Topic : 08/13 The Dr. Phil House: Saving Grace

I know how you feel but do you really need someone else to answer the question for you?  The second her grandfather touched your daughter inappropriately he lost the right  and priviledge to be in her life.  Your daughter was very brave and because she made an outcry many other little girls in your town are safe. 

 

This show re-aired on 8-20, the Friday before I spent all day in court with my ex-husband.  He molested his biological daughter at the age of 11 "just once".  He had no remorse and like the grandfather on the show would NOT TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for his own actions.  He has forfieted his right to be a father to his daughter and a grandfather to her children.  He plea bargained and received 10 years probation, lifetime registration, 30 days in jail, 300 community service, a measly $1200 fine, but lost his daughter.

 

DA's do not indict people on circumstantial evidence.  My daughter was put on the stand and spoke very clearly about what she wanted to see happen to her father.  Go to prison and not ever see him again.  Your daughter is 2 years old.  she may not remember any of this but you will.  Be strong enough for yourself, your daughter and your husband.  forgiving someone is one thing.  You can forgive them without having a relationship with them.  Molesters should not ever have a relationship with their victims no matter the age or family ties.

 

I agree with all of the messages. This is the most dysfunctional family I have ever heard of.

 

I don't know how that child's parents can even sit in the same room with these perverts let alone even consider saving the relationship. That went out the window when Grandpa decided to do what he did. Neither one of the grandparents deserve a second chance, not on my watch. And Grace needs to know her parents are going to protect her. She has four adults who are not willing to do that and that is what she may NEVER get over. She may never be able to trust anyone again on any level. If dad wants to mend this relationship, mom should take Grace and get as far away from all of them as she can. Just explain that her grandparents are not able to act appropriately and you don't continue with sick relationships. That is the best lesson she can learn from this. Then, maybe, she will learn to live a life where she will not allow anyone to treat her with disrespect.

 

I would only consider letting them in Grace's life, if SHE decided she wanted them there and only with a parent in the room.

 hello all readers even Dr.Phil.. love the show .... I JUST CANNOT UNDERSTAND THE FAMILY BECAUSE FIRST OF ALL THE  GRANDMOTHER WAS DEFENDING HER HUSBAND TO ME BUT THE REAL ISSUE AT HAND IS THEY WILL NEVER GET TO HAVE REGULAR FAMILY EVENTS AND MY RESPONSE TO THE FACT THAT HE WANTS THE FAMILY TOGETHER AGAIN BUT HOW CAN HE ASK THAT WHEN HE HAS TAKING AWAY HIS GRANDDAUGHTERS INNOCENTS... THAT SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN ASKED AT ALL AGAIN(MY OPINION) I UNDERSTAND THAT HE HAS BEEN IN TREATMENT FOR 2 YEARS AND I THINK THAT IS GOOD BECAUSE MOST MEN NEVER ADM ITT TO THERE CRIME AND GO ALONG WITH THERE LIFE BUT THE FACT THAT HE WILL NEVER DO IT AGAIN I PERSONALLY WOULDN'T GIVE HIM THE TIME OR DAY WITH MY CHILD BECAUSE SHE WILL BE TORMENTED FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE... I WORK WITH PEOPLE LIKE THE GRAND FATHER IN A CIVIL COMMITMENT CENTER AND FROM MY EXPERIENCE HE WILL THINK ABOUT IT AGAIN... AND WHEN HE SAID THAT THE DEVIL WAS IN HIM YEAH AND IF THEY WERE CHRISTIAN PEOPLE AND BELIEVE IN THE LORD HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN PICKING UP THE BIBLE AND PRAYING TO GET THOSE THOUGHTS OUT HIS HEAD. AND ALSO TO THE PARENTS IT IS A WAY YOU CAN FORGIVE BUT YOU WILL NEVER FORGET. I WISH THEM THE BEST BUT I REALLY THINK THAT THIS FAMILY WAS TORN APART THE DAY GRACE SPOKE UP AND IT'S NO WAY THAT THEY WILL FEEL COMFORTABLE AROUND HIM AND THE MOTHER WILL NOT FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH THE DAUGHTER AROUND THE GRANDMOTHER BECAUSE SHE KNEW. ALL IÁM SAYING IS AMERICA NEEDS TO OPEN IT'S EYES AND UNDERSTAND THAT IT'S NOT ONLY STRANGERS IT'S IN THE FAMILY. AND THE TREATMENT TO ME IS A WAIST OF TIME BECAUSE THE FACTS SHOWS THAT IF THEY COMMIT ONCE THEY ARE MORE LIKELY TO COMMIT AGAIN SO AMERICA WATCH OUT THEY ARE OUT THERE...... 

Don't second guess yourself.  Yes, you ARE doing the right thing for your child, and for yourself.  Could you ever be in a room with your father-in-law again?  God forbid, you just "lost it", and really hurt him.  It could happen, and you'd be good to no one in jail...and yes, they'd lock you up for assault.  My two younger children were molested by my older daughter's fiancee, who became her husband before the children spoke out.  I had really loved him, thought he was the best son-in-law anyone could want.  For the 51/2 years of their dating, he was always at my home...bithdays, weekends, holidays. He was in college, then beginning his career when he began to offend.  My younger ones now are 17 and 19, but then they were 5 and 6.  He did this for about two years, then stopped.  Why, I can't tell you, but from both children's account, it did stop.  They said nothing until after the wedding.  He was never alone in the house with them, but he did go into the rec room and play games...all innocent...so we believed.  He was arrested, as I called the police...it will be 7 years tomorrow.(happy anniversary).  Because of the statutes, the length of time, no physical evidence, they could not prosecute.  My daughter believed him, and has not spoken to any of us in 7 years.  From mutual acquaintances, I learned that I have two grandchildren.  We were a close loving family, there was such a bond amongst us all...then ...bang...it was all over.  I can feel for your husband, because there were days that I had to force myself to function.  The horror of  what happened to my younger ones kept me hopping for about three years.  As they, thank God, got better...a lot of good therapy and a lot of love and support...I realized...someone's missing.  Oh yes, my first born child...the other love of my life.  Your husband is mourning the man he knew, while he probably wants to break his neck.  The woman whom he loved as a mother stabbed all of you in the back...nice.  Please work through therapy with your husband, maybe he should see a doctor to be on some anti-depressants.  He has been split apart, not to minimize the ultimate victim...your child.  But grown-ups are human, too and the loss of a loved one in such an unnatural way, is very painful.  He'd have been better off had they both died.  At least they could be remembered in love...but this is worse.  There are networks for the family, STOP IT NOW has a website.  They offer confidential council by phone, given by trained professionals.  They do not judge you for loving someone, and he may find help through them.  But the best thing you can do is exactly what you are doing...stay the hell away from them.  It seems bad now, but it could be worse...you know what they say about the path less traveled...well, you know the hurt of the road you are on, but any other road, in my opinion, would just be devastating.  Be strong, neither you nor your husband...certainly not your child, asked for this.  He did it, you had to react.  It's HIS fault. Don't for a second doubt yourself or let them make you feel any guilt.  I've been there, and with the loss of her, in ways I still am.  Yet to accept him back into our lives is just not going to happen.  These acts have a long reaching effect...like an ugly root  that won't stop producing branches.  Your father-in-law is a very sick man. Often these people make those around them sicker than themselves.  Don't let him do any more...he's done too much already!

Like many others, I also was molested. 7 years of hell because some man couldn't control himself and his wife looked the other way. My parents also found out and have never apologized or helped me deal with it in any way. I must say that we have come along way from silence to putting at least some of these creeps in jail. I appreciate the mom in this case for having the guts to go through the pain of dealing with a very emotional issue. It takes a lot to face the reality of what happened and admit you did not protect your child. It also means a life of uncertainty for Grace. Of course Grace wants to be normal, she wants to see her grandparents she is a child, let's not forget that, she does not think like an adult. I was molested by my best friends dad, I was 7 when it started, it was full sex of every kind. I didn't have to keep going to his house, but I did, I wanted to see my friend, she was worth it. I didn't even blame him really back then, I just wanted it to stop, I wanted his wife, or my mom, or dad, or God to stop it, I did not think like an adult. It didn't stop until my family moved away. I now see it differently. I understand she can't see him, know they must keep her away. I think they should move and not make it about the molesting, but about a new job or something good for the family. I am happy we moved I have never seen my friend again. I am healing, I will always be healing. It started the day we moved away. Cat has been brave and helped her daughter, Todd has some growing to do but has at least tried to do the right thing. It's hard, abuse is hard on everyone. My relationships today suffer because of my lack of trust. I am working on it but it takes more effort than most people want to deal with. I don't accept blaming my past for my mistakes or pain today, everyone has a past. I'm just glad Grace has lots of time to start her healing. We need to support those like her and her parents. Thanks Dr. Phil for your willingness to share with so many who hurt.

I could not beleave those grandparents. They are both sick people. The grandfather should be in prison for what he has done to that little girl. If that was my daughter I would have no contact with them and I would not want anything to do with them.

I too was abused as a child, by my own father.  Incest was involved, drug ingestion (I was given speed pills by my dad so that I wouldn't remember the abuse), etc.  It was horrible, and to think that the Grandfather and Grandmother of "Grace" think they are entitled to see her in sickening.  My mom knew about my abuse, but covered it up for years.  I remember a doctor telling her when I was eight years old that he had never seen a childs private parts look as bad as mine.  Just as "Grace's" grandmother, my mother ignored it and never turned him in.  The best thing for the child right now is to heal, and her mother seems very intent on helping her do that.  I have been in and out of therapy since I was five years, thinking for years that it was my fault and blaming myself for being too nice to my dad.  I am hopeful that "Grace" will have the loving support of her mom and dad and will be given plenty of time to heal and deal with what happened to her.  Anybody who betrays trust like that does not deserve anything.  They throw all their rights out the window when they make the choice to abuse.  It's disgusting and the only person who truly suffers is the survivor.  I will keep "Grace" and her mom and dad in my prayers.

This is the first time I've posted on here, so I hope I clicked the correct thing. I am just responding to the person that was sort of empathizing with the grandpa.

 

Can't you see through the lies??? He hasn't "humbled" himself at all! Can't you tell that everyone, including the parents, are in disguises to protect their identity? Can't you see that the beard on grandpas face is fake, and he definitely has a taupe on?

I can completely understand why the parents did it, of course to protect their daughter. And I'm sure the grandparents did it to protect their own identity. Now THAT's a cop-out!

 

 However, I am a FIRM believer that if you are convicted of ANY type of sexual abuse, on an child or adult, you should have to have a huge sign in your front yard, a special license plate, and be tattooed on your forehead. In the state I live it DUI offenders are already having to drive around with a special license plate-why not child molesters.

 

IF the grandpa was truly "humble" he would "humble" himself enough to know that he has effected the quality and dynamics of his granddaughters relationships-sexual or not- for the REST OF HER LIFE!! This was NOT a one time boo-boo in her life that will heal quickly. A one time moment of pleasure for dear ol' grandpa, but this poor child will relive that event over and over and over for eternity. And not only will she live the event over, she will replay the questions of "why didn't grandma protect me" for the rest of time as well.

 

If I go shoot someone and kill them, then serve my time, when I get out do I just go up to the parents or family of the person I killed and say, "oh, I'm so sorry-lets all go to Easter dinner next month, then I'll come over to your house for 4th of July?" NO!~! that's ludicrous! No matter how much I humble myself, I would never be forgiven, let alone asked to join them for a get-together.

 

The only reasons grandpa is on the show is to make everyone think he has good intentions, he wants everyone to think he's rehabilitated and, of course, for the free counseling from Dr. Phil.

 

For the grandparents to even ASK to see the child again just shows that they DO NOT have her best interests at heart. What do you think this child would think of her parents??????? "hmmm.....grandpa did this to me, and grandma covered it up, but mommy and daddy want me to be around him again?" WHAT?!?!?!?! Talk about setting her up for failure in suture relationships.....no amount of counseling for the grandparents could EVER erase what was done to Grace.

 

oh boy, I have so much more to say-but I'll stop there......

 

I believe there is hope she has a chance she's all ready getting help she made it to the Dr. Dhil Show. I am a victim of incest my brother for years it was around 53 years ago. I never told anyone you were to scared you didn't talk about it. My mother or sisters never talked about sex or what was or wasn't inappropriate.Grace most be a real strong little girl and her parents are there for her. I'm still bothered by my past I was never able to get the help you need. I think at 56 it will be with me till I die. I think of it all the time it's horrible affects your whole life. My heart aches for Grace it's a cruel world out there no one is safe from sexual abuse it's very scary. Today parents talk openly with their children and it still happens. The man who should be protecting her is the abuser. Unfortunately there is no justice in this world.

 

  I, too, was molested by my father for many years of my childhood. I am now 32 years old and have let go of all the hate and anger from that situation. I have learned to deal with this. I do have a "Father-daughter" relationship with my father now. He spent 10 years in prison over this.

 

 I am comfortable now. However, I am not confortable to leave my kids alone with him. I am never alone with him. In the state of Tennessee, a "SEX OFFENDER" can not have any contact with the victim if they were underage at the time of the offense.  He petitioned the court to be able to have contact with me giving my age. 

 

 From day one my father took full blame. No blaming the DEVIL or anyone or thing for that matter. Grace is never to take the blame. I, personally, knew I wasn't to blame, but there were time that I let ti get the best of me. On the show, Dr. Phil ask Cat if she wanted the full truth or let Grace walk around being the only one knowing the truth..........make the full truth known. I kept a lot of the truth from my mother until I was in my late 20's and to this day, I don't think anyone other than my self knows the full extent.

 

 I feel that until the grandfather takes full responsibility, he should not have any access to her. He needs to acknowledge that he is the devil for doing such an act. How can any of them move on until he steps up and takes that responsibility?