Topic : 04/12 Twin Tug of War

I have to agree with Camera.  I also have to criticize Dr. Phil.  The adoption side of this should not have been discussed, unless the adoptive family was there to defend themselves.  How many of you all have adopted children??  I HAVE!!!  I can't have children of my own, so I adopted, but I adopted internationally because of my fear of this exact situation.  I didn't want a birth mother coming back and saying, "I changed my mind. I want my baby back." 

The adoptive family was actually very gracious.  They had an open adoption, but they went above and beyond the call of duty and look what it got them.  Their adoptive children kidnapped at Christmas.  The only "Parents" these toddlers have known have been the adoptive parents.  I still worry about my two yr old, she was adopted at 10 months from China.  Even at such a young age, there can be attachment issues. 

Another part of this I would like to address.  Where was her family, sister and everyone who is there in the media supporting her now??  Where were they when she was having so much trouble.  The only person supporting her was an ex-boyfriend?? 

If you can share some documentation of detachment and paranoia in a large sample size of children moved from one home to another at 18 mos, then I will stand corrected.  If not, then I don't think your own situation is representative of what would happen to the Quets twins.

Contact any adoption agency, especially those specializing in waiting children, older children, special needs children or international adoption.  BEtter yet, talk to a social worker.  It does happen.  Look up reactive attachment disorder.  You stand corrected. 

Florida does not have a waiting/cooling off period.  If Ms. Quets doesn't like the laws in Florida, then maybe she should do something to change it. 

Kara

For those of you who have read other messages by me in regard to other topics, you may be very surprised by this one.  I have not seen the show yet, but I read the transcript.  Admittedly, I was stunned to hear of this disease for the first time.  I never had even a vague idea.  To all of you who have suffered so much due to this condition I just want to say bless every one of you.  It is beyond me to fathom the depths of this illness and all its ramifications.  Thanks to Dr. Phil for letting ignorant people such as I become more aware.  In only reading about it, I feel emotionally drained.  I don't normally do this, but all the victims of this will be prayed for by me.  It is all I can do. 

I will probably post my ever present opinion about the case on the program, but that is secondary to this.  Thanks for reading.

I'm a mother of four year old twins and this story captured my heart.  I myself had a terrible pregnacy and almost died after having my children.  This women was in no position to put these children up for adoption.  I blame the legal team of the adoptive parents.  When she had to call 911 after signing the paper work, that had to ring a bell! 

I remeber coming home after having my twins and sitting in the car with traffic going by and putting my head down because the motion mad me so dizzy.  Four days later I landed back in the hospital with strock level blood pressure.  I was 115 when I got pregnant one week after birth I was 210 pounds and it was prue fluid.

I believe Allison came home sick and emotionaly drained.  She should have been flooded with help with the children and someone should have taken her hand and said "Your body and mind will heal and everything will be fine just rest."  Instead someone drove her to a attorney office with people waiting to make good on a bad situation.  I beleive these people seen two beautiful babies and didn't reconize the fragile lady that sit beside them. 

She took those children and left the country, that's a mothers desperation.  At that point she had no care for the Justice System because they failed her from the start. I myself wish she would have never been caught.

I hope the sun will shine on this lady soon and her nightmare will be over. 

Florida does not have a waiting/cooling off period.  If Ms. Quets doesn't like the laws in Florida, then maybe she should do something to change it. 

Get real.  That is your solution????

I donot believe that would change the situation.   I agree that her family should have been there to support her and everything else but there is in fact a reason that most states have adoption laws where the birth mother has some time to let the decision sink in.  Becuase they do not want the birth mother to make a PERMANENT DECISION based on TEMPORARY Circumstances.  I know many adoptive parents and I know that they love their children and have in fact been able to bond with their children.  This particular birth mother was making a decision when she was not in fact in her "right" mind. 

I can appreciate that as an adoptive parent you would not want the birth mother to come back.  I can appreciate that you adopted internationally and were able to help a child in need.  I would like to believe that you adopted internationally more to make sure that you gave a child a better life -- many little girls in China are abandoned and therefore you are probably not going to have the issue with the birth mother.  The issues that these children have is more  because they were abandoned.

This is a completely different situation and the "adoptive" parents should be ashamed of themselves for continuing on with this when it was obviously known that she was coerced into this decision.  The attorney's were completely unethical.  The papers may have been signed but the second she changed her mind in the office they should have been shredded.  You may think I am harsh for or unfair to the adoptive parents but they KNEW there was an issue and yet they did nothing about it.  You feel that they were gracious????NO they were being selfish.  They knew she did not want to give up her children and yet the decided to go on a technicality of a law....they did not look at the best interests of the children. Those children are going to grow up and they will learn all about this and you know I have a strong feeling that they will end up resenting the adoptive parents.  I hope and pray that the "law" see's the irrrationality of the decision's that are being made and reverse them before they are too late!

And finally.... your statement

Contact any adoption agency, especially those specializing in waiting children, older children, special needs children or international adoption.  BEtter yet, talk to a social worker.  It does happen.  Look up reactive attachment disorder.  You stand corrected

As I said before the special needs of internationl adoptions has more to do with the circumstance that the child came from (abandonment....severe poverty...lack of resources to care for the children like they wish they could in the orphanages....) then they do with anything else.  The same with older chilren....abandonment from their parents.  This is a case more like being STOLEN from the parent.  The birth parent never gave up her rights...She never ABDANDONED her child. Please do not compare apples to oranges!

This woman is a pregnancy/childbirth/postpartum survivor. Yes, it is a continuum! 100 years ago, she would have died. But Allison survived. I hope she gets a jury of women peers--because only women can know experientially the life-threatening risk of childbirth, in any age of medicine. She sought her children before they were conceived. She struggled to survive giving birth to them. These are both profound evidence of her love and intention for her children. So she went to Canada to be with her children when the courts failed her. What mother wouldn't do anything if she felt it was in the best interest of her children--even give them to people who could take care of them if she couldn't. That is obviously where she was in trying to love them while in a physically/mentally/emotionally constrained condition. And now she's behind bars because she's well enough to take care of them and can't live without their knowing her as their mother. It's ridiculous how our legal system doesn't have fitting recourse in consideration of the issues that women face in childbirth. How can the custodians of these children keep them when they know Allison's circumstances? What can they say, except ,"They know us and need us...and we love them." But they know and need their true mother. Every day they are kept away from her is a moral crime. And the babies will pay the greater price for that crime if returning them is delayed. I have no doubt it will be heartbreaking for the custodial parents, and even for the children for a short time. It doesn't seem fair, and it's not. But it is what it is. It is a very sad story about a woman who almost lost her life and has lost her children, at least temporarily, because of her ordeal. Allison and her children belong together. I hope the custodians will love enough to do what's right and return Allison's children to her. Plus, I hope the common sense of objectively understanding people (hopefully women), and legal respect for women's childbirth issues, will prevail. Thanks for reading.

I have seen with cases like this, as with many other cases, where the legal system in this country seems to have no common sense. 

From what I've heard, other countries more recognize post partum depression when it comes to cases where moms harm their children.

I agree with others who say 'where is the help for these women before somethng terrible happens'. 

It sounds to me that Allison was an ill woman who was taken advantage of instead of helped, and is now being punished by a system that that needs to look at themselves as the ones in the wrong....not Allison.

My first pregnancy was normal, I had my son at 19. But from the third week I was sick with my daughter, whom I didn't get pregnant with till I was 30. I was hospitalized 5 times for dehydration, 4 for pre-term labor. I had difficulty getting pre-natal care because of it, and the fact that I was on Medicaid. I had 2 doctors drop me as a patient, and finally had to travel almost 150 miles to find one to take me. I lost 30 pounds, gained back the 30 after the medicine with only a net gain of 10 pounds.

I finally got the last doctor that dropped me, to prescribe me Zofran, which I took until delivery. Praise God my daughter was born healthy, at 6lbs 1oz...........

I know I already have two, but I want another child so bad, I'm not so sure it's worth it. I am a staunch anti-abortion person, but even it crossed my mind.

Even now, certain smells, foods, sounds and even a video game my husband played while I was sick makes me nauseous. LOL my daughter was even in a ER room last week (for a bout of tonsilitis) that I was treated in, and it made me sick to my stomach to be there.

I am still, over two years later, having some lasting effects from that.

May God bless you all, and I hope a treatment is found soon.