Topic : 04/12 Twin Tug of War

I feel so validated right now. I suffered from severe HG in all of my pregnancies and at various times just wanted to die. My faith got me through 2 times and I now have a 2 year-old son and an 8 year-old daughter. 

During my daughter's pregnancy, my doctor sat down and gently suggested that I consider terminating or risk death to myself and/or my fetus.  Only through the Grace of God was I able to turn down her suggestion and kept going after several hospitalizations, various medications and an iv line at home. I even worked during the second trimester but could not due so for the first and last. I felt better immediately after giving birth to her, on her exact due date, and was able to nurse her right away. I went on to nurse her for 17 months and she is very healthy to this day.

My son's pregnancy was more severe and left me out of work on unpaid leave for all but the first few weeks of  the first trimester. My sickness lasted until I had to have an emergency c-section at 36 weeks after going into labor and my son being breech. All things considered, he is ok, but did not latch on, and does not enjoy the same immunities my daughter does.

It is true what a wonderful doctor told me, "The baby get's what he needs from you, one way or another. That is whay you are so depleted". 

Years later, I still don't feel fully recovered. Seems like those experiences took a lot out of me. I am terrified of getting pregnant again and my husband and I each use birth control. Still my libido is not what it used to be out of fear of an accident, if you will. I could not bear another pregnancy. Many people close to me thought I was crazy for having a second child and putting myself through that again.  I was a single parent for my daughter's birth but had the support of my husband for my son's. My husband did everything for us and was there for me. But our new marriage was under great stress and it was very hard for my him. He had never seen a pregnant woman suffer like that.

Most doctors are perplexed by the DISEASE (yes, it is a disease and the good Dr. Phil was assuredly correct in calling it such) but they try to be as helpful as possible. One of the most effective drugs is illegal most places, but that is a whole "'nother " topic itself. Those in the medical profession who "poo-poo" HG are dangerous. That is why this show and many more are critical. Money to fund research is necessary. Public awareness is necessary. Compassion for the women and families and unborn who suffer from HG is essential. Help is over due.

I feel for Allison and the children and believe that the lawyer and adoptive prospective parents should have recognized she was not legally represented and that she was having serious doubts.  I can't believe the law in Florida that doesen't even give a person an hour to change their mind about what is probably the most important decision they'll ever make. That has got to change.  And this is coming from a mother who has adopted three children! 

We have had birth parents change their minds and have gone through the grief of returning a child we had named and loved.  But we believe firmly that adoption should only occur when the birth parent(s) are certain it is the best choice.  We have also always paid for post-adoptive counselling for the birth parents to ensure they are mentally okay afterwards.  We want them to move on and have the best possible lives they can, not spend the rest of their life being grief stricken, suicidal or regretting their decision.   In our area birth families have 30 days to change their mind - sometimes longer as it is actually 21 days following the 8 day signature.  If the mother doesn't sign on day 8, it is 21 days from whenever she signs. 

With our third child, his birth mother was still very weak from the delivery and while she went to her lawyer on day 8, she cried, said she was really tired, and didn't feel in the proper frame of mind to make her decision.  We were terrified but there was no question that we would of course allow her time to recover and think everything through.  The relief was palpable on our part when on day 15 she finally signed, but as stressful as it was for us, it must have been so much harder for her and it was not only her right but SHOULD be absolutely her right to take all the time she needed. 

I kind of wonder what the adoptive parents in Allison's case were thinking?  Were they so desperate that they took advantage and just allowed themselves to remain in denial about what she was going through?  Or were they not informed in the first days of her remorse and desire to raise the children?  At this point I am sure they are so attached and love those children so badly that they can't let go.  But they could have and should have at the very beginning.  I've done it, it is incredibly hard, but it was the right thing to do both legally and morally. 

I don't know at this point what is best for the children.  They are attached it seems to Allison and I'm sure they are equally if not moreso attached to the couple currently raising them.  They need independent representation at this point.

I do wonder where the sister was and why she couldn't have raised the twins until Allison was healthy again - she never said why she didn't offer or why that wasn't a consideration?  Or why if she wasn't able to, could she not at least have assisted her sister through the legal process in the beginning rather than have her go to the lawyer by herself....?  That part doesn't make any sense to me.

I had certainly never heard of this disease before today and have the greatest sympathy for women that suffer from it.

I would wonder how much to boyfriend was paid for this pre-arranged adoption

Thankk you!  Your post made me cry.  You don't know how wonderful it is to see someone who didn't know about this disease actually acknowledge it and and our suffering.  Bless you too!

My story:

9 years ago I became pregnant with my first child. I was excited and scared. By week 6 I was also very very sick. My doctor told me it was normal and to suck it up and get over it. My mother told me that the sickness was a sign from God that i should terminate and not have the baby. After weeks of being deathly ill, I began to believe my mother and I made the termination appointment. Something made me change my mind. I never showed up for that appointment and I am so glad I didn't. I continued to be ill. I lost a total of 50 lb during that pregnancy. I was in the hospital for fluids several times and was told to "just drink water until the vomiting stops". I was a single mom living by myself with no knowledge of disability or FMLA. I was forced to work through my entire pregnancy at a fast food restaurant of all places. It was so miserable. I was always in drive-thru and I am sure we lost many customers due to having to hear me vomit over the intercom. I was told that if I didn't stop getting sick at work that I would lose my job. As if I was doing it on purpose! I didn't begin to feel better until almost 2 weeks after giving birth! I was afraid that my body was so used to constant throwing up that it would never stop. My daughter was worth it all.

3 years later I got married and we decided to try for a baby. 1 month after the wedding I found out I was pregnant. I was sick almost immediately. Then we found out it was twins. I did lose my job that time. My boss happened to be pregnant also and she told me that she was sick and she didn't let it get in the way of her job. Maybe she felt sick, but I sure didn't see her running to the bathroom every half hour. This time my doctor at least prescribed me 2 weeks worth of meds after the first time I was in the hospital for fluids. They thought I was losing the babies. By week 16 though, all was well and no more meds were needed. I classify that pregnancy as NVP. I don't consider it HG. I gave birth to 2 very healthy baby boys.

This time last year, I found out I was pregnant yet again. This time we were in a different state and I finally had a different doctor. I didn't have health insurance, so i toughed out the sickness until I was able to be approved for medicaid. I didn't get in to see the doctor until 10 weeks. By that time I had been vomiting for weeks. They took one look at me and didn't even do the exam. They sent me straight to the hospital for fluids and meds. I was diagnosed with Hyperemesis Gravidarum. Finally a NAME for what was wrong with me! Finally someone believed me that it wasn't just morning sickness! Unfortunatly my insurance company through medicaid would not pay for the zofran ande I was stuck with no meds. I got sooo sick! I ended up with a home care nurse and a home IV. The doctor was able to get me a different medication which helped. Now that I had a name for my illness, I got on the computer and googled it to see what i could find out. I found HER. This site saved my life and my sons life. If I had not found this place and these wonderful women, I would have terminated for sure. The HG nearly ruined my marriage. I was off work for 6 months on 50% dissbility. My husband lost his job because he had to stay home and take care of the kids and me. Our finances went so down hill that we faced forclosureon our home and had both vehicles reposessed. My 7 year old daughter had to stay home from school some days just to help me out with the twins who were 3. She is so self sufficient now as a result. I felt like a failure as a mother and a wife. I wished for miscarriage. I wished for my own death. By 20 weeks I felt much better, but I still required meds for the entire pregnancy. This time I delivered a beautiful little boy.

Now, 3 months postpartum, I am dealing with the after effects of 3 horrible pregnancies. HG doesn't end when the pregnancy ends. Its effects will last forever. I am now dealing with PTSD and PPD as well as many physical effects.

My husband and I wanted a very large family. This will not happen now unless we adopt. Its just not fair.

There is so much more to my story than what is just written here. I wish I had the time and the energy to write it all out.

I believe wholeheartedly that had Allison Quets not has HG, she would never have been persuaded to give her babies up.  I hope she gets them back.  My prayers are with her.

I am so glad that this show came on today. I had my last (#4) child five years ago and to watch this show all I could do was sit there and cry when they showed the young lady going through HG. I swear I thought I just wanted to die while pregnant. I even asked my doctor for an abortion (had lost my mind) in the fourth month of pregnancy. My situation was just like the young lady who had to have the I.V, Zofran pump, a daily nurse and by the time I was in my fourth month I had to see my doctor every 2 weeks. Each time I visited my doctor I was hospitalized for severe dehydration and etc.  The Zofran pump, thank God for it, cut down my throwing up to about twenty times a day and yet the Zofran made me constipated everyday. It isn't cool having a nurse dig rock hard feces from your buttocks.

And then for the next person, including my husband to tell me "Just think more positive, it couldn't be that bad, I could have killed. For real!!! Even today I am still mad at my husband about that comment.

Being a light skinned African-American women, by the time I had the baby I looked like a ghost.  Everything was drained from me. I looked like a bag lady. Had bad breath because I couldn't brush because the toothpaste made me throw up and the toothbrush gagged me. Took water baths because the soap made me sick. No cooking in the house unless well ventilated. The list could go on and on, I just wanted to die. Unless you have gone through it you will NEVER imagine what a women with HG is going through.

I will say after having to go through this four times, with each time being worse, know the possibilities that this can happen to you EVERY TIME!!!!

I now have Fibromyalgia and it is stress related. Doctors think it is from the four bouts of HG and having post-partum depression and trying to deal with PPD on my own.

For any woman that is going through this I am praying for you. Dr. Phil thanks for putting the spotlight on HG because for many years people thought that I was faking. Thank you!!

I get how the desperation of wanting children can lead you to not want to give the children back, but come on! Why do these potential adoptive parents refuse to give the children back and then go to court for years on end only to be told to give the baby back? If you really had the best interest of the children at heart, you would not try to adopt a child whos parent clearly is either on the fence or was pressured into it. Yes it is heart breaking, but wouldn't you sleep better at night knowing that the parent gave you the gift of a child freely? I just don't get it. I pray she gets her babies back. This should have never been allowed to go on this long. Shame on FL lawmakers for putting women and children in this situation. I think there needs to be a march on Tallahassee to get these laws changed.

I wish I would have know about HG 19 years ago while I was carrying my daughter. I was sick right from day 1 until  an hour before I delivered.Told my Dr. but he never helped. Then it happened again when I was carrying my 2 sons but not as bad.Now that I know about HG I will be able to watch out for my daughter if and when she decides to have kids,and maybe she won't have to suffer like so many of us have. 

 Dr. Phil I saw your show today about the Tug OF War and the disease Hyperemesis.  I am a Mother of two girls and I had the disease with both children.  I can not express to you the torture I felt from being so sick and trying to be so happy at the same time.  I can only say that this is very serious disease and thank goodness for the support I had from my family and my OBGYN, or I might have not made it.  I hope in the future that there is a cure or some other medication that will help other expecting mothers be able to enjoy their pregnancy and not wish they had made a horrible choice.  To any mothers out there that are going through this right know please know that you are not the only ones and that there is light at the end of the tunnel!!!!!  I really hope that this mother will be able to be reunited with her children and find love again.

Thanks,

Melinda  Aurora, Colorado