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Topic : 08/13 The Dr. Phil House: Saving Grace

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Created on : Friday, April 06, 2007, 11:30:39 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 04/09/07) Two-and-a-half years ago, Cat and Todd left their 6-year-old daughter, Grace, with Todd’s parents for the night. Little did they know, it would be the night that changed their family forever. Grace’s grandfather, Steve, molested her, and after Grace told her grandmother, Ann, about it, Ann failed to report it. After confronting Todd’s parents, Cat and Todd pressed charges. Steve served eight months in jail and is now a registered sex offender. Neither he nor Ann has seen Cat, Todd or their grandchildren in over two years, but they desperately want to put their family back together. Steve says he’s ready to do what he can to heal his family, but Todd and Cat are not convinced. What does Steve say is his reason for stealing Grace's innocence? Dr. Phil meets with the grandparents and gets to the truth of what really happened, while Todd and Cat watch from behind a two-way mirror. Will the unvarnished truth be too much for them to handle? Can this fractured family ever heal and move on? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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dogpets
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April 15, 2007, 5:02 pm PDT

Saving Grace Part 1

I tried my hardest to forget what happened to me many ,many years ago, but this show made me remember. I really feel for Grace & her parents. Grandparents are supposed to be like a comfort zone. But that is a joke if you ask me. I had a child of my own years later, & I was very protective of my child. I was scared to let him go to the bathroom alone. He was almost 10 yrs old until my husband told me that he was old enough to go by himself. My husband never knew what happened to me until about 10 yrs ago. I felt this weight go off my shoulders when I opened up to an adult that actually believed me. I had told my mother & she in turn told my grandmother, who was in denial . Till the day she died it was never brought up again. But I was very protective of my own child though. I want to thank Dr. Phil for bringing my feeling up to the surface. Now I need to get the courage to let my grandfather know that I remember what he did myself. Once again ,Thank you Dr. Phil. 
 
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jmsmre
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April 15, 2007, 5:33 pm PDT

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This is a terrible situation that this little girl has had to face. I love my in-laws but i love my daughter more, and the minute i find out someone has touched her in an inapropraite way, i will go out of my way to make sure that it would never happen again. Im sorry, people deal with things in diffrent way, and i deal with things with my way. My in-laws would be DEAD, and i would be in prison, i love my daughter more than myself, and i would make sure NOONE would ever touch her again. Im sorry for this family, and i will pray for them, and i hope they will tell the in-laws to go to hell and to never contact them again. They will pay for what they did, maybe not by any of us.......but these people will have to answer to god one day and and i feel sorry for them when that day comes, but i can't feel sorry for them.
 
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yougtbk
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April 15, 2007, 6:01 pm PDT

04/09 The Dr. Phil House: Saving Grace

Quote From: donsbestgirl

What is wrong with people???? I am so upset about this. These people have lost their minds. The mother seems to be the only one looking out for the welfare of GRACE!!!! Which is the victim here. Did they forget that? This little girl just lost her grandparents, she will have trust issues forever now. And the father is more concerned with loosing his parents then supporting is daughter. This is just very sad to me. These people are not the victims here. Both grandparents need to locked away from children to rot and suffer.... The grandfather for the obvious reasons and the grandmother for allowing it, not doing anyhting to help Grace and also for standing by him through all this. The father needs to pull his head out too, this is your DAUGHTER you idiot! Forget your parents and help Grace. Grace is a defenseless little girl who needs her parents more then she ever will right now and all the you can think about is loosing your father. That is a little strange to me. I would want to kill anyone that ever hurt my child, I don't care who it is. My child is my responsability and only mine, it is my job to keep him safe and healthy. If I can't who will. This is the mind set you need to have. I hope the best for Grace and thank GOD she has her mother... Prayers for Grace!
 Sorry I figured the grandmother for a victumn in this also.  I missed the part where she was helping the grandfather to do it.  I didn't see the whole show.  As for the son parents have an unconditional love for there children. so it should be normal for him to still love his parents.  Love isn't something you can just turn on and off.  I am a christian and I was taught its ok to love the sinner but not the sin.  He is not an idiot for loving his parents. The 4th comandment says to honor they father and mother.  It dosen't  say you have to trust them.
 
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susiebearnut30
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April 15, 2007, 7:42 pm PDT

Saving Grace

I hope like hell,that little girl never has to have those Grandparents in her life....

I was sexually abused when i was little for many many years.A Uncle,Two male cousins and a freaky neighbor....The only ones who knew were my 3 sisters,as they were also being molested...This is something that never goes away.I still rememeber even after25 years..I hope both parents dont let there daughters grandparents back in her life..Once a molester always a molester.And for Grandma what was she thinking? She shouldve told,what is wrong with her?

Grandpa shouldve been castrated.I now at 55 rememeber more and more as i think i had alot of feelings blocked.Now when i get depressed over it i charge and now i am really over my head.No i never got counseling..Please keep up the comments on how to save the victims...
 
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candygirl55
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April 15, 2007, 8:11 pm PDT

Disgusted!

After watching the first segment of the show, I cried. I was sitting there with my 6 1/2 month old daughter thinking how can anyone ever do this to a child. Watching the grandfather made me so enraged! He showed no emotion, no sympathy for his actions, no empathy for the family and his wife sat there acting the same. It just boggles me how a human being can do such a thing and expect it to be ok after two years. It would NEVER be ok. I would never ever advise the victim of sexual abuse to ever be forced or be re-introduced to the sole person who stole their innocence and intentionally hurt them just to get a little self sexual gratification. I just can not get the picture out of my head of the grandfather speaking. He showed no emotion! Not even when Dr. Phil showed them the pictures that the little girl drew. As far as I am concerned, the grandmother is just as guilty. Shame on her for sweeping this under the rug and then for thinking that it can be solved within the family?!?! They should never ever be allowed to have anything to do with the little girl ever again, they made their beds now they have to lay in them. I do not care what they feel was the appropriate thing to do based on their "generational beliefs" they are how old? all it takes is one brain cell to realize that what they did was 100% wrong!
 
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penny_lady
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April 15, 2007, 9:24 pm PDT

04/09 The Dr. Phil House: Saving Grace

Quote From: yougtbk

I also believe they should not be left alone.  A lot of the letters seem to be against the grandmother and she wasn't the one doing it yet a lot of you seem to want to string her up and shoot her.  The big thing people seem to be against is she didn't go running out the house telling people he did it.  It looks like neither did the kid but because you didn't say something right away quick doesn't mean it didn't happen. The victumns in this isn't just the kids. Its there parents, and also the grandmother other grandchildren of the grandfather. He hurt the relationship between the grandmother and grandchildren and children. Hopefully after the granddaughter told her she never let her out of her site while she was there but as far as her beleving he was guilty all people are innocent until proven guilty in a court of law and no wife is required to testify againt her husband.   Why teach us that and then want to through people in jail for following the law.

 

  I don't feel the child should be denied seeing her grandparents but just not leave her alone with her grandfather.

Can I ask you a question?

If this was a stranger who molested this little girl, and it was the strangers wife who covered it up...do you think that Grace should get to see those people again?
 
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penny_lady
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April 15, 2007, 9:33 pm PDT

04/09 The Dr. Phil House: Saving Grace

Quote From: yougtbk

I also believe they should not be left alone.  A lot of the letters seem to be against the grandmother and she wasn't the one doing it yet a lot of you seem to want to string her up and shoot her.  The big thing people seem to be against is she didn't go running out the house telling people he did it.  It looks like neither did the kid but because you didn't say something right away quick doesn't mean it didn't happen. The victumns in this isn't just the kids. Its there parents, and also the grandmother other grandchildren of the grandfather. He hurt the relationship between the grandmother and grandchildren and children. Hopefully after the granddaughter told her she never let her out of her site while she was there but as far as her beleving he was guilty all people are innocent until proven guilty in a court of law and no wife is required to testify againt her husband.   Why teach us that and then want to through people in jail for following the law.

 

  I don't feel the child should be denied seeing her grandparents but just not leave her alone with her grandfather.

"A lot of the letters seem to be against the grandmother and she wasn't the one doing it yet a lot of you seem to want to string her up and shoot her.  The big thing people seem to be against is she didn't go running out the house telling people he did it.  It looks like neither did the kid but because you didn't say something right away quick doesn't mean it didn't happen."

This woman should have immediately taken that little girl out of that home, taken her back to her parents, told them what happened and stayed there until the police showed up so she could give a statement. Anything less is an evil use of her power over that little girl. Those parents left Grace with her grandparent to be TAKEN CARE OF. Not to be molested, not to be molested and then put to bed like nothing happened.

"The victumns in this isn't just the kids. Its there parents, and also the grandmother other grandchildren of the grandfather."

That grandmother WAS a victim in a way too...UNTIL the moment she chose to cover up what happened. Then she became the second perpetrator.

" Hopefully after the granddaughter told her she never let her out of her site while she was there"

She did. She says herself that she put her to bed.

"but as far as her beleving he was guilty all people are innocent until proven guilty in a court of law"

SHE removed that little girls rights when she didn't tell anyone. There would have been no court of law if Grace didn't tell her parents. She should have asked him. Sent Grace home until she sorted it out.

"and no wife is required to testify againt her husband."

But a moral and ethical wife WOULD.

" Why teach us that and then want to through people in jail for following the law. "

You think she followed the law by not telling Graces parents? That's sick.

" I don't feel the child should be denied seeing her grandparents but just not leave her alone with her grandfather."

The ramification of sexual abuse are more than the abuse itself. How do you think Grace would feel as she got older and understood the implications of her parents letting her have a relationship with a man who had her masturbate him to orgasm when she was 6? That her abuse isn't THAT severe.

As a person who has been through it, trust me. The sexual abuse itself was devastating, but the horrible things that went through my child mind when being forced to hang around my molester were worse in many many many ways.
 
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penny_lady
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April 15, 2007, 9:39 pm PDT

04/09 The Dr. Phil House: Saving Grace

Quote From: yougtbk

 Sorry I figured the grandmother for a victumn in this also.  I missed the part where she was helping the grandfather to do it.  I didn't see the whole show.  As for the son parents have an unconditional love for there children. so it should be normal for him to still love his parents.  Love isn't something you can just turn on and off.  I am a christian and I was taught its ok to love the sinner but not the sin.  He is not an idiot for loving his parents. The 4th comandment says to honor they father and mother.  It dosen't  say you have to trust them.
"Sorry I figured the grandmother for a victumn in this also.  I missed the part where she was helping the grandfather to do it."

You don't consider creating a consequence free environment in which to molest little kids is "helping"??? I certainly do.

That's why I think the 4th commandment is moronic. No one deserves unconditional honor...especially molesters.
 
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kathleen27
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April 15, 2007, 10:29 pm PDT

It Isn't Over For Grace

From what I have read on the message board, we all agree that Grace should not be in her Grandparents' lives again.  The show later today will give us more insight into how this is going to play out.  Please, and this goes out to Cat most of all, do not think of your daughter as being incapable of having a childhood.  Truly, she had a terrible experience, but please do not make her all about abuse.  She can laugh, have friends, and be normal. This is the biggest mistake that people make. Her grandfather and grandmother are not normal...Grace is, and should be treated as such.  She has been protected...I hope she will be kept away from her grandparents, as they will be toxic to her. Now it is time to get back to being a child, because the longer this is kept alive, she will be too old to be a kid.  More years need not be wasted.  Life is too short and we all gow up too fast.  Try, for her sake, not to be a defeatest..she can have a good life.  She is not dead, Thank God, she is not cancer stricken, again, thank God, she is not in a burn unit... paralyzed or handicapped in ways that many other children, so unfairly, are.  As long as her parents do not divide loyalty and turn on each other, she will do fine...but no grandparents in the picture.  Both Todd and Cat will need therapy, as I know from personal experience, this tears many marriages apart...this is especially true when the pervert is a member of one parent's family.  It is critical to Grace how life progresses from here on.  The past is unfortunately, something that cannot be undone.  The family needs social support and community involment...these are healthy ways to connect to people and see that life is not all dark.

Todd, I do feel for you.  This man is your father.  You are not to blame.  One day, your life was one way and the next, you lost your dad.  Only you did not get any condolences from anyone...only condemnation for committing the crime of loving your parents.  Please...everyone realize that Todd had to go from 0 to 60 in the worst emotional time of his life.  He had no reason not to love his dad until now.  We can all say how we would feel, but unless you are in it, you have no idea.  Loving your parent does not make you a bad parent...if anything, it shows that Todd's trust was also violated.  It does not mean that he doesn't love Grace...his world has been shattered, and he needs time to absorb this.  Remember, he is a person and he does count.  If Todd falls apart, will Grace be better offf without a father?  I think not.  So give this man some space, compassion...he is also a victim.  The only people I cannot feel anything but contempt, are the grandparents.  The sooner they fade away, the better.  If they are at all sorry, that would be the kindest gesture that they could extend.  TAke off the pressure and make the decision to go away on their own.  Make it their choice,so Cat, Todd and Grace have one less problem in their lives.  If they did that, I would believe that are truly sorry for their unforgivable betrayal.
 
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yougtbk
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April 15, 2007, 10:29 pm PDT

04/09 The Dr. Phil House: Saving Grace

Quote From: penny_lady

Can I ask you a question?

If this was a stranger who molested this little girl, and it was the strangers wife who covered it up...do you think that Grace should get to see those people again?
Yes I do. That should be up to Grace to decide.  I realize she is only 6 so would probably need to be done with court supervision because here it is the molesters that aren't allowed to see the children and not the other way around.
 
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