Topic : 08/29 Moms Gone Wild

"Disease" has become a buzz word.

 

Alcholics (I have MANY in my own extended family) have more of a desire (chemical desire) to drink. That does not mean they can't stop and shouldn't be held responsible for their choice to drink. I have seen it with two of my relatives who have been sober for MANY years. Was it easy? Of course not. Can it be done..definitely! So did they get over their "disease" or is it in remission???? :)

 

Overeaters often have a compulsion to overeat. I eat out of stress and boredom. Do I have a disease? If you call being an emotional glutten a "disease," than I guess I am sick.

 

Cigarettes are additive. Because I desire them and my brain chemistry changes with smoking, do I have a disease? Heck, I gave up cigarettes (11 packs weekly) easier than I did over-eating!

 

The medical association, in the past couple of decades, seems to be labeling every compulsion a "disease." They are not always correct. For many decades, homosexuality was considered an "abnormality." In our secular, politically corrent culture, the AMA has now changed that and no longer considers it abnormal.

 

MY POINT is that if you believe everything the AMA has to say than you are one foolish person. Their "science" has more to do with social mores than it does with reality!!!!

You played "victim" with your last statement.

 

Sorry, but the blame lies with the women (in your example) who are trying to please the men! You can't pin that on the men.

 

We women are not dumb. We are not unable to make good decisions for ourselves. I am tired of OTHER WOMEN telling the rest of us women that it's the fault of the man for us making poor choices in our personal lives.

 

As the old saying goes, "Nobody can  make you feel inferior without your consent." I would add to that....Nobody can make you do something unless they have a gun to your head!!!

 

Men and women need to be judged INDIVIDUALLY. Otherwise, we are engaging in sexism...something some women like to accuse only men of!

How sad. The kids are once again the victims of immature, selfish, irresponsible adults!!! The title "MOM' should be reserved for REAL mothers!

 

If you don't want to give children your all, don't have sex. If you do have children, give them 100% of yourself so they stand a chance to grow up into happy, healthy, productive adults who contribute to society.

 

Any adult woman who places "stuff" (ex. material items, her looks, her friends) above what is best for her children is a lousy excuse for a mother. She's selfish, shallow, cruel and incredibly immature.

 

To all the great mothers out there, your child will someday THANK YOU for all you've given them (you've given of yourself...which is the best gift). To all the lousy mothers out there (and who were on stage), you are losing out on SO MUCH. By the time you realize it, it will be too late....and you'll be alone in your old age.

 

Wake up and be a good, caring, involved mother. It's the best JOB anyone can have!!!

I did what you did for almost four decades. I gave up on my father (for different reasons than yours) and pretended that I was fine. My unresolved anger, resentment and frustration carried with me into all my relationships. I allowed my power and control to be taken from me. It wasn't until I was over 40 that I decided that being angry and resentful (and not having a relationship w my father) was hurting me MUCH more than it hurt him.

 

I finally decided (thru the help of my church ministry) to FORGIVE my father. It took awhile and I had to FORCE myself to hug my father...little by little. Eventually it got easier. And finally I made it to full forgiveness (even though this man never apologized to me or admitted his awful mistakes).

 

I forgave him for MY SAKE. I lost all that burden I had been walking around with. I got to spend all that negative energy I once held on being happy. I found peace and harmony.

 

In February of this year, I was with my father as he died. I held him hand, told him I loved him and I watched him go. Still, no apology from him, but I didn't need one. He was a man who made mistakes (some very bad ones), but he loved me. I found examples of that love when I really looked hard for it. To him, feeing, clothing me and putting a roof over my head (as a child) was his way of telling me he loved me. No, it wasn't enough years ago, but as an adult, it is plenty. He could not have given me what I needed emotionally, but that didn't make him a horrible person. It made him merely a flawed human being.

 

We all make mistakes (some of us make bigger ones), but each one of us has some redeeming quality. It's up to us to find that redeeming quality and forgive the bad ones. It's what God reqires of us and it's now what I require of myself.

 

I am free, not because of my 81-yr-old father's death. I am free because I forgave him prior to his death. It's a gift I gave myself. It doens't mean I shall ever forget the pain and suffering I had at his hands as a child. It simply means I moved forward and showed compassion.

 

If your mother is not an emotionally healthy person, you SHOULDN"T be around her. However, hating her and avoiding her are two different things (hating harms you more than it harms her). Your mother does not sound like a happy person. And perhaps she has other ailments (mental ailments) that nobody will ever diagnose. Please don't waste your energy on hating her. It will negatively affect all your other relationships and take up too much of your valuable time.

 

Get help for yourself (professional couseling, talking to a pastor, etc), and let the anger go. Don't give your mother that much power over you. Pity her. I would venture to guess that, by her behavior, she already feels very alone in this world. Sad people behave the way she is behaving.

 

I want you happy, but YOU have to make the decision to be happy. Being angry or hating your mother is not the way to achieve it. God bless you and good luck. At 32, I was busy hating my father and feeling sorry for myself. I want more for you than that!

Someone very wise once told me that "We don't need toxic people in our lives.  They're hard enough without that."  My father was the same way.  I wrote him out of my life, with the help of my husband giving me the backbone I needed and still need to this day, three years ago this month.  I did not trust him to be a decent person around myself, my husband, or my son.  All of my stress-related health issues have been resolved and I am at peace.  If your mother - or father- is draining you emotionally, limit or eliminate contact with them.  It is very difficult.  But at least you have siblings to help you with this.  You and your sister need to come togetherand stand firm.  Lean on each otherand make a pact that unless you see REAL, Fruitful cahange in your mother, you will not under any circustances make any contact with her.  That is the only way to do it.  Tell her not to call you.  If she does, don't answer.  That's why we have caller ID.  Any important information you can get through other siblings or family members; and you can see the fruits of change from a distance.  Comepletely disengage yourself.  It's not easy.  There have been so many times when I wanted to call or hear his voice, but then I would realize that if I did, he would have access to me again, and my son.  I don't want that.  So I stay away. 

 

I feel sorry for any child who has to deal with parents that are self-serving and neglectful.  It makes growing up harder than it has to be.  But if these kids can get a good, loving support system around them, hopefully they can weather the storm and grow stronger because of it.

hehe, I overheard something fantastic. I can't remember if it was on Dr. Phil, or if it was by some Christian writer I was reading, but about maintaining a youthful apperance they said this: I don't want to go into my coffin in some well preserved body. I want to scretch in, thouroughly used up and exhasted saying "Gee, God, thanks for the ride, THAT WAS FUN!!! - that's how *I* wanna go out!!!

 

As for the young mother, I feel her mom could be enabling her (pregnant at fourteen???). But I had a few cousins who got pregnant young and then when they hit legal drinking age, they missed the opportunity to party with their friends so the children got left to the wayside while they tried to recapture their youth. It's hard not to judge people like that, but at the same time, we have to remember that Dr. Phil said that our brains aren't even fully developed until we are in our early twenties. We are not able to determine the consequences of our actions,  and I mean, if this young lady was allowed to do this from fourteen on, she more than likely would have continued, because it became a way of life and there was no imediate consequences (she can't forsee how this would affect her son). Just my opinion.

I think that picture (I've only read the story, I haven't watched) was the 'cat lady' who was having a whole bunch of surgery so she could look like a cat cuz her husband loves cats. Dr. Phil showed her that to warn of the effects of cosmetic surgery. I had to roll my eyes at her rebuttle, tho. She said she didn't want to look like a cat, and she didn't do it for her husband... I'm sorry, most (not all) women are out to look good for either their own men, or men in general. For their approval, NOT ourselves. (again, not trying to generalize, I like to look good for me, but it's better when my husband digs it too!! Makes me feel sex-ay!!). So yeah, I think that's just the 'cat woman',not her daughter.

Watching this show for just a few minutes, this woman and mother disgust me. Let me tell you how a mother feels after her child has been killed by a drunk person !!! It's a living hell !! What gives you the right to possibly take another person's life? This world is backwards...we see all the advertisements for not smoking 50 ft from another person, laws to not smoke in public, but it's okay to sit and drink at a restaurant, then get in your vehicle and kill people instantly !!! If I had a choice of being next to a person smoking, or drinking...believe me, I would choose the person smoking. It does not make them stupid behind the wheel , or will not kill me instantly...let's get the laws to crack down on drinking. Should you be able to drink at a bar, then drive ???...My son died from it !!!

Dr. Phil gauges when he has or hasn't seen something.  Most of that is pointing out the odds of what can happen.

When I was in my teens & twenties, I was one of three EMTs within atwenty-mile radius of the nearest hospital.  If someone was drunk,and knew they had better not drive because I would be one of the threewho could respond.  I didn't have a car, but at 2am-3am I knew howto find those most helpful.  Do you remain hearing about the"Taylor University Crash" where a semi crossed over and hit afull-sized van on its way back to school?

I attended that Taylor University.

Within the previous 6-8 weeks, we've  had three major accidents, similar to what she's described.
 
The two most recent ones were people driving in the opposite directionon an Interestate which creates a bit loop around Indianapolis. IIRC, they had gone 9-12 miles before someone was hit.  The policecannot pursue them (i.e., going the wrong way) and haven't found a goodway to stop this.  Oncoming drivers don't know what to do, becauseif they pull to one side, there's nothing to say they won't swerve atsome point and you'll be a sitting duck.  There are a lot of 411calls.  One big issue which protects people from switching over isa large series of cement medians.

The other one (earlier in the timeline) was because of I-69 which isthree lanes wide.  At one point, you can shift to the right, thenyou have a fork - take the first road or slide over to the exit whichtakes you to an overpass.  There's a tendency for people to sit inthe left (of the three) lanes and work their way to the rightmostexist, meaning they are crossing four lanes to get to the final exitramp.  Someone tried that one night and was threading a needle toskip through two semi-tractors and one of them tossed him over themedian (which was next to him on the left) and he was flung into thesoundbound lanes and realized the fact the physics police took over --no two objects can share the same space at the same time. "Physics Police" don't write warnings.  They just mae bad things worse.because they *always* enforce their laws.