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Topic : 04/20 Mistrust in Love

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Created on : Friday, April 13, 2007, 03:15:14 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

Love can make people do funny things, including never letting go of a former flame. Kirsten says she believes all men cheat, and therefore she must snoop to protect herself. She checks her boyfriend, Chris', cell phone, bank statements and has even hacked into his e-mail. Chris says he's never given her a reason to believe he's been unfaithful. Should Kirsten be so concerned, or is her out-of-control jealousy going to ruin this relationship? Then, Kelynn and Laurie had been married nine months, and she was expecting their first child when he ran into his first love and realized he still had feelings for her. Laurie has not been able to get over this and fears it's going to destroy their marriage. And, Lamar is so caught up in his feelings for his first love that he can't even date or look at another woman ... and it's been five years! Will Dr. Phil's surprise finally help him leave the past behind? Share your thoughts here.

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roseloomis

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April 20, 2007, 2:06 pm PDT

04/20 Mistrust in Love

Quote From: jmc4710

I can't believe Dr. Phil told the woman that she's insecure for expecting respect from her boyfriend! No he should not be checking out other women...and Dr. Phil's comment that Robin points "beautiful women" out to him, with limits on eye contact??, was laughable.

I agree, it's a respect issue. This has been a huge issue between my husband and I. I've had to endure him staring at women in the car next to us, and turning his head two or three more times while driving to look at her. This was so degrading to me, I lost over 150 pounds before we met, had guys staring at me all the time and he makes me feel like crap because I cannot keep his attention. He's always looking for women, we'll be in a restaurant or store and if he hears a female voice or laugh he just HAS to turn to see her. We've been married a year now, have a two week old baby and I am at the point I don't care anymore. He's leaving for a 15 month tour in Iraq later this year and I hate to admit it but I'm not too sad, more relieved that I can have some peace of mind. He's said he would change, and at other times has defended this little habit of his. To me, he is still searching and not as in love with me as he says. I don't constantly check out men, I did before we were married but not anymore. When we were going together and first married we lived with his buddy and I had to endure talk about women being hot and all this other 15 year old juvenile crap. I would think a 39 year old man would be different than a teenage boy, but apparently not. I am so disappointed (most of the time) that I went ahead and married him thinking he would change.

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hazerette

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April 20, 2007, 2:13 pm PDT

Betrayal Not Cheating

I live with my fiance, who feels and tells everyone we are all but legally married. Yet when he gets on line, he openly flirts with women in a chatroom, as well as sends private messages to women. Some of these messages I have read, and to me he has betrayed me in every which way but loose, as well as the women he has pm'd. He claims "it's all joking around baby", but he doesn't realize his joking around hurts me to the core! Cheating? In a way, but mainly betraying the love he claims he has for me and the respect he says he has for "us".

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omalley463

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April 20, 2007, 2:13 pm PDT

04/20 Mistrust in Love

I was in a realtionship over 2 yrs iwhere I was given a beautiful promise ring, gone thru the annulment process (came thru yea!) and numerous ups and downs I told the man I thought I was going to marry I wanted a break after Thanksgiving because of his unreasonable bashings because I went home to visit my family for Thanksgiving (hadn't been home for a holiday in lst 2 yrs) he wanted me to leave my family drive 4 hrs to drive another 11/2 hrs to his house to drive 1 hr to his familys, spend time, drive another 1hr back to his house to drive another 11/2 hrs home to be at wk by 7 am. He berated me because "he loved me more than I loved him and he wanted to see me more than I wanted to see him" I thought perhaps he'd think about his actions. WRONG Long story short after finding out he went out on dates and slept w/ a 27yr old married woman w/ a 6 yr old child I was furious but not as furious when I found out he had told another woman back in AUGUST that he was single and had no girlfriend and brought her to his house and when she saw our picture and asked why he kep a pic of his ex up and his excuse was he had fond memories or some crap. All the while he was makeing me feel guily becaue I "kicked him to the curb" after thanksgiving. Now all I'm hearing is how much he thinks of me and I'm his best friend wah wah wah. I love this man but I love myself more and I had always told him I wouldn't marry an alcoholic. His drinking has led him to many stupid decisions in his life. I thought we we're heading in the right direction - I was wrong. So where is Mr. Right? I'm tired of all the Mr. Right Nows especially at the age of 44!

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jennaay788

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April 20, 2007, 2:13 pm PDT

i would have to agree

Quote From: cmata2587

I have to respectfully diagree with Dr. Phil when he said you shouldn't get married at 19. I have been married for 7 long years and my husband and I were married when I was 19. I think a marriage can work even if your young as long as there is respect and honesty, but mostly respect. My husband and I are not perfect but we work together to solve our conflicts or problems with each other and others. Its all about respect.

I was also married at age 19 and my husband was 18. We first got together when we were 16. We will be celebrating our 9th wedding anniversary in less than a month. We have 3 wonderful children and 1 on the way. We have certainly had our share of challenges but what marriages doesn't? We grew up together and had to learn to compromise and respect each other along the way. Through every change in life that we have gone through over the years, we had to fall in love with each other all over again. I think that gives us a deeper and more meaningful relationship than perhaps an older couple might be able to acheive. I am proud of our abililty to overcome all that we have gone through and I don't think people should be looked down upon or made to feel stupid because they decided to marry young. A younger couple just has different challenges to overcome than an older couple does but it doesn't mean they can't make it work.

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greatgrammy3

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April 20, 2007, 2:18 pm PDT

Young Couple Need Mentoring

I would recommend that Kelynn and Laurie have a couple come along side them and mentor them. That is what my husband and I do. I know the marriage can work if they determine it will. They also need to have a relationship with the Lord and pray for each other every day, affirming each other. They can be an example for other young couples.

I was married at 18 (my husband 22) and we will celebrate 49 years in Aug. We love the Lord and never had the word DIVORCE in our vocabulary. God gave them a child to raise and He expects them to do it..

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nasale

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April 20, 2007, 2:20 pm PDT

You said it!

Quote From: susanashe

Huh ? She contacted an old boyfriend and she doesnt know what she is doing ? Get a clue hun, she knows EXACTLY what she is doing. SHE is using YOU ! She knows that you know and she has it made - she has you and the boyfriend. Man, what a setup ! Kick her out and keep the kid - GIVE UP and go find a decent woman rather than the sleaze you are married to. Sorry but it is the truth !

I couldn't have said it better. It's really sad to see anyone abused like that.

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myexperience

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April 20, 2007, 2:27 pm PDT

Knowing why can help you let go

I just wanted to mention, that I have to agree when Dr. Phil said you have to resolved the issues of past relationships and know what they were in order to move on and make new ones. I don't remember his exact wording, but that was the gist of it. I felt for the guy at the end, who was still having feelings for his first love. I too have been in his place. For years I was in a relationship, and yet my first love was always in the back of my mind. I always felt things were unresolved with him, mainly because I never knew why he broke it off. I think not knowing let me be able to fantasize it was possible to be with him again. I never let those thoughts interfere with the current relationship. However, one day I got my chance to ask my ex, my first love, why he broke up with me. Him telling me was the best thing for me. We talked about his life, what he had been doing since we broke up, and he told me the truth about why he broke it off. It's been several months now since then. Now, I never think of him. Somehow him letting me know what the problem was gave me all the closure I needed. Plus when he told me about his life now, and where he'd been that only made me realize that it was really over, and I didn't want to be with him. I wanted to stay in the relationship was in. I don't talk to him any more, and I don't want to ever again. Talking to him was purely closure for me. I wanted to share this, because I do think it is important to understand what went wrong in the past relationships. I also believe that it is possible to get over your first love. Yes they will probably always have some meaning to you, but it is important to know and remember why it didn't work. I couldn't be happier now, and when someone mentions him I no longer dwell into the past. That relationship didn't work, and I've moved on to a new one that does.

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lordsangel2002

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happy

April 20, 2007, 2:29 pm PDT

Trust

I hear so often how people say they were too young to get married. I don't think that age has everything to do with it. I say that because I was 15 when I got married, although my husband was 21. Maybe the age difference was a help. But, we loved each other and stayed married 42 years. Some people are more grown up at the age of 15 than others are.We were married in 1960. A simpler time. We had trust in each other and that I think is the key. YES!! He did look at other women some times, but, my input was" you can look but don't touch" and he would say " I am not dead yet." Now those years are over and he has passed on to his heavenly home and I am with someone I met on the Internet. We have so much in common. So Dr Phil is right . The Internet is a good place to find a mate. But, think you have to be careful. If you can't let go of your pattern or his pattern of search before you met it may be hard to make it. Just gotta trust each other. We both say " If you don't wanna be with me any more just tell me and I will be on my way." At 62 and 67 years of age you don't have a choice. Trust has got to be a part of each relationship. If there is no trust how can it work?

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ginastephen

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April 20, 2007, 2:44 pm PDT

04/20 Mistrust in Love

I am also upset by the fact that Dr.Phil said that young people should not get married. My husband and I have been togther for 11 yrs and married the end of april for 8 yrs. I was 20 my husband was a fresh 21. We wee married Aril 24 of 99. The only problem we have is our sex life and thats my fault. Other than that we have two great kids that are 9-7 and we rarley fight except over sex. but we are going to make it and so do many other couples who get married young. How about praising the ones who make it and STOP flonting the ones who don't!!

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nasale

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surprised

April 20, 2007, 2:46 pm PDT

Here's a thought..

Quote From: candygirl55

I, like some others on here, recently started talking to my ex- and first love again. We dated back in highschool in '01 for some time. Then he joined the military and every time he came back we were off and on again, but also seeing other people. Then I met my now husband in '03. Me and him weren't even dating, just "seeing each other", and my ex-tried to get back w/ me but I told him no. Now me and my husband have been married for a year and have a 6 mo. old beautiful little girl, and we fight every single day. A few months or so ago, I'm on myspace.com and happened to find his profile on a friend's profile. I felt a flutter in my stomach and contacted him. We continued to talk back and forth via email for while and then stopped until I decided to post a bulletin to all my friends that my husband and I were getting a divorce and that I was back on the market. To my surprise he was one of the first ppl to write me and gave me his phone # and wanted to hang out, despite the fact that he has a "love of his life" girlfriend whom he has been w/ for quite some time I believe. I was so ready to hop on the bandwagon. We ended up hanging out, plus one of my girlfriends, a few weeks ago and he invited me to his house to watch a movie. I declined though because it was approaching me and my husband's one year anniversary that coming morning and it just felt wrong. So I have thought about him a lot and dreamt about him a lot and we've talked back and forth.

He is currently out of state visiting his g/f, but still wants to hang out a lot when he gets back. I think I'm starting to just get weirded out. I'm not a cheater. And i'm not a homewrecker. SHould I just stop talking to him completely? HELP?

Me and my husband are no longer getting a divorce and he leaves for boot camp soon. ADVICE?

Where do you think this will lead if you do pursue the ex? He's told you he's with the love of his life. Your husband leaving for boot camp and you are thinking of cheating before the poor guy even gets out the door. If you were dumb enough to see the ex, it should be pointed out to you that he's doing it because he CAN. You are making yourself way too available. Do you think he will think highly of you if you did? Not likely! He will have learned that you are the type of woman who would cheat on their husband and not to be trusted. You REALLY need to stop&think!

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