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Topic : 08/20 The Dr. Phil House: Saving Grace, Part 2

Number of Replies: 723
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, April 13, 2007, 03:09:57 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 04/16/07) Dr. Phil continues his work with a family torn apart by a 6-year-old girl’s secret: she was molested by her grandfather, and her grandmother failed to report it. Cat and Todd have cut off all contact with Todd’s parents, Steve and Anne, and haven’t seen them since they learned the horrifying truth from their daughter, Grace, over two years ago. Steve has served time for the assault and is now a registered sex offender with a protective order keeping him away from Grace until she’s 18. After secretly watching Dr. Phil’s interview with Steve and Anne, and learning the details of what really took place, will Todd and Cat ever feel comfortable with letting Grace’s grandmother back in her life? Dr. Phil sits down with both couples as they confront each other for the first time face to face. Then, Dr. Phil addresses Cat and Todd’s marriage, which has started to crumble under the stress. How can they get back on track for the sake of their daughter? Next, Grace wants to ask Dr. Phil some questions. See what this brave little girl wants other kids to know. Plus, Dr. Phil has an update on this family one month later. How are they now? Talk about the show here.

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April 15, 2007, 9:10 am CDT

Sexual Abuse and its effects

There are no words to describe how disqusting and vile it is for adults to abuse children.

 

I am amazed at the gall of this man.

 

It would be interesting to see how Dr. Phil handles this guy on Monday.

 
April 15, 2007, 9:51 am CDT

GrandDad's first time? I don't believe it!

 

What does Steve do for a living?  I hope he did not work with kids!  I do not believe that this was his first time molesting a little girl. Dr. Phil's interview with him and his wife revealed so clearly the way Steve's  thinks.  Such as when he said that ( I must paraphrase)  'it would make her feel good' and he wanted to 'give her a gift' and especially when he mentioned that  'she seemed to look like she wanted him to'.  These comment's prove that he thinks like a pedophile.  I do not believe that Steve's perverted thoughts all just sprang to the surface on that day with his granddaughter.

Steve and Anne should NEVER be with that child !  What kind of message would that give to that little girl!!?

I am just so glad that Todd did not have a sister.

 

 
April 15, 2007, 10:01 am CDT

My 4th message on this show...

I continue to read everyone else's messages...and waiting for Monday's show...

     Yes, I too noticed that Grace's mother was comforting her husband with his emotions, but he was not comforting her back with hers...he needs to get "unfrozen" towards the feelings of his wife and daughter...but that might take a bit of work seeing as who his parents are and the buttons they installed in him, and are pushing. Once again I would like to remind Grace's Dad...while you are "frozen" in shock, (2 years?) and feeling sorry for yourself, your daughter Grace is watching you and taking it all in, internally processing your reactions/actions/non-actions into her developing mind. Pertinent negatives can be very destructive to Grace's healing...not to mention your marriage in the long run.

     To the person who wrote that even though it sounded sick that part of what her abuser did to her felt good...it isn't sick...your body responded naturally...(if you were cut, you would bleed...if a nerve is stimulated, it reacts) that's another aspect that most people don't realize about sexual abuse. Some violations can be "gentle" physically. Sometimes in addition to the obvious betrayals...you feel like your own body betrayed you because part of the abuse was physically pleasurable...and all the other confusing thoughts/questions that follow that...

     Because I know first hand all the steps/relationships of my own personal life were deeply affected and still are at age 51 by my own facts of incest...I can't help to think with Grace's facts to get out of my mind what affects a six year old seeing/touching/being forced to masturbate to ejaculation a 60+ mans penis (not to mention her own grandfather's) will have on her in the future. I picture her sitting in sex education class in school and while all the other children are embarrassed and giggling as kids do...what will she be thinking/feeling? Or during her first kiss or her wedding night, etc.. I can't help thinking that some of us who are abused avoid people who remind us of our own abusers appearance, while sometimes the complete opposite rings true...will Grace feel unattracted/attracted uncomfortable/comfortable to 60+ Grandpa type people in her future. Incest affects you in so many ways, on so many different levels, in so many areas of your life...these people have no clue as to what they have did to their grandchild.

     I still think that Grace's grandparents should have to pay for all the therapy/legal bills that this has caused this family. Even if insurance covers, they should repay the insurance company. If the Dr. Phil show provides help for this, they should pay for that also. He should also pay for his room and board that was given to him in jail.

     Grandpa said he was lucky that he only had to serve 8 months...yes he was...the only comment he made that I partially agree with, not for his understanding of why he considers himself lucky though. He is lucky someone didn't kill or beat him. He is actually not lucky in another way because obviously by his deep denial, and non-understanding of the depth of what he did,  his 8 months punishmnet served no purpose to him. So are you really lucky if you learned nothing from your punishment?

     Hopefully Grace's mom continues to have the strength, backbone, common sense, and convictions that she has now...and can continue to carry her whole family through this life long ordeal...and that Grace continues to have courage...and many opportunities to be a child.

 
April 15, 2007, 10:29 am CDT

message #5 of mine to this show

Quote From: cfaug53

i too am a person who was abused  sexually as a child and it cont inued until i left home at 16.  i am 53 now and i am still in therapy trying how to relate in normal circumstances to people.  it hardwires your brain  and what most adult people can figure out i can't wrap my head around ..  i am high functioning as an Rn and i push everything to the back in order to work.  this childs grandparents lost their rights to  Grace at all.   i feel like the energy should be spent on Grace and her parents so they can now work throiugh the pain,  to hell with the grandparents.

     I too am a nurse. Protecting the health/wellbeing of others. Sound familar? Your message reminded me in another way that I noticed abuse affects some of us. Your choice of career. Sometimes when you have something so strongly affect you, your natural course of life choices changes. Like say Grace was going to be an artist, another Michaelangelo, or Picasso...then this happened...and now she wants to be a lawyer, or a child therapist. How dare anyone influence the change of the natural course of events for a childs choices and desires. Not that anyone of the above careers are bad...and because of this she might be a greater child therapist...so often though abuse victims have eatting disorders, show promiscuity, alcohol/drugs etc., but what angers me is the natural course of development sometimes is often changed.

     It does hardwire your brain...keep up the good work trying to rewire to where you want to be...

 
April 15, 2007, 10:43 am CDT

my 6th message to this show...

Quote From: jnlsteele

I being a victim of incest..... you can have many family members adoring of your said perpetrator and have the need/want of said perpetrator in holiday gatherings. Even after the abuse, the family sometimes add's to the abuse by accepting the perpetrator back into the family gatherings.
     I personally endured my perpetrator continuing to be at family gatherings, and in my home. After I made the abuse known. What confusing mixed messges were fed into my young mind. I had to question everything my parents were trying to teach me. Like don't cross the street, you can get hit by a car...Don't touch the stove...you'll get burned...but obviously by example it was ok that someone who was actually hurting me be near/loved/accepted...nothing made logical sense.
 
April 15, 2007, 10:53 am CDT

my 8th message to this show...

Quote From: w9f8c4i8i

I am a survivor of being molested and have gone through years of therapy to break the chain and I have broke that chain. I too am a father that had a daughter that was molested by her grandfather on my x-wives side. What troubles me the most is his wife, my x-mother-in-law protected her husband and my x-wife too. I wanted to kill that son of a bitch, but that would of only put me in prision and my two children would of hated me for killing him. What a hell of  a place to be. To the parents of Grace, if his wife protected him then she is no better and deserves to burn in HELL too along with that son of a bitch. I have broken off all ties with my x-wive's family. I have not and will never ever forgive him, his wife and my x-wife.  You and your wife should never ever forgive him and her for the damage that they have done to your daughter. I would never allow either one of them to be around my family for the rest of their lives, so help me GOD!

Your daughter doesn't need to be subjected to either one of them; as it will be terrible memory that she will have to live over and over again ever time that she made to be around her grand- mother knowing that she protected him! If you want to save your daughter then get the strength from your GOD and help for her through therapy for many years and I would sue them for the cost of her medical treatments to the age of 21. She needs your love and your strength and faith in your GOD to help her heal. GOD bless your daughter, you, and your wife and just stay the HELL away from them as if you allow your mother-in-law around your daughter, she will only cause more damage to her and she could make your daughter blame herself for what her grandfather did to her was her fault and I have seen it done to my own daughter too. I will pray for all three of y'all but I will not pray for your father-in-law nor your mother-in-law as it would be wrong for me to pray for something evil to happen to both of them. I am sorry but this is how I feel. GOD Bless, Will

Will, no need to apologize for your natural normal correct feelings. Sounds like you are doing all the right things for you and yours. I am glad to see a man responding, and so well at that. I hope Grace's father reads your message...Keep up the good work!
 
April 15, 2007, 11:22 am CDT

04/16 The Dr. Phil House: Saving Grace, Part 2

I gotta say, I hope that these parents might be willing to let her watch these interviews when she gets older. Or when she gets to be an adult it might be helpful for her to watch these episodes...It might explain to her exactly how much her parents loved her. How much her dad put her as a priority even when he has his own issues. I wish I had that. I don't recall my parents feelings or reactions much. I remember my dad pushing my molester down to the ground...that is all...and then he was gone.

Also, I think these interviews are very healthy...for everyone...as long as this child isn't allowed to visit EITHER grandparent...ever...until she is an adult and can decide on her own.
 
April 15, 2007, 11:28 am CDT

Sick Sick Sick

My grand daughter was molested by a family friend. She didn't say anything until another little girl came forward. This man had been doing this to all the little girls that came over t o spend the night with his 2 girls. There is also 3 others in the town they used to live. He is now serving a life sentence. We belive the wife knew about this but was so doped up on her "mental Illness Meds" that she just didn't seem to care. The point i am getting to is, The wives of these sick men should also have to do time. They are just as guilty for allowing it to happen and do nothing about it. The first words out of her mouth when it come known was " I never meant for it to happen to S_____ I love her like my own" That right ther was admitting she knew. Just like this So called grandmother. Why is this guy not in jail? If I remember right he only got something like 9 mos. OMG what is wrong with this picture? Dr. Phil, Hang by his you know whats and help this little child.
 
April 15, 2007, 12:58 pm CDT

04/16 The Dr. Phil House: Saving Grace, Part 2

will give you a brief story as we are waiting for the verdict that could tear my family apart. I have been with my husband for 7 years  and been married a year. We have 2 children that are 4 and 1. We are going through a battle to prove my husbands innonce. He has 2 kids from his previous marriage a girl 15 and a boy 12.So let me start off with that he is being accused of molesting his daughter at the age of 4 she is now 15. When she was 11 my husband took our oldest son over to meet them and my son was 5 months at the time. His 11 year old daughter at the time now 15 ran to her room crying in her room. That is when all the problems started. We tried for custody partial custody and they came up with mom came up with a excuse that dad my husband did something to them.  Soat that point we didnt go on because we didnt want no problems. Anyways this was in 2002 soon after my son was born.
Ok then since we dropped it because we wanted no problems it was dropped to 2005 when we has just purchased a house and had received money from his x wife because had to sell house. We brought the house in july 2005 and a few months later in nov 2005 a report was made stating that my husband touched his daughter. Here she is 15 and it happened at age 4 as she states it happened one time 1 time and picture this first time she said anything was 2002 to her mom. mom ever reported and she said daughter told therpist but yet no theroist to be found. 
 
April 15, 2007, 1:15 pm CDT

04/16 The Dr. Phil House: Saving Grace, Part 2

 To your comment,nicolej06, yes she is a very brave little girl, and now because of her grandfathers(if you can even give him that title) actions she is scarred for life. That man does not belong on Dr.Phil's talk show or any other television show for that matter.He belongs in jail! Never will that little girl forget what he did to her, she will always feel some kind af emotional hurt for what he did. A grandfather is supposed to love his grandchild, not melest them. This man is very wrong for his actions and should be punished with the full degree of consequences and he should not have a chance to make that mistake again, and only the little girls parents can make the right choice and keep that little girl safe and make sure it dosen't happen again.
 
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