Topic : 04/11 Anna Nicole Smith: Family Controversy

There is a common belief that disputes including legal disputes are about issues -- the bigger issues drive bigger, more difficult conflicts.  The decision to pursue a highly adversarial legal approach requiring the use of many legal procedures (deposition, subpoenas, hearings, and a trial) are often the result of a high conflict personality.  High conflict personalities often determine the direction of the entire case.  Some of my favorite books which provide a great introduction and insight are: 

High Conflict Personalities:  Understanding and Resolving Their Costly (Legal) Disputes by William A. Eddy

Why is it Always About You?  The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism by Sandy Hotchkiss AND Emotional Blackmail:  When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward 

Stop Walking on Eggshells:  Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Know Has Borderline Personality Disorder by Paul Mason and Randi Kreger

While some of this information is designed for legal professionals, mental health professionals, mediators, and other dispute revolvers, this information is also written for the average person who may be stuck in a dispute with a high conflict personality, or cares about someone who is involved in one. 

Hope it helps!

  Dear Dr. Phil, as a daily watcher of your show, I felt the need to comment. By the way I appreciate on your posting of the shows original air date, because that saves my electronics since my I tape you every day to watch later.  On the AN story why  do you and others give the Stern family so much air time, I quess they need to paint Howard in the best possible light, since he is tarnished..  I have seen them on others shows bad mouth Vergie Arthur, Have any of them lost a daughter or grandson, all of her actions have been critized by them.  Since of I have lost a precious daughter to cancer in the prime of her life I can emphaize with her.  That woman is grieving and should be cut some slack, she may not have the capacity to do any better than she than she does. Also Bonnie Stern got in her face at the funeral who gave her the right to do that to a greiving Mother. Virgie was a lady and  wlaked away she showed more class than Bonnie.  I AM not a fighter but I may have slugged her. I have followed this story very closely and everything I have seen or read points to Howard to be an enabler, in her drug story.  The tape that was shown during the hearing in Flordia proved that,  she was eight months pregnant and out of her mind and he was taping her and asked if she was on a mushroom trip and the tape would be worth lots of money, case closed.  Mr. Birkhead's story was he tried to get her off of drugs during the pregnancy, the duffle bag in the hospital and the duffle bag in the hotel room, proof postive he was enabling her.  He is not off the hook by any means.  She fled America with her enabler to get away from Larry because he was trying the help her get off drugs.  I believe her fued with her Mother started when  AN started taking drugs and her Mother tried to help her and as usual AN ran.  The statements she made on ET about her Mother were the drugs talking, since she was obviously on drugs during the interview.  I don't think AN knew where she was during  the taping.  A sad sad story from anyones perspective.  She may finally be happy and out of her misery.  Also Stern is holding Dannielynn hostage because I don't think he is her Father anymore than I am and I am a lady.  Dr. Phil normally right on the money but you got off track on this one.  Hi to Robin , Chris Coggsdale

I find it so upsetting to hear how "aweful" Anna's mother was/is and how she is just after the money...

I don't see her that way. I see a mother who has lost her daughter. She lost her many years ago when Anna chose drugs, Howard and "tabliod sensationalizm over her family.

Yes, Vergie made a lot of mistakes as Anna's mother. I have yet to meet a mother, who's child is involved with drugs, that has always done or made the right decisions when it comes to their child.  It is a very hard battle that few can win.

How can I say what I say with confidence? Because just this past Sept 24th I lost my own child, my only daughter, to the same fate. Her death was eerily simular to Anna's.

My daughter's name is Shelby Walker aka "Shelby Girl Walker" a professional boxer and mixed martial arts fighter.

Shelby, like Anna, loved the "lime light", and insisted on being the center of attention. In the profession she chose, women are quite literally in the "Center".

Shelby became addicted to alcohol while teen-ager, later pain pills became her "thing". Our mother/daughter relationship fell apart, she drifted away, and like Vergieis now, when Shelby was found dead alone in a motel from a drug over dose, I got the same judgemental treatment as Vergie, just not as public.

Answer one question...How is a mother suppose to act when their child dies? Is there a book out that Vergie and I missed? Instructions on how to be the "perfect grieving mother?"

If so, please let us know.

Shelby Girls Mom

http://www.shelby-girl-walker.virtual-memorials.com

It is so upsetting to hear and read about how awfully a mother Vergie was and how she is only after the money.

I'm am sure Vergie made a lot of mistakes while Anna was young and much more regrettable ones after Anna chose drugs, Howard Stern and "tabloid sensationalism" over her family. I know she has had every single one of her mistakes over and over in her thoughts and worse in her dreams every night. You will never be able to hurt her with your ugly rash judgments as much as her own guilt with it's millions of "if onlies" and "why's" she will always ask herself in her private moments.

How can I say this with such confidence? Because last Sept 24th I lost my own child, my only daughter to an over dose of pain pills. Hers was during an act of para-suicide (attempts that fail). The last of dozen suicide attempts over the last 20 years. This time she trusted the wrong people to "save" her.

Shelby's death was eerily similar to Anna's. She too was found dead in a motel room in Florida. Shelby was a professional boxer and mixed martial arts fighter. She has become addicted to pain pills following an injury early in her career. Our mother/daughter relationship had come apart as the drugs and the lifestyle took over. I became "Mommy Dearest" from what I have read in of her interviews.

I was and still am harassed by some of her "friends", the people who "loved her", the same people who enabled her to her death.  

When I see and hear Vergie and Anna's FAMILY, the ones who really knew "Vicky". All I see is their pain, their grief, their concern for the little baby girl "Vicky"  left behind.

If anyone knows how a grieving mother is suppose to act, since Vergie and I are so bad at it, if you know of a book of "rules" we need to study to get it right. Please let us know. OK

Shelby Girl's Mom

Virtual Memorials

I can't say that America is intrigued with Anna Nicole's life & death, I think the news media didn't give us a choice!  I'm about tired of hearing about it!

I had a four year old grandson die suddenly on 3/26/06.  The last thing he ate before going to bed on 3/25 was a peanut butter sandwich (Peter Pan #2111 recalled)  I have tried for weeks to get FDA, CDC, Health Depts. or News Media's to test this peanut butter, report on it, investigate it or something to help my son.  No one cares & no one will help.  The only answer we got was from the CDC stating sorry we're not testing peanut butter anymore.  However, here is the address to get a refund.