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Topic : 04/26 Obsessive Love

Number of Replies: 2618
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, April 20, 2007, 02:39:18 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
“When I think I’ve seen it all, then I get a wake-up call,” Dr. Phil says of his guests who are involved in a very intense relationship. Jeffrey's obsession with his wife, Jennifer, has careened out of control during their 11-year marriage. He says he loves her so much he goes to extremes to watch her every move. He's tracked her with a GPS device, listened to her phone conversations, trapped her in their home and alienated her from her friends and family. But is there something more sinister Jeffrey's done that he's been hiding? Jennifer says she's ready to leave her controlling and jealous husband once and for all. Has she been up to no good, and is Jeffrey justified in his snooping? Jeffrey wants to save his marriage and family, but is Jennifer willing to stand by him? Dr. Phil unravels the jealously, lies and abuse to see if this marriage can be saved, or if it's really Jennifer who needs to be saved from Jeffrey. Talk about the show here.

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April 26, 2007, 3:22 am CDT

When is enough, enough!?

 

I know what I am about to say will probably have others attacking me. So, I'd first like to say that I try to look at things from all views. I think the best thing for this man is not to fight for his marriage, but to get out. Obviously its best for her without a doubt, but we all already know that. So, trying to now look at it from his side....  I will admit I was doing some things WAY MORE MILD then him that I have never done before until after I got married. Everything was fine until I started getting gut feelings about things he was doing. So, then I started looking into his stuff. No where near the extent this guy has done to his wife.  I know they say if you usually suspect something, your probably right.  I have a feeling that his wife does have 2 sides. I see her sitting there trying to act all innocent yet she HAS cheating. She has lied and snook out with a GUY From work. She has been unfaithful. I'm really not sure if her husband drove her to doing that (they haven't shown that yet if so) OR she has drove him into getting worse and worse with his obsession because of the things she has done. 

 

This is where I can relate (kinda). I have never looked into someone I was datings stuff or tried searching for God knows what. Then one day I was just viewing our bank statement as usual and noticed a hefty charge from a strip joint at a port while my husband was deployed. That was the beginning. After that I noticed myself checking things more often. Then I accidently found a recipe in his pants pockets while doing the laundry with someone on it he lied about. So, then I noticed that I was looking in pants pockets more often. Then he had me check his Email for him because he didnt have access and really needed something from it. So, while I was there I noticed an Email that shocked me. So, then I started wanting his passwords to look. Ok, I know these are probably things a lot of spouses have done. NO where near to the extent of this man. However, I wasn't like that before yet I can honestly say that I turned into being like that because of what I have been through and what I have found.

 

The best thing I could have ever done was to get out before it got worse. I wasn't addicted to looking into his stuff like that man does to his wife, but it did start taking over daily thoughts and I was always stressed. Then of course there was no trust there. I was finding lies after lies as this man has with his wife. SO, I think the only way to save his sanity is for him to get out. So, he can stop having to investigate her every move. Yes, he still can if they split up but after time he will be able to work again and live a normal life without having to stress over her every move.

 

Ok, I know you may all think I am defending him. I'm really not!  I think he has gone way to the extent and it is indeed sick and I think he has a disease. I just feel that she hasn't wanted him and only stayed with him because (as she said) she felt as if she had no where else to go, no money, etc. So, she hasn't really wanted this relationship and he shouldn't be with someone that doesn't want it. So, I do believe the best thing for this couple is to live seperate lives. Which is something I rarely ever say. I believe in trying to work things out if at all possible. Yet, she was young when they got married and has grown away from wanting to be with him and obviously there are really no words to discribe what he has done and to the extent. Both will ultimately be happy in time without one another. I think they don't need to seek help to keep the marriage together, but to seek help to learn to live without one another.

 
April 26, 2007, 3:22 am CDT

OBSESSIVE LOVE

I'm speachless. I will be terrified to leave in the same house with a man like that. I think it would be good for her to GET OUT and start a fresh new beginning with her husband out of the picture. Isn't the U.S.A. the land of the free???

 
April 26, 2007, 4:44 am CDT

Don't understand hopeless...

I've read several of the postings here and they all talk about hopelessness. 

 

Here's a thought - If you are on the bottom, you can only go up.

 

Wouldn't living on the street be better than living with this slime ball?  I think so.  I've been on the bottom and just got up and moved on.  Life is never hopeless.  You may not like the choice in front of you but it will be better.  In my opinion, death would be better than living like this.  I could never commit suicide.  I am too much of an optimist.  But I would never live like this woman does.  If this slime ball treated a dog like this he would be in jail.  Why are we more forgiving if it is a human being he is treating like this?  Just shoot him now for inhumane behavior and be done with it.

 
April 26, 2007, 5:37 am CDT

Time to Get out....

What a terrible situation..... I can understand why she thinks she can't leave, given she has 3 kids to look after and she feels that he has taken all her power away from her - not to mention all the resources - money, friends etc.   

 

 Jennifer - your family would hate to know that you are in this horrible reality.... they really would not want that for you, or the children.  You need to get out now and stay with family/friends who can offer you the support you need to first of all keep you safe, and then to rebuild your spirit and strength.    

Jeff is a very dangerous and desperate man, who will only become more deranged and desperate in his actions in attempt to control you and stop you from leaving.

 Safety for yourself and the children comes first..... everything else will fall in to place in it's own time.

All the best to you.......

 
April 26, 2007, 6:07 am CDT

It does make you wonder.

Quote From: penny_lady

Part of me wonders if this isn't one of those situation where both parties are getting off on this behavior...she's not ready to leave him?  Part of me wonders if she really likes being the object of his obsession...if she doesn't really like it.
I know a woman in a some-what similiar situation. (Not this bad-I have never know a couple this bad) I think when someone is on the inside looking out-It doesn't seem as bad to us who are on the outside looking in. With my friend, I sometimes find myself losing respect for her for staying with her husband. And I don't want to do that, because I'm her friend. And we get along and she's such a sweet,loving kind person.But, recently HE actually left HER. And lo and behold, she went to where he was staying and he came back home. They physically fight, he half works, he uses drugs, lies,cheats...She says she loves him. I don't get it.
 
April 26, 2007, 6:31 am CDT

she did this to herself in the beginning.

althought her husband takes his mistrust to a complelty new level. I feel no remorse for this woman. If she wants her husband to stop doing this to her she needs to stop cheating and doing things to hurt her husband.

I think hes going WAY to far though.

I guess thats just how he copes with not being able to trust her.

I'm sitting here listening to her cry in the background and thinking  she needs to grown up and realize that she did this to her self.

she needs to realize that if she never would of cheated then her husband wouldnt have to resort to spying on him.

i think she just wants attention and i think she needs to learn how to be a better wife and stop playing the "victim role"

grow up life does not revolve around you.

 
April 26, 2007, 6:56 am CDT

This lady is no less whacked than he is!

Hello, Dr. Phil!  Why are you just focusing on this guy??? She is clearly as crazy as he is and they obviously get off on it.  Get those poor kids out of there... no wonder she has no relationship with her mom... I am sure mom called her on this a long time ago.  She won't leave him... this is too much fun... she is the biggest victim and the level of satisfaction must be huge.  OMG.
 
April 26, 2007, 7:01 am CDT

Wow

I have to say after seeing this guy and reading all the stuff on him I am soooo happy that its not that bad with me and my boyfriend. I am trying really hard to do better since being on the show with my boyfriend adam. I thought I had BIG problems but its not that bad after seeing this show. I wish this couple the best of luck in whatever happens after the show.

 

 

 Nikkea

 
April 26, 2007, 7:01 am CDT

abused

The husband said the wife tries to get her to hit her. In my opinion (and from personal experience) she does this because every fiber of her knows that she's abused. It's just very difficult to call it "abuse" when you've never been hit....your friends discount the allegation; the police don't call this "abuse." Nobody confirms your own personal diagnosis...you are an abused woman who's never been actually punched.
 
April 26, 2007, 7:09 am CDT

obsessive love

watched your show today--been there done that with very similar relationship-----she needs to get rid of him no matter what the cost is!!!! why stay??? lots of other people have been where she is at and they have have found a way out--and she needs to!!!!!  they say misery loves company. rock
 
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