I have many posts, both on this board, and Saving Grace Part One. Anyone who has read them knows rhat my children were molested by my son-in-law, at the time of the molestation, he was my older daughter's boyfriend, then fiance. We loved him. He was clean, drug free...did not drink. He was in his final year of college when he entered our lives...a blesssing I thought, yet it was a curse. My daughter remained with him, calling her brother and sister liars (my son was 10, my daughter 12 when they finally spoke out...nine months after the wedding). We have not seen her, or had ANY contact for 7 years, and learned only through mutual associates, she has two little girls.
My hopes were to write a book seeking an alternative to the system in place today, as the law did not help us. So much research is contradictory...there is that which states that it can never be cured, then, there is other research which ties brain chemistry in the pedophile to that in other mental disorders. This offers hope for control, and cure. I'm still reading, still researching and hope that one day, there will be a definitive answer. I hope more than anything for less victims. I cannot believe the damage it has done to all areas of our family life. We did seek therapy and while it was helpful...it's not a magic bullit. This changes who you are, and you become a person you don't know. Although my children are doing well, at 17 and 19, they both wonder how different they would be had this not happened to them. My daughter suffered from a loss of memory in certain phases of her childhood. Once she spoke out, from that day forward, she remembers everything. Still, she cannot remember those periods in her life...not the entire time, just certain "blocks" I guess is the best way to describe it. She finds it frustrating, yet our therapist states it is probably something she can't face...and not to force it. How terrible to be robbed of pieces of the time in life where you should have been care free. My son does remember everything, yet he becomes sad easily, he has not gotten over the betrayal of his sister leaving, and calling him a liar. That, he says is his biggest obstacle, and he doubts she ever loved him. He has a terrible fear of abandonment, and does get very re-active if angry. He is ranked the #1 student in his senior class, yet he is not able to fully enjoy his accomplishments...he worries a lot. My husband developed high blood pressure...doctor says from stress. I am just in a quandry...Things appear to be getting on track, and there is a sudden outburst from someone, a period of despair...or depression, anger and we are all much more tired than we should be. There are days that I wish I had sold my home, as he did it all here, when I was home...or my older daughter, or husband or my uncle. He was NEVER in the house alone with them, just in our family room downstairs...and everything seemed so normal....we were all in shock. My husband's sister doesn't believe it either. As she was a frequent guest in our home, with my son-in-law, she feels, she would have known something. As we all know, that's not the case, unless you are told, or see something odd. Who would have a creepy person in their home, particularly around children. The problem is, pedophiles don't have to look creepy...they look like me, they look like you. So another result of his actions is that we no longer speak to my sister in law. The lack of support was too much to sustain, although we tried, it just was phoney....my husband and I had too much animosity, and we didn't tell the kids she didn't believe them at the time...but we had to as they got older...where is she and why? So, it really hurt their feelings....wish I could have lied, but covering up is not a message to send to children who were brainwashed by a pedophile to keep silent...so I don't cover and lie, just explain that a lot of people go into a denial, as the truth is so abnormal, they can't face it.
I still hold hopes for an eventual cure, or a control, based on the more positive research. I'm not a pedophile supporter, but having lived it, if ANYTHING can be done to prevent it, I pray it can be found. We, all of us, who have had this plague infest our lives will get no direct benefit if such a cure is to be had. Once it's done, you ARE a victim, and you have been changed. Depending on who it was, can change almost the entire infrastrucure of your family...so no, it won't do US any good. Just if there were to be fewer of us in the future, people not yet born who may dodge this, if medical science can find a chemical balance. I believe it can only be truly over, if it doesn't happen, and from what I've read, this is epidemic! My heart and love goes out to all of you who have been subjected to this abomination. I hope that for all of you, and for my family, that it can one day, be over enough so that it no longer effects your life. Then, I have to ask, are these hopes realistic? Reading the long term pain on these boards, I have my doubts. Too many lives have been disrupted, and our system just is not working...our failures are so obvious, and this disease is in our own homes...in our own family members. The law requires evidence that we often cannot give, and violence is just brealkng yet another law...making the victim a criminal which is not the way to go. Praying that some day, there is a better way, and wishing us all a brighter future.
(Original Air Date: 04/16/07) Dr. Phil continues his work with a family torn apart by a 6-year-old girl’s secret: she was molested by her grandfather, and her grandmother failed to report it. Cat and Todd have cut off all contact with Todd’s parents, Steve and Anne, and haven’t seen them since they learned the horrifying truth from their daughter, Grace, over two years ago. Steve has served time for the assault and is now a registered sex offender with a protective order keeping him away from Grace until she’s 18. After secretly watching Dr. Phil’s interview with Steve and Anne, and learning the details of what really took place, will Todd and Cat ever feel comfortable with letting Grace’s grandmother back in her life? Dr. Phil sits down with both couples as they confront each other for the first time face to face. Then, Dr. Phil addresses Cat and Todd’s marriage, which has started to crumble under the stress. How can they get back on track for the sake of their daughter? Next, Grace wants to ask Dr. Phil some questions. See what this brave little girl wants other kids to know. Plus, Dr. Phil has an update on this family one month later. How are they now? Talk about the show here.
