Message Boards

Topic : 08/16 Family Drama

Number of Replies: 381
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, April 20, 2007, 02:35:21 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 04/23/07) No matter how much we try to avoid it, conflict is a part of life. But what happens when an entire family points the finger at one person as the source of the chaos? Carrie’s family calls her a drama queen who tries to destroy their relationships. Her sister, Miranda, says Carrie called their mother trash and wants their father to divorce her. Her brother, Meikle, says Carrie is upset because she didn’t approve of his fiancée and now refuses to attend his wedding. Carrie admits that she can be attracted to conflict, but says she feels isolated by her family. Then, Carrie’s parents, LaRon and Susan, confront her about trying to break up their marriage. Carrie hasn’t spoken to her mom in over a month, and they face off onstage. Plus, Carrie reveals a shocking secret that she’s kept from her family for years. Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

More August 2007 Show Boards.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

April 21, 2007, 7:04 pm CDT

Family Drama

 Dear Carrie,
It's tiem you grow up and realize that you can't control other family members' lives.  Mafia sisters are not in style any longer. Your brother has the right to marry his choice of brides.  Whycan't you show a little respect and honor him by attending the wedding and act like an adult for a change!  As for your parents divorcing, that is for them to decide...not you.... no matter what your secret is.  It is your mother's decision, not yours!  A piece of advice, just grow up and become a responsible person to yourself, your own husband (if you have one that will stay with you), a good sister and great sister-in-law.  I hope she has the balls to stand up to you and put you in your place! Stop blaming ohters for your unhappiness and begin making yourself happier.  Maybe your family needs this recipe from you, so they can carry on with their own lives.
 
April 21, 2007, 8:52 pm CDT

I just look past that

Quote From: mnieves007

Dear Dr. Phil,

It is extremely unfortunate about this young lady's situation. This goes on in many family's today we really don't want to admit it; but its called schitzo-affective disorder, I hope I spelled it right, this trait is usually past on from someone else in the picture, I know I live with someone who is exactly like this always negative, its my mother, but I still Love her, i just look past that.

MN

You are a great son to love her anyway. You are doing what the Bible says, honoring your mother.
 
April 22, 2007, 6:17 am CDT

You said exactly what I'm thinking in your last sentence.

Quote From: ceildh1

Ahh, the soap operas we call Family, there's always something isn't there ?

I don't think its fair to blame just one or two people for family upsets though, no one is perfect are we, I mean yes somone may get us going, press our buttons so to speak, but it is our choice whether or not to respond, and if we do respond then it is our choice to be calm and rational, or to go off like a nuclear missile.  In cases of abuse, then it is our choice to either cut them out of our lives, put lots of distance between them and you or to allow yourself to wallow in it, and then work on YOURSELF to break the cycle, its hard work, but it can be done.

Family seems to think that they have the RIGHT to treat others like dirt, like by the magic of DNA we are supposed to sit back and take their crap.  I have family members that I think " my God your enemies should be TERRIFIED, if this is the way you treat people you love ", I have no relationship with those people, they mean nothing to me.

I would be willing to bet that this young woman isn't the only problem this family has, but we'll see on Monday.

I feel the same way that you wrote in your last sentence.Really all you wrote.
 
April 22, 2007, 10:18 am CDT

I can relate so well.....

I also have a family member who creates total havock in my family. It is my daughter. She has caused my husband and I to fight for years. In fact, we at this moment are seperated because of her issues and how we have allowed them to effect our marriage. I stay hopeful that she would change. I have tried everything to no avail. This child demands attention, and my husband goes along with all of it. That is the difference here. I have begged him for us to stand as a union, he refuses. He has allowed her to push and lock me out of my own house, in fact things he said to her about me, actually fueled her, he has allowed her to call me horrible names, you know the ones...liar, etc and of course they all start with the F word. I have tried to figure out my familys dysfunction including reading ALL of Dr. Phil's books, but recently realized that I have allowed myself to be treated like this, due to not thinking enought of myself to demand the respect I deserve. So, I fully believe there is more going on here than just the child. How does the dad play into etc? Something is amiss here and can't wait to see Monday's show. Very sad when a husband puts his daughters needs before his wifes.
 
April 22, 2007, 10:27 am CDT

Your not alone!

Quote From: bigreddone

As soon as I saw the trailer for this show, I called my daughter in and said, who does that remind you of?  I am now a half a century, and I called it quits with my family. My sister has been labeled the "drama queen" and I had defended her several times. When I needed defending, she just jumped on the bandwagon.  My family would rather believe someone else over their own relatives. I gave up trying to please them.  Especially my mother. I've been beat down so much that I really don't have anything to do with people outside my kids. I have been picked apart so many times, I feel like the Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz.  They gossip behind my back, and when I find out, they deny it.  I call them the coven.  I have Bi-polar and have been treating it as well as I can, but what sends me in to a tailspin every time is talking to my family. I recently have had a run of problems because I have been sick, and I'm working on SSI, I'm losing everything I own, but according to them it is because I don't want to work.  If I say I'm in pain, theirs is bigger.  I broke my neck in an accident,according to them I did it to get attention.  You see how it goes. I cut my sister off a month ago because her treatment of me was deplorable, she lied to me to get me to do something instead of telling me the truth, which would of made more sense.  I'm the bad guy, thinking the truth was not as bad as making up some story to make it seem like a life or death situation.  My illness is exasperated by stress, it causes more physical pain, and even caused me to get hives from one end of my body to the other.  Instead of being sympothetic, she had a bigger story. I have too much going on with chapter 13's , foreclosures, HOA problems, and worrying where my family and I are going to live.  My family has always been about them.  Their problems are worse than anyone's just ask them.  I am the bad one, not worth a thing. I should be lucky anyone pays attention to me. I can't do a thing right. No wonder I take medication for depression.  If you ask them directly about any of this, especially my sister, she will deny everthing and point the finger at me.  Every time we have a disagreement, she asks me if I've taken my medication.  I learned from Dr. Phil to teach people how to treat you, sometimes you just have to walk away.  Some people just don't want to learn. Today I got an e-mail from my drama queen, in it she asks me to pray for her dog.  I haven't talked to her in a month, my health has been bad, and I have a hearing on Monday.  My car is dying and I don't know if it will make it to the hearing, I have to take my kids with me, because I freak out when I drive.  She told me a month ago she was too busy to help me,  and that I could do a number of things to get there, and did I take my meds. She has spent thousands of dollars on this dog, without any regard for  human beings, and even when her own family needs help, her problems are larger. If I died tomorrow, they would say nice things in front of others, but when they were alone, oh the stories they would tell.  When you have a drama queen in the family, it affects the whole family.  I need a lie detector and a drug test just to prove I'm  being truthful.  Dr. Phil would be the only one to see the truth, even then it wouldn't make any difference. I can't wait to see the show, maybe I can get some tips.  Oh yeah, by the way pray for that stupid dog, he's really important.

I dont have Bi-polar, but my oldest daughter does. I can relate so well how you feel in your family. I am adopted and white. My sister and brother were adopted in Alaska and are Athabascian Indian...which makes them darker. I don't care what I say or do, it is never good enough for them. I decided 3 years ago to call it quits. It wasn't good for my daughter or other children to see the favoritism, nor was it good for me emotionally. I would never measure up. What is so sad, is my dad is a Mormon bishop. Yep, talk about a hypocrite! He can counsel others well, and when it comes to his own family, allows the dysfunction...walk away, concentrate on your health and get your SSI. Remember, if you allow their behavior, accept the consquences of how it makes you feel. Get Dr. Phil's book--"Doing what works-Doing what Matters". It is excellent, and you will be surprised what you find out about  yourself that allows others to take you down into that dark tunnel of depression....Best of Luck to you...

 
April 22, 2007, 1:28 pm CDT

My 2 cents...

Carrie needs to learn that the world doesn't revolve around her...I know someone's probably already said that to her, but it's true.  She also needs to learn the concept of family, they support each other, and she doesn't seem very supportive.  If her parents want to be married, be supportive of that, don't throw a fit like a three-year-old because you don't get your way.  It's not even her business anyway! 

 

And the thing with the fiancee?  Just go to the wedding to support your brother even if you despise her, because it's about them, NOT about your sulking absence.   You don't even have to talk to the fiancee if you "don't approve" (which by the way, he doesn't need Cassie's approval to get married).  She'll probably regret it later if she acts like a total dog and ruins that relationship anyway.  Cassie, be an adult and support your family because it's NOT all about YOU!!!!!

 
April 22, 2007, 5:50 pm CDT

Ahhh family!

This is a conflict that goes back to Adam and Eve...If I could say anything it would be this-You would not take that stuff from a stranger on the street, then why on earth would you take it from your own family?
 
April 22, 2007, 6:33 pm CDT

04/23 Family Drama

Quote From: paula200

 Dear Carrie,
It's tiem you grow up and realize that you can't control other family members' lives.  Mafia sisters are not in style any longer. Your brother has the right to marry his choice of brides.  Whycan't you show a little respect and honor him by attending the wedding and act like an adult for a change!  As for your parents divorcing, that is for them to decide...not you.... no matter what your secret is.  It is your mother's decision, not yours!  A piece of advice, just grow up and become a responsible person to yourself, your own husband (if you have one that will stay with you), a good sister and great sister-in-law.  I hope she has the balls to stand up to you and put you in your place! Stop blaming ohters for your unhappiness and begin making yourself happier.  Maybe your family needs this recipe from you, so they can carry on with their own lives.
A friend of mine had the same problem with her divorced parents, she got fed up with both of them and said "Look, whether you come or not is your choice, if you choose to attend, wonderful, if not I'll miss you. "  They both showed and just stayed at opposite ends of the hall, they both had a great time,she also made it clear that if there were any problems, they would be escorted to their cars, and she made sure there was a dry bar (alcohol and bitter relatives, NEVER a good mix ).
 
April 23, 2007, 4:31 am CDT

04/23 Family Drama

There is a very big difference between wanting HELP and wanting ATTENTION.  Carrie seems like an attention junkie.  Her family may be miserable, but she's probably thrilled - she dominates the thoughts of every member of her family.  She seems like a manipulative, selfish brat.  If one of my adult children told me that their father was "trash", and that I could do better, I'd slap their face and show them the door until they apologized.  What a tiresome girl.
 
April 23, 2007, 5:34 am CDT

SIBLING RIVALRY OR SIBLING ABUSE

If you are with in a family relationship, you expect the relationships to grow and deepen over time; you expect a heart connection to be made and maintained.  You operate your life based on this expectation.  When a member in the family relationship does not or cannot make an emotional connection, the family relationship becomes very painful.  Some of my favorite books that provide a great introduction and insight are:

 

 

What Parents Need to Know About Sibling Abuse by Vernon Wiehe

 

Emotional Blackmail:  When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward AND Why is it Always About You?  The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism by Sandy Hotchkiss

 

Treating Personality Disorders in Children and Adolescents:  A Relational Approach by Efrain Bleiberg OR Emotional Unavailability:  Recognizing It, Understanding It and Avoiding Its Trap by Bryn Collins

 

How to Journal for Therapy:

http://arar.essortment.com/therapyjournali_repu.htm

 

 

Though harder to spot, emotional abuse is easier to deny.  But just as physical abuse has signposts to mark its presence, emotional abuse, being a systematic attack on one's sense of self, has common traits.  Physical abuse comes in degrees of severity - emotional abuse also runs the gamut of intensity and damage.

 

 

Hope it helps!

 

 

 
First | Prev | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | Next | Last