As I watched the show Saving Grace I became extremely upset, angry, and sad. Sad for Grace, and sad for for myself. Actually I was crying through most of it. I don't think a person who was sexually molested ever really "Gets Over It". It still amazes me how people who do these things to little inocent children ( including pre-teens, and teenagers ) don't think it has any real lasting impact on them. I do not believe that Grace should have to see them ever again, until she is old enough to decide for herself, this after having all of the counseling, and support from her parents, and professionals in the field of sexually abused children. These two grandparents are despicable, the grandmother is as guilty as her husband. She has shown that her alilgance is with her husband a guilty as sin child molester, and to think this is her own grandaughter, how disgusting!
I was molested repeatedly by my uncle. He was my fathers sisters brother. Just to reiterate what Dr. Phil said to this man about how he is no different from the usual stereotype of a molester, my uncle was a highly respected attorney in the city he lived in, was a retired Brigeder General, and a well known member of the church, who took me to Sunday school every sunday , and stood out in front of the church with my Aunt , and grandmother and shook everyones hand.
This started when I was about 4 years old, and went on for years until my Aunt died when I was 11 years old. My parents moved from the city he lived in, and I would spend every other week-end at their house. My father was an alcohalic, and my mother worked, and as sick as this sounds I found their home to be a calming one, because I loved my Aunt very much, and she treated like I was the daughter she never had, and it was a very refined atmosphere, except for the nights.
I now wonder many times if she knew, and did nothing, because back then you just did not talk about anything like sexual abuse, children were to be seen and not heard, and children did not have any rights. I did not tell anyone until I was 21, and that was my husband. I told my Mother when I was 26, and she could not believe it. Not him. Looking back I can see that if I had told someone they most likely would not have believed me, and done nothing, because it would hurt his life, and my Aunt, and my cousin who was away at college, and 13 years older than I was.
I can remember all of this just like it was yesterday. I can remember pretending to be asleep, and holding my legs together, hoping, and praying that he would stop, but he never did. All of this was happening while my beloved aunt was reading in bed, and he was in my room on the pretext that he was reading me a bedtime story, and saying our nighttime prayers. It seemed like he was in there for a long time, but I was only a child. I knew it was wrong, and I felt dirty. I ended up doing something called disassociation. That is where you leave your body in your head.
I do not want to appear that I am on the pity pot. I do not think about it much if at all anymore, but I can tell anyone out there that this has lasting damage on anyone who has been molested , and especially tough on those that were molested ,before there was an openness about talking to children about not letting anyone touch them, or do things inappropriately to them in a sexual way. It is imperative that Grace, and all children who are victims of sexual child abuse get into good therapy, and recieve all of the love, and support they can get. It is also important to remember that sexual abuse not be minimized by the degree of abuse. Just becuase there was not penatration of the penis, it is still traumatizing regardless. This is something that is very important when dealing with this inocent child.
In my experience I had lost so much, to this day I still have horriable issues with self esteem, self worth, and allowing myself to be treated badly by people. I was very promiscious, and was pregnant at 15. I did not do well in school, and do not know how I graduated. I though I was just slow or stupid of which I am not, I fairly high IQ, but I was disassociating in class, and had a hard time keeping up. No one cared to help. Oh I was Secratary of the freshman class, and also went to Tijuana for an illigal abortion in a house on a kitchen table. I remember they asked at the border if this trip was for business or pleasure, and the response was pleasure from my Father, and Mother, and my Mothers sister. The whole family knew about me being pregnent. I was so humiliated. Of course still no one knew about the past. I married the first guy that i thought could take me away from all of it, and he is a good man, but has been very verbally abusive, and has a short temper. I have been with him since I was 20, and I am now 58.
I have never reached my full potential, and at this age have pretty much given up, on ever being a fully capable adult, with a way to take care of myself. I have been full of fears all of my life, but do the best I can to wear a smile, and be loving and kind, and compassionate to all who know, and do not know me. Life is not fair, but I have tried to make the best of it most of the time, but yesterday just hit me really hard. I normally would not take the time to write a letter like this, but I felt compelled to be heard. My Aunt died when I was 11, and the visits stopped, I never thought I would live past 30, but here I am a surviviour. Please Catt, and Todd, Grace is your only priority, and do not let her near this so called grandfather. I am sure my uncle molested his two beautiful little grandaughters, and had this happened to me today maybe I could have prevented it. By the way this uncle became of all things a Juvinile Court Judge in So. Ca. He died when I was in my late twenties, early thirties, and my husband and I went to his funeral. I have never told his only son, my cousin, as he worshiped his father, and I do not see how hurting him now would benefit anyone. He can go to his grave with his loving memories of my uncle, and I will have my own. I pften think of where he would be today if this was happening, and I had someone to talk to , he would be in prison. I try to keep him out of the prison in my head.
As an adendum, I called my own Mother yesterday, and told her to turn Dr. Phil on, and she missed all but the last few minutes, and when I called her to see if she had watched the show, she started to talk about another member of the family that had been sexually abused by penetration of the vagina by her step-grandfather. Nothing regarding me. That mdae my day for sure.
Protect your most precious gift on earth, the children. Thank you for letting me share.
alk abou
(Original Air Date: 04/09/07) Two-and-a-half years ago, Cat and Todd left their 6-year-old daughter, Grace, with Todd’s parents for the night. Little did they know, it would be the night that changed their family forever. Grace’s grandfather, Steve, molested her, and after Grace told her grandmother, Ann, about it, Ann failed to report it. After confronting Todd’s parents, Cat and Todd pressed charges. Steve served eight months in jail and is now a registered sex offender. Neither he nor Ann has seen Cat, Todd or their grandchildren in over two years, but they desperately want to put their family back together. Steve says he’s ready to do what he can to heal his family, but Todd and Cat are not convinced. What does Steve say is his reason for stealing Grace's innocence? Dr. Phil meets with the grandparents and gets to the truth of what really happened, while Todd and Cat watch from behind a two-way mirror. Will the unvarnished truth be too much for them to handle? Can this fractured family ever heal and move on? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.
