Topic : 04/26 Obsessive Love

I dont think that it is possible to save this marriage due to all of the lies, deception, and betrayal on the part of Jennifer & Jeffrey.  Jeff should get the help Dr. Phil offered-but for himself so that he can have some peace, and also he needs to develope tools to cope with life without Jennifer if she decides to divorce him.  Also, he needs to prepare himself to be the best parent he can be even if he and Jennifer dont make it.  Jennifer needs to take Dr Phil's help and get out now.  It is the only way she will have a chance to have a healthy, happy life for herself and her children.

  I thought sleeping with other men and living like a single woman made her happy. the prison she is in is a very liberal prison. Going out and staying all night while her husband watches the kids is terrible. I do agree that he could flip, and that he is very unstable and can stap. But would you at least concede the fact that she has fed the flames of his obsession. Neither of these two are angels. Dr. Phill  facial expressions and voice tone has led me to believe that he never thought that this marriage is salvagable and is only giving Jen time to escape, and give Jeff treatment so he won't go postal. While I sympathise with what has happened to you, I think your objective may be slightly tilted. While reading these postings, I am amazed at all the male bashing going on. After 22 years of marriage with a woman I wouldn't trade for ten supermodels, and 4 beautiful children, my wife and I are still on the same page. She was more upset than I about the show. No fault was put at Jens feet. I couldn't hear the show because my wife was shouting at Dr. Phill.

  I believe that mental abuse is far more detrimental than physical abuse. While both can be devastating, mental scars are deeper than skin. Someone said on a posting that they believed Jeff was a latent homosexual. but that is hogwash. Jeff is posessed because Jen has given him something that was missing in his life, and has latched onto that like a pit bull. It would be safe to say that Jen has manipulated that obsession to get what she wanted. What she didn't expect was the depths of his compulsion. She bit off more than she could chew and came running to Dr. Phill. I still believe there is alot more to this story than we have seen on TV. She manipulates Jeff just as easily as she manipulated the audience. Please don't lay 100% of the blame at the feet of Jeff, because Jen has big shoes also. Greg.

I really appreciate it.  I went to a women's retreat this weekend with a co-worker and her church, it was an awesome experience.  I needed it way more than I thought and got way more out of it than I anticipated.  Thank you again.  I am learning to love AZ, the retreat was in Prescott, what a great area!  You are awesome for taking the time to reply to my message out of the thousands that are on there. 

Kimberly

Let's see, the only real blame I place on her is A) Staying with this creep, esp with the kids and B) Having more than one child with him.  Let's work backwards.  To a master manipulator like Jeff, all he has to do is mess with her birth control method, and bam...kiddo.  After that, he could have raped her in her sleep (icky!).

Second, I realize she only stays with him out of guilt.  But staying with this abuser is far more damaging to their kids, who probably think that locking a woman in a basement is normal.  Those kids are going to need so much therapy.  So yeah, staying in an abusive relationship with kids is maybe 2% her fault and 98% Jeff's fault.

If you will read the transcript, he admitted that he started this the minute they got married!!!!!!!  She was a newlywed, she was PREGNANT and he has no trust for her??  He was recording her phone calls RIGHT AFTER they got married!! 

HIS CRAZY BEHAVIOR STARTED FROM THE BEGINNING!!!  NOT AFTER SHE HAD AN AFFAIR!!!  She had been living with his abuse for 2 years before she had an affair.

Another BIG red flag............she had NO ONE at the wedding!  What 19 year old girl doesn't want her family and friends at her wedding??? HE engineered it so that she had NO family or friends at their wedding!!!! 

SHE DID NOT TRIGGER HIS OBSESSIVE BEHAVIOR!!!

I'm not saying that the husband's actions are justified no matter what she does.  However, she did admit to two affairs, she is posting pictures of herself in a bikini on myspace, she admitted to staying out in bars until all hours.   Having a cheating spouse does drive a person crazy.  And when you suspect cheating it makes you want to spy on the person and check everything they do.   Again, I do think that the husband has gone way too far and is abusive.  If I were the husband, instead of locking her in the basement so she doesn't go out and cheat again, I would just divorce her.  They have both given up their self respect. 

I wasnt defending the man.. I have said and will say again that all the things that he does is wrong, very much so... but she is in the wrong as well.. She said herself that he wasnt that bad at first and he got bad after she cheated.. She said that..

I am only saying the things that I say becaue I have going through this.. Now this man is deep into this disease and he may not be able to be helped... In fact I know that he will not change if he is still with Jennifer.. They need to divorce period... 

But I do think that Dr.Phil should offer him the help after they are split, because he cant help this disease.  I can tell that he really wants the help.. Trust me... I have been there.  Dr.phil would help and other person with this disease and If he dont help Jeff its because of the things he has done and that is wrong, and that should be all the more reason to help him..

Save this poor man and save this women.. Help him so he dont do it to another girl.  I do think he can change but he has to put all his efforts into changing and he has to want to do..

and for the kids... It is completely different when It comes to the kids... I dont think that he would ever hurt them... It is to completely differnt things he feels for his kids and his wife..

     I went to this tapeing and i thought i was still  married . I was  married for 20 yrs and back then  they did not  have the  computer or the i pod  , it was there friend  that was watching you and telling him where you were at 24 / 7   But  i have been out of this maried now for 8 yrs and loving it  like Kimberly said putt your self in to some thing that you like for a example  my  younger chid  we go out of state to vist family    we both enjoy it and  it  is a way to bond with each other   

 I hope in your case  he does what he said he was going to do but in most case they do not not and  they  go back in to  there old self again 

            good luck   tinwoman