Topic : 08/10 Wrongful Punishment

I watched todays show about wrongful punishment, and I was a little outraged by what Dr. Phil had to say to the parents.  How is it there fault!!!  The kids are the ones who are disrespectful!  Maybe Dr. Phil just doesnt get it or he never experienced this.

I've been disrespected by my son ever since he was able to walk and talk.  Now at 13, it's gotten even worse.  He goes into rages that is so uncontrolable, tantrums, punching walls, throwing things, all because he doesn't get his way.  He just put his 15 year old sister in the hospital by throwing a bottle in her face and knocked her teeth out, ALL BECAUSE HE WANTED HER MOUNTAIN DEW AND SHE DIDN'T GIVE IT TO HIM!!! 

He's been in and out of therapy, which is not working at all!  He's been diagnosed with adhd since he was 6 and has been on almost all of the adhd medication out there and it doesn't work. 

I scream at the top of my lungs at him sometimes because I can't deal with it anymore!  He doesn't LISTEN TO ME AT ALL, HE DISRESPECTS ME ALMOST EVERYDAY, INCLUDING HIS GRANDMOTHER!!  He tells her shes fat and your not welcome in our house so get the hell out.  His grandmother has been nothing but nice to him ever since he was born. 

I'm at my wits ends and think I'm going to have a nervous breakdown!  Now every time he does something he shouldn't or says something to me to disrespect me in any way,  I JUST LOSE IT!!  Sometimes I need to grab him or yank him by his shirt to get his attention.  When I lose it, thats seems the only way to get this boys attention, that I had enough!!

DR. PHIL, YOU NEED TO REALIZE THAT EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT AND TALK THERAPY DOES NOT WORK ON EVERYONE. 

I don't blame those parents on todays show, when I was watching the show, the mother reminded me of myself.  She is at her wits end with the disrespect shes getting from her kids and I feel for her BECAUSE I'M IN THE SAME BOAT!!!!!!!!!!!!

It begins at home!

When my children was growing up they knew to be disruptive, disrespectful or violate rules at school, they would have it hard at home for consequences no matter what consequences the school had, it was on top of that!.  Teachers only have our children for a very short time but many teachers throughout their childhood.  Not including a couple lame teahers, who I surely gave grief to for thier stupidity on handling children fairly, I always made sure my children followed rules at school because I enforced stiff consequences at home for it.

    children having trouble in school needs it documented and reported to the parents with a copy at the time of the troubles.  Documentation carries alot of weight.  Reports of incidents or behavior on periodic required reports happen too often.  Also parents with troubled children need more help when they ask for it or obviously need it.

I am so happy to know there are judges out there that actually care and use their brains when giving out punishment, and i'm equaly irritated by that woman that opposed him. People that think like her is exactly why kids and adults alike have no moral compass and no charecter!

Every time she spoke it sounded like the pathetic whinning of a small child. "oh poor me i did something stupid and made my self look like a jackass and now the judge wants me to let every one know i'm a jackass, boo hoo hoo!"

One thing she said really stood out; she said something like, we have to seperate the person from  what the person does i.e. just because that person did something stupid doesn't make that person stupid....hmm...... gee last time i looked that's exactly how we tell what kind of person you are, by watching what you do! And yes I get that everyone does something dumb or unthinking in thier lives, but you still have to own it! Not act like a child and ignore it or blame it on some one else.

The bottom line is that this judge is right. period. No body learns anything from jail but how to better be someone who belongs in jail. Don't get me wrong I'm all for getting the crimal element off the streets and away from my kids, but kids today need alittle humility and need some sorely lacking charecter building!!!

At least this judge is trying to help shape these people into something better before they do something that they deserve to go to jail for!

Besides if holding a sign for a day that points out your lack of judgement completely breaks your psyche, or drives you into the office of the nearest mental health "professional" you needed to get help long before you found yourself in front of the judge in the first place!

Just started watching the show. Gotta say that if mine didn't come home for dinner when they were supposed to they wouldn't eat either. See NOTHING wrong with this punishment..

when i first read your post i got the impression that your story was completely different then the story that was on today.... I gave you the benifit of the doubt and it sounded like your son just has some anger in him that the reason for just hasn't been found for yet. I know this happens because I was very angry growing up until I finally found out why. But then I read your last couple of paragraphs. Now maybe you don't "attack" your kid but you sure made it sound like you do.

The point is Those parents taught those boys that any time there is any issue big or small the way you deal with it is to start a full on boxing match! So yes it is the parents fault because they taught then how to deal with conflict.

Hopefully for you and your child you can put aside the anger you have built up and put aside all the justifications you have and realy listen to Dr. Phil.

Believe me i know for a fact how hard that can be, and I will say that I know how you feel my son is also 13 and he can drive me to absolute madness but it's been alot better since I let go and started seeing how he was mirroring my reactions to his "nonsence".

good luck

~Nixi

I just want to comment on the show you had on about the step father. I am 42 years old. Without going into great detail at this time, of which i could write a book on, we grew up with a monster step mother. Although I never lived with her, the abuse she created for my 2 sisters and I was incredible. The jealousy she had and the spiteful things she did just to ensure that we knew she was his new husband and we were part of his old life. she divided an entire family. she alienated all of my fathers ties with his first wife, including all his old friends, his 3 children and his brothers and sisters and his own mother was part of this circus she had created. She threw out my sisters at different times and they both had psychological problems and the 3 of us suffer from rejection today making it hard folr the 3 of us to have relationships with people.

The only one that mattered in our life was our grandmother because she protected us from all the evil my fathers step wife created in all of our lives. for my grandmothers 90 b-day party she did not show up. When we were kids she made sure that we all knew that my father had been with her almost allthe years he was married to our mother and she threw this in our faces to be spiteful and hurt us, which she accomplished.

What I saw on tv waqs nothing compared to what the 3 of us have had to live with and as adults the affects have been long lasting and we still suffer from rejection even after all the therapy we have been through. What I have seen through out all my years and now as an adult at age 42 I can tell you that she proved to be just like the man on your show. she lowered herself to our level when we were kids and she acted worse than a kid would act in a situation. she was spiteful and nasty and she made sure that all parts of my fathers old life was wiped out and she brought in her own family to replace us. She moved him away from us so we would not have contact with him and than she would try to play the hero when we had problems, of which she had caused most of them any way.

at 42 years old, I hate my father with a passion and hate what he stood for all the years he ignored the terrible things she did to us. as of today I have no relationship with my father and do not care if i ever speak to him again. He failed us as a father, as a friend, as a family member, as an adult, and as a human being. But despite all the negative the 3 of us had to live with we are holding our own and trying to make it as adults. the only positive influence we had in our lives was our grandmother who had to raise us, because our mother was a deep born again Christian, which we now have come to realize that our fathers affair all those years might have caused her to look else where for love and relationship, something that our father did not give our mother because he was having an affiar all those years.

We know what these kids are going through and we are glad that you have caught adults on tape acting worsed than the kids. it is about time that someone has recorded and brought to the airwaves step parents acting out. this is more of a reality than you think. they become jealous and hateful towards the other persons old life and they do everything they can to cut off all old ties.