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Topic : 08/01 Know-It-All In-Laws

Number of Replies: 344

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Created on : Friday, April 20, 2007, 02:37:54 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 04/25/07) In-laws can be the kind who give unwanted advice, stop by unexpectedly and use guilt and manipulation to get what they want. But sometimes, they are loving parents who get caught in the middle of their child's relationship. Amanda calls her mother-in-law, Yolande, psychotic, controlling and meddling. She says Yolande speaks to her son, Pierre, in French so she can hide the hurtful words she’s using about Amanda. Yolande says Amanda is a drunk, and an uneducated woman who is wrecking her son's life. Why does Pierre say he can't choose a side? To test Amanda's theory of why Yolande and Pierre speak French to each other, Dr. Phil sets up a "special" dinner for the three of them. Be a fly on the wall, and find out if Amanda's right or just being paranoid. And, John and Chrissy's engagement is on hold because they say they can't stop fighting. They hit and slap each other, and call each other vulgar names — often in front of their 8-month-old son. John's mom, Charlene, who is often pulled into their fights, says they both need to grow up! After watching themselves scream and yell on tape, will this couple decide to drop their fists, close their mouths and work to make a peaceful home for their baby? Join the discussion.

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txgirl1013

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April 25, 2007, 1:24 pm PDT

PATHETIC

I think this guy is a BIG mommas boy...and the girl may have a drinking problem, she may have a mental problem, but the mother in law is WAY too involved in her sons life. If she cared about her son, and she wanted him to be happy and she really felt that his wife had a problem she would go about this in a more positive and helpful way. This wife needs to tell her husband to stand up for her or else.. THIS IS RIDICULOUS!!!

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redwingchick

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surprised

April 25, 2007, 1:29 pm PDT

Psycho Mom

Oh my God! She is a psycho and he needs to grow a set and move out of that house (and the state for that matter) and make his own way. Be a man, Pierre! Seeing this mother makes me appreciate my mother-in-law even more. I have a great mother-in-law who adores me and has never once crossed the line. Thank God for her. This woman is insane. I cannot believe he lets his mother support him like that! We seem to have a little Oedipal issue here. He is 38 and lets Mommie Dearest support him? Wow. That is sad.

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momakababe

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April 25, 2007, 1:31 pm PDT

proudtexasmom you should be proud of yourself

Quote From: proudtexasmom

I haven't seen the show yet, I've just been reading all the posts. Although my in-laws have always been great, I used to have this problem with my own mother. She meddled in every aspect of my life and it used to be hell. Then I finally decided, that regardless of the fact that she's my mom, I didn't deserve to be treated like that and I finally realized that you teach people how to treat you. So whenever she made a rude, inappropriate comment about something that was none of her business, I told her just that and I asked her to stop. And believe me, it was scary standing up to my mom for the first time like this, but I somehow got the strength to do it anyway. I told her that she was going to treat me with respect or she wouldn't be welcomed in my home or in my life. Then I reminded her that without me, she would have no one to take care of her when she's old (since she's not married) and I reminded her that if she wants to have a relationship with her grandchildren, she has to go through me, so she'd better straighten up and butt out of things that were none of her business and stop with the rude comments, etc, etc. I just laid down the boundaries one day and told her how it was going to be. Of course she was mad as hell at first and stormed away and didn's speak to me for several months. Then just one day out of the blue, she called me up and proceeded to talk to me as if nothing had ever happened. She was sweet as pie and had been that way ever since. Now she treats my husband and I with respect and doesn't meddle in our business. She still makes a rude comment every once in a while, but not very often and I just realize that she is human, so I don't taken offense to it anymore, since it just doesn't happen very often. So now our relationship is great. So I guess my point is, you have to stand up for yourself and your family. Don't let the fact that this is a family member who is treating you like this, scare you. You wouldn't let a perfect stranger off the street treat you this way, so don't let a family member treat you like this either. Have enough self-respect to lay down the boundaries and tell them if they can't follow your rules, then they won't have a relationship with you, period. I have a feeling they'll change their ways eventually.

That you were able to be so assertive for yourself and I do agree that we teach people how to treat us. Frankly it's our parents (my parents & IL's) that are the only ones that would get away with treating me or hubby that way. I think for many of us we were taught to respect and even into our adult years the idea of "talking back" to a parent is tough. And of course we love them and don't want to sever a relationship with them. I think we all have a need to be able to have a relationship with extended family . I know I'm very close to my sons and the idea of not ever being able to speak with them and know what's happening in their lives etc. would be a killer for me & I can only imagine they'd feel the same way. I heard this young man say that he knew if he asserted himself his mother would not longer be a part of their lives because she'd break off communication etc. & it seems she uses emotional blackmail as a way to control him. I'm sure it was very painful for him. Having raised 3 sons I also have always felt that their father & I are the role models and if we did our job correctly when (or if) they were married they would respect/defend their wife & as life mates they'd become the #1 to each other like their father & I. It's our belief that the parents become 2nd & the spouse becomes #1 in your life. My husband & I of course also loved our parents & it would have been so painful if they'd put us in a position where they were truely abusive to our spouse &/or was bad mouthing them (in english or French). I & hubby would have forsaken our parents to I imagine but it truely would have been a painful thing. And so I'd *never* put my sons in a place where they had to choose or threaten to sever ties with them. I'm very empressed that you were able to turn things around with your mom & her treatment of you. It really speaks volumns to your commentment as a parent & to your own self respect.

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grjaadzack

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April 25, 2007, 1:32 pm PDT

04/25 Know it All In-Laws

There are two sides to every story, and unfortunately, many take sides without bothering to get all the facts, see the evidence for themselves, or just to stay out of it. Whether people want to admit it or not, there are some that enjoy provoking the anger of others, treating them like trash until they can't take it anymore, then lying and whining to all those listening about how they are being treated "so horribly", for sympathy and pity. Why don't people own up to what they do to hurt others instead of outing scapegoats for their own selfish purposes?

The Golden Rule: "Do as unto others as you would have them do unto you"

Doing things to hurt another intentionally just to get them mad, then twisting the facts to whine to everyone else is so hurtful. How would you like it if somebody played mind games with you, pushed you over the edge, then spread lies about your anger and what really happened? Chances are you wouldn't like being labeled like that while everyone around you is pitying the liar that perverted the truth and hurt you, either.

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benelux

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April 25, 2007, 1:32 pm PDT

Controlling

My father was also controlling. I moved away, cut up my credit cards and guess what? I feel RELIEF, not stress! Sure, I can't live in the "princess life" but I can live MY life!

Also if she married into a french family, then LEARN FRENCH! I speak 7 languages and I have travelled the globe. I have studied at many top universities in the world, but all that doesn't mean anything if you marry someone you aren't compatible with. If you didn't want them to speak French, then why marry a Frenchman? I was engaged to a French man a few years ago and I quickly learnt the language. It wasn't hard! Immerse yourself in it and LEARN IT!

Too many people think that everyone needs to speak English and that's all, but we need to learn that there are other cultures, languages and lifestyles in the world! Get over it... move on or get involved with it!

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kparmans

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April 25, 2007, 1:33 pm PDT

Know it all in-laws

Been here before, but they didn't speak French.

Shame on mom and son both! The husband I have now would never, ever allow his parents to speak about me in front/behind my back, nor would he allow it in a language I could not understand. My mother-in-law, now, would definitely not say or do something like this.

There are great mother-in-laws out there! I would do anything for mine at the drop of a hat. My ex-mother-in-law was like this woman and had almost obliterated my faith in the merging of two families. Thank God I got lucky the second time around.

Mom is completely disrespectful towards her son and his wife with behavior like that. Butt out mom! Let your son be a man; he'll respect himself more and you as well.

I know what I would do with my house-keys that "mommy" is paying for...give 'em back and move away from her quickly.

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mrswebre25

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frustrated

April 25, 2007, 1:34 pm PDT

Know it all in laws

First of all i want to start off by saying that in-laws dont know crap that goes on behind the closed doors.. With my first husband my in-laws did the same thing to me.. Bad talked me .. treated me like crap.. so i know where this chick is coming from.. I'm married to my second husband now and i can say that its better. This guy needs to get a life.. He's 38 and needs to get out from under mommy's wings. And the mother here needs to leave her son and his wife alone. It's his life and she needs to realize that it's her sons life and that he chose to marry and be with her.. If he can't chose between his wife and mother then he has a HUGE problem.. Then he needs to let his wife go so she can move on with her life and be happy and not have to deal with what shes going through................

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vintage48

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April 25, 2007, 1:34 pm PDT

Mommy's boy

Quote From: leigh_ana

Mommie and son need to 'cut the cord'. He's 38 yrs old. And I would not stay there another minute with that woman. I would leave with or without him. That's ridiculous.

I don't think this "boy" has enought gumption to cut the cord. He has it made and likes it that way. He is materialistic and that is more important than his wife. Want to bet !! What a horrible mother-in-law. I am so lucky and every day I thank God for my mother-in-law. When I first met her she was so nice and plenty of reason not to be. I am 14 years older than my husband, had 2 children and was his first wife. But she said if he was happy so was she. We have been married 21 years in May and she now lives in a mobile home on our property. I love being with her and we are good friends. I think that mother-in-law is a real witch.

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angelgirl2007

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surprised

April 25, 2007, 1:37 pm PDT

Mother in Lay

I can not believe she talks about her daughter in law, and the husband puts up with it. I guess Pierri can't live without his fancy car and house his Mother pays for. Surely he makes enough money to actually make it on his on, may not be as fancy but he can live like the rest of us and pay for his on home and car. I can't believe she said his wife looked like trailer trash, I would hate to hear what she would say about me. I live in jeans and t-shirts.

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leigh_ana

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April 25, 2007, 1:37 pm PDT

04/25 Know it All In-Laws

I am so thankful that I have a wonderful mother-in-law, and that she accepts me with ALL my flaws. Be strong-American women will not just bend over and take that.

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