Topic : 08/29 Moms Gone Wild

My fiance's sister: crazy girl! She has three kids by three different dads, she does nothing but party!  I think she has messed up her kids life! Good kids but wild, worried (about where they are going and who mommy new boyfriend), and know to much for thier own good.  She works at a local bar and after she gets off she drinks. She drinks and go out til wee hours in the morning: every night. Sometimes I hear about Monday night dancing or Wednesday drinking fest. And these three little boys have been through so much.  The first son: hardly talks, just cant speak; the second was molested by someone on his dad's side and his dad now is in prison for 8years for drug and child neglect. (Cooking Meth awhile his son was over) and the littest one, is very slow. He is the same age as my son and you can tell the difference between the two.  I do not know why she just cant sit down and be a mom to these boys.  When I call to see what they are doing one kid is there and the other ones are over there. SHE NEVER HAS HER KIDS! I do not know why she just cant grow up! I am five years younger than her and I am handle everything and more than her!

We have tried to tell her but every time she just mad and leaves and we can not find her for about a week. I am tried of this! What should I do? She is never home and is out always drinking; on top of it she will leave those kids with anyone who will watch them so she cant go out and party. Cant she just grow up? 

This C O N T R O L and obessive behavior hits one out of four relationships..........the numbers may even be one out of three marriages.  

I was in a relationship like that for almost fourteen years.  These type guys can be the nicest in the whole wide world..........all except that deep dark side they carry around and no sees it except the spouse.  I lived it for almost fourteen years.  This man seems to me to be a sociopath and narcissist.  That's scary.  I also find in these type that they love to be babied because they spend a lot of time in the pity pot.  They need someone to feel sorry for them........it only gives them more amnution to manipulate the spouse.  Omigosh, what he did to her when she was sleeping.

He was always talking about three somes.  I would softly tell him that a threesome wouldn't benefit anyone, especially him because of his jealousy issue.  

This mans wife needs to get away from her obsessed man.  This one's a real sicko. 

I'm a 32 year old that just realized that my mother was NEVER a mother to me. I knew at a young age that she was different, all she talked about was HER and how my father was not  a good husband. Everything was about her and it still is. I did not know who i was , so I let other people define me. My mother is still bashing my father who is still her husband. She has 3 daughters and 1 son. My brother is the only one that's married, one of my sisters is in rehab, i need therapy and the sister I live with is emotionally drained because my mother is currently  visiting with us.The feelings I  have toward my mother are so strong, that she physically makes me ill . After a lot of soul searching, I decided to let her go. I DO NOT WANT HER IN MY LIFE. She broke my heart.

I'm not suggesting that mothers should not take care of themselves and not be women BUT their children should be a priority.  It's a horrible feeling to know that your mother gives other things  more significance than you.

I absolutely think that the needs of the children should be met before a Mom goes out....

BUT TECHNICALLY this is not a problem to be solely blamed on the woman.... BECAUSE OFTEN TIMES IT IS WHAT A MAN LIKES.... and it is women trying to please men.....

I guess I'm what you call the "mothering" type. Not only to my 2 younger siblings but most of my friends and people that are close to me. I guess I came by this trait honestly. My mom died when I was 24 from cancer. I promised her that I would look after my brother and sister. Now they were 18 and 17 but that promise still has a profound affect on me to this day.  Look, everyone's story is different. We don't know where people are coming from.  That does not excuse the behavior at all.  I've had friends who've had babies young and yeah, they wanted to party. But there comes a point where you have to make a choice. So it's easy to sit and judge. Don't' get me wrong. Putting your children 2nd to partying is about as wrong of a decision as you can make.  But no one sits down and says to themselves "I'm going to choose partying over my children today". Judgment is easy. But what do we do to affect long term change? How do we get people to understand that they are affecting the lives of their children and making bad bad choices? That's why I'm glad we have you Dr Phil.  I have a lot of questions and few answers. It's easy to judge but I've never found judgment to assist in problem solving. As a matter of fact, judgment hinders problem solving more often than not.

I noticed that both of these women were very young mother's.  Elise ridiculously so.  Anyway..........I chose to wait until I was married and emotionally prepared to have my child.  What a concept!!!!!!!!!!!!  I will not be the youngest Mother on the playground, as I was 35 when my daughter was born. 

In my 20's I dated a lot and drank and acted stupid like a lot of young people do, but I didn't have a child at home that I was neglecting.  I sowed my wild oats, first and had my child second.  It has worked out great for all of us!!

By the way my little one is walking now and she is saying words that I can actually understand.  She's a monkey head but I love her soooooooooooooo much