Topic : 04/12 Twin Tug of War

Hi gwarrior6

I know we hold very different fews on what happened to Allison: I see coercion, you see something different.  Okay, fair enough. 

But I really don't see how you can believe her lawsuit could be about money and wanting money when it's been stated in the media that she's spent mega-bucks (someone help me with the news story linking the amount) to regain custody of her kids.  That's not someone looking for financial compensation.

And you last statement about treatment and getting her kids back is right on; we totally agree with that.  Can I go so far as to say  the treatment should have been immediate when 911 was involved, and it was clear something unacceptable was going on at the attornies office.  I mean, who calls 911?  And did she really get locked in for 11 hours?  Is that what she said?  That's insane and torture, imo.  Geneva Convention stuff.

And I do wonder at the use of the word unstable.   Being called unstable is usually in reference to a long term personality pattern, not being sick.  Allison was at Lockheed, right, for two decades...that's pretty stable, in my opinion.  Who else would love to see Allison's medical information and really know what was going on in her body?  (None of my business of course, but I just wonder knowing my own HG history)  If her electrolytes were messed up, that's very different from being unstable long term.

This case will not end well either for Alison of the Needhams. How old are these children now? Arent they around 2? I can only hope they are younger than that. Intentionally or unintentionally, are these children being poisoned against Allison in the first place? So in the event Allison was to get her children back, how would she be treated? A lot of ppl really dont see the gravity and the severity of having hypermesis on top of the post partum time of pregnancy. Not only do you have to deal with severe starvation - you have to deal with a lot of guilt. Speaking for me, at 14 weeks trapped and confined to a hospital bed with needles all over my body - feeling severe pain in my stomache and throat from the constant nausea and throwing up. People take enjoying/eating food for granted. You get to the point where you HATE to eat -- because it hurts so badly. You think because the days turn into weeks and the weeks turn into months that it will never go away. So at 14 weeks youre praying for death. Youre them praying for miscarriage - oh because you cannot handle this. Thoughts of abortion come into your mind - because you just cant handle this cant fathom living like this - would the baby eventually kill you? is it a baby or a parasite- - you cant talk cant argue - can only stare at the ceiling of your hellacious hospital room listening to your mother or family goodheartedly begging you to eat - sip this water - eat this cracker!!! You keep begging god for death - you beg for termination of the pregnancy. then you bleed--- and the horror of the situation hit s you --- the energy comes back for maybe 10 mins an you beg and beg god NOW to not take your baby - you are desperate begging god and whatever thing out there to let him live --- and the bleeding doesnt stop and you realize -- you begged for this -- you caused this

Of course -- the baby didnt terminate - thanks fully he was born a little over 9 weeks ago! But these are some of the thoughts that go through a HG mothers mind. These are the thoughts that go through someone who would NEVER EVER think like this before, someone who is stable! Suicide and such is NOT stable. The illness makes it that way -- not only the illness itself but the physical reaction you have to your body

Now back to Allison - her case was much worse than mine. I cringe to think of the horror she suffered. I cringe to think of the horror she is suffering now. If she lost her children -- at 6 weeks her already fragile body would have deterritate because the stress of that would affect her. So lets fast forward to Christmas- - yes - I can understand what she did. I dont condone it but I can understand it --- and looking into my self, unfortunately looking at my precious soon - I would do ANYTHING for him - anything -- and NOOONE will take him from me - yeah I can understand

And I find it also amusing - (reading thru the first 30 or so pages) that all of the HG mothers defend Allison - that should tell America something!!!! It is an illness - it is a huge problem - something must be done!

c

I would love to read the sealed ones.

I agree that the terms of the adoption were specious and a bit underhanded on the Needhams part.  I think that any judge could look at it and tell that Allison signed the documents while in a state of not being mentally and emotionally capable to do so.  It's evidenced by the 911 call, the fact that she signed the documents more than once, and that she took the kids. 

Now, while all this is dragging on, and I can tell, it will.  Where are the twins supposed to go?  They need care from someone.  The adoptive parents should have temporary custody until the terms of the case are decided. 

The mom needs to gain back her strength before she should pursue this lengthy legal case.  Right now, she's so physically depleted, not to mention any traces of Post Partum or PTSD that may be left from the ordeal, that trying to get the children would be a futile attempt.  They'd take one look at her and see that she's "not fit", and the kids go into foster care.  The woman just needs medical attention and professional help before she goes thru even more physical and psychological torture trying to get the kids back.

In further explanation, I don't think that Allison wanted the monetary gain, either, I was distinguishing between a custody suit and a civil suit.  A civil suit is about money, maybe in a state where she's not the best decision maker, she would file any suit whatsoever to overturn the adoption- any shelter in a storm. 

I DO think she was under duress and her perception of the situation was skewed because of it.  Not to say the Needhams were completely innocent in all of this, I don't believe they were.  I just think she should get a support system as well as treatment before she goes back to fight this thing again.

Dear Dr. Phil,

I am writing to you, like all these other women, to tell parts of my story in the hopes of getting some real help. We have all suffered with a pain that I can only describe as heart shattering. I have had three experiences with HG, none successful. No words could possibly explain the overwhelming saddness I have felt trying to heal. There is an emptiness that will never truly heal as I accept the fact that I am terrified to ever try again.
Though I have many memories from the illness, I will tell the ones that stand out in my mind with such vividness that my heart aches now even two years after my last attempt.
I believe with everything in me that I would be dead now had I kept on trying.
The most painful memory stands out with my third attempt. I could not make it past 5 months. I lost 46 pounds. I was throwing up blood and bile at least 30 times a day, and for the last few weeks had blood not just trickling from my nose in nosebleeds, but spraying out violently as I wretched. All day and night.
At first I was suffering at home, trying several medications. None worked, not even the one I had to administer myself by needle into my leg and arm muscle. I was weak, unable to even think about eating or drinking even a sip of water, and unable to get a handle on any of it. I was on 4 medications in hospital. They managed to get my symptoms under control at about 3 months for 2 days and told me I was fine and should go home. The only reason I was fine was because I had a chemical soup being fed to me through I.V. So when they took me off everything, all at once, after only 2 days of peace... of course a few hours after being removed from medication, I was even more violently ill than when I had originally gone in to hospital. They could not get me stable again.
I would dream about swimming through a sea of orange juice when I could manage to fall asleep at all... I guess my body was so dehydrated that it started telling me I needed vitamins, liquids, nutrition.
They hooked me up so I could hear my baby's heartbeat, and it was beautiful. I felt such a saddness knowing that with the way things were going I wouldn't make it and knowing I would have to choose. I can still hear my baby's heartbeat now. I will never forget it.
One afternoon, I went to the washroom to splash some water on my face, got dizzy, sat on the toilet to stabilize myself, and woke up in the bathtub beside me. I rang the call button, and nobody came. So I pulled myself out and crawled to my bed on my hands and knees, crying and dragging the IV machine behind me, too tired to walk and no energy to stand, I sat on the floor by my bed and waited for someone to come, and cried. I called my mother and told her I knew I was dying and asked her to help me. The helplessness she must have felt.
At this point, I couldn't sleep because the motion in my mind from my dreams would send me into fits of wretching for hours.
I ended up terminating my pregnancy out of what I thought was necessity to save my own life due to lack of proper resources.  After leaving the hospital in wheelchair, I concentrated on physical recovery. It took a week and a half before I could really even swallow water, or anything else because of the pain, due to rips in my esophagus and lesions and tears in my throat lining. Even a full year later I developed problems with my gallbladder.. I've since learned is due to the illness.
The second attempt left it's own set of scars that fuels me now to do something about the injustice these sufferers were, and are still faced with. I was sent a psychiatrist while in hospital with my second attempt who would wait outside my bathroom door while I wretched to tell me I was overreacting. I was just pregnant, and that I must not want my baby. It makes me sick to think about. How could the medical profession that I came to for help kick me so hard while I was down? I even had a nurse angry with me for throwing up after she'd given me an entire dose of gravol through I.V. (Gravol made me feel even sicker... and I told them that, but surprise, they didn't believe me).
I far from received adequate care and resent being told I didnt want my children. Having a doctor pat your leg and tell you you are a wasting use of the hospitals beds as "there are a lot of other people much sicker than you dear", made me feel horribly alone. As one Emergency ward doc put it after observing me for a total of 5 minutes and taking no blood and conducting no tests.
It's taken me two years to be able to talk about it. Now I have vowed to myself that I will do whatever I have to do to spread the word and help as many women suffering with this illness as I can.
On June 24th of this year me and best friend will be walk/running from London to Toronto, Ontario, ending at Sick Kids hospital where a helpline is located for women suffering and their families. This is all to raise money and donate it to HG research. It will take 6 days, 50 kms per day, 5 kms per hour for 10 hours a day. We are calling it 'The Journey of Hope - to help pave the way for HG sufferers and their children.' We know its not as far as some others have gone for other illnesses, but it is as much as time will allow for now. I would walk around the world and back to find a cure to end this needless suffering. That will be followed by a fundraising dinner in which I am trying to gather as many guests as possible. Dr. Phil.. would you like to come? :)
I thank the HER foundation with everything in my being because after losing 3 children, it was the only place I could find that told me, without a doubt, I am not alone. There are no words that can express my gratitude. There are others. It is not in my head, and I did and do want my children, and I pray that I have even a quarter of the strength as Anne Marie and her co-founders have, so I too will be able to fight right along side them to help even just one woman.
Thank you Dr. Phil for any help you may give us. Please help separate fact from fiction with this illness once and for all... We need to be told by a medical professional that it is not just a figment of our imaginations, because the pain is so real it is absolutely unimaginable.