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Topic : 08/20 The Dr. Phil House: Saving Grace, Part 2

Number of Replies: 723
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Created on : Friday, April 13, 2007, 03:09:57 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 04/16/07) Dr. Phil continues his work with a family torn apart by a 6-year-old girl’s secret: she was molested by her grandfather, and her grandmother failed to report it. Cat and Todd have cut off all contact with Todd’s parents, Steve and Anne, and haven’t seen them since they learned the horrifying truth from their daughter, Grace, over two years ago. Steve has served time for the assault and is now a registered sex offender with a protective order keeping him away from Grace until she’s 18. After secretly watching Dr. Phil’s interview with Steve and Anne, and learning the details of what really took place, will Todd and Cat ever feel comfortable with letting Grace’s grandmother back in her life? Dr. Phil sits down with both couples as they confront each other for the first time face to face. Then, Dr. Phil addresses Cat and Todd’s marriage, which has started to crumble under the stress. How can they get back on track for the sake of their daughter? Next, Grace wants to ask Dr. Phil some questions. See what this brave little girl wants other kids to know. Plus, Dr. Phil has an update on this family one month later. How are they now? Talk about the show here.

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April 16, 2007, 8:03 am CDT

This makes me sick

 I've been watching the 2nd part of The Dr. Phil House and I just wanted to reach through the TV and shake those Grandparents. I have never in my life seen such weak and clueless people in my life. That woman, to continue living with a man that did that to her granddaughter has to be in a dark place like her husband. She sits there all prim and proper and he looks like a pervert, using the "devil made me do it".

My mom was abused sexually when she was a child by her own father. My grandma says that she had no idea what was going on, but that is crap. My grandpa died years before I was born, but my mother has told me that she would never have allowed me or my sisters to have been anywhere near him.

I feel as a mother myself that you have to be aware of the molesters who are registered in your town or city. Know how far they are from the schools, see what they look like. I never want to be like my grandma and be oblivious and unaware.
 
April 16, 2007, 8:17 am CDT

Grace, hang in there!

Whoever read this,

 

Grace wasn't the only one in this world who had been victim by the family member.  My daughter and i are the victim of my brother ( her uncle) who had rapist few of my friends and my daughter including and we put a stop to it.  We report to the children service center to get the help to put him away for good as he is serving life in prison without parole cause he force her to do things and told her he love her no matter what but warning her if she tell a living soul, she won't be allow to see her mother anymore so we really don't know the answer to his question why he threat her that way. but as for him, her father also rapist her and had served his three years in prison and is now officially sex offender for life.  My daughter had the courage to tell me what is bother her when she is tired of being "alone" with them and didn't want to stay home alone anymore and i had to work and hate to leave her there but when i found out what happened, i quit my job and took off to children service and got the best helped but i lost my parents and three sisters dues to this and i didn't cares how they feel, i put my daughter first and always will.  My mother should have put me first when i told her about my brother and she didn't believe me. so too late, it happened to my daughter and i believe every word she said.  Nothing will change our relationship with my daughter and me cause she had been very open and honest to tell me everything that happened to her.  We have a good life now and very happy to move on and we do forgive those men but god want everyone to be forgive and to work together but my brother won't work together with us.. he had blamed on 5 yrs old niece that she started the sexual intercourse.  So you know any excuse any guy or female used, don't not fall in trap with them. do what your children tell you and get the help asap.. cause it save many kids out there those day after i report what happened.  my daughter is his fifth victims and i am so glad to put a stop to it!

 

as for grace, never feel regret what u did.. but keep your head up and you will always have many friends and family to be with you..  don't worrying what those 2 people trying to accuse you of..  and they will be the one to be punishment by god.  not any of us...  god bless us with so many miracle that we knew we did the right thing.  You will see as you grow up and you will thank god for the strength and faith and caring you have all around you. We are so proud of you!  my daughter is 17 yrs old today and everyday i thank god that i saved her life and the others...

thank you

 

 
April 16, 2007, 8:18 am CDT

GRANDFATHER IN JAIL?

Quote From: peacemaker05

I am very curious  why isn't the Grandfather in jail???  Did I miss  a show, there is something very wrong here, grandfather or not I would have had him arrested, I am confused on this situation. This  child  will be scared for life and right now is totally  confused on the whole situation.  I have had  an experience with this type situation which might have  cost me  a marriage.  Something that  should have been reported years ago and might save helped  in many ways  instead of being ignored??  Which is  what I feel is going on here, this guy should be locked up and registered, my gosh, he  could do this to anyones child now??
He served a "wee bit of time"... poor old pervert!  The laws really NEED to be changed, for the victim's and their families' sakes!  A slap on the wrist, a few months to think about how you might not have been caught, or NOTHING at all... NOT ENOUGH! 
 
April 16, 2007, 8:18 am CDT

04/16 The Dr. Phil House: Saving Grace, Part 2

These grandparents should be kept from this poor girl for the rest of her life, not just until 18.  What horrible people they must be to do something like this to this poor child.  All of my prayres are with this poor little girl and her family.
 
April 16, 2007, 8:18 am CDT

Gracie is an angel sent from heaven.

I just wanted to say how very brave i think Gracie is,and i pray for her every night that she sleeps peaceful as a 6 yr old child should,cause see i also was molested as a child by my mothers live in boyfriend,and like her grandma i told my elder which was my mother,well she confronted him about this and we moved out for about a yr,some how she started to talk to him again and she come to me one day and said what do u think about him moving in with us he said he was sorry and wouldn't do it again,i only being a few yrs older then Gracie was confused and said what ever,and so we did and it happened again,this went on 3 times when then my mom finally had enough she left for good,but not soon enough to help me,i have issues with men now that I'm older and have thoughts of it happening to my daughter all the time.Gracie i want to tell you,your an angel sent from heaven and your in my thoughts and prayers.
 
April 16, 2007, 8:23 am CDT

Grace

I'm so glad that Grace has a supportive family that has been willing to confront what she's dealt with...and will explain to her that it's not her fault.  I can only pray that people in her life will continue to get that message across to her...and that they'll be there every time she doubts that as she grows up.  This is something that she'll probably confront throughout different stages of her life.  But with people there to support her, the road to "recovery" and dealing with this can only be better.  Hopefully now we live in a time where sexual abuse isn't something that people are afraid to deal with...in a time where we don't play the "blame game" and make it even worse for the people who are VICTIMS in the situation...not the culprit!
 
April 16, 2007, 8:25 am CDT

KEEP HIM AWAY FOREVER

 I wouldn't care if my daughter begged to see them, I would never let her be in their pressence ever again.   This act was the sickest act that anyone could do to your child, let alone it be her grandparents.  They knew better and THEY ARE BOTH GUILTY!   They both make me sick to my stomach.   You need to teach your children what behavior is forgivable and in circumstances like this is unexceptable and unforgivable.  To be in the same room with him would lesson the severity in this matter and make her believe it maybe wasn't as bad as it seemed.  NO keep her away and make her understand that she is not to she them b/c their behavior was unexceptable and she doesn't need people in her life that do not meet certain standards.   You need to take a stand FOR HER SAKE.  Make her understand that she is better than that and deserves to be loved and to be around people that treat her WITH RESPECT.  In my eyes they both blew it , and neither one of them deserve to ever see her again.  And as A father you should NEVER exspect your parents to be a part of your lives again.  THEY ARE BOTH SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK!!!!    

 Something not as drastic happened to my daughter.  It wasn't they grandfather but a cousin, but still to this day my husband still doesn't speek to any of them b/c of the way it was all handled.  My daughter was 4.  We took her to a therepist and  worried about just her and the rest of them can just go to #$^#.  My worries were for MY DAUGHTER period.  And what happened to my daughter was nearly as awful compared to what your poor daughter was put threw.

Your grandparents are supposed to be your second parents.  People that you know love you more than anyone else in the world and are in your corner, not people that commit horrible acts against you.  That's what makes this so terribly sick.  If you do not cut them from your life and just focus on your daughter you will be very sorry.  I'm so close with my parents, but if they were to do something so disscusting I would not think twice, I would take my child and run and never look back.  There are things that you just can't fix, and this is one of them.

 
April 16, 2007, 8:32 am CDT

He Was

Quote From: peacemaker05

I am very curious  why isn't the Grandfather in jail???  Did I miss  a show, there is something very wrong here, grandfather or not I would have had him arrested, I am confused on this situation. This  child  will be scared for life and right now is totally  confused on the whole situation.  I have had  an experience with this type situation which might have  cost me  a marriage.  Something that  should have been reported years ago and might save helped  in many ways  instead of being ignored??  Which is  what I feel is going on here, this guy should be locked up and registered, my gosh, he  could do this to anyones child now??
The grandfather was in jail.  I heard no mention of the length of his sentence, but it was woefully brief.  This happened five years ago (I believe).  The child's mother and father have not ignored this.  They have done what was available to them.  The grandmother is the one who neglected her duty because she was aware of the abuse and said nothing.  I'm sure he is registered.   I am concerned also that this may not have been the first child he has done this with.
 
April 16, 2007, 9:07 am CDT

Please consider this

The last time this show aired I gave two examples of incest from my own life, one involving a stranger that my mother was dating who tried to rape me when I was 9 years old (my mother arrrived just before things turned from violent to sexual and intevened) and the other example was when I was 16 and my step grandfather groped me but I managed to I to break free. When I told my step mather what happened I was called a liar and punished. Later when the truth came out I was never told that they knew the truth but I was discarded from the family and put in foster care. These two incidents were both bad but because of the meaning attached to each situation, I had very different trauma to the experiences. MY mother had a distorted idea of sexuality and she explained to the man who nearly raped me that he could be deported if he had had sex with me and she continued to date him. Her example was inapproriate but far less traumatic than the second experience. She told me that he was from a different culture and didn't know better so she expalined it to him and he wouldn't bother me anymore. In my child mind I understood it the same way I understood the boy next door when he beat me up. She stopped that too and it never happened again. I didn't carry with me fear of men or sex or guilt or shame. It was just over.She assigned little meaning to it and I learned to do the same. Later in life I had problems with reasonable boundaries but I was not traumatized sexually. My innocence was not lost. In the second situation I was shamed shunned, the truth was never told and I was made the scapegoat for everyone's bad parenting. This had many ramifications: Even though I knew my father step mother and step father were wrong and unfair I internalized the shame and guilt. In the end I  took on a view that life in general would never be fair to me. Because I managed to protect myself from sexual imposition, I was not traumatized sexually. My self-worth toook a beating and I had very low expectations of men which complicated the first 17 years of my adult life. In both cases I learned from those around me what things meant. When I hear Grace's mother say to her father in law "you murdered my daughter's innocence" I am horrified because I know that the mom is teaching her daughter that Grace is  permanantly altered and irreparably damaged goods. This is a bad bad message to send. I see Grace as a person who has had to deal with adult issues prematuredly, but her innocence is given by God and God can restore it. Her dream is an example of her innocence being restored through divine intervention and grace. I may be criticized by many people for this next statement but there is a difference between a violent rape by a complete stranger and what Grace's Grandfather did. What Graces grandfather did is more convoluted and confusing because Grace trusted him. It is always confusing when pleasure and guilt are linked together. But all the "adult reponsibility of right and wrong" is clear to Grace. Teach Grace that she is resilient and can be happy again. That is a better message than "your innocence is permanantly murdered." Only love heals. Not horror, not shame, not regret, not resentment, not hyperbole, only love.heals.  A very wise teacher of God once said, "be innocent as a dove and wise [I would say savvy]  as a serpent." Understanding the truth of that paradox is a lifetime's work but it is worth meditating about. As a child and young woman I had plenty of  evidence that life was unsafe and people were mostly self-serving and unconcerned with my needs,  desires, dreams and hopes. I didn't expect the world to be fair and not surprisingly, it wasn't. MY distorted view was not a satisfying way to approach a life. "What you give your attention to you also give your power"; if you give your attention to how life has victimized you, that unhappy life perpetuates itself. Please teach Grace she is still innocent; her very name invites God's healing into her world. And Mom, your innocence may seem "murdered" by the unhappy truths you embrace. Please pray for your own innocence to be restored while you silently retain your savviness to the frequent insanity of the "world". Another spiritual paradox is to be "in the world yet not of it." I believe the statement that we are spiritual beings having a human experience can shed some light on on how to see beyond the world while still in it. Grace's soul is pure because God made it so and no power exists that can do anything to harm her soul. Her body has known a trespass, but her soul is forever innocent.  Please teach her that she can heal and according to her dream she already has. Let the past remain in the past. You've looked carefully and thoroughly at what happened, there is no denial. Let the healing come.
 
April 16, 2007, 9:10 am CDT

04/16 The Dr. Phil House: Saving Grace, Part 2

I think Grandpa lost his right to see his granddaughter the moment he even thought about molesting her. And, if Grandma cared so deeply for her granddaughter, she wouldn't be standing by that pervert she calls her husband. What gives them any right? I honestly believe once a pedophile, always a pedophile. There is no cure. Its a sickness that lurks in the back of these sicko's minds. To even have a thought about a child in a sexual way, especially your very own grandchild is just unforgiving. He didn't even take responsibility for his sick twisted ways. The Devil made him do it? Come on.

I am sorry, but for him or her to ever have rights to see that child again is just the craziest, twisted thing I have ever heard of. Sorry Grandpa, you are sick and should still be in prison and Grandma, you are just as demented as he is for sticking by a child molester.

I hope the parents keep Grace as far a way as possible. They took this little girl's innocence away and she will forever be changed because of what Grandpa says the Devil made him do. And, he didn't know it was illegal???? Are you kidding me?? He didn't know having your granddaughter perform a sexual act on you was illegal??

What a bunch of sick people. They deserve nothing but the embarrassment this pervert hopefully will endure for coming on the show. Now his face is out there for the whole world to see. And, hopefully, no one will ever allow either one of these people to ever be around children again.

 

 
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