Message Boards

Topic : 08/20 The Dr. Phil House: Saving Grace, Part 2

Number of Replies: 723
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, April 13, 2007, 03:09:57 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 04/16/07) Dr. Phil continues his work with a family torn apart by a 6-year-old girl’s secret: she was molested by her grandfather, and her grandmother failed to report it. Cat and Todd have cut off all contact with Todd’s parents, Steve and Anne, and haven’t seen them since they learned the horrifying truth from their daughter, Grace, over two years ago. Steve has served time for the assault and is now a registered sex offender with a protective order keeping him away from Grace until she’s 18. After secretly watching Dr. Phil’s interview with Steve and Anne, and learning the details of what really took place, will Todd and Cat ever feel comfortable with letting Grace’s grandmother back in her life? Dr. Phil sits down with both couples as they confront each other for the first time face to face. Then, Dr. Phil addresses Cat and Todd’s marriage, which has started to crumble under the stress. How can they get back on track for the sake of their daughter? Next, Grace wants to ask Dr. Phil some questions. See what this brave little girl wants other kids to know. Plus, Dr. Phil has an update on this family one month later. How are they now? Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

More August 2007 Show Boards.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

April 14, 2007, 5:51 pm CDT

I ALSO THOUGHT THIS ABOUT THE DAD!

Quote From: tkdeva

Was I the only one who thought about this?  I don't knw about anyone else, but the mother & son did not really looked surprised to me at all that the grandfather was molesting the grand daughter.  That was a sick feeling I got inside but after listening to the son & how he cried for his dad & not his own daughter & then hearing the grandmother & seeing her face as if she already knew...it just made me wonder if they had molested their own son??  What a sick story.  It is truly sad to me & made no sense at all that the grandmother would still stand by her husband after he did such a disgusting thing!!!  Sick sick sick!!  I would NEVER EVER trust my baby around her grandparents, I'm sorry but I would just write them off.  I would not risk my daughter's life that way, ever, I don't care how much counseling they took or how much regret they said they had.  Just looking at their faces they looked as if everything was alright?  God bless them all....especially that lil girl.
I AM A WOMAN WHO WAS MOLESTED BY MY SISTER, WHO WAS BY MY BROTHER WHO HAD MOLESTED ALL MY OTHER 6+ SIBLINGS. I ALSO FOUND OUT IT WAS MY GRANDFATHER HAD MOLESTED MY SISTERS. IT IS A NORMAL THING AND BECOMES EXCEPTABLE WHEN IT IS IN YOUR FAMILY. SO DOES THE DAD AND GRANDPA HAVE A BOND BECAUSE HE WAS MOLESTED BY HIM ALSO?  THAT IS SOMETHING TO ASK. I WOULD HAVE DONE ANYTHING FOR MY MOLESTER. IT TOOK ME 36 YEARS TO BE AT PEACE WITH WHAT HAD HAPPENED TO ME. I HAVE TO SAY "BRAVO TO THAT LITTLE GIRL FOR TELLING " AND SOMETIMES GOD'S BLESSING ARE HIDDEN IN OUR  WORST NIGHTMARES. SHE IS DESTINED FOR GREAT THINGS BECAUSE SHE DIDNOT GIVE UP AFTER GRANDMA DIDNOT TELL. I WORRY FOR HER BECAUSE ONCE THAT FEELING OF SEXUAL PLEASURE IT FELT IT IS HARD TO STOP WANTING TO FEEL IT. I KNOW THAT SOUNDS SICK, BUT IT IS THE TRUTH. GOD BLESS HER, AND HER PARENTS. ESPECIALLY HER DAD IF HE HAS HIS OWN STORY TO TELL. FORGIVENESS IS HEALING, BUT REMEMBER FORGIVENESS DOES NOT MEAN PUTTING YOURSELVES BACK IN DANGER.
 
April 14, 2007, 5:55 pm CDT

I know how she feels

I know what she is going through, I've been raped starting at age 8 yrs to age 40yrs, none of it was ever reported, I told my mother when I was younger but she never did anything about it so I've lived with the trauma most of my life, I hope she can get the help she will be needing, I wish Dr. Phil was around when I was growing up, it's too late fer me now, I'm just too bitter towards people anymore, I'll pray fer that child, everything will be ok, it might take a while but it will be ok. there's plenty of help out there to help her through this, it's not her fault, she's the innocent child here, the person who did this should go to jail fer the rest of his life, he's very sick!   colt
 
April 14, 2007, 6:49 pm CDT

I was molested

I was molested starting at age 8 to 16. One day something snapped in me. I dug deep down inside myself and stopped this jerk. I hid the abuse from my family until I was almost 30 years old because I did not want to hurt my parents. I did not marry until I was 42. It was not until after I married that I discovered my not talking about it, wanting to keep it a secret was in reality killing me slowly and keeping me from being me. I can not stress how much this hurts you, troubles you, changes you, scares you. This caused problems in my marriage within a few weeks. A flood of emotions came out during 'heated' discussions with my husband. My temper comes out with a vengeance when I feel controlled, because that is what my abuser did, control me. I am currently in counseling and so is my husband. We both try to understand what is going on with me so we can deal with this issue. I am learning to discuss things with him calmly that upset me. My husband is learning not to control too much. (men like to fix things!) We want to deal with it now so it doesn't control us as a couple. I would love to talk to Dr. Phil. I wished so much I had told someone years and years ago!!!!!!! God Bless you Dr. Phil for bring this to public attention. I believe the public has NO idea how often this occurs in America. This child will need lots of understanding and lots of counseling. I would NEVER allow either grandparent around this child. The decision to see them should be made by her when she is old enough to do so. The jerk should be HUNG.
I urge you if this has happened to you, tell some NOW, do not waste half your life like I did, get help as soon as possible!!!
 
April 14, 2007, 6:55 pm CDT

Saving Grace

I absolutely disagree with letting this creep back into this young girl's life.  If Grace was raped by a stranger,  would you make her sit in the same room with that person and socialize with them????  Because she is a child and you use the word molested doesn't make it any less horrifying for her. 

Grandmother is just as guilty.  She betrayed Grace's trust just as if she perpetrated the assault herself!! 

 I would never allow her to be in the same room with either of them again.  The fact that this is her grandparents does not make any difference.  Actually, in my view, it is even worse.  Not only did they betray the trust of an innocent child, they betrayed the trust of that child's parent, their own son.  If my father did this to my daughter and my mother covered it up, I would never have anything to do with either of them ever again.  I have 3 children, 27, 24 & 15,  and nobody, but nobody would ever abuse any of them and have me ever forgive them. Blood does not make abuse of any kind more acceptable than any other. 

Some fences just need to be up and maintaned to keep the animals out!!

 

    

 
April 14, 2007, 7:49 pm CDT

COMPLEATLY DISCUSTED

 The sad part is I can't believe we teach our children to speak upto people we trust and to be violated twice first by so called grandpathen by grandma is just inexcusable.

I think the mother of the little girl should hold her ground and I don't believe these people should EVER be in this child's life again if possible.
 
April 14, 2007, 8:23 pm CDT

Saving Grace

Quote From: vicksin1

Saving Grace

 

We all have our stories, heres mine.  When I was six my mother had an older woman who would baby-sit a couple hours in the afternoons until she got home from work.  There were three of us, myself as the oldest, my sister who was almost four years younger and a brand new baby brother.  I remember on one occasion the womans 17 year old son came over.  At first he was just a big kid playing with us.  It was fun that here was this guy who looked like a grown up but played like a kid.  Hed pick me up and tickle me and for a while it was great fun  That is until during one of those tickling moments he picked me up, put me across his lap, put his hand into my panties and stuck his finger inside me.  I immediately struggled away and ran from him.  He knew what hed done was wrong and Im sure that he didnt pursue because he was worried I was going to go tell his mom but I didnt.  Even then I knew what hed done was wrong, invasive to say the least but I didnt really know the woman who was caring for us so I didnt feel comfortable telling her.  I hid for an over an hour or so against a wall beside a chair until my mother got home.  Funny how the son left not too long after his offense and I though I remember the sitter wondering where I was that she didnt look for me.  Maybe I really had disappeared like Id been sitting there hoping to so he couldnt come back and find me again.  Even when my mom got home I didnt tell.  I was ashamed of what had happened and even though I hadnt done anything I still had to wonder if Id done something to cause it.  Sure, I know now as an adult that I didnt but I still remember vividly the experience and the thoughts that I had and that was forty years ago.  So with that in mind I cant help but think how brave that little girl was to tell her grandmother what had happened.  How trusting she had been that her grandmother would protect her, save her from the horror of what had happened and then to have her choose to protect the molester instead of the child.  So not only had her body been violated along with the trust and care she should have been receiving from one grandparent but now it was being repeated by the other.  How can either justify their actions?  How can a woman take back into her bed, allow him to touch her and not only keep in her life but work to protect someone who could do such a thing to a child, no less their grandchild.  Im appalled that they try to ease their guilt and soothe their conscience by somehow thinking they are a step above the child molester who one typically envisions lurking on street corners luring children with promises of candy or gifts.  Theyre worse.  The unknown predator is self centered and cares only for his own gratification by using the innocent.  What excuse could a family member create that could possibly justify in their own minds to do this to someone that they are sworn by blood to love and protect?  What twisted logic exists in a mind that creates fiction to justify such horrors on a child?  Steve says that he got away from God and thats why he did it.  No.  He stepped away from humanity.  One doesnt need God to tell us what is always right and wrong.  We all have our own scale built inside us in which we measure right from wrong, good to bad and the choices we make to one side or the other are solely our responsibly. 

 

When I was sixteen my mothers 40+ live in boyfriend tried to initiate an encounter with me.  I told him to back off and then locked myself in my room.  It was like I was six years old all over again.  For a long time again I didnt tell my mother but from that point on I made sure that I stood between him and my sister and brother.  I knew that if hed try something with me he couldnt be trusted with them ever.  He was forever yelling at us and often tried to physically battle my little brother but I wouldnt allow it.  I was in his face and fighting with all that I had to protect them.  At one point the tension got so bad that Id decided that I either had to run away with my sister and brother to keep them safe while mom had this man in her house or I needed to tell her what was going on and what had happened.  I remember shaking and being scared to death to tell her but I did.  She had been bothered but not as upset as Id wished she would have been.  She did go home and ask him about it.  I dont know what he said or what she said to him, she did say that he denied it of course, but he did leave the house although she did give him a car and money to help him out.  Even with him gone the problems didnt end.  We grew further apart because she then made it a point to remind me how she had chosen me over him, which for me just seemed like it should have been the obvious choice in the first place.  But she really hadnt and knowing it was what wedged us further apart.  She continued to see him though he never came back to the house but even after their relationship had ended I was forced to pay the price by being reminded often about how much shed loved him but had still made him leave the house.  Quite the concession wasnt it for your child  Yes, thats bitterness speaking even though my mother is now dead and has been for 10 years.  In all this sharing the point I want to make is that I know what this child feels.  I know how the choices that are being made now and in the future are going to shape her.  Shes got so much shes going to have to sort through and Im SO glad she has the show to help her heal but I have to say that I dont care that the grandparents are upset, that grandpa has to register as a sex offender and that grandma doesnt get to see her grand daughter.  They forfeited their rights by jointly defrauding this child of her innocence.  It was so far beyond just a mistake.  None of us are perfect, we make mistakes and sometimes we can correct them and make better choices when weve learned from them but there are just some choices  that you just cant risk making another error on ever again and if that means removing that little girl from her grandparents life forever then thats what it should be for her protection and peace of mind.  The very fact that they cant even now want to do that for her sake shows that their selfishness is still ruling their decisions and they cant be trusted to do what is best for her and may never be able to be.  At any rate, her parents MUST choose her over all others, even and especially against those who they may love but who have violated such a sacred trust.  Her foundation has been compromised so now her long term sense of safety and well being depends on their actions.  Coming from one who knows

, I was horrified watching Grandpa & Grandma holding hands while telling about what happened.  It sickened me to see her support him.   Dr. Phil was right on when he said she didn't tell anyone for it would upset her pretty little world.  Gosh  the Grandpa must have
BIG BUCKS  to be able to  swing a deal of only 8 months for incest with his six year old granddaughter.  He is an abomination. AND SO IS SHE.  I worked in the court room for 25 years and saw so many  women who admitted to knowing what was going on but didn't say anything because they did not want a family split up.-----  More like they didn't want to lose their meal ticket. and lifestyle.  Designer clothes was more important than that precious child.
THANK GOD FOR A DR. PHIL WHO CARES WHAT HAPPENS TO GRACE.  When this happened the grandparents lost their credibility to ever be in touch with their grandchildren if there is more than one.  I bet there are other victims out there that he's abused and it would definitely happen again.  This man knew all along what he was doing, and he couldn't control himself  and yet he lives in total denial.  The both of them liars.  They didn't think the actions were criminal in nature.  Only Intercourse is improper   Are they from another planet or  friends of Bill Clinton.    God Bless You Grace  with His UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.
 
April 14, 2007, 8:23 pm CDT

I said what I had to say last week but NOW....

   Ok, I watched last week even though I had read what Dr.Phil had put here & I responded.  BUT you know I STAND EVEN MORE THAN JUST FIRM ON MY STATEMENT THAT GRANDPA AND GRANDMA BOTH SHOULD BE LISTED AS SEX OFFENDERS & "IGNORANCE" CAN ONLY BE EXCUSED IF HE HAD A LABOTOMY PRIOR TO THIS ACT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
April 14, 2007, 8:39 pm CDT

Saving Grace

I was so appalled at the Saving Grace show because it was so obvious that the grandmother was acting like the grandfather did nothing wrong and this was something that was not punishable by a long prison sentence. Also, I was shocked to see the father cry for his father but not for his child ,who could not defend herself against a grown man who did he think was to blame Grace he needs counseling on a parents obligation to their children.
 
April 14, 2007, 11:03 pm CDT

still working through the pain

i too am a person who was abused  sexually as a child and it cont inued until i left home at 16.  i am 53 now and i am still in therapy trying how to relate in normal circumstances to people.  it hardwires your brain  and what most adult people can figure out i can't wrap my head around ..  i am high functioning as an Rn and i push everything to the back in order to work.  this childs grandparents lost their rights to  Grace at all.   i feel like the energy should be spent on Grace and her parents so they can now work throiugh the pain,  to hell with the grandparents.
 
April 15, 2007, 12:11 am CDT

Holidays are screwed

I being a victim of incest..... you can have many family members adoring of your said perpetrator and have the need/want of said perpetrator in holiday gatherings. Even after the abuse, the family sometimes add's to the abuse by accepting the perpetrator back into the family gatherings.
 
First | Prev | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | Next | Last