Topic : 04/12 Twin Tug of War

I think that people are responding to what you are writing because you have a very black and white view of this case. You seem to be saying that since the babies have bonded with the custodial family ... that's it, they should stay where they are. ... Whether what conspired was right or wrong doesn't matter.

Ok... I have a different scenario for you to consider. ... If someone kidnapped a couple of babies and the babies bonded to this new family would you still think that the babies should not be returned to the birth mother?  ... They are bonded... even though it wasn't right that they had these children... should they still be permitted to keep them? Would it be emotionally benneficial for the babies to stay with the kidnappers?

I'm not saying here that the Needhams are kidnappers. The point that I am trying to make is that this is the same sort of basis that you are creating as an argument. That if the babies are bonded to the Needhams, they should not go back with their birth mother ... whether they should have had custidy to begin with or not.

... I wouldn't be surprised if Allison feels much like she is not the party in this case who did the "kidnapping".

Please explain what behaviour that you find "disturbing" ... "disturbing as in would not trust with kids until an exhaustive psychological evaluation is made kind of disturbing," 

Recovery is different with every case. It depends on how sick the person was.

Just because someone is sick and is hooked up to tubes does not make them "emotionally incompetent"! Would you tell a kidney dialasis patient or any other physically ill person that they must be "emotionally incompetent" just because they are hooked up to tubes? To me that is very poor logic on your part. 

The point that was put forth was that Allison was under duress and coerced. She was coerced and under durress not just because she was physically ill. Either the lawyer, "friend",  or "adoptive family", (or all parties), used her condition to unethically put in progress the adoption. She was held in the lawyers office to further strain her physical and emotional state so that she would become even more strained and compliant.

Would you ask ... "How long does it take someone to recover from cancer, a heart attack, or a back injury?" You probably would not because you would be able to surmise that the length of recovery would depend on the severity of the case. Also, how much help you have and how much rest you are able to get can affect your recovery... as can whether or not you have good nutrition.

Allison's case was severe, and with little help in trying to care for twin babies, she was assuredly sleep deprived. Also, her nutrition was still insufficient and her condition continued to deteriorate. She did not have key components that are necessary in order to progress recovery.

To be more specific about HG post-partum recovery time, here is a link for you to look at

http://www.helpher.org/mothers/postpartum-recovery/index.php

and here is a quote from that link:

"Recovering from hyperemesis gravidarum (HG) can take a few months or as long as two years. It will often take 1-2 months of recovery for every month you were ill. Women who have nausea/vomiting into late pregnancy usually find it takes several months to regain their energy and restore their nutritional reserves. "

The time at which Allison signed the papers was 5 weeks post-partum.

You posed a very excellent question when you wrote this "are hospital staff not trained to deal with this?"   

              To answer that, no... many health professionals are ignorant of this disease or misinformed.

              Unfortunately, the severity of HG does not always depend on who your Dr. is, and even if you have an excelent Dr., you can have a severe case of HG. ... Again, just like with any illness.

I am squarely on Allison's side in this nightmare, but I can understand why folks are concerned about the Needhams.  Makes sense.  But I wonder if the concern is improperly placed.  It is assumed they are amazing parents but was there even a homestudy to verify the suitability to parent?  What really I don't understand is the history....and where the Needhams can be okay with the situation. 

What I know: Allison did IVF for three years to conceive the twins, fought for their lives, and had prepared for these children for years.  I have a dear friend who did IVF cycles for a similar time frame, and I did HG with three singletons...put me, my friend, and two babies in a bag, shake, and you've got Allison.

One does not do years of treatment to conceive and place for adoption....IVF is grueling, both physically and emotionally, not to mention expensive.  And there is pain, grief, and loss built in with failed cycles and the loss of embryos.  Women just don't sign up for that to place their children for adoption: it just doesn't happen.

Add HG to the mix and it gets messier.  Allison had severe HG, imo, and she was sick sick sick and unable to stay pregnant without major medical interventions.  She then delivers by c-section (anyone else thinking OUCH), loses so much blood she needs a transfusion, and takes home two babies (hard enough to get some sleep with one). 

Five weeks later, she's held in the attorney's office?  She's not even been into the ob/gyn for her followup appointment for goodness sake.  She's not slept in ages, I would bet...ask any parent with a 5 week old how tired he/she is.  Not only does she have regular postpartum hormone drops and healing, but she's got major surgery healing, blood transfusion healing, and HG depletion to recover from.  Gads!  At five weeks postpartum, one is (sorry if this is too much info) still bleeding and the uterus is still not back to its normal size.  Five weeks postpartum, I was still limping from my vaginal delivery, couldn't stand for long (ouch, yawn), and still wasn't driving.

Allison's physical condition would have been much more serious than my own.  How can anyone imagine that she was able to make major life decisions?  But even more so, how could anyone imagine that after the battle she waged to give life to Holly and Tyler that she would want to (in any way) place them for adoption?

The Needhams HAD to be aware of ALL of this.  They saw her, they knew her, they are related to the ex-bf in question.  They HAD to know how ill she was and how much she needed help.  AND how much she WANTED those children!!!!  Why didn't they help her?  If they loved the babies so much and wanted what's best for them, why didn't they act in the babies' best interest?  Why did the Needhams allow things to proceed to this point?

Seems to me that the general consensus of adopting parents who have posted here is to be concerned about this scenario.  As deeply as most infertile couples wish to raise a child, I know of no prospective adoptive parents who would willingly remove children from a mother who loves them so deeply. So much for the assumption that the Needhams have the children's best interest at heart.  I

t's easy to infer that they are, in fact, not the kinds of people who should be raising Holly and Tyler.  How could they be?  And leaving the children with them a long time does not change this core situation. I have no personal ill-will toward the Needhams and am sure they are suffering greatly at this point, but where were THEIR rational decision making skills when Allison made things so clear to them that SHE was raising her children and NOT giving up the papers.

I am going to spell out exactly what I think about the case.  Feel free to disagree-this is America.  I feel Allison was horribly sick (mentally (temporarily) only by the physical illness and medications) and needed a major support system.  From what I understand, her sister lives in another state and is a single mom.  I think Allison wanted desperately to be a mother and I feel she is the MOTHER to the twins.  I think Allison made some very poor choices but I completely understand why she did and therefore should still remain the twin's full custodial mother.  I am sure many of us know of divorce situations where the mother is still "the mother" yet she doesn't retain physical custody of the children.  If I were the Judge, she would regain full custodial rights.  Why is that?  Because she was under EXTREME DURESS AND STRESS and no one should be held accountable for making such a life changing decision without their full mental and physical strength and consent.  Here was a woman who needed help.  She was exhausted, I know first hand how difficult it is to deal with newborn twins ( Mine are six years old now) and she was experiencing a difficult recovery from a C-Section.  She meets all the criteria I was use to define someone as "under duress."  So there is my opinion...You don't have to convince me that she is the first victim and her twins are the second of a sad situation.  They deserve to be together and I personally feel strongly her case will be overturned and she will regain full custody. 

I would love to read the sealed ones.

Well, I DO think that she signed the adoption papers under duress, but not necessarily coercion.  I think that she was SO depleted and so mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted from what happened that trying to make a major life choice wasn't a great idea.

I do think she has the right to a fair trial in the custody case, because I don't think that the adoption papers being signed in that condition was a great idea...and may NOT be legally binding in that case.   The adoption lawyer, agency, adoptive parents in the situation REALLY wanted that adoption to go through, and she was vulnerable to that.  I really do think the circumstances were dubious at best.

I use the term unstable to express a condition, short or long term.  We all are unstable at some time to some degree.  It's a vague term.  Any time you're unable to make a well thought out decision, thru no real fault of your own, but a biological occurrence, I would think that it would render anyone unstable for a short period of time.

I agree that the terms of the adoption were specious and a bit underhanded on the Needhams part.  I think that any judge could look at it and tell that Allison signed the documents while in a state of not being mentally and emotionally capable to do so.  It's evidenced by the 911 call, the fact that she signed the documents more than once, and that she took the kids. 

Now, while all this is dragging on, and I can tell, it will.  Where are the twins supposed to go?  They need care from someone.  The adoptive parents should have temporary custody until the terms of the case are decided. 

The mom needs to gain back her strength before she should pursue this lengthy legal case.  Right now, she's so physically depleted, not to mention any traces of Post Partum or PTSD that may be left from the ordeal, that trying to get the children would be a futile attempt.  They'd take one look at her and see that she's "not fit", and the kids go into foster care.  The woman just needs medical attention and professional help before she goes thru even more physical and psychological torture trying to get the kids back.