life that now my health is soooo bad. I need to see specialists, ect. and I can't even work at this point because I had a wreck a yr ago, that I should have never even survived but it has progressively worse to where now I can't walk far or stand up long before my back hurting so bad and going numb. I don't have insurance or money so I applied for assistance but they won't give it to you unless you are living on the streets. I desperately want to get well, I would give anything to be able to see a Dr. like Dr. Phil to help me once and for all deal with the issues I've not ever had help in overcoming. I desperately want to be healthy, instead of self destructive, and I can't do anything because I have no insurance, and I have a place to live. I would love it if Dr. Phil would help me, I've served a 47 yr sentence and if I don't get help I'll be dead before I'm 50. I did confront my grandad before he died which I needed to do for myself, and all he did was laugh at me, but I went to say what I wanted to say knowing full well he'd never admit to what he'd done. When my parents found out I was gonna confront him, they even warned him I was coming. Well a couple yrs went by and my dad called one night asking me to forgive him for not believing me, my dad said something to my grandad about him hurting me and my grandad told my dad "I guess she doesn't like it anymore", I was beyond enraged!!!!! He died a couple yrs later. And 5 yrs after I told everyone what he'd done, what he was, I had a second cousin call me, she had grown up next to my mom, she asked me to forgive her for not telling because he molested her and then she named every female cousin I had, he got them all. My mom swears he never did anything to her, and she never will. But I will say that I am proud of the fact that of the many, little girls he hurt so bad, I was the only one to expose him and confront him. It came with a hudge price. I didn't have brothers and sisters anymore, My family say I turned my back on them over an affair, yet I know differently, I did mess up like they say, BUT I got overwhelmed and then felt so betrayed when noone believed me that I ran to another town just to feel safe. I'd love to have a chance to tell Grace's parents that I applaud the fact that they believed their daughter, that they have protected her as well, because I know first hand what happens to little girls when they do tell and arent believed or protected. I'd love to tell them exactly what they are saving her from, for them to know what happens when you aren't believed and protected. I would love to be able to help in even a small way to stop this from happening to another little girl, and how vital it is for parents to believe their children and what happens to small children out there everywehre who are never helped or believed like me. The only person I ever took my anger out on was myself. As I mentioned I'd give anything if Dr. Phil could help me get the help I need to resolve the issues that have haunted me for 47 yrs, for him to help me get help overcoming self destructiveness, I desperately need a medical team of experts to see me and see if alot of health problems I have can be fixed or not. It just is a result of yrs of anger with noone to lash out at except myself. and I'd get on my knees an beg if that's what it took. One of the main people I wanted to protect was my daughter, well she has been working with my mom and my own daughter tells me I carried it too far, ect. That I should show my mom more respect. and my daughter believes my families version of what happened. she thinks all I wanted to do was to have an affair, but that's so not true. I was being flooded with flashbacks, nightmares, ect for like 2 yrs before I got the guts up to tell. ANyway, I just wish I had had parents like Grace that would have believed and protected me and I want them to know they are doing so much more than they even realize. They are saving their daughter from so much more, soooo much more.
Thank You,
Vickie Darnell
(Original Air Date: 04/09/07) Two-and-a-half years ago, Cat and Todd left their 6-year-old daughter, Grace, with Todd’s parents for the night. Little did they know, it would be the night that changed their family forever. Grace’s grandfather, Steve, molested her, and after Grace told her grandmother, Ann, about it, Ann failed to report it. After confronting Todd’s parents, Cat and Todd pressed charges. Steve served eight months in jail and is now a registered sex offender. Neither he nor Ann has seen Cat, Todd or their grandchildren in over two years, but they desperately want to put their family back together. Steve says he’s ready to do what he can to heal his family, but Todd and Cat are not convinced. What does Steve say is his reason for stealing Grace's innocence? Dr. Phil meets with the grandparents and gets to the truth of what really happened, while Todd and Cat watch from behind a two-way mirror. Will the unvarnished truth be too much for them to handle? Can this fractured family ever heal and move on? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.
