Quote From: ninidcatHello Kelly, -
The first thing you HAVE to do is trust your husband. If you can't trust him, move on. Very few adults change lifelong habits, but a few do of course. The one thing that is positive if you continue your present behavior towards your husband is that at some point, he WILL cheat on you. He is having to put up with the punishment, so at some time, his defenses will be low, and he will do the deed. I have been married to a commercial airline pilot for close to 40 yrs. and jealousy was never part of the equation. How could I have kept an eye on him anyway!! In a good person, trust builds trust. In our industry I have seen many good men whose wives badgered them all the time finally give in and do it. It is still the man's responsibility but he can tell himself you drove him to it and so it is your fault, which is bogus reasoning.
When my husband looked at a pretty girl, told me about one on a trip, etc. I knew I got the benefits of that look. I knew he wasn't a skirt chaser and I had to believe that, and I did. If a pretty girl flirted with him when I was around, he and I would have a secret smile that meant good things for me. I was rather amused, and a little proud, when some pretty woman set her sites on him because I knew he was mine. I never got angry so he included me in the stories and shared the encounter. We both knew it wouldn't go any further. One wealthy woman a long time ago, just wouldn''t let him alone. She continually walked by our house, ignored me in social settings etc. WE chuckled about it, and one day when she was flirting in front of me, I told her that I would loan him to her for one evening if she would give me all the beautiful gold bracelets she wore. My husband was there too, and I was not angry when I said it, and it made no difference in her behavior, but it was worth a laugh many times over the years.
One of the most important things you absolutely HAVE to know about yourself is that you are worth his fidelity. If he truly strays, it has nothing to do with you. If you continue your bad behavior though, he can use that as an excuse, but in real life, a real man would tell you that he can't take your jealousy, and proceed to a divorce. It is his flaw and bad behavior and he has to forgive himself, or he will always repeat the behavior. No one can blame bad behavior on anyone else. It would be very difficult to get over if he really did stray, and, like Dr.Phil says, if there are children, you have to earn your way out of a marriage.
Be proud that other women notice him. It is easy to make what you consider a bad thing into a positive thing in your relationship. Of course all I am saying only holds true if you know he isn't a habitual skirt chaser, and if he is, get out while you are young.
Over all these years, my husband has come home from his trips and shared what happened with me, including girls that knocked on his door. If I flirted with men in front of him or not, he knew I always went home with him, or alone, and loved him only. He and I both knew that nothing would happen that wouldn't happen if the other was sitting right there.
Your marriage isn't worth much if you can't trust each other. And if either of you decides to cheat, it is your own fault, not your spouse's.
TRUST IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN A MARRIAGE, and if you don't have it, your marriage will always be on a shaky foundation. You need to find out why YOU have this attitude and progress from there, or you will not have a good marriage or relationship with any man.
Good Luck,
Ninidcat
Trust is the most important thing in a relationship...i agree with you 100%!!!!...who cares if the guy looks...
(Original Air Date: 04/10/07) Dr. Phil talks to husbands who want to set their wives straight! Shane’s dream has always been to be a stuntman, and he can’t believe he now gets paid to do what he loves. But his wife, Marlo, says stunt performing is too dangerous, and the time has come for him to grow up. Is it too late for Shane to play Evel Knievel now that he’s a husband and a father? Then, Jeremy says he’s married, not dead, and he can’t help but notice attractive women. His wife, Kelly, however, says he should only have eyes for her, and they fight all the time over the issue. Can Kelly get a handle on her insecurities before they destroy her marriage? Next, Todd says his wife, Kim, is driving their family nuts with her paranoia about germs. She throws away her kids’ dirty clothes, follows her family around with antibacterial wipes and even wipes down strangers’ kids if they get too close! What is behind Kim’s fear? Plus, can a young couple dealing with infidelity gain back the trust? Talk about the show here.
