Topic : 06/29 Husbands Ask Dr. Phil

I don't mind my husband looking at other women and admiring them.  That is only natural.  I look at other men.  We have made comments to each other about how another person looks.  Just because we are married doesn't mean we are dead.  The day my husband stops admiring pretty women is the day I will start to worry!

We have been married for 26 years and trust each other.  Trust is the key.  And don't look for trouble.  If my husband says he is working late, I believe him.  And it has been that way since we got married.  If you don't trust your spouse from the beginning, you should not have gotten married.  I have my trust broken, not by my husband but by other men in the past.  That broken trust did not in any way make me distrustful of all men.

I think the woman is just insecure and needs to solve that problem.  In my first marriage I was constantly accused of cheating.  I never did but as time went on I began to think if I was accused of cheating I might as well cheat.  When I realized it had gotten to that point, I decided it was divorce time.  That was the best choice for me.

I agree with you!  If a man has an occupation or hobby before the couple gets married, then the woman has no right or grounds to make him stop.  I have seen this too often.  I grew up in a military town and watched and listened to women whine about their sailor husbands being gone.  Hello! They knew they were in the military before they got married!  Same is true for policemen, firemen, doctors, lawyers, golfers, or sports fanatics.  If you don't like it but think you can change it after marriage, you should look elsewhere.

I would never ask my husband to give up a job or hobby he had before we were married.  You either learn to live with it gracefully or move on.

    If a beautiful lady walks past my husband and he doesn't look.....I'm checking to make sure he has a pulse!!! 

Having grown up in a military family, the "Man in Uniform " lost his allure for me very young, so it often amazed me when I finally went to a civillian school, and spoke to girls who thought there was something Glamorous about it, it actually amused me.

My Father went on Peacekeeping Missions, my mother often sat up nights waiting for him to call, I didn't really KNOW my father until I was ten, because he was gone so much, and then the adjustment to having him around when he was finally posted to a base posting.  I spent most of my childhood moving around ( Military kids have no "Hometowns ").

Now, a woman I know is DEMANDING her husband get out of the Military before he's deployed to Afghnistan, after hearing men were actually being KILLED, hello, what did you think they were doing having a paintball competition ?

Young women, older women whatever, DON'T be seduced by the uniform, or the glamorized versions of these jobs you see in the movies or on TV, the reality is VERY different,  and sometimes tradgic, and if you're already married to him, be proud that you are married to someone that is willing to put his life on the line, or leave.

Thanks, I was also VERY fussy about who I chose to spend my life with and share children with, which to me means, if you want to change something about the person, then maybe he/she isn't the right one.

We both have things that annoy the hell out of each other (what couple dosen't ), but its nothing we can't either a) ignore and hope it goes away (yeah right ) or b) compromise and work on, but change, no because there's really NOTHING I would change about him, its love warts and all.

BTW I LOVE camping, woods and a tent, and I told my son if he graduates High School with honors I'll go skydiving with him (hehe), after two sons with ADHD and a daughter who isn't really a girly girl, I don't have any nerves left to scare I guess (hehe )

Kelly's situation - My take.

I believe firmly that all human beings notice and even observe attractive members of the opposite sex.  However, some do so innocently, discreetly and with respect for their partners and others do so in a very offensive, blatant, even obsessive way that clearly demonstrates a lack of respect for their mate.  I am very much in love with a man whom I trust, respect and admire. I am 98% positive that he will not stray. That said, I often feel disrespected and offended at the oogling and staring that he engages in when I am with him.  I agree men will be men, but there's also a time and a place for such indulgences and that time is not when your lady is at your side.  The other night in a restaurant, as I leaned in to kiss him, he was actually gazing around me to check out the rear view of a lady nearby.  I find no humor in this, nor in his denial of the obvious. His style is described by all who observe this behavior as "staring", not "glancing".  He is literally distracted to the point of interrupted conversations. I have yet to discuss this with a woman who does not feel his excessively wandering eye is absolutely rude. Additionally, his looks are so obvious and targeted that many of his "objects" would be uncomfortable being looked at in such a way.  I have shared my feelings with him and his behavior is not modified. If my feelings are dismissed, what do we really have??  I'm to a point where I enjoy myself more when socializing without him so I don't have to deal with it at all. Kelly's  husband simply needs to exert a bit of self-control and do his drooling on his own time. A pre-pubescent boy may be able to excuse this behavior, but not a grown man who long ago should have learned to control his impulses and urges. I love my partner and I hope through communication that we will find a happy medium with regard to this issue - its a work in progress and I feel we'll meet with success in time.