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Topic : 08/20 The Dr. Phil House: Saving Grace, Part 2

Number of Replies: 723
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Created on : Friday, April 13, 2007, 03:09:57 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 04/16/07) Dr. Phil continues his work with a family torn apart by a 6-year-old girl’s secret: she was molested by her grandfather, and her grandmother failed to report it. Cat and Todd have cut off all contact with Todd’s parents, Steve and Anne, and haven’t seen them since they learned the horrifying truth from their daughter, Grace, over two years ago. Steve has served time for the assault and is now a registered sex offender with a protective order keeping him away from Grace until she’s 18. After secretly watching Dr. Phil’s interview with Steve and Anne, and learning the details of what really took place, will Todd and Cat ever feel comfortable with letting Grace’s grandmother back in her life? Dr. Phil sits down with both couples as they confront each other for the first time face to face. Then, Dr. Phil addresses Cat and Todd’s marriage, which has started to crumble under the stress. How can they get back on track for the sake of their daughter? Next, Grace wants to ask Dr. Phil some questions. See what this brave little girl wants other kids to know. Plus, Dr. Phil has an update on this family one month later. How are they now? Talk about the show here.

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April 16, 2007, 1:57 am CDT

fateskid

Quote From: fateskid

I applaud loudly and with deep heart felt joy, Cats efforts and victory , in protecting Grace.   I have cried every evening since I saw the show.

 

I am 43.   At age 6, I too was being molested by my grandfather. (My moms dad.)  Had  been molested for as long as I can remember back to around age 2. My fathers parents ended up going to court when I was 6 to get custody of me and my two sisters. (My parents had deserted us.)  The day of court, they left me and my sisters with my moms dad. The molester. (Mind you, the whole family knew he had molested me.) And on the day my dads mom got custody of me, she came home from court, asking I if my grandfather had molested me. When I denied it, she demanded to look at me, down there. Noting I was red, she told me she was taking me to the police station, to be finger printed. I CANT WRITE THAT WITHOUT DYING A LITTLE MORE IN SIDE.   I asked to take a bath first.  Tried to scrub the fingerprints off.

 

Now , my grandmother is 81.  She lives with me in a wheelchair paralyzed on one side. I wash her , I take her to the bathroom, I give her her medications.  I have never forgiven her. 7 yrs she has lived with me.  I love her, just cant make peace with this. Sitting in my 200,000 dollar home, still stuck in my trailer trash past.

 

I am a nurse.  R.N.  I raised 3 kids, youngest one 17, first one finished with college, second one almost done with college, and the 3rd one, a Jr. in high school.  I protected the 3  kids. None molested by anyone. I make a lot of money, have a high positon job wise.  Am so pained inside, like a hand always gripping and pulling at my guts.

 

I am an alcoholic, evening drinking, killing myself over time. I wonder, had my mom been Cat, how would of it been different?  Thank you Cat.  Every Grace deserves a savior.

 You are better person than i could be...i would throw grandma off the gravy train and wish her well.   i wish  you more than just a bottle  to help you feel better, a therapist, a friend ..someone.  you apparently are a good woman, a good mother but feel helpless and hopeless.  i deal with demons every day that i get up... and i too am an RN...i went through my self destructive phase-eating disorder and then cutting myself( anything help not feel the pain inside). my abuse was ongoing and for a long time and my mother knew. You have 3 shildren who will someday give you grandchildren.  You want to be around  so you can show them the love that you were denied.  And they  will the worse if they haven't a grandmother's love.   i will keep you in my thoughts.  please find help.   Noone should  allow the abuse to perpetuate,  the hate you feel for yourself inside can be healed.  if you have noone ,mother yourself.  As you said.....Every

Grace  deserves a savior

 
April 16, 2007, 3:34 am CDT

Saving Grace & Others

45 years ago NO one talked about child molestation.  It was just not something anyone discussed.  I know....it took me years to forgive my mom for not stopping her friend from molesting me.  She did try some, but he was a very sick, mean man.  I try not to hate him today, because that only hurts me now.  He is long gone and I still have a hard time thinking that he might be in heaven....I almost want to say "hope he is in hell", but I can't say it. 

 

For one person to cause so much stress and hell in one family is so sad.  Besides molesting me, he molested my younger brother, scared us to death because he was so mean and also tried to kill my youngest brother.  Almost succeeded in that...my youngest brother didn't find out until he was grown.  So many sad secrets in one family.  One of my sisters stated one day that we have a very disfunctional family and boy do we.  All from a loving mom making the wrong decisions.  Our decisions not only affect us, but so many others in our lives.

 

Please don't let Grace's molester nor his silent partner near her ever again in her life.  From experience, they will try their best to brainwash her that she can't talk about it or any more molesting that may take place if she is left with them.  When she is much older....18 isn't old enough.....more like in her 30s.....it took me that long and my mother's death to be able to talk about what happened to me.  I finally started talking about it with my family and believe me, even at 38 it was hard to discuss something that happened to me when I was only 6 or 7.

 

Please protect her because a child can't protect themselves.  Maybe with help she won't go through all the hell I have in my life.  I have been a very angry person all my life, very sad, very scared (covered that with bluff).  It will affect every aspect of your life forever and the decisions you make. 

 

You try to hide from everything...are sad, angry, depressed, have very low self-esteem.  The low self-esteem will hurt you forever and it comes from one person doing something just for their pleasure!  Sick bastards.

 

Thank goodness you have Dr. Phil to help.  Back in the late 50s, we didn't have his kind of help

 

Love Grace and please, please protect her.

 

 
April 16, 2007, 4:59 am CDT

Thanks To You

Quote From: truthnjustice

I BELIEVE THE SON WAS MOLESTED BY HIS FATHER.

I also believe Grace's father could've molested her.

That would make 2 abusers.

 

Somebody needs to DIG into this family a whole lot more.

I have tho thank you for having the answers.  When and how did the father molest his child?  I missed that part.  Did her mother do it as well? 
 
April 16, 2007, 6:34 am CDT

I get the Grandpa

I get how the Grandpa behaved.  He's a twisted individual.  What I don't understand is the Grandmother.  I wouldn't trust either of them with a child.  And I firmly believe that not all families should reunite.  Some lines should never be uncrossed.
 
April 16, 2007, 6:45 am CDT

SAVING GRACE

Oh my goodness, has Someone been watching over my shoulder while I write the story of what happened to OUR 6 year old daughter?  It couldn't be more identical... and SCARY!  I identify so much with Cat, her husband and Grace... my heart goes out to them!  My husband looked like his father too.  My father-in-law was a deacon in a church with a congregation in the mid-hundreds, and if my mother-and-sister-in-law had had their way, we wouldn't have even been told!  Add two other children we had to that scenario, so overwhelming.
 
April 16, 2007, 6:55 am CDT

saving grace

Ever since I watched the show last week I have been sick over this whole thing and felt so sorry for what tGrace has gone through.  I hope and pray that her parents are going through therapy and are getting the support they need for there daughter as well.  And as for the grandparents if it were me I would not allow them to have contact with my child.  I am 56 years old and have to granddaughters of my own and love them so much.  If god forbid anything were to ever happen like this I would kill my husband.   I always worried when my son was young of someone touching him when he was growing up and now have to worry about what is happening in todays world.    I feel for this family and will pray for them to get through this and hope they can heal and have a stronger marriage and the 3 of them be alot closer then ever.

 

Cin

Candia,NH

 
April 16, 2007, 7:00 am CDT

Saving Grace Part 2

I am very curious  why isn't the Grandfather in jail???  Did I miss  a show, there is something very wrong here, grandfather or not I would have had him arrested, I am confused on this situation. This  child  will be scared for life and right now is totally  confused on the whole situation.  I have had  an experience with this type situation which might have  cost me  a marriage.  Something that  should have been reported years ago and might save helped  in many ways  instead of being ignored??  Which is  what I feel is going on here, this guy should be locked up and registered, my gosh, he  could do this to anyones child now??
 
April 16, 2007, 7:06 am CDT

You are so loved!

Quote From: fateskid

I applaud loudly and with deep heart felt joy, Cats efforts and victory , in protecting Grace.   I have cried every evening since I saw the show.

 

I am 43.   At age 6, I too was being molested by my grandfather. (My moms dad.)  Had  been molested for as long as I can remember back to around age 2. My fathers parents ended up going to court when I was 6 to get custody of me and my two sisters. (My parents had deserted us.)  The day of court, they left me and my sisters with my moms dad. The molester. (Mind you, the whole family knew he had molested me.) And on the day my dads mom got custody of me, she came home from court, asking I if my grandfather had molested me. When I denied it, she demanded to look at me, down there. Noting I was red, she told me she was taking me to the police station, to be finger printed. I CANT WRITE THAT WITHOUT DYING A LITTLE MORE IN SIDE.   I asked to take a bath first.  Tried to scrub the fingerprints off.

 

Now , my grandmother is 81.  She lives with me in a wheelchair paralyzed on one side. I wash her , I take her to the bathroom, I give her her medications.  I have never forgiven her. 7 yrs she has lived with me.  I love her, just cant make peace with this. Sitting in my 200,000 dollar home, still stuck in my trailer trash past.

 

I am a nurse.  R.N.  I raised 3 kids, youngest one 17, first one finished with college, second one almost done with college, and the 3rd one, a Jr. in high school.  I protected the 3  kids. None molested by anyone. I make a lot of money, have a high positon job wise.  Am so pained inside, like a hand always gripping and pulling at my guts.

 

I am an alcoholic, evening drinking, killing myself over time. I wonder, had my mom been Cat, how would of it been different?  Thank you Cat.  Every Grace deserves a savior.

I too have been thrown into the arena of sexual abuse.  My daughter was sexually abused by my sisters husband.  Our family was torn in two and it has been a very slow process of rebuilding trust with my sister.  He of course is in prison-15 years no parole.  Joyce Meyer has been instrumental in my recovery from the pain of this ordeal.  She was sexually abused by her father for 17 years.  She is a christian and publicly speaks about her ordeal. Her web site is www.joycemeyer.org  She has written a book called Beauty for Ashes.   Our lives are burned by this awful crime and I have seen in her  life and mine that God can make beauty come out of the ashes of our burned life.  I too am a nurse.  The healing we need is not from the outside ( nice homes, good jobs , or pain killers, etc.) but from the inside out.  Your heart my friend is damaged but not destroyed.  What happened to you as a child hurt God even more than it hurt you.  He never wanted this injustice to happen to you.  He has a plan and a purpose for your life to get thru it like a patient has to get thru chemotherapy to eradicate the cancer, or get thru the open heart surgery so the heart can be repaired.  Yes, this had the potential to totally take you and I out of the ballgame of real living, but had I given up and had I chose to hide the pain I never would have gotten the help I needed to be totally cured-IN REMISSION from the cancer of the bitterness that would make my heart so sick I would have curled up and died.

Jesus is the Great Physician of  our souls and hearts.  He loves you so much just the way you are.  I like what Joyce Meyer says, "I'm a mess but  I'M  God's mess".  If God did it for me and for Joyce I know He wants to do it for every child who is now an adult who has been treated wrongly and unjustly sexually abused.  There is better days for you my friend. I should be dead right now but I am here to tell you that by not quitting and by not running trom the hard work of recovery-I am a alive!!

Pick up your head and renew your mind.  For when your mind is renewed, the thing that would have destroyed you now becomes the tool that God will use in your life so that you will be a minister of reconciliation to others who are on the verge of giving up and destroying themselves.

The pain that you experience now and the pain you experienced in the past gives you the power to speak with authority and to be heard . I have never met you, but I feel a love for you that is stronger than a love I feel for my own sister.  I feel a connection to you that comes from sharing from the cup of suffering and if we can share that cup we can share from the cup of blessing and hope and victory too.  Your future is full and God wants you to know that He is with you and He loves you and He will deliver you from all your pain-He makes all thing beautiful in His time. 

 
April 16, 2007, 7:29 am CDT

He Knew What He Was Doing !!!!

you know i watch different shows on TV and see things like this everyday, i myself think he didn't spend enough time in jail, that is the problem now days, the system does not give out hard enough time for this type of crime !!!,, we just went threw this with my granddaughter, she was molested by my daughters boyfriend, he received 3 years,, not enough !!! the way the system works he will be out in a year, all i say is he better move far far away, by the way my granddaughter was only 8 to 9 years old when this happened, my daughter caught him on top of her, how much more does the law need to lock him up for a long time, the shyster lawyers that get people live this off or reduced time should be locked up with them, and then to think that this was grace's grandfather and that he blames everybody but him self,, bull !!!!! grandma is just as guilty, i cant say any more without getting more angrier, so i will quit while i can, i just hope things work out for grace and her parents,,

 
April 16, 2007, 7:29 am CDT

They're BOTH sick!

Quote From: breese

I get how the Grandpa behaved.  He's a twisted individual.  What I don't understand is the Grandmother.  I wouldn't trust either of them with a child.  And I firmly believe that not all families should reunite.  Some lines should never be uncrossed.

I just think they're both in this sick relationship!  G'ma and G'pa are from a generation that never talked about this and never condoned dissent between spouses, especially a woman standing up to her husband! 

 

G'ma should've taken her to an ER when she saw the redness.  They may have been able to document it and find any damage to that area to correct later as well as professional help. 

 

Also, she should have notified the parents and taken the child to a safe place in the mean time, or have had her husband arrested.  Protecting the abuser is just SICK!  He needs to be in a treatment facility and not free to molest again.  If she loves that little girl, she would have him put away!

 
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