Topic : 04/12 Twin Tug of War

Quote From: justnancy

She was raving when the attorney took the documents she signed.  And, she had enough energy to kidnap her children and take them to another country, leaving the adoptive parents frantic.  Also, the children didn't know her that well at that time they were probably feeling bewildered and lost, missing the home that they knew.  She demonstrates no regard for the law and no regard for consequences.  I don't think she would necessarily physically harm her children, but I'm sure the five days was difficult for them psychologically they had to be wondering where their adoptive parents were and they had no way to voice their feelings.  Alison's actions are unpredictable and those babies are tiny and vulnerable.  Since she is unstable, she's unpredictable. Whatever the cause, she's not well now.  Listening to her speak, I got the impression that she'd have no problem ripping the children up out of the home they knew right this instant and carrying them off someplace, without any thought as to how upsetting that would be to them or the fact that she may not be able to take care of them.

 

As sorry as I feel for this woman, I put the kids first.

Quote From: astrid07

.... I guess I am wondering at what point a person with this illness is considered competent again, and if they are incompetent to make legal choices is it best to leave them to make choices about their childs care at all until they are deemed well?

Quote From: why_again

let's try and analyze for a while why we women with HG want so many kids
I have 3 kids and had HG with all of them, and I am considering to become pregnant again
It is actually quite puzzling why I want it.
I am a PhD in psychology and do fundamental research on motivation, emotion, and consciousness. I think motivation theory provides some clues: Goals are typically more activated in the face of obstacles. I other words, people want things more when they do not come easily. There are many examples of this in daily life (just look at kids that want to play with toys that are not availbale or more difficult to attain vs. the toys lying around. or look at people's ambition to build a career that asks too much of them).  I think that this principle might be part of the answer to the puzzle. Another part of the answer has to do with characteristics of  conscious experience. I know I suffered last time, that is, I have memories of relentless vomiting and wretching, but I do not feel it right now. Compare it with a hangover. You know you're going to vomit the next day, but you don't feel it right now and you somehow have the illusion that you'll be able to handle it ... until you're hanging over the toilet, promising yourself never to drink again. It is the same with delivering without epidural. I remember that it was the most painful experience in my life and I felt I was going to die, and yet, I did it again. Does that mean that it wasn't so bad after all? no, it has to do with the way our consciousness is built. We are able to remember events and the thoughts we had, but when you're not nauseous at the very moment, you cannot experience it in all its details. I guess there has to be some functionality in this. People would never go through painful experiences again and not many women would have another child if they were able to fully reexperience the painfulness of delivery. Last but not least, women with HG, as do most other women, are so in love with their children that they want more children in their lives.
As we are not able to fully reexperience HG in our minds, it is even harder for people who never experienced it to imagine it.  To have HG is like being tortured, not by another person but by nature. It is pointless to  compare HG with other forms of physical or emotional pain, just as it pointless to compare different methods of torture on prisoners.
It is equally pointless to ask whose pain is worse, that of the adoption parents or of the birth mother.  But adoption policy in florida is totally crazy, no?

Quote From: cashee

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"How long after you give birth does this disease make you unable to make coherent choices (how long for a return to health)?

If someone is deemed legally unable to make rational choices for themselves because of this illness (that is what is being suggested, in order to make these legal documents she signed invalid), should that person be left making choices for their babies on a daily basis, without some kind of aid or medication? This would concern me. If someone was suffering a mental illness that diminished their reason to the point that they were not legally able to make choices, a proxy or someone else would have to make choices about the children I would think? I am not sure how this works, but I would be concerned."

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I would like to address this specific part of your quote.

 

HG is not a mental illness. Just because you have HG does not mean that you have diminished mental capabilities. You can become severely depleted though and then may have a difficult time making decisions. Not all women get to this point with HG. Good medical treatment to stay hydrated and good meds (to alleviate physical symptoms) go a long way to help HG from getting to this point. That is why it is important that people get educated about HG... so that women can get proper treatment.

 

Another point I would like to make (along the same line of thought) is that Allsion made poor decisions under duress... not under psychosis.

 

One if the most frustrating aspects of this PHYSICAL ILLNESS is that people often erroniously see it as someone being crazy!

Quote From: suzannemarie

Two points of clarification: she used the babies' own passports, and Tyler is a little boy.

Quote From: journeyofhope

Dear Dr. Phil,

I am writing to you, like all these other women, to tell parts of my story in the hopes of getting some real help. We have all suffered with a pain that I can only describe as heart shattering. I have had three experiences with HG, none successful. No words could possibly explain the overwhelming saddness I have felt trying to heal. There is an emptiness that will never truly heal as I accept the fact that I am terrified to ever try again.
Though I have many memories from the illness, I will tell the ones that stand out in my mind with such vividness that my heart aches now even two years after my last attempt.
I believe with everything in me that I would be dead now had I kept on trying.
The most painful memory stands out with my third attempt. I could not make it past 5 months. I lost 46 pounds. I was throwing up blood and bile at least 30 times a day, and for the last few weeks had blood not just trickling from my nose in nosebleeds, but spraying out violently as I wretched. All day and night.
At first I was suffering at home, trying several medications. None worked, not even the one I had to administer myself by needle into my leg and arm muscle. I was weak, unable to even think about eating or drinking even a sip of water, and unable to get a handle on any of it. I was on 4 medications in hospital. They managed to get my symptoms under control at about 3 months for 2 days and told me I was fine and should go home. The only reason I was fine was because I had a chemical soup being fed to me through I.V. So when they took me off everything, all at once, after only 2 days of peace... of course a few hours after being removed from medication, I was even more violently ill than when I had originally gone in to hospital. They could not get me stable again.
I would dream about swimming through a sea of orange juice when I could manage to fall asleep at all... I guess my body was so dehydrated that it started telling me I needed vitamins, liquids, nutrition.
They hooked me up so I could hear my baby's heartbeat, and it was beautiful. I felt such a saddness knowing that with the way things were going I wouldn't make it and knowing I would have to choose. I can still hear my baby's heartbeat now. I will never forget it.
One afternoon, I went to the washroom to splash some water on my face, got dizzy, sat on the toilet to stabilize myself, and woke up in the bathtub beside me. I rang the call button, and nobody came. So I pulled myself out and crawled to my bed on my hands and knees, crying and dragging the IV machine behind me, too tired to walk and no energy to stand, I sat on the floor by my bed and waited for someone to come, and cried. I called my mother and told her I knew I was dying and asked her to help me. The helplessness she must have felt.
At this point, I couldn't sleep because the motion in my mind from my dreams would send me into fits of wretching for hours.
I ended up terminating my pregnancy out of what I thought was necessity to save my own life due to lack of proper resources.  After leaving the hospital in wheelchair, I concentrated on physical recovery. It took a week and a half before I could really even swallow water, or anything else because of the pain, due to rips in my esophagus and lesions and tears in my throat lining. Even a full year later I developed problems with my gallbladder.. I've since learned is due to the illness.
The second attempt left it's own set of scars that fuels me now to do something about the injustice these sufferers were, and are still faced with. I was sent a psychiatrist while in hospital with my second attempt who would wait outside my bathroom door while I wretched to tell me I was overreacting. I was just pregnant, and that I must not want my baby. It makes me sick to think about. How could the medical profession that I came to for help kick me so hard while I was down? I even had a nurse angry with me for throwing up after she'd given me an entire dose of gravol through I.V. (Gravol made me feel even sicker... and I told them that, but surprise, they didn't believe me).
I far from received adequate care and resent being told I didnt want my children. Having a doctor pat your leg and tell you you are a wasting use of the hospitals beds as "there are a lot of other people much sicker than you dear", made me feel horribly alone. As one Emergency ward doc put it after observing me for a total of 5 minutes and taking no blood and conducting no tests.
It's taken me two years to be able to talk about it. Now I have vowed to myself that I will do whatever I have to do to spread the word and help as many women suffering with this illness as I can.
On June 24th of this year me and best friend will be walk/running from London to Toronto, Ontario, ending at Sick Kids hospital where a helpline is located for women suffering and their families. This is all to raise money and donate it to HG research. It will take 6 days, 50 kms per day, 5 kms per hour for 10 hours a day. We are calling it 'The Journey of Hope - to help pave the way for HG sufferers and their children.' We know its not as far as some others have gone for other illnesses, but it is as much as time will allow for now. I would walk around the world and back to find a cure to end this needless suffering. That will be followed by a fundraising dinner in which I am trying to gather as many guests as possible. Dr. Phil.. would you like to come? :)
I thank the HER foundation with everything in my being because after losing 3 children, it was the only place I could find that told me, without a doubt, I am not alone. There are no words that can express my gratitude. There are others. It is not in my head, and I did and do want my children, and I pray that I have even a quarter of the strength as Anne Marie and her co-founders have, so I too will be able to fight right along side them to help even just one woman.
Thank you Dr. Phil for any help you may give us. Please help separate fact from fiction with this illness once and for all... We need to be told by a medical professional that it is not just a figment of our imaginations, because the pain is so real it is absolutely unimaginable.

Quote From: survivinghg

I know what Allison suffered from as I am surviving it now. I am currently 15 weeks and 2 days pregnant with our first child. I have been suffering from HG since week 6 when I was admitted to the ER for dehydration. Since having HG I've been limited to eating small portions of very bland food (noodles, toast, chicken broth, etc), with severe nausea and vomiting. As of today I've lost a total of 39 lbs because of HG. I take 4mg of Zofran every 4 hours so that the small portions of food and liquid I can eat/drink stay down - although I'm still vomiting once or twice a day. I also take Reglan, Pepcid, Unisom, and Tylenol for the nausea and constant headaches from being dehydrated. These medications have helped me to sustain my life to the point that I can go work as a teacher and then come home (although HG has already caused me to miss 10 days of work thus far). Yesterday was the first day I saw my nephews in 2 months, when I normally was able to visit them every weekend or so. This disease has taken my normal, active life and turned it upside down. Now, my husband does all of the housework, because I do not have the energy to do so. Showering and getting dressed are sometimes my biggest tasks for the day.  Although my husband and I had decided that we would have two children in our family, HG has decided for us that our family will only be blessed with one.

 

Thank you Dr. Phil for exposing the public to this horrible disease. We need the public to be educated on Hyperemesis Gravidarum so that a cause and a cure can be found - so that our daughters will not have to suffer like we are today. Without public awareness on HG, women all over the world are suffering in silence. Let's change that today.