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Topic : 08/16 Family Drama

Number of Replies: 381
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Created on : Friday, April 20, 2007, 02:35:21 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 04/23/07) No matter how much we try to avoid it, conflict is a part of life. But what happens when an entire family points the finger at one person as the source of the chaos? Carrie’s family calls her a drama queen who tries to destroy their relationships. Her sister, Miranda, says Carrie called their mother trash and wants their father to divorce her. Her brother, Meikle, says Carrie is upset because she didn’t approve of his fiancée and now refuses to attend his wedding. Carrie admits that she can be attracted to conflict, but says she feels isolated by her family. Then, Carrie’s parents, LaRon and Susan, confront her about trying to break up their marriage. Carrie hasn’t spoken to her mom in over a month, and they face off onstage. Plus, Carrie reveals a shocking secret that she’s kept from her family for years. Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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April 21, 2007, 5:29 am CDT

Family drama

I am almost 60 years old and can't believe that my family continues to get caught up in drama.   And guess who they point the finger at.  My 80 year old mother recently told me that i'm not normal and that I never have been.  She always favored my brother, who is seven years my junior and out of all her grandchildren, she favors my daughter, the drug addict.  In my 40's I got my GED and BA in Physhology.  I also obtained my state certification in substance abuse counseling.  I worked in that field for 12 years and specialized in Domestic Violence Counseling.  I worked four days a week, did four groups at night and two on Saturdays.  And then I came home to my family drama.  I got so burned out that I quit the field and returned to taxes and accounting.  I have been in personal counseling and family counseling with my daughter.  She just doesn't get it, and never will.  My mother doesn't believe in counseling.   I've detached from both of them and my life is stress free.  My blood pressure is down and my heart rate is back to normal.  My advice to people who want out of a stressful family of drama is to get out.  You can love the family but hate the behavior.  I wrote my mother a letter and told her that it is best that I don't talk to her but that I would write.  I haven't heard from her.  My daughter is just a 41 year old drug addict who is incapable of reason.  My last contact with her was New Years Eve when she arrived, unannounced, and put a hole in my wall.  I called the police and have a warrant for her arrest.  She is not to come near me or my house unless she contacts me from an inpatient substance abuse treatment center, (her fourth).  I've had it with this whole thing.  I've done nothing but improve my life over the past 30 years and my family stayed the same.  I just want a peaceful ending, and deserve it.  I'm staying away from toxic people because I have earned the right to do that.  To me, it's one of the healthiest choices I have ever made.  Linda
 
April 21, 2007, 5:39 am CDT

Carrie's Family

Carrie, I hope is in counciling, if not to justify her own beliefs on how to run her own life and family.

 

I believe everyone in Carrie's family needs to seek psychological help. There are many cases when a dysfunctional family will go against the strongest most enviable sibling as the dominant parent guides the mental and emotional abuse toward that child, "Carrie". We don't have enough information to pinpoint who is truly at fault here. The dynamics could easily be all against the most innocent, Carrie. Then again, if the entire family's acusations toward Carrie are founded, then Carrie needs to have a recovery time in a fascility away from home for at least one month to get to the source of her problems. If he family is to blame out of jealousy, as I believe...Carrie could still benefit by a stint of recovery by seeking the true source of her problems and coming to terms that she may possibly be the true ROCK of the family, and not given the credit...ever.

 

 
April 21, 2007, 9:24 am CDT

Family Drama Posts Understood

I can truly understand this topic, I too have been labeled the black sheep of the family to the point they say I have by pollar “excuse my spelling”, mental illness, add, and adhd which is totally untrue per my personal medical doctors. I had this checked out for my own just to see and have some years back to have peace of mind. The only problem I do have is epilepsy, which is a seizure disorder. I have tried for the past eighteen years at least to no avail. I have even at times had to separate myself from them because I did not feel welcome, I would call, show up and no body home and they had made other plans and the tension was too intense. For still some reason, if you do what they say, call, come over, and offer the clean everyday you is not as big of a problem. I have made some major mistakes in my life since leaving home, probable due to trying to leave as soon as I could I am sorry for that, I would change alot yet wish could do family counseling or have everybody meet at a location other than their home and take responsibility for their own part of the tension so that I can stop walking with ulcers and do not feel I have to make an appointment to see certain members of family to avoid the stressors.

 
April 21, 2007, 10:17 am CDT

hooray!!!

Quote From: ttillyy

I am almost 60 years old and can't believe that my family continues to get caught up in drama.   And guess who they point the finger at.  My 80 year old mother recently told me that i'm not normal and that I never have been.  She always favored my brother, who is seven years my junior and out of all her grandchildren, she favors my daughter, the drug addict.  In my 40's I got my GED and BA in Physhology.  I also obtained my state certification in substance abuse counseling.  I worked in that field for 12 years and specialized in Domestic Violence Counseling.  I worked four days a week, did four groups at night and two on Saturdays.  And then I came home to my family drama.  I got so burned out that I quit the field and returned to taxes and accounting.  I have been in personal counseling and family counseling with my daughter.  She just doesn't get it, and never will.  My mother doesn't believe in counseling.   I've detached from both of them and my life is stress free.  My blood pressure is down and my heart rate is back to normal.  My advice to people who want out of a stressful family of drama is to get out.  You can love the family but hate the behavior.  I wrote my mother a letter and told her that it is best that I don't talk to her but that I would write.  I haven't heard from her.  My daughter is just a 41 year old drug addict who is incapable of reason.  My last contact with her was New Years Eve when she arrived, unannounced, and put a hole in my wall.  I called the police and have a warrant for her arrest.  She is not to come near me or my house unless she contacts me from an inpatient substance abuse treatment center, (her fourth).  I've had it with this whole thing.  I've done nothing but improve my life over the past 30 years and my family stayed the same.  I just want a peaceful ending, and deserve it.  I'm staying away from toxic people because I have earned the right to do that.  To me, it's one of the healthiest choices I have ever made.  Linda
dear linda  god bless you you made choices and you chose not to deal with the family drama anymore you can love the family but hate the drama and bad behavior heres hoping your daughter comes to terms with her addiction and straightens her life out before its too late. many elderly dont believe in counseling my mother is one also she has alot of demons she doesnt want to deal with and she fueds with my  younger sister all the time and my 80 old dad gets caught in the cross fire if he doesnt side with my mother he puts himself in the dog house! its awful and my mother and sisters feud has been going on for over 30 yrs!!! my father and mothers health declined due to stress and bickering on a daily basis and my sister acts like its no big deal!!! they both need counseling but wont deal with it. very sad!!! my husband and i walk away from it when it starts and we dont tolerate it. as dearly as i love my family i cant stand to deal with it. toxic people yes!!! many out there linda! my mother and sister  are 2 of them!!! my mother has worked hard all her life raising 5 of us and we give her alot of credit but she has alot of baggage from her background and very jealous of our fathers relationship with his kids and my one sister that feuds with her has always been close to my dad which my mother resents alot and always will!!!! my mother keeps saying she has the right to be happy which is true but she is a big part of the family problems always will be. we pray for changes every day and hope you are happy and healthier for your choices god bless.
 
April 21, 2007, 10:43 am CDT

Been There

I think families often have a scapegoat!  I am the youngest of 10 children and I was told repeatedly growing up that I was never as good as the rest of my brothers and sisters in whatever their talent was.  My father was really hostile and abusive.  I think my siblings picked up on their behavior.  My mother favored my brothers and when she developed Alzheimer's, they went years without seeing her and forget about lending a hand to care for her.  My sisters are not that much better.  My nephew got engaged and I was the only one not told because my sister "forgot".  They set a date and I wasn't told.  A shower was planned and I didn't find out until a few weeks before when all of my sisters new months ahead of time.  The only reason I was told, was they wanted money for a large present for my nephew.  When I have brought up how I feel to my sisters, I get one of two responses; it is either my fault OR complete denial that something happened at all.  I began to think that I was crazy but my husband agrees with me.  I began asking people who didn't know the background to join me at some family functions, like co-workers at barbeques etc.  Their response was..."What is wrong with your family?"  I get along well with my in-laws.  I have friends that I have had for a long time that are like family to me, so I don't think that I am unable to maintain relationships.  I have been in therapy and have been trying to work on my relationships with my sisters but like Dr. Phil says, "If they aren't willing to admit there's a problem, we can't fix it."
 
April 21, 2007, 2:31 pm CDT

FAMILY DRAMA FEEDING

 This family seems to thrive on drama.  Carrie is the scapegoat for a larger problem--the entire family.  Of course Carrie has problems...she grew up in that dysfunctional household.  I hope that she is willing to get professional help for herself and what her family of origin wants to do is up to them.   I chose to sever connections with my family of origin 22 years ago as a result of counseling.  I saw no other way as their violent unacceptable behavior became soooooooo clear to me.  I did not want my children around them at all.  Today, my adult children are grateful for my decision.  Oh, my husband and I attempted to at least meet with my parents to see if we could at least talk about some issues.  It had been nearly twenty years since we met and all my parents could do was blame, blame, blame.  Nothing changed.  I am glad to be away from their continued family drama.  I'm enjoying my children and grandchildren and they enjoy being with me and their dad. 
 
April 21, 2007, 3:36 pm CDT

Family split

Quote From: gijane

I think families often have a scapegoat!  I am the youngest of 10 children and I was told repeatedly growing up that I was never as good as the rest of my brothers and sisters in whatever their talent was.  My father was really hostile and abusive.  I think my siblings picked up on their behavior.  My mother favored my brothers and when she developed Alzheimer's, they went years without seeing her and forget about lending a hand to care for her.  My sisters are not that much better.  My nephew got engaged and I was the only one not told because my sister "forgot".  They set a date and I wasn't told.  A shower was planned and I didn't find out until a few weeks before when all of my sisters new months ahead of time.  The only reason I was told, was they wanted money for a large present for my nephew.  When I have brought up how I feel to my sisters, I get one of two responses; it is either my fault OR complete denial that something happened at all.  I began to think that I was crazy but my husband agrees with me.  I began asking people who didn't know the background to join me at some family functions, like co-workers at barbeques etc.  Their response was..."What is wrong with your family?"  I get along well with my in-laws.  I have friends that I have had for a long time that are like family to me, so I don't think that I am unable to maintain relationships.  I have been in therapy and have been trying to work on my relationships with my sisters but like Dr. Phil says, "If they aren't willing to admit there's a problem, we can't fix it."

Several years ago my husband's family had a major split. We have his brother and two of his cousins here with their families. For many years we all got along great. We spent all the holidays together and everyone took turns hosting them. Everything was fine until our nephew had an Autistic son. One cousin's wife is a speech therapist. We all noticed that something was different about this baby, but no one knew anything for sure since we didn't see him that much. She did not want to tell them she had some suspicions because she didn't see most of the signs. The mother only asked her about the fact that he wasn't talking. She didn't tell her anything else that he was or wasn't doing. Since that is not the only sign of autism she didn't think there was anything to tell her. Well, someone at the park told her that her son was not acting right and he should be tested. Her husband called our cousin's wife and told her that his son was diagnosed with Autism. He asked for her help. She told him to send her the reports and she would advise him. She inadvertently mentioned that she might have guessed that. Well, the mother got all bent out of shape and blamed our cousin's wife for not telling her sooner and the grandmother canceled a holiday that her daughter was supposed to have. When my husband and I went to talk to his brother and sister-in-law (the grandparents) they started bringing up things about us that they were unhappy about. They said they were dropping out of the family. However, what they did was invite our kids and the other cousin to their "alternate" holidays. My husband used to meet his brother for lunch from time to time. He tried to talk to him, but since he wouldn't budge, my husband told him he couldn't have it both ways and he wasn't going to meet him anymore. He told him he might lose our kids too. He said he didn't care.

Now my husband has a problem with the other cousin who has been divorced twice. We all loved his wives, but when they left we stayed loyal to him even though we knew he was mostly to blame for his problems. His cousin asked my husband who was a mechanic to find a car for his son who is in college. My husband told him he wasn't going to guarantee anything, because when you buy a used car you never know what you are getting. He kept insisting that he help him. I told my husband not to do it, because I had a bad feeling about it. We have all had problems with this cousin in the past. Well, my husband found him a car and told him he had to change the timing belt, because there was no way to tell when it was changed last. He also told him to change two of the tires. He didn't change the timing belt and it went out on the freeway. Luckily his son wasn't driving it. He was going to sell it to a friend and the timing belt broke on him.Thank god he wasn't hurt. Now our cousin wanted my husband's friend who sold him the car to take it back. At first we didn't want to do that. Everyone knows when you buy a used car it's as is. However, our cousin threatened to sue him and us if he didn't. He left a bizarre message on his voicemail and begged him to have his friend buy the car back. He made up a whole bunch of problems the car had that weren't true. We reluctantly gave him back his money just to get him out of our hair. Now he is through with us and he said he is joining the others. Our kids and our nephew's sister are the ones in the middle. They don't know what to do or say.  I think our kids are starting to see the truth. Their aunt and uncle told my husband they aren't backing down even if it means losing our kids and my husband. We are willing to talk about things they aren't. I have sent them notes over the years and they ignored them. (even an invitation to my 60th birthday party) There are so many hurt and misunderstood feelings. If they aren't willing to discuss them, how can we get past them? Does anyone have any advice or words of wisdom?

 
April 21, 2007, 5:49 pm CDT

It Could Be True.....

Dear Dr. Phil,

It is extremely unfortunate about this young lady's situation. This goes on in many family's today we really don't want to admit it; but its called schitzo-affective disorder, I hope I spelled it right, this trait is usually past on from someone else in the picture, I know I live with someone who is exactly like this always negative, its my mother, but I still Love her, i just look past that.

MN

 
April 21, 2007, 5:59 pm CDT

I have one of those

As soon as I saw the trailer for this show, I called my daughter in and said, who does that remind you of?  I am now a half a century, and I called it quits with my family. My sister has been labeled the "drama queen" and I had defended her several times. When I needed defending, she just jumped on the bandwagon.  My family would rather believe someone else over their own relatives. I gave up trying to please them.  Especially my mother. I've been beat down so much that I really don't have anything to do with people outside my kids. I have been picked apart so many times, I feel like the Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz.  They gossip behind my back, and when I find out, they deny it.  I call them the coven.  I have Bi-polar and have been treating it as well as I can, but what sends me in to a tailspin every time is talking to my family. I recently have had a run of problems because I have been sick, and I'm working on SSI, I'm losing everything I own, but according to them it is because I don't want to work.  If I say I'm in pain, theirs is bigger.  I broke my neck in an accident,according to them I did it to get attention.  You see how it goes. I cut my sister off a month ago because her treatment of me was deplorable, she lied to me to get me to do something instead of telling me the truth, which would of made more sense.  I'm the bad guy, thinking the truth was not as bad as making up some story to make it seem like a life or death situation.  My illness is exasperated by stress, it causes more physical pain, and even caused me to get hives from one end of my body to the other.  Instead of being sympothetic, she had a bigger story. I have too much going on with chapter 13's , foreclosures, HOA problems, and worrying where my family and I are going to live.  My family has always been about them.  Their problems are worse than anyone's just ask them.  I am the bad one, not worth a thing. I should be lucky anyone pays attention to me. I can't do a thing right. No wonder I take medication for depression.  If you ask them directly about any of this, especially my sister, she will deny everthing and point the finger at me.  Every time we have a disagreement, she asks me if I've taken my medication.  I learned from Dr. Phil to teach people how to treat you, sometimes you just have to walk away.  Some people just don't want to learn. Today I got an e-mail from my drama queen, in it she asks me to pray for her dog.  I haven't talked to her in a month, my health has been bad, and I have a hearing on Monday.  My car is dying and I don't know if it will make it to the hearing, I have to take my kids with me, because I freak out when I drive.  She told me a month ago she was too busy to help me,  and that I could do a number of things to get there, and did I take my meds. She has spent thousands of dollars on this dog, without any regard for  human beings, and even when her own family needs help, her problems are larger. If I died tomorrow, they would say nice things in front of others, but when they were alone, oh the stories they would tell.  When you have a drama queen in the family, it affects the whole family.  I need a lie detector and a drug test just to prove I'm  being truthful.  Dr. Phil would be the only one to see the truth, even then it wouldn't make any difference. I can't wait to see the show, maybe I can get some tips.  Oh yeah, by the way pray for that stupid dog, he's really important.
 
April 21, 2007, 6:00 pm CDT

04/23 Family Drama

Ahh, the soap operas we call Family, there's always something isn't there ?

I don't think its fair to blame just one or two people for family upsets though, no one is perfect are we, I mean yes somone may get us going, press our buttons so to speak, but it is our choice whether or not to respond, and if we do respond then it is our choice to be calm and rational, or to go off like a nuclear missile.  In cases of abuse, then it is our choice to either cut them out of our lives, put lots of distance between them and you or to allow yourself to wallow in it, and then work on YOURSELF to break the cycle, its hard work, but it can be done.

Family seems to think that they have the RIGHT to treat others like dirt, like by the magic of DNA we are supposed to sit back and take their crap.  I have family members that I think " my God your enemies should be TERRIFIED, if this is the way you treat people you love ", I have no relationship with those people, they mean nothing to me.

I would be willing to bet that this young woman isn't the only problem this family has, but we'll see on Monday.

 
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