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Topic : 04/26 Obsessive Love

Number of Replies: 2618
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Created on : Friday, April 20, 2007, 02:39:18 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
“When I think I’ve seen it all, then I get a wake-up call,” Dr. Phil says of his guests who are involved in a very intense relationship. Jeffrey's obsession with his wife, Jennifer, has careened out of control during their 11-year marriage. He says he loves her so much he goes to extremes to watch her every move. He's tracked her with a GPS device, listened to her phone conversations, trapped her in their home and alienated her from her friends and family. But is there something more sinister Jeffrey's done that he's been hiding? Jennifer says she's ready to leave her controlling and jealous husband once and for all. Has she been up to no good, and is Jeffrey justified in his snooping? Jeffrey wants to save his marriage and family, but is Jennifer willing to stand by him? Dr. Phil unravels the jealously, lies and abuse to see if this marriage can be saved, or if it's really Jennifer who needs to be saved from Jeffrey. Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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April 22, 2007, 6:22 pm CDT

04/26 Obsessive Love

Quote From: penny_lady

Part of me wonders if this isn't one of those situation where both parties are getting off on this behavior...she's not ready to leave him?  Part of me wonders if she really likes being the object of his obsession...if she doesn't really like it.

I've been wondering that myself, and then I wonder if she might be scared to leave this guy scares me, I would be concerned about him following her around and doing something worse.

But then something like "she's not READY to leave him " since when did this type of behavior equal LOVE, or did I miss that memo ?

 
April 22, 2007, 6:26 pm CDT

04/26 Obsessive Love

Quote From: koltonsmom

When I was 18 I got married to a very jealous and abusive man.  I wasn't allowed to work cause if I did it just meant that I wanted to look at other men.  I got beat up almost daily.  If I made the bed I got beat up cause it meant that I was covering up from having another man there; if I didn't make the bed I got beat up cause it meant that I was too busy in the bed with another guy.  When I changed my underwear I had to leave it in the middle of the bedroom floor, cause if I put it anywhere, like the hamper, it meant that I was trying to hide it.  He couldn't keep a job cause he left work at all hours of the day to come home to check to make sure I was alone.  In one of the pictures from my wedding, there is a picture of me dancing with a man that he didn't know so I got beat up...the man was my uncle.  If I went to visit my mom who only lived a couple of blocks away, I always got beat up because, he said that my mom was bringing guys to her house for me.  Finally, after three broken ribs, and I thank God that that was the worst injury I received, the police told my mom that something needed to be done to get me out of there before he killed me.  I was so afraid to leave, because I was afraid of what he would do to me if he found me.  With help and support from my family, I finally left....I think the fear of being killed was finally stronger than the fear of being found by him... and we have now been apart for 25 years.  He is so possessive and crazy, though that he still tells people that I am coming back someday and that one day he will find me.  However, I live about 350 km away from where he lives, and he has no idea where I am, so I don't care what the nut thinks!

 

Get strong and get out!  And even if you don't get strong first...get out and get strong later...that's what I did.  I am absolutely positive that if I hadn't left, I would have been dead long ago.   We all deserve to live happy and safe.

I hope you have inspired even ONE woman living in this type of situation to get herself OUT before its too late.

And I hope you have inspired at least ONE woman's family to get behind her and HELP her get out without judging her and to give her the strength to go on and live.

 
April 23, 2007, 3:19 am CDT

Hi Penny

Quote From: penny_lady

I am so sorry you went through all of this.

Can I ask you a question...I know a woman with a story so similar to yours...have you ever lived in Salt Lake City?

I have never been to Salt Lake City. This took place in Phenix City, Alabama many years ago.

 

It's sad to know there are so many women around the country who have similar stories.  But, you know, I'm not sorry for the things that have happened to me.  All of that suffering has made me a much wiser person now. Now I know what to look for in case one of my daughters ends up in a bad relationship.  Hopefully I can help my daughters avoid a controling man in the future. 

 

I only hope that other women read my story and realize it could happen to anyone. 

 

All of us women need to remember...Love does not = control or abuse. 

 
April 23, 2007, 7:37 am CDT

I don't know any agencies but...

Quote From: norrislp

I just left a message a few minutes ago.  If anyone out there knows of any Government Agencies or Charities that help my type of problem, Please Reply to my Message!!!   Most Government Agencies that I have talked to are nothing but a bunch of BS!   If you own anything, you can forget getting any help from them.

Thank you!

RideSallyRide

NC Horse Lady

 

GET OUT NOW!!!!!  it is better to be on the street than with this man!  Go to the YWCA or a fire station or somewhere!  Just get away! 

 

You can certainly make it without a college degree.  I did for many years.  Then I went to college on a grant (did not have to pay it back).  I worked and went to school  and didn't see my baby very often.  I was single and did not get child support.  Sell everything if you have to.  People do what they want to do.  You just have to be willing to be hungry and cold and poor for a while.  But in the end it is worth it.  Trust me.  I have been all of those things.

 
April 23, 2007, 10:07 am CDT

I agree

Quote From: kphilips10

GET OUT NOW!!!!!  it is better to be on the street than with this man!  Go to the YWCA or a fire station or somewhere!  Just get away! 

 

You can certainly make it without a college degree.  I did for many years.  Then I went to college on a grant (did not have to pay it back).  I worked and went to school  and didn't see my baby very often.  I was single and did not get child support.  Sell everything if you have to.  People do what they want to do.  You just have to be willing to be hungry and cold and poor for a while.  But in the end it is worth it.  Trust me.  I have been all of those things.

with this poster. Noris; There is help out there. There is lots you can do.

You can go to a domestic violence shelter. Dont be afraid or embarrased. The first thing you need to do is acknowledge this and then dont be afraid to ask and seek out help. I was abused and the minute I reached out for help I got it and I have been out and not a victim for a few years now. So I would suggest seeking out a domestic violence agency in your area and call them.

Call the dv hotline. Go to the abuse message board and find the numbers for the agencies. They are listed there and in your phone book or online or call 911 and ask t hem. Go to your local police station and explain your story and they can lead you to a safe place.

Look up the social service agencies in your area and go there and explain your situation. Sometimes they have programs for women who are older. I attended one of those programs and I learned alot. Can you have a garage sale and raise money? Do you have a house to sell?

Seek out legal counsel. Consultations are free. See what kind of  money you are entitled to in a divorce. If you are divorced you can def. go to school and the govt. will pay for it. Like the person above says sell anything you can. Do everything you can if you want to get out.

I dont have a full time job and I work freelance and I scrape by but it can be done. I also didnt have a place to go. I lived in my car when I had too. Oh; Do you have a car to get you around to these places? Do you have friends who can help you? You need a safety plan and a bag packed in  your car if  you have one. I finally wound up with some friends who took me in for awhile to get things going. Can you work anywhere? A supermarket, a drugstore, babysitting, dogsitting, housecleaning, banks usually hire older women; retail; anything around there?

There is lots you can do. You just  need to start somewhere and it doesnt necessarily mean

getting a full time job. Also; you can check out affordable housing and affordable housing programs in your area. You could be eligible if you have a limited income. Type that into the google search engine or go to your local social service agency.

 

 
April 23, 2007, 10:13 am CDT

04/26 Obsessive Love

Quote From: ohdang13

I have never been to Salt Lake City. This took place in Phenix City, Alabama many years ago.

 

It's sad to know there are so many women around the country who have similar stories.  But, you know, I'm not sorry for the things that have happened to me.  All of that suffering has made me a much wiser person now. Now I know what to look for in case one of my daughters ends up in a bad relationship.  Hopefully I can help my daughters avoid a controling man in the future. 

 

I only hope that other women read my story and realize it could happen to anyone. 

 

All of us women need to remember...Love does not = control or abuse. 

That's so heartbreaking that this happened to even one woman I knew, let alone two! This other woman was also beaten in the head with a hammer by her husband. She has a lot of issues now, nothing really major, but she has memory problems and anger problems, all due to brain damage....it breaks my heart over and over. She had to quit her job because she would be rude to customers...and not even realize it...then she would cry because she couldn't control it. All because her evil jerk husband wanted to try to kill her as his final attempt to control her...

Again, I am so sorry you have been through that.
 
April 23, 2007, 11:40 am CDT

ITS ME JEN!!!

Hi Jennifer this is Jill K. from the old neighborhood. I used to watch austin and airabella. You have another one!! They are so beautiful. Jen your beautiful and from what i remember an amazing person, i am all grown up now and i have been through an obsessive relasionship! Not nearly as long as you but the man i was with, it got so bad eventually he hit me and did horriable things. I really dont think you can cure an obsession, i know right now must be really hard for you but hang in there. I would love to talk to you again send me an e-mail to JillK706@yahoo.com. I am not saying this to Diss Jeffery, i am sure he is hurting to. Hope to hear from you,
 
April 24, 2007, 6:38 am CDT

College

Quote From: kphilips10

GET OUT NOW!!!!!  it is better to be on the street than with this man!  Go to the YWCA or a fire station or somewhere!  Just get away! 

 

You can certainly make it without a college degree.  I did for many years.  Then I went to college on a grant (did not have to pay it back).  I worked and went to school  and didn't see my baby very often.  I was single and did not get child support.  Sell everything if you have to.  People do what they want to do.  You just have to be willing to be hungry and cold and poor for a while.  But in the end it is worth it.  Trust me.  I have been all of those things.

I was 34 when my wife gave me the ultimatum to go back to school or she would divorce me! I asked for and received Pell Grants, loans that the government gives you to go to school that you do not have to pay back since they are based on your income, and that I have graduated with my law degree I work for the federal government. You can do it! Please do not lose hope. I realize that I am younger than you but I was impressed with the number of older people in school and let me tell you, you have the wisdom and knowledge to complete it! Please go to your local community college or state university and meet with the counselors. I assure you you will be amazed at what they can do for you. Good luck my friend and go get the degree!
 
April 24, 2007, 8:26 am CDT

JEN YOU NEED OUT

JEN ,I HOPE YOU READ THESE POSTINGS....ITS KAREN HONEY I KNEW  THINGS PROBABLY HADENT CHANGED FOR YOU BUT OMG,  I HAD NO IDEA.  YOU KNOW I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOING THRU I WAS THERE FIRST HAND TO WATCH.  WHEN IS ENOUGH ENOUGH.  WHY ARE YOU STILL DOING THIS YOU NEED BETTER. TO CONSTANTLY BE UNDER SERVALANCE LIKE THAT IS DAMN .....I DONT EVEN KNOW THE WORD..... HELP YOURSELF, AUSTIN, BELLA & AVA THE ONLY REASON HE WANTS YOU PREGNANT AGAIN IS TO FURTHER CONTROL YOU.  HIS FEELINGS FOR YOU ARE NOT LOVE THEY ARE OBSESSIONS....YOU ARE IN JAIL ... HOW MANY MORE TIMES ...STATES....FRIENDS....WILL IT TAKE  ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.  I LOVE YOU I WANT YOU HAPPY AND SAFE...               E MAIL ME DKN9267@AOL   I WATCHED HIM DO THIS TO YOU FOR YEARS NOW!   JEFF YOU NEED HELP I USED TO LIKE AND RESPECT YOU I THINK YOU ARE IN NEED OF SOME THERAPY VERY BADLY....
 
April 24, 2007, 8:34 am CDT

JEN ITS KAREN

 

 

 

 I KNOW YOU LOVE JEFF I'VE SEEN THE LOOKS ON YOUR FACE DURRING THE GOOD TIMES AND I'VE ALSO SEEN YOU CRY MORE THAN ID LIKE TO.  I ALSO KNOW IN JEFF'S OWN SICK WAY HE LOVES YOU BUT ITS NOT A HEALTHY LOVE.  YOU ARE A STRONG, BEAUTIFUL ,SMART WOMAN ,LOVING MOTHER AND I KNOW YOUR FAMILY IS EVERYTHING, BUT JEN BABY YOU ARE SOOOO SAD AND HAVE BEEN FOR A LONG TIME.  THE GOOD DOSNT EVEN COME CLOSE TO THE BAD.  DONT YOU WANT BETTER FOR YOUR GIRLS THEY ARE WATCHING THIS THEY KNOW MOMMY IS HURTING THAY KNOW THINGS JUST ARNT RIGHT AT HOME. YOU SHOULD EXPECT MORE FROM YOU.  YOU CANT CHANGE JEFF ITS BEEN 11 YEARS HAS IT CHANGED...NO....   TAKE CARE OF YOU   I LOVE YOU JEN MISS YOU TOO.... 

 

 
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