Topic : 04/12 Twin Tug of War

My mother in law just called to tell me to watch this.  I suffered with this with 2 children (only because everyone kept saying every pregnancy is different), otherwise I would've stopped at 1 (sure glad I didn't now that we have little Cole)!  We were trying to get pregnant and then one day I just threw up, didn't feel sick or anything.... yet..... found out I was pregnant, we were so happy, but I never stopped throwing up, I ended up in the ER and they thought I maybe had the flu so they put me on IVs because I was severly dehydrated and sent me home.  This continued before I could get my 1st appt. to the dr., I lost 25 pounds, couldn't take a sip of water or a single bite of anything and it would send me into the vomiting "spells" until I was vomiting green bile......  I couldn't even lift my head, shower, etc.....  Boy was it hard to get me to my dr. appt., I vomited all the way there, had to take my own bucket in with me (how embarrassing), but there is no way I would've made it to the bathroom in time, it would just fly out of me.....I had cramps up and down my legs from I guess loss of potassium.  they wanted to ask me stuff and all I could do is cry and say help me, something is really wrong.  I felt so ridiculous, dramatic, wimpy, etc.... this was not me at all!!!!!!!!!!!  All I could think is I don't want to do this anymore......  I broke out in a rash all over my body the dr. said from losing weight so fast and being so dehydrated it was in shock.  my husband couldn't even put is hand on my head or even talk to me or lay by me in the bed because everything caused me to vomit.  I was so mad, I felt so helpess and dependent on him.  I know he loves me so much after going thru this with me.  Everyone treated me like an alien.  Noone knew what to do really.  I ended up with 24 hour IV at home and a home healthcare nurse every day.  my husband helped me at night and to bathe every few days or so.....  I would ask him to leave me an animal cracker before he'd leave for work and when he got home it would have like a nibble and I would've vomited it all day, I didn't know how to take care of a baby growing in me like this.  I obviously had to quit my job.  People would stop by, I couldn't get to the door, they would call, I couldn't get up to answer or even talk.  and after 3 months they give up on ya, noone understood at all.  All I heard was you have to try, like people do this everyday. I was so hungry it hurt so bad and I couldn't be still, I would just lay in the fetal position and rock back and forth and pray.  I know I had weird "black outs" and had no concept of time, day or night sometimes.  I really wanted to die.  I felt I  could not do it anymore.  It started the 7th week and then the 5th month, I could lift my head and eventually worked back into normal life, so appreciative to be myself again.  Noone could explain it.  We waited 3 years to do it again, same thing........ only this time insurance wouldn't pay for home healthcare so I spent weeks at a time in the hospital.  they wanted to give me a feeding tube, but I was so scared I would get home and completely avoid the dr. calls (I was not thinking rationally at all---not thinking of dangering the baby)  I could not hold my 1st son during this time, he was 2, I felt so guilty that again I wanted to die.  I cried for him everyday.  I scared him when he seen me and he thought I was screaming when I was vomiting.  He was depressed (and as I thought, all because I wanted to be selfish and do this again).  This time my dr. tested my thyroid (after talking with different gastrointestinal drs., etc, he tried to find out what was going on. I was on Zofran for chemo patients, it wouldn't work. either....)anyway, my thyroid was going crazy (only during pregnancy), so he concluded this may be the cause and there wasn't anything to do for it but ride it out by keeping me hydrated with IVs and IV vitamins, etc.... until the 5th month.  and like clockwork it subsided.  I was embarrassed to even go to my appointments because every one there knew what was happening and I felt they thought I was doing it or something.  The dr. told me absolutely not to have anymore children because it could hurt the child or my body and I wasn't going to argue with that!  but I would love more and sometimes feel like it is so unfair!  People are so happy and normal when they are pregnant, I cannot even comprehend that.  As if I could love them anymore, I do feel that it gave me an even higher appreciation for my gifts from God and it was worth it and I would do it again for them  but as far as putting my 2 boys through that to have another, they need me too much and I couldn't be apart from them for that long, 3 months is really long to a child.  Why does this happen????????????? 

Watching this show, I was so horrified at the ordeal Allison went through, first from being ill, and then secondly from being taken advantage of by the attorney and the adoptive parents. 

 

I pray that Allison is released from prison soon, and that she is reunited quickly with her two babies.  Of course she was under extreme duress when pressured and coerced into giving her babies away.  The law should have been on her side from the beginning to ensure that the decision to give up her decision was by choice.  It is obvious that she wanted her children.  The adoptive parents saw an opportunity to claim two beautiful babies, and did so unethically.  Why didn't they immediately return those babies when it was apparent Allison wanted them from the beginning?

 

I think that the attorney should be wearing the bright orange prison garb.

First of all this woman left our county with the children without premission and knowing she was doing the wrong thing.  This left the parents of the children worried sick I am sure.  She had a illness I understand so do all of the people that want to act badly.  Cheezzee  What were you thinking Dr. Phil.  She did not HAVE to be resepensated when signing over the children to the adpotive parents.  In fact in Texas all she has to do is sign the papers in front of an attorney and it is done.  Then they are submitted to the court.  I feel sorry that she feels she was wronged but most people in prison feel the same way.  Give these babies a good chance in life. 

Dr Phil:

 

I was surprised, yet very happy, to see this topic on your show today.  I was pregnant 26 years ago with my son.  At that time I was diagnosed with HG.  It truly is the most horrible experience I have ever had.  At the time, I was 18, and the treatment I received was definetly not adequate.  At 4 months, I was hospitalized and given intravenouses, PLUS Valium.  I remained in the hospital for one week.  That week, I wasn't sick at all.  As soon as I went home, no meds, I was back to the same thing.  I lost 13lbs and thought I was going to lose my child.  Only those that have gone through this can actually know what it feels like.  You feel like you are either going to die...or you want to die.  Nine months of being so severely ill, even during labor and delivery, is alot for someone to deal with. 

I sympathize with Allison and think it is unjust that she is in jail.  If the courts can't see that this was done, SURELY out of duress, that our judicial system is lacking.

I'm 56 years old and 26 years ago I was diagnosed with acute hyperemesis.  I want to let you know that the emotional rollercoaster I experienced was almost indescribable.  Not only was I not myself, I was hospitalized for a month, and the Head of Obstetrics at the hospital was so worried about me, he in brought in a phsychiatrist.  This was twenty-six years ago.  I lost 20 lbs. before I put on a pound with this pregnancy.  My wonderful doctors explained to me that I had an acute hormonal imbalance that happens with 1% of the pregnant population. They also explained to me that the baby was taking all the nutrients (which were few) and that I was in essence, starving.   When I suggested to my doctors that I didn't know if I could continue with the pregnancy (I was crying buckets when I said this, and I'm not a huge proponent of abortion) as I had a little boy at home to take care of and it seemed that this situation was never going to end,  he held my hand and said that good decisions are never made when that person in pain.  I will forever be in his debt as I have a beautiful, healthy daughter to go along with my son.  They are, respectively, 28 and 25 years old.

It is bewildering to me that 25 years later, hyperemisis has not been demystified.  I am not in favor of adoptive children being given back to birth parents.  I feel that when parents give children up for adoption that they need to think long and hard about it, but if they do, they forever give up those rights for the benefit of the child involved.  Children are not Yo-Yos.  However, I also think that in this case, it is different.  I wasn't back to my my old self, even weeks after I gave birth.  I think that the attorney, who precipitated the adoption, had a responsibility to hold off for several weeks, until Allison had regained some health.  When a woman calls 911 to retrieve adoption papers, that speaks volumes.  3 day after that incident is not a sufficient time to ascertain whether she really wants to give them up for adoption.  He/She should have given guidance to both parties and deemed that more time was needed for a succesful outcome.  If you need me for any reason, regarding this matter, please don't hesitate to call on me.

Regards,

Shar

P.S.  This disease runs in families, as my sister and niece, both had this condition.

Thank you Dr. Phil for your comments at the end of today's show!!

 

What the adoption attorney's did was unethical at best, and should be criminally prosecuted.  They were motivated by greed - the fees they would be paid for facilitating the adoption.  It was obvious that the mother was very ill, and not in a state of mind to sign away her parental rights.  She was not an unfit mother, nor did she want to get rid of her children - she was simply desperate to ensure they were cared for, while she was so ill.  The attorneys had to know this was not a viable adoption and would be fraught with problems if this mother survived and recovered.  the right thing to do would have been to direct her toward some resources to help her care for her children until she recovered.

 

The adoptive parents did nothing wrong - that I know of.  The responsibility lies with the attorney's in this case.

 

It's a very sad situation - I really feel for all involved, but agree that the mother should not be in jail.  What a gross miscarriage of justice!!  It seems to me to be a "no-brainer" when it comes to her having been coerced.

 

I saw the show & completely understand the adoptive parents reluctance to appear.  I would have been more sympathetic to Allison, but she made the comment that the aparents aren't parents, this is so wrong.  The parent is the person who comforts a child when they're hurt or sick.  I am an adoptee & my aparents were always my parents.  I'm also an adoptive parent and my son knows that he has 2 mothers & 2 fathers, but we are the ones that take care of him.

Why didn't she ask for help?? Surely there is someone in her family who could have helped her, if not, I'm sure the state could have helped. Sorry, she signed the papers, the babies have bonded with the aparents & they are old enough to know if they are taken away from them.  By the time this is all straightened out these poor babies will be 2½ or 3years old & hopefully a judge will show some compassion for them& leave them with the parents they know.

I also wonder why the ex-boyfriend dropped out of the picture.  Did he ever intend to help her care for the child/children??

I cried during the entire show today because for the first time this horrible disease is being talked about, and the fact that it's being talked about on such a popular show is just fantastic.

 

I suffered from Hyperemesis with both of my pregnancies. The first one was 16 years ago and my doctor did nothing to help me. I was pregnant with twins and waisted away right before his eyes and he did nothing. I remember so clearly wanting to die and I will always feel guilty about that, but I had hit rock bottom and couldn't take another minute. I ended up going into preterm labor and delivered my girls knowing they were going to die. I know in my heart they came early because I was dehydrated.

 

My second pregnancy 12 years later started the same as the first and I once again found myself incredibly sick. Though this time around I was much older (35) and wiser. I talked to my (new) doctor and begged him for medication so I wouldn't have to suffer like I did with my first pregnancy. At first he wasn't willing to give me the Zofran I asked for but I didn't give up and he relented. I still had to have a pic line in my arm and I was still very sick, but I was able to keep a few things down and that was everything.

 

We've come a long way but I think we still have a long way to go in getting the word out to sick mothers and uninformed doctors, so thank you from the bottom of my heart for this show.

 

Today I have two healthy four year olds and I owe it all to Zofran and a doctor who was willing to give it to me!           

Unfortunately, I think this woman shows lack of good judgement. I think she shows evidence that she is not mentally stable. Even though these are her biological children, any one in their right mind would not attempt to give them up twice and then expect to get them back. By the pattern that she has shown, I am worried that this pattern may continue and she may continue trying to abandon her children on more occassions in the future..If that is the case, do you really think it's healthy for a child to see their parent repeatidly attempting to give them up?..I understand she had a disease at the time these bad decisions were made but I think it would be in the best interest of the children to leave them in what sounds like a much more stable environment.....I have a son and I know how important it is that decisions are made with his best interest in mind. If she was so worried about her health but didn't truly want to give her children up, why didn't she create a will and still have full custody of her children? That way if anything happened to her, her children would be taken care of, but in the mean time, she would still have full custody of her children...

Thank you, thank you Dr. Phil!  This is a disease that I have suffered with through all nine months of two pregnancies.  There are so many problems in the world, but I have been waiting for someone to give a voice to this one.  I relate 100% to so many of my fellow HG sufferers.  If you have never experienced it, you CANNOT imagine how torturous and debilitating it is!  To this day I can't stand the movie, or even music from the movie, Monsters Inc., because my firstborn was always watching it during my weeks and months of suffering.  If I even hear it or see it I am immediately sent back emotionally to my pain of HG and have even vomited from it.  Crazy huh?  I want to say thank you and well done to everyone involved with helpher.org and the foundation.  In my own neighborhood I felt so alone in this disease, but found hundreds of women who knew exactly what I'd endured.  I hope that an entire hour will be done on the subject on a future show!  And to all you ladies who have survived it as I have, I consider you my kindred spirits.   S.E. - Utah