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Topic : 08/16 Family Drama

Number of Replies: 381
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Created on : Friday, April 20, 2007, 02:35:21 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 04/23/07) No matter how much we try to avoid it, conflict is a part of life. But what happens when an entire family points the finger at one person as the source of the chaos? Carrie’s family calls her a drama queen who tries to destroy their relationships. Her sister, Miranda, says Carrie called their mother trash and wants their father to divorce her. Her brother, Meikle, says Carrie is upset because she didn’t approve of his fiancée and now refuses to attend his wedding. Carrie admits that she can be attracted to conflict, but says she feels isolated by her family. Then, Carrie’s parents, LaRon and Susan, confront her about trying to break up their marriage. Carrie hasn’t spoken to her mom in over a month, and they face off onstage. Plus, Carrie reveals a shocking secret that she’s kept from her family for years. Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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April 23, 2007, 8:59 am CDT

04/23 Family Drama

Quote From: normanohio

 

Carrie,

 

I cannot believe how far Dr Phil missed the mark on this one.

 

We had  a Carrie in our family (but thankfully not as severe).   She was controlling, and had a tremendous memory for every supposed slight.   Unmarried herself, She involved herself deeply in the affairs of her sisters family, and expected to be included in every event.  But she attempted to control every event.  If anyone did not do things her way it was taken as a personal insult to her.  And she never forgot. She remembered every supposed slight.   (Even in her Eighties, she vocally expressed her hate for her father because he sold her bicycle when she was 16.  In those times, it was not lady-like to ride a bicycle.) 

 

To top it off, everyone around her had to swallow their dignity and take her behavior and control.  But she would never have tolerated similar behavior from someone else.

 

Her overbearing, controlling behavior made every family event a struggle.  Eventually, we had to sneak off to visits to close family members so she would not invite herself and ruin the event. 

 

The situation in Carries  was so familiar to me, and I believe there will never be a happy outcome unless Carries behaviors and expectations change.   This situation was not as much about a drama queen (as Doctor Phil characterized), as about a person who is extremely self-centered and controlling and unforgiving.   Anyone who does not submit to her control becomes an enemy. 

 

 The problem in Carries family is 95% Carrie and her personality.  Dr Phil did a great injustice placing so much blame on the other family members.  They looked like a pretty normal bunch of people of dealing with a family member with a difficult and controlling personality. 

I completely agree. I was shocked that Dr. Phil seemed to be so fooled by her. Very disappointing. Although her entire family seems to thrive on drama, she seems to be, by far, the worst one. Everything is about her. It's messed up.

 
April 23, 2007, 9:23 am CDT

controlling Carrie

Talk about the squeaky wheel! Carrie's payoff for her toxic behavior was evident in the last 5 minutes of the show. Her father and other family members saying, " we want Carrie to know how much we love her...we want her back in the family". There may never be enough love or attention to satisfy Carrie. There were 3 other "children" of the family on that stage and no one was having to tell them how much they were loved or wanted. The family probably has contributed somewhat to the situation, but really, who is the common denominator in the friction? Carrie. Is she really surprised she was left out of the family trip? Maybe the family wanted to enjoy themselves.  People can only walk on eggshells for so long before their feet start to bleed.  She's not going to her brother's wedding because she didn't get to approve of his fiance? Give me a break. Carrie needs to get over herself, start putting other's needs before her own and sincerely work at repairing the relationships she has damaged with her selfish, mean spirited behavior.
 
April 23, 2007, 9:48 am CDT

Sometimes the family is NOT to blame

Anxious to see the show; HOWEVER, I don't agree with the posters who say that one person is the "scapegoat" who is singled out. It's not always that way.

 

I have been happily married for 18 years. My husband's younger brother (there are 5 siblings) comes and goes for years at a time, never telling us where he is and if he is ok.

 

After reappearing for a year or so, he'll leave again. He believes the family has the problem, but the reality is that the family is close and fun and fuctional. There is no chaos. Everyone gets along and has a nice time together. Perhaps there is not ENOUGH chaos for his type of personality or perhaps he has mental problems (he's adopted like two other siblings & his biological mother was mentally ill...also suicidal, having thrown herself in front of a bus).

 

Sometimes that BLACK SHEEP is indeed the one with the problem! Cant' wait to see the show to learn what the case is with the guest.

 
April 23, 2007, 9:53 am CDT

You aren't the black sheep!

Quote From: shannagry

I can truly understand this topic, I too have been labeled the black sheep of the family to the point they say I have by pollar excuse my spelling, mental illness, add, and adhd which is totally untrue per my personal medical doctors. I had this checked out for my own just to see and have some years back to have peace of mind. The only problem I do have is epilepsy, which is a seizure disorder. I have tried for the past eighteen years at least to no avail. I have even at times had to separate myself from them because I did not feel welcome, I would call, show up and no body home and they had made other plans and the tension was too intense. For still some reason, if you do what they say, call, come over, and offer the clean everyday you is not as big of a problem. I have made some major mistakes in my life since leaving home, probable due to trying to leave as soon as I could I am sorry for that, I would change alot yet wish could do family counseling or have everybody meet at a location other than their home and take responsibility for their own part of the tension so that I can stop walking with ulcers and do not feel I have to make an appointment to see certain members of family to avoid the stressors.

Ever consider the fact that YOU may be the WHITE SHEEP of the family? Perhaps they are the black sheeps and simply don't know it (or don't want to admit it).

 

Forgive them, but do not waste your time being around them if they are negative. Love them for their good qualities and walk away when they are displaying their bad ones.

 

Good luck to you finding peace and God bless. There is no peace in chaos!

 
April 23, 2007, 10:05 am CDT

How dare she

I am a 25 year old women and i think that Carrie was horrible and a poor excuse for a daughter! My mom died when i was 12 and people like Carrie just do not know how good they have it.  She is a spoiled brat and needs to know the world does not revolve around her!  Hopefully she will wake up one day and someone will just smack her and quit giving her attention because that is all she wants!

 
April 23, 2007, 10:43 am CDT

Heartaches abound here

AS the oldest of nine children in my family I worked hard to earn the title "black sheep", to the point I ended up in prison by my 40th brithday. Fortunately while in prison I learned a lot about myself and why I believed I was sure I was supposed to be the "black sheep".

To make a long story short when I was released from prison, I resigned my position as the black sheep and started enjoying life and all it's wonders. There are members of my family that won't even speak to me or acknowledge me and that's okay, I respect their choice. There are other memebers, my mother is first to come to mind who had little  or nothing to do with me for a long time and just this year has made more of an effort. Sadly though it seems her mission is solely to remind me at every opportunity what a bad person I am and how my many mistakes hurt my family.  However I  won't play her game, soon as she starts I let her know I will visit with her about almost anything but  past sins are not open for disection. I have apologized to my family, friends and co-workers known to have been hurt or disenchanted by my very poor choices, I have served my time and am at peace with my maker, I refused to continue to do pennace for history 10+ years old. Yes, I have been "out of the system" for over 10 years, not one single case of recidivism!! I live an active,  fulfilling and loving life shared with friends and any family members who wish to be a part of it. This family needs to draw a line on HISTORY, it's over, done...can't change it or undo it, Can only go forward from here, with solid counseling and starting fresh with the positive of each member and learning to trust again, not just each other but themselves. The bottom line: hanging on to hurt is not only self destructive but counter productive as well.

I will happily keep this family in my heartfelt prayers and trust that they too find a higher power to strengthen them through the very painful soul searching time they have ahead of them.

 
April 23, 2007, 12:42 pm CDT

Hello! Personality disorder alert!

The only responsibility that the family has is engaging with Carrie for as long as they have. THIS FAMILY NEEDS TO BE VALIDATED. I have a lot of experience with peoplelike Carrie, and they can easily devastate an entire family all by themselves. She is a black hole of neediness. She clearly has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and probably other disorders also.  The family needs therapy learning how to not let Carrie affect them, they need to have no expectations of her. There needs to be boundaries for her behavior. It is all about her. She forgets things, gets angry if she is not consulted, is a drama queen(histrionics), totally inappropriate anger, no insight into her behavior, no accountability, it's everyone else's fault, is totally crazymaking, (splitting-pitting family members against eachother). The list goes on and on. The eating disorder is a PITY PLAY. She is toxic to this family, and they need to insist on a very limited amount of interaction.
 
April 23, 2007, 12:44 pm CDT

I agree!

Quote From: flthomcat

Anxious to see the show; HOWEVER, I don't agree with the posters who say that one person is the "scapegoat" who is singled out. It's not always that way.

 

I have been happily married for 18 years. My husband's younger brother (there are 5 siblings) comes and goes for years at a time, never telling us where he is and if he is ok.

 

After reappearing for a year or so, he'll leave again. He believes the family has the problem, but the reality is that the family is close and fun and fuctional. There is no chaos. Everyone gets along and has a nice time together. Perhaps there is not ENOUGH chaos for his type of personality or perhaps he has mental problems (he's adopted like two other siblings & his biological mother was mentally ill...also suicidal, having thrown herself in front of a bus).

 

Sometimes that BLACK SHEEP is indeed the one with the problem! Cant' wait to see the show to learn what the case is with the guest.

Dr. Phil is off-base with this. She is the problem.
 
April 23, 2007, 12:46 pm CDT

04/23 Family Drama

Quote From: momjamestay

I completely agree. I was shocked that Dr. Phil seemed to be so fooled by her. Very disappointing. Although her entire family seems to thrive on drama, she seems to be, by far, the worst one. Everything is about her. It's messed up.

I don't think they want the drama. They are just so frustrated that they appear to have their own issues. You are right, he totally missed the mark.
 
April 23, 2007, 12:50 pm CDT

04/23 Family Drama

Quote From: housewife52

Does she just simply(well, maybe not SIMPLY) have a personality disorder that has not been diagnosed?
absolutely, I think it's pretty obvious.  She screams narcisstic personality disorder. It was very frustrating that Dr. Phil missed the mark on this one.
 
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