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Topic : 08/01 Know-It-All In-Laws

Number of Replies: 344
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Created on : Friday, April 20, 2007, 02:37:54 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 04/25/07) In-laws can be the kind who give unwanted advice, stop by unexpectedly and use guilt and manipulation to get what they want. But sometimes, they are loving parents who get caught in the middle of their child's relationship. Amanda calls her mother-in-law, Yolande, psychotic, controlling and meddling. She says Yolande speaks to her son, Pierre, in French so she can hide the hurtful words she’s using about Amanda. Yolande says Amanda is a drunk, and an uneducated woman who is wrecking her son's life. Why does Pierre say he can't choose a side? To test Amanda's theory of why Yolande and Pierre speak French to each other, Dr. Phil sets up a "special" dinner for the three of them. Be a fly on the wall, and find out if Amanda's right or just being paranoid. And, John and Chrissy's engagement is on hold because they say they can't stop fighting. They hit and slap each other, and call each other vulgar names — often in front of their 8-month-old son. John's mom, Charlene, who is often pulled into their fights, says they both need to grow up! After watching themselves scream and yell on tape, will this couple decide to drop their fists, close their mouths and work to make a peaceful home for their baby? Join the discussion.

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April 25, 2007, 6:38 am CDT

You think yours is bad.....

My husabnd and I started dating while I was still in high school. We eventually ended up pregnant and so we pushed our wedding date up and got married. Because of other reasons I dropped out of high school and began working full time. I have never tried to put pressure on my husband when it comes to any aspect of our life but for some reason my mother in law has been able to make me look like the wife from hell. His parents did not come to our wedding, they did not congratulate us and this still after two years, greatly affects my husband. With our first child, we miscarried. Our worlds were crushed, and the night we came home from the emergency room my mother in law looked at me as I was crying and told me we deserved it. Immediately after that we moved further away and found we were pregnant again, 3 months later, we miscarried. We swore we wouldn't try again but we could n't help it. One year later and right now I am pregnant again and everything is going to be fine. With my husband being the only son and in the army now. My inlaws are treating me like I want my husband to be sent overseas because they are worried it may be a boy. They say if it is, they will not love our child or me any longer. Other then this she has spread lies about me, cursed at me, called me names, told my husband lies about me (he didn't belive her), and yet will look at me and ask for help. There are so many other things that have happened due to my inlaws but the worst is when it is your child. Whether you gave birth or not. They are still your children. She is my Satan.
 
April 25, 2007, 7:09 am CDT

Reality

Quote From: yjenny

 

I am surprised to see how the French speaking situation is misrepresented. I only speak French with my son when his wife is not present or if I make a remark about food in a restaurant.. If you look at the restaurant scene on the video, you should notice that the wife is not present. We did not utter one single French word in the presence of Amanda during the dinner. We only spoke French while she went to the bar to drink and smoke.

Would you be critical of Hispanic immigrants who speak Spanish in front of an American in-law?

 

To begin with, speaking in another language in the presence of a third party who does not speak that language is incredibly rude.  The language is not important.  Let's follow that with your comment about Americans in general.  I read the transcript of the show and you clearly think American women are inferior.  From my view, I think all parties would be much happier if you left this country you hate so much.  Will you though?  Of course not, you're French.  I must say, you represent your countrymen admirably.
 
April 25, 2007, 7:28 am CDT

Speaking A Second Language

Quote From: ceildh1

Speaking in a different language is just rude, hmmm, I think maybe finding language classes might help, even if just to understand what her MIL is saying, then shock her with the right response in English, One of my SIL's is french and she and her mother used to do that, until the day I responded , they didn't realize I am functionally bi lingual, I can speak and understand it better than I let on.  I say learn the language, french is actually not that hard to learn and it is a beautiful language, for her husband to allow that rude behavior is awful, she should be putting her foot down with him.  Why do these Mothers not want to cut the umbilical cord once their sons marry ?
Whenever two people speak a different language in front of a person who does not understand it, it is the height of rudeness.  Why not just whisper back and forth?  The effect is the same.  It should not be incumbent upon the third person to learn their other language in order to be treated with common decency.  Learning another language is a fine thing, if it is done because of the desire to do so.  If it's coercion, it ceases to be fine.
 
April 25, 2007, 7:34 am CDT

Wisdom

Quote From: housewife52

With my husband and me, I have always come first. We didn't have trouble with his parents. I think there can be balance where the husband loves and respects his parents but his wife comes first. For example, after our kids were born, I preferred to stay home on Christmas morning and chill. Prior to this, the siblings inlaws and grandchildren had always met at his parents. I enjoyed it until we had our own children. I didn't want to rush and get over to my in-laws. I told my husband that I understood that his mother liked to have all of her kids and grandkids on Christmas morning,and that I didn't want to hurt her feelings. He said that the only thing that mattered was how I felt. Of course he didn't say those exact words to his mother, but he did explain to her that we had decided to stay home on Christmas morning. From then on we went on Christmas Eve. I didn't have to say anything. When will husbands learn that thier wives come first?
You and your husband display a lot of wisdom in this matter.  It did become time for you to have your holiday with your family unit.  There is no disrespect in that.  I did so with my parents when they were still with us and we don't even have children.  My parents understood that the time had arrived for my wife and I to have our holidays together and that no offense was meant.  They understood because that is what they had done at my age.  My mother would have had a talk with me had I not realized that it was time to put my wife first.
 
April 25, 2007, 7:34 am CDT

04/25 Know it All In-Laws

Quote From: ceildh1

Misrepresented, then maybe you should speak to the producers about that.

It is rude when you know that the other person is being left out for lack of understanding, it really is, tell me if you couldn NOT speak English, and that's the language everyone used (this of course KNOWING they're bi lingual) around you, would YOU not feel left out and maybe a bit paranoid as to what's being said ? Yes I would imagine you would.  My sister and I are lucky enough to know the language, enough to get through Montreal or Quebec City, so yeah when my SIL and her Mom started that crap in front of me, and I was answering them, they soon stopped.

I wonder though why her husband dosen't try teaching her some phrases ?

The husband is a wimp who's scared of his Mommy, and who's willing to throw his wife to the wolves so he wont have to give up his cushy lifestyle.  His mother should be ashamed of the son she raised.  He doesn't qualify as a "man" in my book.
 
April 25, 2007, 7:40 am CDT

My Mother in law.

Quote From: someone_sweet

I really know how it feels to live in a house with mother inlaw problems , i as a child had experianced my grandmother  being mean to my mom and I have had that effect me in the long run , i just wish people would understand that realtionships are between them and other people should just but out ,!!!!!
I emigrated from England last year to live in Michigan. I am happy living with my new husband and country but my mother in law can be annoying as hell. I can understand what Amanda here is going through, I feel sorry for her and her mother in law and husband speaking in french I though was very rude to do.

When I was back in England, I thought my mother in law was great, we got on well on the phone but actually living with her until we get a house late this year, she's okay and not okay. There's so much stuff that annoys the hell out of me, I don't even know where to begin, I have been having days where they've been depressing and stressed out and don't have many friends here to talk to about it. My husband doesn't do much except say sorry that his mother is being a pain again.
 
April 25, 2007, 7:41 am CDT

04/25 Know it All In-Laws

I've seen it happen often on Dr. Phil - whenever people like this mother are called on their crappy behavior, they always start crying about how they're "misrepresented".  When Dr. Phil challenges them to prove it by going back over transcripts or tapes, they mumble and stumble around, but offer no proof.  They just hate it when they're exposed for what they are.
 
April 25, 2007, 7:49 am CDT

Come sit by me!

Quote From: someone_sweet

I really know how it feels to live in a house with mother inlaw problems , i as a child had experianced my grandmother  being mean to my mom and I have had that effect me in the long run , i just wish people would understand that realtionships are between them and other people should just but out ,!!!!!

My Mom and Dad were married for 34 years, and my Dad's mom treat my Mom like crap right up to the bitter end.  Although my Mom was 6 years younger than my Dad my Grandma always made her out to be some wanton huzzy that lured her baby boy astray.

Not long after they married my Grandma came to visit them and my mom left the room for whatever reason and when she returned my Grandma was on her hands and knees with her handkerchief checking for dust under the sofa.

I loved my Grandma, because she was family but I was never close to her, and never had an actual relationship with her.

 
April 25, 2007, 8:01 am CDT

Know It All In-Laws

I haven't seen the show yet, I've just been reading all the posts.  Although my in-laws have always been great, I used to have this problem with my own mother.  She meddled in every aspect of my life and it used to be hell.  Then I finally decided, that regardless of the fact that she's my mom, I didn't deserve to be treated like that and I finally realized that you teach people how to treat you.  So whenever she made a rude, inappropriate comment about something that was none of her business, I told her just that and I asked her to stop.  And believe me, it was scary standing up to my mom for the first time like this, but I somehow got the strength to do it anyway.  I told her that she was going to treat me with respect or she wouldn't be welcomed in my home or in my life.  Then I reminded her that without me, she would have no one to take care of her when she's old (since she's not married) and I reminded her that if she wants to have a relationship with her grandchildren, she has to go through me, so she'd better straighten up and butt out of things that were none of her business and stop with the rude comments, etc, etc.  I just laid down the boundaries one day and told her how it was going to be.  Of course she was mad as hell at first and stormed away and didn's speak to me for several months.  Then just one day out of the blue, she called me up and proceeded to talk to me as if nothing had ever happened.  She was sweet as pie and had been that way ever since.  Now she treats my husband and I with respect and doesn't meddle in our business.  She still makes a rude comment every once in a while, but not very often and I just realize that she is human, so I don't taken offense to it anymore, since it just doesn't happen very often.  So now our relationship is great.  So I guess my point is, you have to stand up for yourself and your family.  Don't let the fact that this is a family member who is treating you like this, scare you.  You wouldn't let a perfect stranger off the street treat you this way, so don't let a family member treat you like this either.  Have enough self-respect to lay down the boundaries and tell them if they can't follow your rules, then they won't have a relationship with you, period.  I have a feeling they'll change their ways eventually.
 
April 25, 2007, 8:14 am CDT

Know it all In-laws

First let me say I'm sorry I don't have any in-laws to speak of, complain about or even wish good things for.  My loss.  My comments have mostly to do with Pierre's inability to control his mother (poor choice of words) or rather control his marriage and simultaneously control his relationship with his mother.  He absolutely has no spine whatsoever that I saw.  I don't understand how a man can commit himself to his wife (when you all know how we love our bachelorhood and freedom) and then hold on to his mommy so tight.  There shouldn't be any problem in making a decision between his wife and mother.  Sure there is love for both.  Different kinds of love.  You can never (or shouldn't) have the same love for your mom as you do the woman you CHOOSE to spend the rest of your life with.  Therefore what does mommy have to do other than what she's done.  She's fed you, wiped you, clothed you, sheltered comforted you and raised you.  Once out of the house her job is done.  Mommy the title still exists, however, her responsibilities in that arena are over.  Wifey's job now.  Since he continues to have her input financially and listens to her rantings about his WIFE, he clearly shows he doesn't want or need a wife.  He needs his mommy and that is who he should spend his time with.  Poor Amanda.  Imagine that!  I'm taking a woman's side!  Wow!  Goes to show how deeply his male genitalia is truly in his mom's purse.  The fact that this mother is still holding so tightly only says to me she has too much time on her hands and can't let go of her only child.  Mom-get a life leave them to their own lives.  If you're going to provide a home for them free of charge then provide and be quiet.  If you want to provide some extra help, then be the landlord and separate the two relationships.  Mother-landlord.  It would seem mom would only provide if she can hold it over their heads.  Not right! 

If this the stuff I have to look forward to from Mother-in-laws then I may have to retain my freedom FOREVER!!!  Only kidding. 

 
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