Topic : 04/26 Obsessive Love

i WAS IN A RELATIONSHIP FOR 7 YEARS WHERE HE WOULD CHECK WHAT I WAS DOING AT WORK, WOULD CUT UP MY CLOTHES(CAUSE HE DIDN'T WANT ME TO LOOK GOOD WITHOUT HIM AROUND) AND EVERY PHONE CALL I MADE HE WOULD AUTOMATICALLY ASSUME THAT I WAS SLEEPING WITH THAT PERSON.

 HE WOULD TAKE ME OUT TO BARS AND THEN PICK COUPLES(OR JUST GUYS)THAT HE WANTED ME TO HAVE SEX WITH. HE WOULD DRUG ME WITH GHB SO I WOULDN'T HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT WAS GOING ON. IT WAS HORRIBLE!

 I STARTED USING ALOT OF  DRUGS, COCANIE, VALIUM, ALCOHOL AND ANYTHING ELSE I COULD GET MY HANDDS ON, AND THEN WHEN I WOULD PASS OUT HE WOULD TAKE MY CLOTHES OFF AND TAKE PICTURES OF ME AND GOD KNOWS WHAT  ELSE AND THEN SHARE THEM WITH HIS FRIENDS

THANK GOD MY BROTHER STEPPED IN(HE KNEW SOMETHING WAS GOING ON, BUT DIDN'T KNOW HOW BAD UNTIL MY THERAPIST CALLED AND TOLD HIM) THIS WAS BEFORE THE HIPPA LAWS.

MY BROTHER BOOKED A FIRST CLASS TICKET TO DENVER, WHERE MY SISTER LIVES,  I LIVED IN KANSAS CITY AND WHILE MY BOYFRIEND WAS AT WORK CAME OVER TO HELP ME PACK UP SOME OF MY STUFF AND THEN I LEFT A NOTE STATING I WAS LEAVING AND THAT WHEN I CAME BACK(WHICH WAS 3 WEEKS) HE HAD TO BE GONE(SINCE IT WAS MY APARTMENT)

JENIFER, AS YOU CAN SEE I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH! GO WITH YOUR GUT FEELING AND GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE. HE IS NOT GOING TO CHANGE"TRUST ME ON THIS"  I'M NOT SURE WHERE YOU LIVE BUT YOU NEED TO GET AS FAR AWAY FROM HIM AS YOU CAN.

IF THERE IS ANYTHING I CAN DO FOR YOU PLEASE DO NOT HESITATE TO CALL ME OR EMAIL ME

I WILL KEEP YOU IN MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS

YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING, PLEASE SOMEONE LET HER KNOW THAT I WOULD BE MORE THAN HAPPY TO HELP YOU GET THROUGH THIS!

YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL YOUNG GIRL AND HAVE LOTS TO OFFER!!!!!!! YOU DO NOT DESERVE THIS! YOUR DESERVE BETTER.

WHEN YOU LEAVE HIM ITS GOING TO TAKE TIME TO LEARN TO "TRUST" GUYS, BUT THIS TO SHALL PASS.

I AM SO HAPPY NOW AND WOULD LOVE TO SEE YOU FEEL THE WAY I DO NOW.

REMEBER........I'M HERE FOR YOU

PAM

  Dr. Phil;

           I am a big fan and almost 100% agree with you on most shows but this time I was stunned by the insensiblity you showed the gentleman in this episode.

      I kept waiting for YOU to let HER know what kind of trash she is and make her realize that what HE has become is due to her constent abuse of THIER marriage.

      I understand that he has gone too far but there was nothing indicated that there were any problems prior to her infidelity.

       YOU should tell her that SHE made her own bed and SHE needs to decide either to lay in it or leave without taking anything, no kids, no house, no car, and certainly no alimony.

       I say that because if she would be the wife she should be, than in time trust will come.

    I know this from my own experience and only after years of paying the price to earn my wifes trust again, WE now have a marriage so loving that it tends to make others ask how we did it (after the go yuck, ha ha).

                      I really hope you read this, your fans;

                                                          Mitchel & Stacey

I hate how people are blaming her for the cheating and stuff. WELL DAMMIT! They were only together for 2 months and she was already pregnant when they got married!!!!!!!!! He totally pushed her into it and she was only what? 19? She didnt know what to do! She was scared and she thought she had no choice. He has been doing this from the very VERY start of the relationship and I greatly appreciate you putting this post up because Im sick to death of those bpzp's who feel like blaming her because of the cheating.

And she did cheat, yes. However. Dont get involoved with a young woman barely mature enough to make a decision such as marriage and expect her not to cheat if you start acting like an ass.

And yes she flirts and what not, but right now she will take whatever attention she can get to make her feel better about herself beccause she feels dead inside and no matter if she did or didnt do the flirting, cheating etc, he would treat her like this anyways so she might as well try and make herself feel good occasionally.

And there have been many commenting that she 'laughed' on the show. She wasnt laughing because it was funny you fools. That was a 'I can't believe this' laugh...an uncomfortable laugh...a 'I just want to die' laugh. This whole thing she cant believe she has gotten into. Why in the world would she think it was funny?

Having been in not 1, but 2 marraiges controlled by the husband, I can relate to your situation. Though mine was not as severe as yours, the fear, the isolation and insecure feelings are the same.

My first marraige was violent and full of fear for my safety and my children's. I too lost my job because my husband came to my work and told me to leave with him immediately or he would kill the children, then himself. Of course I left and lost my job at Burger King (my escape).

My second marraige was a spillover or rebound from my first and the marraige was based on financial security because I did not have any skills or confidence in myself. He "monitored" my actions and dominated my time to the point of smothering me. He used his handicap as a weapon to dominate me.

Jeffrey is a psychological and physical danger to you, your children and to himself. Your responsibility is to take care of yourself and your children. Rest assured, when he no longer can control you, he will attempt it with his children. He prays on the weaker psyche because of his own insecurities.

He has stripped you of your confidence, self esteem and self worth. How do you change that? When you are mentally ready (hopefully, you will get there quicker with Dr. Phil's help), you will pack up your kids, find a non disclosed location (a women's shelter, etc) and not contact anybody he knows. You will get the help you need. Inside, you are strong enough to do anything you need to to overcome this nightmare (after all, you are a mother of 3) and build a strong, healthy life for you and your children.

Let him deal with his problem and not let him make his problems yours. Let Dr. Phil get you the help you deserve.

Toni M.

Rancho Cucamonga CA

While I was watching the show, I just kept thinking, this woman is in serious danger.  We have all seen possessive husband's who later kill their wives.  This guy has all the warning signs flashing in big red letters.  This wife is going to need "serious protection" if she leaves him.  Even if she moves out of the area, this guy will continue to "track her."  Her children are also in danger, because as he has shown before, he is not afraid to use them to get to her.  He needs some serious mental health counseling and she needs to get as far away from him as possible.

Wow, I can't believe you even think that.  Please do some research on abused women before you make an uneducated and stupid statement.  Abused women do not like the abuse, they don't ask for it and they certainly DO NOT ENJOY IT! I think you better watch the program over and listen to what he does to her and then tell me she enjoys it.  You are as messed up as he is if you believe that.

Terri