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Topic : 04/26 Obsessive Love

Number of Replies: 2618
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Created on : Friday, April 20, 2007, 02:39:18 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
“When I think I’ve seen it all, then I get a wake-up call,” Dr. Phil says of his guests who are involved in a very intense relationship. Jeffrey's obsession with his wife, Jennifer, has careened out of control during their 11-year marriage. He says he loves her so much he goes to extremes to watch her every move. He's tracked her with a GPS device, listened to her phone conversations, trapped her in their home and alienated her from her friends and family. But is there something more sinister Jeffrey's done that he's been hiding? Jennifer says she's ready to leave her controlling and jealous husband once and for all. Has she been up to no good, and is Jeffrey justified in his snooping? Jeffrey wants to save his marriage and family, but is Jennifer willing to stand by him? Dr. Phil unravels the jealously, lies and abuse to see if this marriage can be saved, or if it's really Jennifer who needs to be saved from Jeffrey. Talk about the show here.

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April 21, 2007, 12:25 am CDT

OMG...Get Out!!!!!

I will share a story with you about my first marriage and I hope you can learn from this.

 

I was married to man just like your husband...He controlled everything in my life. He took the phone to work with him, he always had the car and when he was at home he kept the car keys in his pocket, he kept my D/L , birth certificate and social security card.  He would stop by the house all the time during the day to make sure I was home and alone. I could not talk to friends or family ever. And he finally moved us away from my family.

 

He would always say I was cheating on him and talking about him behind his back...which I never understood, since I was locked away alone everyday.  At least once a week I got a good beating because I was cheating or the house work was wrong or I ask him to help bath one of the kids.  

 

This went on for a few years and the control got worse and worse...and the beating got almost deadly.  I finally worked up the courage to leave with our 3 babies the night he came home drunk and threw a knife at me while I was sitting on the couch.  I let him pass out and I went and gathered up my kids...1 y.o., 2 and 3 y.o....I ran to a neighbors and begged him to take me to a friends home.   I was hoping we were safe and had begun to think he would not find us, until I heard the banging on the front door. I begged my friend and her husband to call the cops, but they were afraid of my x-husband. He kicked the door in and held my friends husband at knife point and told me to get into the car or he would cut my friends husbands throat.  I had no doubt that he would do just as he said, so I got into the car. That was the biggest misstake I ever made!!!  Once we got home, he put the kids back into the bed and comfronted me with a hammer. I was backed into a corner of the kitchen and he beat me on the top of my head with that hammer.   My son walked out of the room and saw what was happening and ran to the neighbors for help. The neighbor came in my home with a gun and held my x-husband there til the police arrived to arrest him.

 

Needless to say, he went to prison fro attempted murder and my 3 y.o. son had to testify against his own father.  And I have left out a great many grusome details from this story...but I think you get the picture.

 

Your life is in danger! Get out now!!! I beg you to get out.  I can see where your life is heading and your husband could be very dangerous! 

 

I am willing to bet he has told you, "If you ever leave me I will kill myself or I will kill you."  Those are the same things I was told almost daily. 

 

I am scared for you. I have not thought about my past for a great many years now, but after reading this story it has all come back to me very fresh. Please listen to someone who has been where you are now. And don't say it could not happen to me. I said that right up to the point the hammer was hitting my head.  It can happen to you. It happens to women everyday.  I was lucky, I lived. But so many women out there do Not live. Don't be one of them!

 
April 21, 2007, 5:46 am CDT

Obsessive Love

I feel sorry for Jennifer, and if her life is really as bad as it sounds, her name may be in the obituary one day soon!  Unless Jeffrey gets help immediately, she better run for her life!!!  I am in a similar situation.

I am in my 50's and I am unemployed.  It is next to impossible to find a good job if you are over 50 unless you have some kind of College Degree.  I can't afford to go to school as my husband is disabled and I am unemployed.  Social Security Disability is not enough for anyone to live off of and that is all we have coming in.  I have to charge my Health Insurance on my credit card, as I am scared to be without Health Insurance.  I live in a small town in southeastern NC, so there are very few jobs around here.  I have been trying to get a job with the State of North Carolina, since they have good benefits and good insurance.  The jobs that I have applied for do not require a college degree and I know that I am qualified because of my 20+ years of experience working for Attorneys.  I have heard people say that if you are over 50 the State of NC will not hire you, unless you have a very impressive degree or know someone with connections.  That is a shame when there is supposed to be a law about Age Discrimination.  Some friends of mine, who are also over 50, say they have the same problem.  The thing is that we are at an age that our children are grown and gone and we are at a point in our lives that we can, want to and would love to find a good job.  We would probably be the most dedicated employees that any Company would ever have.  It seems like most employers want to hire the young, pretty girls that may or may not have a College Degree, but from my experience in working at different places, the people with EXPERIENCE ended up being much more valuable to the employer than the young ones.  The last job that I had, I noticed that all of the young employees had cell phones that they stayed on many times during the day when they were supposed to be working and they had absolutely no respect for the boss whatsoever.   You need to have a Powerful Show about this problem in NC and I am sure that this is probably the same problem in all of the USA!!!

Anyway back to my home problem.  A few months ago my husband put a gun to my head.  I was in total shock and was at a point that I just didn't care if he shot me or not.  If I go to the grocery store, he times me, and if it takes longer than he thinks it should, I catch hell when I get home.  You just wouldn't believe all of the things that I have gone through.  I have nowhere to go to live.  All of my family lives way out of State.  They might would take me in if I asked, but I have always taken care of myself and I am just too ashamed to ask for help.  I was offered a loan to go to school, but I know how hard it would be to pay it back whenever I finished school and maybe finally found a good job, so I am scared to borrow the money.  I have excellent credit and don't want to damage it.  If I just had a College Degree and a good job, I think that I should be able to make it on my own.  There should be some kind of Government help or Private Charities that help people like me!!!

RideSallyRide

NC Horse Lady

 

 
April 21, 2007, 6:08 am CDT

Obsessive Love

I just left a message a few minutes ago.  If anyone out there knows of any Government Agencies or Charities that help my type of problem, Please Reply to my Message!!!   Most Government Agencies that I have talked to are nothing but a bunch of BS!   If you own anything, you can forget getting any help from them.

Thank you!

RideSallyRide

NC Horse Lady

 

 
April 21, 2007, 9:19 am CDT

On my mind, in my prayers

I just wanted to tell this poor woman that she is on my mind and in my prayers. This can't have a good ending. The desparity this man is feeling is not healthy to say the least, and is dangerous. The reality is that this man's behavior doubles as a trailor to a horror flick soon to be released on the silver screen, and it is not a shock how this would end if Dr. Phil hadn't stepped in when he did!

 

Best of luck, I will be following this story and sending best wishes and prayers to all involved/

 
April 21, 2007, 10:32 am CDT

You are not alone!!

When I was 18 I got married to a very jealous and abusive man.  I wasn't allowed to work cause if I did it just meant that I wanted to look at other men.  I got beat up almost daily.  If I made the bed I got beat up cause it meant that I was covering up from having another man there; if I didn't make the bed I got beat up cause it meant that I was too busy in the bed with another guy.  When I changed my underwear I had to leave it in the middle of the bedroom floor, cause if I put it anywhere, like the hamper, it meant that I was trying to hide it.  He couldn't keep a job cause he left work at all hours of the day to come home to check to make sure I was alone.  In one of the pictures from my wedding, there is a picture of me dancing with a man that he didn't know so I got beat up...the man was my uncle.  If I went to visit my mom who only lived a couple of blocks away, I always got beat up because, he said that my mom was bringing guys to her house for me.  Finally, after three broken ribs, and I thank God that that was the worst injury I received, the police told my mom that something needed to be done to get me out of there before he killed me.  I was so afraid to leave, because I was afraid of what he would do to me if he found me.  With help and support from my family, I finally left....I think the fear of being killed was finally stronger than the fear of being found by him... and we have now been apart for 25 years.  He is so possessive and crazy, though that he still tells people that I am coming back someday and that one day he will find me.  However, I live about 350 km away from where he lives, and he has no idea where I am, so I don't care what the nut thinks!

 

Get strong and get out!  And even if you don't get strong first...get out and get strong later...that's what I did.  I am absolutely positive that if I hadn't left, I would have been dead long ago.   We all deserve to live happy and safe.

 
April 21, 2007, 12:41 pm CDT

I've Been Here

for 32 years I was married to a very successful, high profile surgeon.  He was controlling, jealous and abusive. As he became more addicted to sex he began to drug and sodomize me until I was losing the will to live. When I finally divorced him he villified my name and attempted to make me look like the one with the sex issues. REcently, his second wife experienced the same thing: he was drugging and raping her. She filed for divorce after only 3 years of marriage.  Sexual abuse is as Dr. Phil would say, 'a deal breaker'. No marriage can survive this betrayal of trust.

 

 
April 21, 2007, 3:02 pm CDT

04/26 Obsessive Love

Quote From: norrislp

I just left a message a few minutes ago.  If anyone out there knows of any Government Agencies or Charities that help my type of problem, Please Reply to my Message!!!   Most Government Agencies that I have talked to are nothing but a bunch of BS!   If you own anything, you can forget getting any help from them.

Thank you!

RideSallyRide

NC Horse Lady

 

Try applying for a Federal job.  I don't think they discriminate as much as at the state level.
 
April 21, 2007, 11:28 pm CDT

04/26 Obsessive Love

Quote From: ohdang13

I will share a story with you about my first marriage and I hope you can learn from this.

 

I was married to man just like your husband...He controlled everything in my life. He took the phone to work with him, he always had the car and when he was at home he kept the car keys in his pocket, he kept my D/L , birth certificate and social security card.  He would stop by the house all the time during the day to make sure I was home and alone. I could not talk to friends or family ever. And he finally moved us away from my family.

 

He would always say I was cheating on him and talking about him behind his back...which I never understood, since I was locked away alone everyday.  At least once a week I got a good beating because I was cheating or the house work was wrong or I ask him to help bath one of the kids.  

 

This went on for a few years and the control got worse and worse...and the beating got almost deadly.  I finally worked up the courage to leave with our 3 babies the night he came home drunk and threw a knife at me while I was sitting on the couch.  I let him pass out and I went and gathered up my kids...1 y.o., 2 and 3 y.o....I ran to a neighbors and begged him to take me to a friends home.   I was hoping we were safe and had begun to think he would not find us, until I heard the banging on the front door. I begged my friend and her husband to call the cops, but they were afraid of my x-husband. He kicked the door in and held my friends husband at knife point and told me to get into the car or he would cut my friends husbands throat.  I had no doubt that he would do just as he said, so I got into the car. That was the biggest misstake I ever made!!!  Once we got home, he put the kids back into the bed and comfronted me with a hammer. I was backed into a corner of the kitchen and he beat me on the top of my head with that hammer.   My son walked out of the room and saw what was happening and ran to the neighbors for help. The neighbor came in my home with a gun and held my x-husband there til the police arrived to arrest him.

 

Needless to say, he went to prison fro attempted murder and my 3 y.o. son had to testify against his own father.  And I have left out a great many grusome details from this story...but I think you get the picture.

 

Your life is in danger! Get out now!!! I beg you to get out.  I can see where your life is heading and your husband could be very dangerous! 

 

I am willing to bet he has told you, "If you ever leave me I will kill myself or I will kill you."  Those are the same things I was told almost daily. 

 

I am scared for you. I have not thought about my past for a great many years now, but after reading this story it has all come back to me very fresh. Please listen to someone who has been where you are now. And don't say it could not happen to me. I said that right up to the point the hammer was hitting my head.  It can happen to you. It happens to women everyday.  I was lucky, I lived. But so many women out there do Not live. Don't be one of them!

I am so sorry you went through all of this.

Can I ask you a question...I know a woman with a story so similar to yours...have you ever lived in Salt Lake City?
 
April 22, 2007, 7:09 am CDT

I think Jeffrey needs intensive therapy.

Does Jeffrey want help or does he think he is justified? If he does not try to change I think Jennifer should leave him.
 
April 22, 2007, 3:26 pm CDT

04/26 Obsessive Love

Part of me wonders if this isn't one of those situation where both parties are getting off on this behavior...she's not ready to leave him?  Part of me wonders if she really likes being the object of his obsession...if she doesn't really like it.
 
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