Dear Dr. Phil,
This guy Pierre is a loser! He won't go out and get a decent job because KNOWS he has a back up. There's no motivation for him to grow up! I'm sure his mother would like to see him grow up and be a man and do the things a man is supposed to do. Since he doesn't, she feels sorry for his inability to conduct himself as an adult and therefore treats him like the child he is!!! Why do you support this guy? He has done very little to earn the title "responsible adult:, husband and provider". Why doesn't anyone see that he cannot and will not be financially independent because he knows he has a backup and he is so used to getting so much there is no incentive for him to give or to contribute to a job that pays a worthwhile salary. He's got it made in the shade, so why bother trying to get ahead!!!
I think Pierre is an immature, self centered user. All his mother wants for him is to be with a woman who won't take advantage of him and not be a drinker. That is a reasonable request. This is a symbionic relationship where she feels sorry for his lack of ability to find a decent job and wants to help him. She is a very generous woman. I think because of her generosity and feeling sorry for him, she can't help but try to direct his ways. If you act like a child you will be treated like a child! Why treat someone who has the age of an adult but the behavior of a self centered, egotistical, materialistic, passive agressive and obnoxious....and a drinker, which ruins everyone's life. No wonder his poor mother wanted someone better for him. (Even though Pierre has not earned the right to find anyone better because he is not being mature and responsible to begin with.) His ex wife was a boozer and ruining this guys life! Why do you support this guy Pierre when you see how his behavior is making an impact on his mother! You make this woman be the devil, to be percieved as a meddling mother in law. I think the American perception of her being materialistic and meddling is another form of projection. Am I the only one who sees that this mother is trying to help her inadequate son? If she is putting down the woman, it is because she deserves it! This young woman is a boozer and a user, and it impacts her relationship with the mother in law....any mother in law for that matter!
As far as the mother goes, she is already past the point of being conditioned to even remotely try to treat this son as an adult. She will treat him like a child for the rest of his life because she doesn't know any other way to be. She is tired of the losers he dates and spends money on them that he doesn't have, at the expense of his mother's offering. She didn't give him that Mercedes. She was kind enough to let him borrow it. If he's a real man, he needs to get his own car! What is up with some men today! Don't they know their roles as men are to be the providers? Why are women always made the providers? All these mothers do is make their son's life easier, and then the son gets lazy and won't find a decent job!
These women don't know how to do the "tough love" thing and withdraw their gifts from their children. All they know how to do is give. Can you possibly take a look to see the other side of this??
DR PHIL. THIS IS NOT ABOUT THE MONEY WHATSOEVER. She is simply trying to protect her stuff, which she rightly should do so. She won't take it away from him because she is afraid of withdrawing things from him, because in European language, that is the same thing as taking your love away from someone.
You have to try to understand other people's cultures before you drive your point that is commonly understood by the American culture.
Perhaps you should do a job traveling to Europe and helping people with there problems there and you will find it a whole new and interesting learning experience for yourself. Not only that, but you will bring to us the understanding of how people in Europe and other countries deal with their problems. You've been doing this in America for a long time, and now I challenge you, Dr. Phi, to go to other countries and educate us in the ways of their struggles and how you can help them deal with it, while at the same time trying to overcome the cultural and language barriers.
Best of Luck and God Bless you, Dr. Phil
I
(Original Air Date: 04/25/07) In-laws can be the kind who give unwanted advice, stop by unexpectedly and use guilt and manipulation to get what they want. But sometimes, they are loving parents who get caught in the middle of their child's relationship. Amanda calls her mother-in-law, Yolande, psychotic, controlling and meddling. She says Yolande speaks to her son, Pierre, in French so she can hide the hurtful words she’s using about Amanda. Yolande says Amanda is a drunk, and an uneducated woman who is wrecking her son's life. Why does Pierre say he can't choose a side? To test Amanda's theory of why Yolande and Pierre speak French to each other, Dr. Phil sets up a "special" dinner for the three of them. Be a fly on the wall, and find out if Amanda's right or just being paranoid. And, John and Chrissy's engagement is on hold because they say they can't stop fighting. They hit and slap each other, and call each other vulgar names — often in front of their 8-month-old son. John's mom, Charlene, who is often pulled into their fights, says they both need to grow up! After watching themselves scream and yell on tape, will this couple decide to drop their fists, close their mouths and work to make a peaceful home for their baby? Join the discussion.
