Topic : 04/26 Obsessive Love

My father was a lot like jennifer's husband. My mother was with him for 28 years......They ave been together since my mom was 15 and my dad was 18. My mom got fed up with my dad constantly harassing her about who she talked to who she saw. She wasn't allowed to do anything with her friends. He harassed her when she got a phone call from a friend. He never went to the extreme of setting up cameras though. My mother finally left him last september 2006. She got her own apartment for the first time and moved out while my dad was at work. When he found out he came to my house bawling hysterically saying that he was going to kill her and then himself because he can't see her with anybody else. I called the cops, he went to a mental hospital for a week after showing up at her work with a gun the next day and was released from the hospital within a week only to do the same thing and go back. The doctors said he was just trying to get attention and that he was fine. They released him again. My mother had a restraining order against him. She dropped in December 23rd. They got into a fight and on christmas eve she asked the court to not let him come over anymore and december 26th he called me at 10:35am bawling telling me he was sorry and that he loved me but he did it and he had to kill himself. By 2:30 that afternoon after negotiations with me mostly because he wouldn't talk to anybody else he finally shot and killed himself because as he told me " I can't live in prison knowing what I did to your mother, I love her".

Jeffery seems like he has the same obsessiveness in his head with jennifer that my father had with my mother and if he isn't locked up OR DEEPLY DEEPLY helped mentally by a pshyciatrist for a long period of time he is going to end up killing her like my father did.  PLEASE DR. PHIL HELP THIS MAN....... They have little babies that need them. Luckily my brother and I are grown and out of the house when all of this happened. He needs professional help.

I feel for Jen and I think that Jeffery is a freak!  But, I don't think that Jen is being all that honest and taking some responsiblity about all that she has done to provoke some of the behavior.  She has already had one affair that he knows about and while he was in treatment she may have been having another.  She has a myspace page with half naked pictures posted.  Does she think that is o.k.?  I certainly don't think he is mentally stable by any means but she isn't helping matters by having men call her and leaving messages suggesting that something may be happening.  I also don't understand why she would have a myspace page receiving messages from other men unless she was looking.  She obviously checked out of that marriage along time ago and could've somehow broke free.  I feel as though she is a little bit too woe is me. 

he confirmed eveything she said.......why dont u belive it?

I think the guy is a whakco too but, I don't think she is perfect and if she wants to go to the bars, post pictures on a my space page( which by the way, isn't myspace for like 12 year olds?)and act single than she needs to be single.  There are so many programs that help women in this situation that I find it hard to believe that she didn't leave along time ago.  I think she doesn't want to let go of her Mercedes and the lifestyle she has acuired.

  While reading some of these postings, I am amazed at the panic people are projecting. Don't worry. With this intervention that Dr. Phil has had, she is one of the few women out there that will survive this form of obsessive behavior.. The comments people are making are useless. Phil has it all in hand right now, and Jeff can't touch her.

  This has been the plan from the beginning as I stated in a prior posting. Phil recognized the depths and danger at the get go. To say that Jeff is infatuated would be like calling the Eagle Nebula a small dust cloud. There is no doubt that everyone watching and following this story did not believe that Jeff is troubled to say the least.

  At first I thought Phil was playing to the female audience, but I now believe he did not mention Jeffs wife infidelity because it was an underlining problem. By tackling the more dangerous problem, he has given Jen some breathing room. Just like at firefighting, you put out the flames first, then find out what caused it.

  Not to be argumentative, but I stated in prior postings that Jen can't remain faithful to any man because she hasn't grown up yet. Impregnating a woman does not make a father, and having kids does not make a mommy. There is a fantastic quote that goes like this, "when I was a child I thought like a child and acted like a child". Child does not mean a 5 year old. Even our teens are children. In many different cultures there is a "right to passage" into adulthood. We have none, so lines are blurred and children are left with the question of "when". Both of the behaviors of Jen and Jeff are not unlike children. Jeff has a behavior not unlike Romeo and may fancy himself as such. His unrelenting possessive behavior toward Jen is fed by his desire to please her in any way. If this had been caught at an earlier stage, it may have been treatable. Drugs and a lifetime of commitment to a padded room are now his future. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING can fix Humpty Dumpty.

  The more Jen fed Jeffs inability to please her, the deeper his obsession became. Now that it is over, the cure eludes him. He is deeply disturbed. No problem manifests itself overnight. A habit is not a habit on the first time.

  Jen has contributed to this with her teenage behavior. She is no Juliet. She will get a free divorce, the kids and the house in the divorce. He can't pay child support from a sound proof room, and he never will. As soon as he finds out where the checks are going, he will find her also. She'll probably get a new house in some new city with the help of all the sympathetic Phil watchers, or from Phil himself. If she doesn't put aside her childish ways, the problem will follow her. She needs some sex counseling, and I am sick to tears that every time she starts to speak, the crocodile tears flow. Her inability to keep her legs together with other men goes to the heart of Jeffs insecurity. What does he have to do to satisfy his woman? NOTHING!! There is nothing he can do. She will never be the "Leave it to Beaver" wife to any man.

  In the end, Jeff will be committed or arrested followed by commitment. Jen get everything for free, and their children will be on Dr. Phil with their own problems in 10 years. I am a simple locomotive engineer in Texas and can relate to both sides, and both sides are to blame.

  Greg.

  Mbonn, you speak in absolutes, and there are none here. I pity you if you think that letting another man invade your body is a way for you to get back at someone. It seems your self worth is degraded, at best. After her first affair, a councilor may have picked up on Jeffs obsession. There was no counseling, and as a result the problem festered. Now the open sore is presented to all of us. No one here is saying Jeff is a saint, but you need to see that no one here is 100% at fault. She has given him cause, and solidified his ineptness to be the man of the house. No doubt he is "sanity challenged", but she has helped to lead him there. Why is it that a bartender can be held liable for giving a drunk one for the road? She enables him, and used him for her own means. When she saw she bit off more than she could chew, she came running to Phil. Now she gets it all, for just a couple of forced tears.

  There are no absolutes here. Jeff is a danger to himself and those around him, and will probably be committed, and she gets everything plus more for free. She is the Bobby Fisher of playing the divorce game.

  Greg.