Quote From: ennylniracKelly's situation - My take.
I believe firmly that all human beings notice and even observe attractive members of the opposite sex. However, some do so innocently, discreetly and with respect for their partners and others do so in a very offensive, blatant, even obsessive way that clearly demonstrates a lack of respect for their mate. I am very much in love with a man whom I trust, respect and admire. I am 98% positive that he will not stray. That said, I often feel disrespected and offended at the oogling and staring that he engages in when I am with him. I agree men will be men, but there's also a time and a place for such indulgences and that time is not when your lady is at your side. The other night in a restaurant, as I leaned in to kiss him, he was actually gazing around me to check out the rear view of a lady nearby. I find no humor in this, nor in his denial of the obvious. His style is described by all who observe this behavior as "staring", not "glancing". He is literally distracted to the point of interrupted conversations. I have yet to discuss this with a woman who does not feel his excessively wandering eye is absolutely rude. Additionally, his looks are so obvious and targeted that many of his "objects" would be uncomfortable being looked at in such a way. I have shared my feelings with him and his behavior is not modified. If my feelings are dismissed, what do we really have?? I'm to a point where I enjoy myself more when socializing without him so I don't have to deal with it at all. Kelly's husband simply needs to exert a bit of self-control and do his drooling on his own time. A pre-pubescent boy may be able to excuse this behavior, but not a grown man who long ago should have learned to control his impulses and urges. I love my partner and I hope through communication that we will find a happy medium with regard to this issue - its a work in progress and I feel we'll meet with success in time.
There is a big difference between discreetly checking someone out and leering, ogling or staring at someone. And out of respect to your partner, you should not be doing the latter in their presence. If what he is doing is obvious enough for the one who is being looked at to observe it, then the person has gone too far. And if it is frequent enough to make the person he (or she) is with feel the the major focus is not on her (or him) then it has also gone too far. I believe that it is disrespectful to leer or gape or ogle another person, or spend alot of time "looking" when in the presence of your partner. And I can see why, when done frequently, how it could make a partner feel insecure in the relationship and question intentions.
Also, is it fair for a guy to give another girl an ego trip making her feel like "I am cuter, prettier, sexier than the girl you are with". I could understand how your girl would feel humiliated. As the above writer said, it is RUDE to give these attentions to other women in front of yur own. Bottom line...if it is obvious rather than discreet you have gone too far.
(Original Air Date: 04/10/07) Dr. Phil talks to husbands who want to set their wives straight! Shane’s dream has always been to be a stuntman, and he can’t believe he now gets paid to do what he loves. But his wife, Marlo, says stunt performing is too dangerous, and the time has come for him to grow up. Is it too late for Shane to play Evel Knievel now that he’s a husband and a father? Then, Jeremy says he’s married, not dead, and he can’t help but notice attractive women. His wife, Kelly, however, says he should only have eyes for her, and they fight all the time over the issue. Can Kelly get a handle on her insecurities before they destroy her marriage? Next, Todd says his wife, Kim, is driving their family nuts with her paranoia about germs. She throws away her kids’ dirty clothes, follows her family around with antibacterial wipes and even wipes down strangers’ kids if they get too close! What is behind Kim’s fear? Plus, can a young couple dealing with infidelity gain back the trust? Talk about the show here.
