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Topic : 08/01 Know-It-All In-Laws

Number of Replies: 344
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Created on : Friday, April 20, 2007, 02:37:54 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 04/25/07) In-laws can be the kind who give unwanted advice, stop by unexpectedly and use guilt and manipulation to get what they want. But sometimes, they are loving parents who get caught in the middle of their child's relationship. Amanda calls her mother-in-law, Yolande, psychotic, controlling and meddling. She says Yolande speaks to her son, Pierre, in French so she can hide the hurtful words she’s using about Amanda. Yolande says Amanda is a drunk, and an uneducated woman who is wrecking her son's life. Why does Pierre say he can't choose a side? To test Amanda's theory of why Yolande and Pierre speak French to each other, Dr. Phil sets up a "special" dinner for the three of them. Be a fly on the wall, and find out if Amanda's right or just being paranoid. And, John and Chrissy's engagement is on hold because they say they can't stop fighting. They hit and slap each other, and call each other vulgar names — often in front of their 8-month-old son. John's mom, Charlene, who is often pulled into their fights, says they both need to grow up! After watching themselves scream and yell on tape, will this couple decide to drop their fists, close their mouths and work to make a peaceful home for their baby? Join the discussion.

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May 5, 2008, 1:11 pm CDT

No matter what Mommy dearest is nuts!

I watched the first airing and then todays show, and while I have to say that the son needs to live his own life while making his own money and decisions, all his mom talked about was money.  I know that Mothers feel the need to give and give to their kids and do not want to see them go without, but if it was an issue, she should have stopped it.  He liked the money, and car and house, therefore took what mommy dished out, and while she said she would never have butted in if not for the money, that is no excuse.  She could have stopped giving at any time, forcing the son to grow up.  She liked having him where she had him, and knew if she kept giving, she could have as much say as she wanted.  She acts as though she was taken advantage of, she freely gave what she gave, and in return took it upon herself to take payment in return, which was beiong involved and medling.  I have borrowed money from my parents before, they didn't come to my house and sleep over whenever they felt like it, so there is really no excuse for this woman's behavior.
 
May 5, 2008, 3:28 pm CDT

08/01 Know-It-All In-Laws

I missed the segment where  mother and son first appeard on your show, and missed the first 15 minutes of the show today, however, this seems to be very clearcut, which leaves me puzzled as to why you feel this makes for a show worth viewing. This young man is taking advantage of his mother and her obvious inability to cut him loose financially. The question as to why mom kept bringing up the money issue also left me scratching my head. Put yourself in her shoes- if you had an adult son or daughter that was still living in your house, driving your car, charging vacations to Cancun on your credit card without your knowlege wouldn't you be inclined to bring this up as well? I certainly would. Kudos to mom, who has continued to support him financially as long as she has and not call the cops on him for theft.

The impression was left with was that you felt that mom was the continuing problem here. Perhaps she shares culpability from the standpoint that she hasn't kicked his rump out of the house to date, however, if he doesn't like his mom "meddling" in his life, then why doesn't he get a life, find a job that he can support himself on, and move on? If he was a truly caring son, I would think he would realize that his mother isn't getting any younger and will not always have the disposable income  to continue to subsidize him. He on the other hand, seems to be very capable of obtaining  a decent paying job if he would only apply himself. Why is he spending expending his energy, time , and (I assume) her money by playing the martyr on national television?

There are people that are far worse off financially than this young man, who have managed to support themselves on a lot less (ex, single mothers who aren't willing to succomb to relying solely on the welfare system, but rather, hold down two, three jobs just so they can provide for their children. I'd rather listen to their story.

In the past, I've enjoyed watching your show, however, lately they've left me with the impression that your producers are going more for sensalization, rather than noteworthy, which is a shame as I've had the pleasure of hearing you speak in the past and was very impressed. Hope to see more "noteworthy" shows from you in the future.

 
May 7, 2008, 3:56 pm CDT

You are saying this seriously?

Quote From: tiara3

Dear Dr. Phil,

This guy Pierre is a loser!  He won't go out and get a decent job because KNOWS he has a back up.  There's no motivation for him to grow up!  I'm sure his mother would like to see him grow up and be a man and do the things a man is supposed to do.  Since he doesn't, she feels sorry for his inability to conduct himself as an adult and therefore treats him like the child he is!!! Why do you support this guy?  He has done very little to earn the title "responsible adult:, husband and provider".  Why doesn't anyone see that he cannot and will not be financially independent because he knows he has a backup and he is so used to getting so much there is no incentive for him to give or to contribute to a job that pays a worthwhile salary.  He's got it made in the shade, so why bother trying to get ahead!!!

 

I think Pierre is an immature, self centered user.    All his mother wants for him is to be with a woman who won't take advantage of him and not be a drinker.  That is a reasonable request.  This is a symbionic relationship where she feels sorry for his lack of ability to find a decent job and wants to help him.  She is a very generous woman.  I think because of her generosity and feeling sorry for him, she can't help but try to direct his ways.  If you act like a child you will be treated like a child!  Why treat someone who has the age of an adult but the behavior of a self centered, egotistical, materialistic, passive agressive and obnoxious....and a drinker, which ruins everyone's life.  No wonder his poor mother wanted someone better for him. (Even though Pierre has not earned the right to find anyone better because he is not being mature and responsible to begin with.)  His ex wife was a boozer and ruining this guys life!  Why do you support this guy Pierre when you see how his behavior is making an impact on his mother! You make this woman be the devil, to be percieved as a meddling mother in law.  I think the American perception of her being materialistic and meddling is another form of projection.  Am I the only one who sees that this mother is trying to help her inadequate son?  If she is putting down the woman, it is because she deserves it!  This young woman is a boozer and a user, and it impacts her relationship with the mother in law....any mother in law for that matter!

 

As far as the mother goes, she is already past the point of being conditioned to even remotely try to treat this son as an adult.  She will treat him like a child for the rest of his life because she doesn't know any other way to be. She is tired of the losers he dates and spends money on them that he doesn't have, at the expense of his mother's offering.  She didn't give him that Mercedes.  She was kind enough to let him borrow it.  If he's a real man, he needs to get his own car!  What is up with some men today!  Don't they know their roles as men are to be the providers?  Why are women always made the providers?  All these mothers do is make their son's life easier, and then the son gets lazy and won't find a decent job! 

These women don't know how to do the "tough love" thing and withdraw their gifts from their children.  All they know how to do is give.  Can you possibly take a look to see the other side of this??

 

DR PHIL. THIS IS NOT ABOUT THE MONEY WHATSOEVER.  She is simply trying to protect her stuff, which she rightly should do so.  She won't take it away from him because she is afraid of withdrawing things from him, because in European language, that is the same thing as taking your love away from someone.

 

You have to try to understand other people's cultures before you drive your point that is commonly understood by the American culture.

 

Perhaps you should do a job traveling to Europe and helping people with there problems there and you will find it a whole new and interesting learning experience for yourself.  Not only that, but you will bring to us the understanding of how people in Europe and other countries deal with their problems. You've been doing this in America for a long time, and now I challenge you, Dr. Phi, to go to other countries and educate us in the ways of their struggles and how you can help them deal with it, while at the same time trying to overcome the cultural and language barriers.

 

Best of Luck and God Bless you, Dr. Phil

 

 

 

I

I too come from a European family, and what you are saying is not the case for all families, and it depends on the family, the same as in American families.  Mothers definately believe in tough love, I am from an Italian family, I mean off the boat Italian family, and They are definately giving, but cross them and OMG.  It is definately not even close to fair to say "European mothers" in general equate Money and material items with love, and thus withdrawing them is like withdrawing love.  Please do not lump all Europeans together with Mommy Dearest.  Pierre is a loser, and mommy allows him to be a loser yes, but he gets what he wants and likes that aspect, and in a sense, his mother can complain all she wants, but she is getting what she wants in a sense too, the ultimate say over all that goes on in his life....That is not love that is manipulation, whether you are European, American, Korean or anything else.  Plenty, and I mean plenty of American mothers are the same way, my mother in law was like that too.....and she was born and raised in the US.
 
May 7, 2008, 3:58 pm CDT

08/01 Know-It-All In-Laws

Quote From: soccerparent

I missed the segment where  mother and son first appeard on your show, and missed the first 15 minutes of the show today, however, this seems to be very clearcut, which leaves me puzzled as to why you feel this makes for a show worth viewing. This young man is taking advantage of his mother and her obvious inability to cut him loose financially. The question as to why mom kept bringing up the money issue also left me scratching my head. Put yourself in her shoes- if you had an adult son or daughter that was still living in your house, driving your car, charging vacations to Cancun on your credit card without your knowlege wouldn't you be inclined to bring this up as well? I certainly would. Kudos to mom, who has continued to support him financially as long as she has and not call the cops on him for theft.

The impression was left with was that you felt that mom was the continuing problem here. Perhaps she shares culpability from the standpoint that she hasn't kicked his rump out of the house to date, however, if he doesn't like his mom "meddling" in his life, then why doesn't he get a life, find a job that he can support himself on, and move on? If he was a truly caring son, I would think he would realize that his mother isn't getting any younger and will not always have the disposable income  to continue to subsidize him. He on the other hand, seems to be very capable of obtaining  a decent paying job if he would only apply himself. Why is he spending expending his energy, time , and (I assume) her money by playing the martyr on national television?

There are people that are far worse off financially than this young man, who have managed to support themselves on a lot less (ex, single mothers who aren't willing to succomb to relying solely on the welfare system, but rather, hold down two, three jobs just so they can provide for their children. I'd rather listen to their story.

In the past, I've enjoyed watching your show, however, lately they've left me with the impression that your producers are going more for sensalization, rather than noteworthy, which is a shame as I've had the pleasure of hearing you speak in the past and was very impressed. Hope to see more "noteworthy" shows from you in the future.

While I definately agree that the son is taking advantage, isn't the mom also taking advantage in a way too?
 
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