Topic : 04/12 Twin Tug of War

Do you TRULY think that Allison at age 45 started her quest to become a mother and went thru the costly and time of fertility treatments with the expectation she'd give up her babies on the other side?

No. That doesn't make any sense does it.

The answer to your question is....

Allison didn't know about Hyperemesis. She didn't know she'd end up with severe, life threatening complications from which she is lucky to have survived. She thought she would be pregnant, have a baby (probably didn't anticipate the twins part), and go home to love and raiser her child. Fate threw her other circumstances, ones she never could have forseen. There's no test you can take that will tell a mom "if you get pregnant" you might die.

She wanted to be a mother. She waited until she was in a place in her life where she thought she could do it, she made a lot of reasonable decisions. A life threatening illness cost her her health, both physically and mentally. The illness, the mental depression and post traumatic stress put her in the place where she made the bad decision to adopt her children out. It was her illness.

Dear Dr Phil,

I have tried so many times in the last few days to find the right words to tell my story of Hyperemesis to you. And, each time I try, I end up deeply upset, unable to find the right words to convey a story of such misery, hardship and loss.

I am a 3 time Hyperemesis Survivor. And yet I only have 2 live children. I lost one baby to the battle I was unable to win. A life gone due to severe uncontrollable hyperemesis that ended with a therapeutic termination. I cannot even begin to tell you how deeply it rocks and hurts ones soul to have to make a choice between your own life and responsibilities to an already live child and the one you are carrying and growing, that you planned for and very much wanted. Its simply beyond not fair. And, the pain, regret, sorrow and anger is something that continues to plague me on a daily basis.

I spent nearly all of my pregnancies being attached to IVs for if not part, sometimes the whole 24 hour period. I was getting everything from hydration to TPN to sustain my life and my growing baby’s life. And, that doesn’t include the countless maximum doses of medications like zofran, phenergan, Pepcid. And sadly, even with all of these interventions, I was barely at a point where I could function, still profusely vomiting several times a day, and severely depressed by outlook that this would continue daily for months and months.

Hyperemesis deserves recognition and needs public awareness, especially in the medical community. Before my first pregnancy, I was blissfully unaware that hyperemesis ever existed. And, during those first few weeks of pregnancy, before I was sick, I don’t think I was ever happier in my entire life, so eagerly awaiting and anticipating the joys to come of my child. And, then the sickness started. And, like countless others here, I was told it was morning sickness, and was made to feel several times over that I was just “weak” and incapable of dealing with something so minor. Drs were slow to do anything, not believing the degree of sickness I was going through. My husband told me later he was never more scared in his life, as he said I was dying and disappearing right before his eyes, and couldn’t get anyone to help me. Even family members were less than supportive, telling us both to eat crackers and drink gingerale. And, that I was basically doing this to myself. Nothing like making someone going through a life threatening illness feel even more alone and scared, and uncared for.

Despite multiple hospital admissions, home health care with my own visiting nurse through my entire pregnancies, and hundreds of thousands of dollars being spent, I am the proud mother of 2 amazing little girls who I wouldn’t trade for anything in the world. I will never be pregnant again due to Drs recommendations that its unwise and unsafe to attempt another pregnancy due to my complications with severe hyperemesis and also pre-eclampisa. Hyperemesis has taken so much from me. Its changed the person I am. It needs validation, recognition and education in the medical community. And, for finally bringing it into the spotlight, I thank you deeply from the bottom of my heart.

Regarding the Allison Quets case, my heart simply breaks for her. I too have been at those breaking points where you cannot make rational decisions due to this horrible disease. It disgusts me that she was forcefully pushed to sign adoption papers when she was in an extremly fragile state. I pray that someday she is reunited with her children. 

Is there no end to the hurt hyperemesis causes? I dont know one survivor that still isnt hurting deeply in some way from this horrible disease. Thank you for  finally recognizing it publically.  

Sincerely,

Robin

3 Time Severe Hyperemesis Survivor
2 Time Pre-Eclampisa Survivor (one time severe)
Mom to a 4 year old healthy Full Term Daughter, 14 month old healthy premature Daughter, and one Angel awaiting me in heaven

Dear Dr. Phil,

I just want to thank you for giving us the time on your show and letting us share the stories of this terrible condition that has caused so many women’s lives, some that I even know and love, to come crashing to a screeching halt. Hyperemesis is one of those conditions that is so misunderstood, and so little understood by doctors, that in some cases it's dangerous for both the mother and child involved. Without the right treatment it can lead to disastrous consequences.

Hyperemesis Gravidarum isn’t just a condition. It controls you and your families lives for most if not the whole pregnancy. It has made me change my mind about how many children I want and how many years to space them apart. HG also controls so many other aspects of your life from finances to your relationships with your loved ones and friends. Since this condition is so rare, so many just don’t understand it. You're suffering and they think you're either over-reacting or making the whole thing up but that’s not the case. So, I thank you for taking the time to teach others about this horrid condition.

My story started almost a year ago. My husband and I found out that we were pregnant after we thought I had come down with the stomach flu. But what it turned out to be was so much more. I was pregnant with our first child and suffering from a condition that I had never heard of in my life and was scared out of my mind. My days went from being bad to down right horrible. I was hospitalized multiple times and ended up loosing around 40 pounds, from my original weight of 120. I was put on medications that seems to help some but never made it totally go away. Then our worst nightmare happened, on July 26th. We had gone in for a regular ultrasound earlier that week and we found out the baby had stopped growing and that we lost our beautiful baby boy at 17 weeks gestation. I felt like my whole world was coming to an end. To this day we don't know what caused it to happen, only God knows, but the severity of my HG probably played some part in it.

Then two months a miracle happened.  We found out that we were pregnant with our second child and then the HG started all over again as well at 8 weeks. This pregnancy wasn’t as severe as the first, but it's still been extremely difficult. I’m on a PICC line for my medications. I’m also on TPN, which gives me the nutrients both the baby and I need since I can’t eat enough to support myself let alone both of us. I’m currently almost 26 weeks pg with our little girl and am still suffering from HG.  HG might not be a condition you hear of very often but the women and families that it does effect it, it changes our lives. 

~ Brooke
 

Dear Dr. Phil, Viewers and Guests,

I just wanted to take a minute and tell my story as a friend's point of view of this terrible medical condition of HG. 

My best friend in the entire world is not only a sufferer, but more importantly a survivor of HG.  I was able to witness first hand the intensity of this horrific disease.  To watch someone you love so much suffer an unthinkable about of pain and heartache at a time which is supposed to be one of the miracles of woman-wood is absolutely heartbreaking!

 I remember sitting in my living room when Janis first called me and told me of her pregnancy and even though i was provinces away I could clearly see how happy, excited and overjoyed she was.  I was going to be an auntie - finally.  And her life long dream of being the best loving mother was on its way.....or so we thought until her HG kicked in and took over. 

I was able to be by Janis' side for a week while i was visiting from out of town. When the person you love so much can't sit up or leave her bed because any motion, any movement will set her off into a vomiting mess is disheartening.  I felt helpless and useless.  I watched Janis fight for her life - tooth and nail to bring her baby into a loving world.  She was determined.  But the fight was not only for the life of her unborn baby, whom she loved so much already, but she was also fighting to stay alive herself.  I was shocked to see how HG ate away at my friend who is normally my strength and inspiration.  She had lost a huge amount of weight, not being able to eat a single thing, vomiting uncontrollably, fighting back tears to be able to inject herself with drugs which were supposed to help her....i was terrified for her.  She would apologize to me, for ruining my weeks holiday or for not being fun.  That broke my heart - even during the most trying time of her life, she was thinking about others. I didn't want to get back on the plane and fly back home.  I knew there was nothing i could do - i couldn't of saved anyone.  But I am hopeful that with more media coverage, such as your show, will help so many women out there and hopefully open the eyes of the medical professionals and there will be an end in sight of HG.

To all the other women and families who have been affected by HG, I am terribly sorry for the pain you have been through, the losses you have suffered and the tears you have shed. 

Wow, you're cynical. As a woman working to keep my cousin's killer behind bars longer, I can tell you that I have found the help of quite a few state attys, parole commissioners, police officers and others in the field who truly want justice served.

Your blanket statement is unfair and no different than those that used to be made about women who wore tight clothing and walked alone late at night. Remember them? Society said they couldn't be raped and must have been asking for it. Just another example of unfair stereotyping.

Let's look at individual cases, please. As someone married to a federal officer who TRULY cares about God, family, the innocent and his reputation, I ASSURE you there is not one shoe fits all IN ANY PROFESSION!!!!

Everyone has a disease these days. Nobody wants to take responsiblity for themselves. They make life hard for those who truly suffer from disease and who don't have control over their actions!

I am tired of children being victimized. The moment a woman agrees to be a serrogate and accepts payment, her rights have ended. Once the children are born and placed in a home with parents (biological or adoptive), the birth mother should have no rights to interfere in the lives of the innocent children.

God bless all the women who agree to put babies into the arms of caring, responsible, loving couples who could not have a child otherwise. As for those who change their minds after the baby is born, SHAME ON YOU for wreaking havoc on innocent children and their parents.

Unless the adoptive parents were there to speak, viewers saw only the side of the story that the guest wished them to see.

I bet there is FAR MORE to this "story" than what was presented. The woman did something illegal. That shows she is unstable. No children should be with her while she is unstable.

I would LOVE to hear the OTHER side to this story. If this woman were so credible, there would be groups (feminists, pro bono lawyers, etc) UP IN ARMS defending her and providing her with the legal means to get custody of these children.

However, with their absence, it appears there is MUCH MORE to this story!!!

Thank you for offering a place for people to speak and get more information on Hyperemesis.

I, for one, would have "received" this segment much better had the adoptive parents been on the show.

In a day and age when just about everyone claims they are not responsible for their own actions (everyone seems to have a 'disease" these days), guests cannot be taken at face value.

But hopefully more will be learned about this disease, regardless of the outcome of this particular case. Again, thank you. I, too, have one baby in Heaven, two bless me at this time and I couldn't imagine a happier life without them.

When I watched the show this morning, tears kept welling up in my eyes, partly for Allison's heart breaking situation and partly because it brought back all the horrible memories of my HG experience.  My husband and I basically conceived on our wedding night and 4 weeks after we were married, I was in the hospital for the first of many times.  When my doctors told me I had Hyperemesis Gravidarum, I said "what's that?"  From my work at a pregnancy center, I certainly knew women got nauseous, but this was insane.  By week nine, I had a PICC line, and by week 15, I had a Nasogastric tube for nourishment.  My doctors told me I would have this tube up my nose and down my throat until the nausea and vomiting subsided.  I have it removed the day after my son was born at 35 weeks.  The vomiting stopped at 30 weeks, so much for the 12 weeks they initially told us.  The nausea never stopped however.  The first 3 months were hell on earth.  I couldn't move in bed without vomiting.  Before my husband would go to work in the morning, he would take me to the bathroom.  As soon as I sat up in bed, I would throw up.  We had "the bucket" that I kept by my side the entire time.  Boy, was I glad to be rid of that thing.  By the middle of my third month, I started hypersalivating.  I couldn't even swallow my own spit without vomiting.  I had to just continually spit into my bucket.  That was awful!!!  That stopped when I got the NG tube.  My doctors put me on steroids as a last ditch effort to stop the vomiting and it worked.  It was a miracle.  I felt human again.  I could eat.  But that all came to an end when they stopped the steriods.  You can't be on them for too long.  I would have vomiting fits where I just couldn't stop.  We would end up in the hospital to get IV Zofran because I couldn't keep the pills down.  There were times when my family and I thought I would die.  Fortunately, our son was born perfectly healthy, despite being 5 weeks early.  This experience has been very difficult for my husband and I as it was in our first months of marriage.  We would love to have more children but are understandably scared. 

I remember feeling so completely depressed and hopeless.  I cried so much my head would hurt for hours.  Oh, yeah, the constant headaches didn't help the nausea at all.  I remember feeling like I was going to be sick forever.  People would assure me that at the very least, it would end at birth.  I started to doubt that.  HG does alter your state of mind. You feel desparate and will do anything to make it end.  I worked at a pro-life pregnancy center.  I am one of the most pro-life people you'll meet and I actually thought that if there was a way to end this pregnancy, I would do it.  Thankfully, I had family and friends to support me.  I can't even imagine going through what I did with twins and limited support like Allison.  She deserves to have her kids back.

I want to thank Dr. Phil for doing this show and bring HG to a national stage.  This is a condition that deserves more attention and research.  Families should not have to deal with this horrific disease.