Topic : 04/12 Twin Tug of War

As I watched Allison's story, all I could think of was that but for the extraordinarly support I recieved from family, friends, and community, that could have been me making awful choices out of fear and desperation.  Pregnancy and childbirth is not always a "Blessed Event".   That has nothing to do with wanting and loving your children.  It's about comming really close to death.  The pregnancy and birth of my twins was a trauma for my whole family.  While I did not suffer from the same ailment as Allison, I was very sick, and, in fact, almost died during the delivery.

Fortunately, I had a very strong support network that really stepped up and helped us in so many ways.  That gave me the opportunity to rest and recover.  As it was, there were some very dark moments.  I shudder to think of what would have become of us were it not for this help.  What is a woman alone, and so debilitated supposed to do? 

My heart aches for Allison.  I was so angered by the lack of advocay and support she so seriously needed.  Who is this lawyer that accepted ANY decision from this poor soul when she was so very voulnerable.  I hope you, or your staff see this posting, and please somehow let her know that there are people who are praying for her to be reunited with her children.

I don't know what adoption laws are now, but when I adopted my 3 children in the 70's there was a waiting period for each adoption of 1 year.  From the time my babies were placed with me and when we able to finalize the adoption was 1year, to give the birth mom time to decide if she wanted to change her mind.  It was a hard year in each case but we knew going into it that it was always a real possibility.  I feel the adoption agency was always sure it was going to go thru, but we were always prepared for the birth mom to change her mind.

I think to go ahead and place children in their adoptive home knowing the mother is already having 2nd thoughts and calling the police to help her, is criminal.  The agency or lawyer involved is the one who should be held accountable.  Instead the babies are the one's who are going to suffer.  At least they will always have each other.

So sorry to hear you referring to the adoptive family as the "prospective adoptive parents".  The only reason this adoption isn't finalized is because of Allison's appeal.  If her case wasn't being appealed her rights would already be gone. They've had the children for close to two years!!  They've cared for these children 24/7- that certainly earns them the right to call themselves the childrens real parents!! If you want to quote in terms of legal stuff and you really feel she's in her right- then you made a grave mistake and sound ridiculous for refering to her as "the birth mother's parental rights have not been terminated". By my standard she is a birthmother- she gave birth and then signed a termination of parental rights.  By your standards you still want to call her the childrens mother.  She did sign the TPR, it was filed, legal custody has been given to the adoptive parents. Allison is pursuing an appeal. Doesn't change the fact that legally the kids are where they belong. 

She changed her mind two times within 3 days.  Once was during an 11 hour meeting with no one else on her side present.  This was after a pregnancy where she only gained 10 of the 45  needed pounds for a twins pregnancy, 5 weeks of constantly nursing newborn twins, and very little sleep for at least 10 months!  The only emotional abuse that has been inflicted on these children is the fact that they were taken and kept from their MOTHER after she made a huge life changing mistake.  She changed her mind immediately.  She didn't wait.  That says a lot.

She took her children because she's their MOTHER and she LOVES them and she didn't want to spend another second without them.  I would do the same if someone else had my children. 

Especially someone who I knew had taken advantage of me.

I suffered from Hyperemesis twice for 2-3 months each time.  It took me months to return to my normal mental state because it was such a tough disease and I knew nothing about it before it happened.  I can not imagine how she felt after it lasted her whole pregnancy and then when it was over the caring of TWINS began.  How many times have you suffered from Hyperemesis? 

 I am a mother of one. I had hyperemsis through the whole thing. I would never had thought I would have been so weak. I was about 2-3 weeks preg when I started to get sick. I was in the bathroom every second of the day getting sick. I by Christmas I could not even walk or hold my head up. The doctor at the time told meit was all in my head. I spent everyday in the hospital and everytime I went home I would end up back in the hospital. My weight through the whole thing was 110 and I weighted that till I was 8 months preg. I can't remeber much of it. I know one day my daughter is going to ask me about what it was like to have her and I am going to have to look at her and say that I can't remeber it at all. I was so out of it that I had to sign my right over to my mother. You have no clue what it feels like when you realize that you have no control over what is going on around you. My first doctor told me I was making myself do it but who really wants to vomit so much that there is nothing coming up any more. My mother fired that doctor and we found us a new one. He was great but he told us that I was the worse case he had ever seen. He put a TPN line in me and a pump on me so I could get my meds. I had taken every med out there that they could give someone with this condition. I have been told that I should not have any more child but I have thought about. See I was so sick that I don't remeber fighting with my family to just get the baby out and give her to someone who can do it. I have been told that I did. I love my child with all my heart but I just did not want to be preg any more. I had at some point started to resent her. She was killing me and I knew it. My doctor told me there was a chance neither of us were going to make it but we did. I know I will have this sickness again and I have been told it will most likely get worse. My husband and I want more but I am not sure if I can suvive another child and not tromitize my child. Because I was so sick my daughter and I both have problems 2 years later. She has one kidney that has problems and I have a very weak system not to mention very bad heart burn that nothing helps it. So thatnk you DR. Phil for fnally getting the word out that this is real and that we need to let people know about. I don't want someone to feel like I did that you are all alone and it's their fault and ask what did they do to be put through this. I am thankful for the HER foundation for being there for me and leting me know that they know what I went through.