Topic : 04/26 Obsessive Love

It does happen over time.    My husband and I let my brother and his girlfriend live with us for a year. In that year he traumatized my children, abused his girlfriend, poisoned us with drug smoke while we slept, and robbed us blind, little by little.    Once we finally got rid of him and his girlfriend, and could look at the situation clearly, we were shocked at how stupid we were, and how much we put up with and tolerated so we didn't "hurt his feelings".  We are now paying the price, as our kids  have some PTSD over it, and it's caused alot of friction with the rest of my family.  It's amazing what you acutally put up with, when you only look at little incidents, and try to forgive and forget, instead of viewing the whole horrible picture.  I'm ashamed and embarassed it even happened.  I can feel some peace knowing it's stopped.

I just watched the show and that relatonship is scary. It is bad enough that we as women have to worry about strangers stalking us, but for it to happen in your own home is totally unacceptable. If I was Jennifer I would take my kids and leave. These children don't need to grow up and think this is how to act in a relationship. She did not cause this guy to go to the extremes that he is taking because she cheated. He had started this behavior right after they got married. That probably drove her into the arms of another man always being accused. I am not saying that it was right because infedility is wrong.This man is a looney tune and need some help. I hope Dr. Phil and his staff can find this guy some help. As for the marriage that is done. Jennifer can no longer feel comfortable in that marraige. I feel it is beyond repairing. When there is no trust there is no relationship plan and simple. This relationship it is down right scary. She has no privacy not even in her sleep. My advice is to get out before it is to late.

Well, Dr. Phil I don't know how to say this but I'm really underestimating how you're handling these 2 married people.  This guy admits his wrongs.  He admits he needs help.  The woman doesn't seem to be accountable to anything, although she has admited to cheating, she also seems to be  teasing other men online and  talking about sex with other men.  this guy is starved for attention by this woman making him feel like he's not needed to satisfy her because she is attratctive, she's using that as HER abuse to him.  Why isn't that being exposed?  This is why it seems that this man is doing these terrible things to this woman. We have to get inside the head of the ememy to understand his motives here.  Maybe they're are 2 enemies. Why do you keep belittling this guy?  Why don't you move on with her? I'm assuming that you're christian because you mentioned a phrase from scripture today.  "Lean not on your own understanding".  So I'm thinking that you agree with the fact that the man is the spiritual leader in a realtionship so are you trying to break this man in public so that his wife can see that it's ok to be exposed?  So that she can face her faults just as he can?  It almost seems like this woman gets some perverted enjoyment out of seeing the reactions of the public about how "crazy" this man is victimizing her.  Is this her way of being accepted by others?  If so, why does she need to get it that way?  I am a divorced man.  I treated my wife wrong as she treated me wrong but I can't blame her but only take responsibility for myself to move on.  I know how it feels to be exposed and have my wife take those failures for granted by making me out to be a monster by lying and working my weaknesses for her advantages.  I have never been happier once I learned that her psychological control on me was not needed to live a joyful life.  It took awhile but it appears that this man is not the only victim here and it doesn't appear that this woman wants to deal with her issues of flirting with other men.  Making fun of her husband IN public.  Flirting is a great thing in a marriage I think, as long as the other half is receiving the payoff of love and joyful sex after but she looks like she's using his "crazyness" to fend him off while she goes off and plays in cyberspace.  The internet can be a very dangerous weapon for relationships and I think that needs to be addressed as well as the 7 failures of this man who's done terrible things to his wife.  Why doesn't she leave him?  I feel that if she does leave him and finds another man, that he'll end up "crazy" too.  Why do I feel that way towards her?  She is very suspicious with her scoffing and laughing and making fun of him.  This man has not smiled once.  He's admitted all or most of the wrongs he's committed.  She admitted cheating on him but that was done and over in a second.  I just feel that something else needs to be dug up and it's not him this time around.

     Jennifer- I can't imagine what you must be going through. I have no stories or advice to offer but I will be praying for you and your children.

Amanda

Well, Dr. Phil I don't know how to say this but I'm really underestimating how you're handling these 2 married people.  This guy admits his wrongs.  He admits he needs help.  The woman doesn't seem to be accountable to anything, although she has admited to cheating, she also seems to be  teasing other men online and  talking about sex with other men.  this guy is starved for attention by this woman making him feel like he's not needed to satisfy her because she is attratctive, she's using that as HER abuse to him.  Why isn't that being exposed?  This is why it seems that this man is doing these terrible things to this woman. We have to get inside the head of the ememy to understand his motives here.  Maybe they're are 2 enemies. Why do you keep belittling this guy?  Why don't you move on with her? I'm assuming that you're christian because you mentioned a phrase from scripture today.  "Lean not on your own understanding".  So I'm thinking that you agree with the fact that the man is the spiritual leader in a realtionship so are you trying to break this man in public so that his wife can see that it's ok to be exposed?  So that she can face her faults just as he can?  It almost seems like this woman gets some perverted enjoyment out of seeing the reactions of the public about how "crazy" this man is victimizing her.  Is this her way of being accepted by others?  If so, why does she need to get it that way?  I am a divorced man.  I treated my wife wrong as she treated me wrong but I can't blame her but only take responsibility for myself to move on.  I know how it feels to be exposed and have my wife take those failures for granted by making me out to be a monster by lying and working my weaknesses for her advantages.  I have never been happier once I learned that her psychological control on me was not needed to live a joyful life.  It took awhile but it appears that this man is not the only victim here and it doesn't appear that this woman wants to deal with her issues of flirting with other men.  Making fun of her husband IN public.  Flirting is a great thing in a marriage I think, as long as the other half is receiving the payoff of love and joyful sex after but she looks like she's using his "crazyness" to fend him off while she goes off and plays in cyberspace.  The internet can be a very dangerous weapon for relationships and I think that needs to be addressed as well as the 7 failures of this man who's done terrible things to his wife.  Why doesn't she leave him?  I feel that if she does leave him and finds another man, that he'll end up "crazy" too.  Why do I feel that way towards her?  She is very suspicious with her scoffing and laughing and making fun of him.  This man has not smiled once.  He's admitted all or most of the wrongs he's committed.  She admitted cheating on him but that was done and over in a second.  I just feel that something else needs to be dug up and it's not him this time around.

This is not a healthy relationship at all.  I was married to a man who was the say way.  To cut a long story short.  He got so out of control that he came home one day and doused our house with gasoline threatening to burn up me and my daughter who was 8 at the time.   I finally made up my mind to take my baby and run.  I have never been happier.

 

Any man who feels the need to control you is not worth the headach.

Every time he calls her a name or puts her down in any way he is doing the same to their son since the child is half of her. This cause a lot of problems for the child as they grow up. She should know there is nothing she can do to fix him ,he is the only one that can do that .First  he will have to acknowledge that he has a problem then take steps to correct them, get into therapy and stay with it.

This is beyond obsessive love in my opinion.  It's just pure lunacy!  This man Jeffery is NEVER going to stop treating Jennifer this way!  He is out of control, and that is putting it mildly.  I don't blame Jennifer for worrying about what he might do if she really tries to leave him... I wouldn't doubt that he might try something horrible to keep her from leaving...  even murder.  Isn't there any way she could get into the witness protection program or something??  From the horrible acts that Jeffery has pulled, there must be some way the law could protect her from this monster!

This is quite honestly ones of the scariest versions of abuse I have ever heard of. He makes my skin crawl and I am so afraid for her. She is so Beautiful and could find so much happiness in her life but I am so fearful for her. She MUST begin to live a new life away from him. It will NEVER work!!